Without a Mother's Love (22 page)

 

Jared had taken up his position in the coppice on the hillside to watch Olivia as she wandered around the churchyard. She had been reading the inscription on a recent headstone. He had whistled softly to draw her attention. ‘This way.’

Olivia hurried through the wooden gate to the trees.‘I hoped you would be here.’

‘I promised, didn’t I? Now, tell me, are you well?’

She nodded. ‘I have been out of sorts. Miss Trent said it is part of growing up, but she called for the apothecary all the same.’

A pained expression crossed Jared’s brow.

‘I am better now,’ she added swiftly.

He wanted to take her in his arms and hold her close to protect her from the ills of Hill Top House. He would have done so with the young girl he met last Christmas, but she was no longer that girl. Now he saw in her a maturing loveliness that stirred him more than he cared to acknowledge. As he gazed at her he became uneasy with his desire to embrace her. ‘Perhaps I should not be here,’ he murmured.

Impulsively, Olivia reached forward with both hands. ‘Of course you should!’ she exclaimed. ‘You said you would be my friend!’

He stepped back but could not resist taking her hands. He grasped them firmly.
^‘
I know. But you have Hesley now.’

‘Hesley is not my friend.’

No. He is more than that, Jared thought. He is your husband. The furrow in his brow deepened as he reflected on that and all that it meant. He found that the image thrusting forward in his head was an unpalatable one. But he could not push it away and anger mounted. But what could he do? At least if he met her every week he would know that she was well.

He squeezed her hands. ‘I shall always be your friend, Olivia. You can rely on me.’ He heard Miss Trent calling her, and added, ‘Will she search for you?’

‘I think so. She guards me well. As though I were precious to her.’

‘Then you must return before she sees us. I shall ride here every week and watch for you.’ He saw her eyes light up as he bent to kiss her hands. He had surprised himself: he had not planned to do such a thing and it had been an impulsive action. But he did not regret it. She raised them to meet his lips as though she delighted in the gesture. The sight of her wedding band brought him to his senses.

Already he harboured doubts about meeting her like this. There was danger to her in his actions. If old Hesley found out he would judge Jared by his own standards and think the worst, but Olivia, not he, would suffer. What Jared was doing was unwise, but how else could he be sure that she was well? She needed his friendship and he had promised it. He straightened and hid his misgivings.

‘Where will you be?’ she asked anxiously.

‘I shall not say in case Miss Trent is with you all the time. I fear she is reluctant to let you out of her sight. But I shall be close by. Always, Olivia.’

The radiance of her returning smile was enough for him. It faltered only when they heard her name called again, nearer and louder. Hurriedly, Olivia searched for herbs to gather, and he watched her flit back into the churchyard clutching a handful of leaves.

He lingered, gazing at the space where she had stood, and inhaled the faint scent she had left. Before he returned to his horse in the trees he heard her enthusing about the herbs she had found. He smiled to himself and looked forward to next week.

 

‘Has she seen us?’

‘I think not.’

It had rained and Jared dreaded that on Sundays, for Olivia did not walk in the wet. He still rode out there, though, donning a huntsman’s coat with shoulder cape and standing dripping in the trees to glimpse her. He could not go longer than a week without sight of her.

She had carried her trowel and made an excuse to search for a particular root, which would be easier to dig in the wet soil, and had pulled up the hood of her cloak over her bonnet. Miss Trent had protested, but Olivia was not to be put off. The finest Yorkshire worsted would keep her dry, she had said.

Jared tugged at her hand. ‘Quick. This way. There’s an old cottage.’

They hurried through the trees until they were out of breath.

They heard Miss Trent call her twice, then silence.

‘Will she follow?’

‘I think not. She enjoys her conversations with the curate’s wife. What is this place?’

‘Perhaps once it was a shepherd’s cottage.’

Olivia wandered around, examining the disused fireplace and brambles pushing in through a broken window. The clay floor was damp, the walls mossy. ‘I expect he left for better wages in the ironworks or coal mines,’ she mused. It was poor shelter and they shared it with the mare, standing docile in the driest corner.

