Without a Mother's Love (24 page)

‘Where you from?’ the carter asked.

She gave the name of the village over the moor near Blackstone School.

‘Long way from home.’

‘I am looking for work.’ A new future, she thought. No one owns me now. I am free to go where I wish with the money I have earned. She tried not to dwell on the means she had used to earn it.

The master’s demands were too much for her to bear. He was ageing and losing his vigour. The apothecary thought his kidneys might have been injured in the pithead riot. At first the news had pleased her, but then she had realized that, while he did not have the energy for frequent activities in the bedchamber, his need for her special favours remained. She was obliged to perform tasks for him that she had never dreamed of, tasks that sickened her and for which he sometimes left an extra coin beside her bed.

As she recalled this, her lips turned down in distaste and the saliva gathered under her tongue. The first time she had left his payment there for a whole day and prayed. Then she had remembered Jared Tyler’s words and a new life in the next county beckoned. So she had put the coin in her pouch and thought of her fresh start.

She inhaled the morning air. Hesley Mexton was her past now. ‘I hear there is work a-plenty in the Riding towns,’ she said. This was her new beginning.

‘For the menfolk, aye.’

Her heart sank a little. As the sun rose higher, and she contemplated an unknown future, the sky darkened.‘Looks like a storm,’ she said ruefully.

‘It would clear the air.’ The carter urged on his horse. ‘I’ll stop at the inn before I go up to the beast market.The innkeeper’s wife’ll know where you can find summat to do.You can trust her.’

‘Thank you.’ She wanted to travel on, to be further away. It began to rain, large spots falling heavily on her best bonnet. There was a flash of lightning and a distant clap of thunder. The carter hunched his back

At the inn, Harriet hurried indoors and found the landlord’s wife harassed by an influx of farmers and butchers arriving for the market.

‘Work, you say? I’ve allus got need of another pair of hands in t’ kitchen. But you don’t look like a kitchen-maid to me. What can you do?’

‘I’ve taught in school. I can look after girls.’

‘Not much call for that in these times. Even the well-off folk have suffered lately.You’d best try the mission. There’ll be a ladies’ meeting today. They’ll all be ’ere for the market.’

‘Where is the mission?’

‘Up Sheep Hill. Follow the track and ask for the Dissenters’ House.’

It was just an ordinary house from the outside, built of local stone with a slate roof. Inside, there was a hall, and through that a large, open space where the walls had been knocked down, leaving massive wooden posts to hold up the ceiling. At the far end, a group of women were sitting at a table, talking earnestly to each other. They were soberly clothed in dark gowns. Harriet fingered the lace trim on her bonnet, which matched her light grey skirt, and grew nervous.

One noticed her and called, ‘The meeting starts at ten o’clock.’

‘May I wait here? It’s raining.’

The woman nodded and returned to the discussion. Harriet leaned against a wooden post, feeling thirsty and weak. They looked like respectable ladies, reminding her of the principal’s wife at Blackstone. They might help her find work and somewhere to stay. She caught snatches of their conversation, villages she had heard of, names of people she had not, and sums of money.

One or two other ladies wandered into the building, their bare heads protected from the rain by shawls and glanced in her direction. Her bonnet set her apart from them, more akin to the grouping around the table. She gave them a faltering smile.

When the meeting started they gathered to stand in the centre. Someone came round with a small wooden box and asked for a penny if she had one. Then they said prayers and had Bible readings, and the lady who seemed to be in charge talked to them. Harriet would have called it a sermon if it had been the Sabbath and she had been a minister.

At the end she came across to speak with her. ‘Welcome, friend.’ She smiled, holding out her hands. ‘I’m Miss Holmes, but please call me Anna.’

No stranger had called her ‘friend’ before with such obvious sincerity. ‘Harriet Trent,’ she replied, grasping the hands firmly.

‘Are you new to the town?’

‘Yes. I am looking for work.’

‘I see. It’s mainly lodgings and coal mines for the women here.’

‘I was hoping for something better.’

‘Such as, my dear?’

‘I am a teacher, ma’am. I can read, write and do numbers.’

Anna’s tired lined face brightened.‘Do you have a testimonial?’

‘From a school, yes.’ Harriet hesitated. ‘Lately I had work as a governess.’

Clearly Anna expected her to say more.

‘My pupil was married and had no further need of me.’ She felt uncomfortable as she said this and Anna noticed.

‘But her parents gave you a letter of recommendation?’

Harriet bit her lip. She was beginning to feel faint with thirst and sagged against a wooden post.

‘Have you come far?’ Anna asked gently.

‘No, not really, but I - I left at daybreak.’

‘That was hours ago! I’ll fetch you some water.’

Anna handed her a wooden ladleful from a small half-barrel in the corner.‘I don’t suppose you have had much to eat, either. There’ll be hot pies from a butcher’s wife in the market square soon. Do you have money?’

Harriet nodded.

‘I have need of a teacher.’

‘Here?’ She had hoped to be further away from Hill Top House.

‘I’m afraid not. My mission is on the other side of the Riding. I’m returning there this afternoon.’

Harriet fished in the pocket of her skirt and drew out the letter from Blackstone, ‘to whom it may concern’, recommending her as a governess. She had removed it from Hesley Mexton’s papers weeks ago. ‘Please. Let me come with you. I can pay my own fare and ask only for board and lodging until I have proved myself to you.’

She held her breath as Anna read. ‘This is dated more than a year ago.You have nothing to vouch for you since then?’

Harriet shook her head nervously.

‘Why did you leave your position as governess?’

She blushed