‘You’re wet,’ he said ineffectually. He was so glad to see her that his wits had deserted him. He could think of nothing else to say.

‘So are you.’ She eased back the hood of her cloak to reveal her Sunday bonnet with the silk ribbons she had sewn on specially. The bow was damp under her chin.

‘You’ll catch a chill,’ he said.

‘It’s warm rain and I couldn’t bear not to see you for another week.’

And I, he thought, but did not say. Whenever he saw her he was drawn to her in a way that pleased and troubled him at the same time. Sometimes he hardly dared touch her. He tried to think of her as a friend - but a friend he cared about desperately: her well-being was always uppermost in his mind. ‘Has Hesley left for his ship yet?’

‘He’s delayed,’ she answered. ‘Lawyers and their papers take an age.’

‘He is going, though?’

‘Oh, yes. Quite soon,’ she replied cheerfully. ‘While he is away, I shall manage the household and learn to play my new pianoforte. I shall become a society lady. Well, a South Riding society lady anyway.’

‘You won’t need me, then.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘You will be safe when Hesley is out of the way.’

‘But I shall still need you!’

‘Will you?’

‘Of course. Why should Hesley’s leaving make any difference to us?’

‘Us?’

They stood a yard apart from each other as the question hung in the air.After a few moments, Olivia said,‘I don’t understand you sometimes.You said you would always be my friend. It is all I have to look forward to in my life.’ When he did not reply she shivered. ‘It’s cool in here. I shall indeed take a chill if I linger.’

He took off his heavy coat to wrap around her but it weighed so heavily on her shoulders that she laughed, then begged him to remove it before she collapsed.

He said, ‘Shall we meet here in future? It is well away from the church and the other cottages.’ He paused before adding, ‘And Miss Trent.’

Olivia did not miss the derision in his voice. ‘Why do you not like her?’

‘She is so pious, and—’ He stopped. She was the closest thing Olivia had to a mother.‘She would not approve of our meeting like this.’

‘She believes in the sanctity of marriage and maintaining one’s virtue.’

Jared swallowed an expletive. He thought that Miss Trent was the last person fit to comment on the behaviour of others. ‘And you are a married woman.’

Olivia chewed her lip.

He realized then that this was his main concern. She was another man’s wife and it troubled him.

Olivia went to the broken window and peered through a gap in the brambles. ‘The rain will not stop for a while. Miss Trent may send someone to look for me.’

‘I’ll walk back with you.’

‘No. You may be seen. Stay here. I insist.’

‘All right. Until next week, then.’ He bent to kiss her damp cheek and his lips lingered on her skin. He inhaled her freshness and closed his eyes to savour the pleasure.

She turned her head so that her lips slid around to his, and for a brief second his mouth brushed hers. He opened his eyes. Hers were gazing into them with the same surprise. She drew away from him quickly and was out of the door, head bent against the driving rain, hurrying towards the churchyard, leaving him puzzled. He put on the heavy coat and took up the reins to lead his mare outside.

Had she known that if she lingered he would have kissed her properly? Deeply.With the passion that was becoming difficult to control. And if he felt like this about her, they should not be meeting. It was wrong. She was another man’s wife. But he had to see her. She depended on him and he wanted that. He wanted her.

 

‘You will stay and speak with the curate’s wife after the service, madam?’

‘Oh, but it is such a fine day after all the rain, Miss Trent. I must take advantage of it.’

‘If I may say so, I believe it is myself you take advantage of, madam.’

Olivia glanced at her companion. It was naïve of her to think that the woman by her side, who knew her so well, would not question her walks after church in search of roots and herbs. ‘The weather has been mild this year and I feel so well,’ she responded.

But Miss Trent had sharp eyes, and Olivia guessed she might have glimpsed a lone horseman through the trees or on the ridge. Had she made a connection? Olivia hoped not. Jared was not the only horseman to cross the ridge to the moor on a Sunday.

‘You are so much more cheerful when you return from your walks.’

‘To be away from Hesley at any time cheers me,’ she replied pointedly.

‘You will not say that when he has been in the West Indies for years.You will long for his company.’

‘No, I shan’t!’

‘He is your husband, madam.’

They were approaching the cluster of cottages, the remains of the village served by the tiny church. The church in which she had obeyed her uncle and taken her marriage vows, not knowing fully what they meant. It had been only months since, but she hated Hesley now as much as she did his grandfather. She knew Miss Trent feared what they would do with her if she strayed from her marriage and she did not want to quarrel with her.

‘He will be different when he comes back,’ Miss Trent reassured her. ‘He will be the gentleman you deserve.’

Olivia thought that sounded pleasant enough but she didn’t believe it. Miss Trent wanted that for her, of course. She had always wanted the best for her. But is it what I want? she wondered. She had thought constantly about this since Jared had challenged Hesley that Sunday . . . She scanned the hillside for sight of him and Miss Trent noticed.

‘You should not walk alone, madam. Now the days are lengthening, more strangers pass this way. I shall stay with you today.’

‘And miss your chat with the curate’s wife? I should not want you to do that.’

After a short silence, Miss Trent asked, ‘You meet someone, don’t you?’

‘And if I do?’

‘Not a stranger, surely.’

‘I am not stupid.’

‘Who is it? What does he want with you?’

‘Do not quiz me so, Miss Trent. You are no longer my governess. I am your mistress now.’

Olivia was satisfied to see Miss Trent blink at her authoritative tone.

‘You have always learned quickly, madam,’ was all she said.

Olivia read more than her companion now and often surprised her with her questions and opinions. ‘Yes, I have had a good teacher.’ Her tone was critical.

‘I am glad you think so,’ Miss Trent replied.

It was the first time that Olivia had felt unsure about their relationship. It had changed in the few months since her marriage. She had thought Miss Trent was a friend as well as a servant, but now she began to doubt that.

There was an uneasy silence between them as their boots crunched on the rocky path. Then Olivia sighed. ‘You will tell my uncle, won’t you?’

‘He still thinks of me as your governess even if you do not.’

‘You are so predictable!’ Olivia exploded.‘He said you would.’

‘Who said? It’s Jared, isn’t it? You have been meeting him every week.’

‘Why shouldn’t I? He is my friend.’

‘You should not be alone with him.’

Olivia made an impatient growling noise in her throat, but did not reply for she knew that Miss Trent was right. Jared, too, had implied as much.

After a while, Miss Trent added, ‘It is wrong.’

‘Nothing that goes on at Hill Top House is right.’ Olivia’s tone was belligerent. She was not going to let her only interlude of happiness slip away because
it was wrong
.

‘I should feel easier if you will allow me to chaperone you.’

‘Must you? Please do not insist!’

‘But you are putting yourself in danger. Will you not allow me to meet and speak with him?’

Olivia knew she would not leave the matter. Miss Trent was nothing if not persistent.‘Only if you promise not to tell anyone at all. Even the curate’s wife. Promise me.’

‘Of course I promise.’

‘Very well. But not today,’ Olivia said. ‘I’ll ask him first.’

Harriet nodded. She reasoned that this would be the most sensible thing to do in the circumstances. Olivia was a wife without choice in the matter and deserved a little happiness. But she also realized that Olivia had her own opinions, her own will, and no longer looked to her for guidance.

She supposed it was bound to happen. She hoped it would not cause too many dangers for Olivia as she truly believed that old Hesley would lock her away if he found out. At least until his grandson came back from abroad. The master had the capital he craved. Now all he wanted from Olivia was heirs. Harriet consoled herself that at midsummer she would have enough money to make a choice for herself.

Chapter 16

‘Miss Trent has found out that I meet someone here.’

‘Does she know who?’

‘She guessed.’

‘Will she stop you?’ Jared had dismounted and tethered his horse at the back of their ruined cottage - he thought of it now as theirs.There was a broken gate in a dry-stone wall that had kept sheep away from the garden. In sunny weather they sat at the far side of it, leaning against the warm stones, out of sight of the trees and the track and the rest of the Riding.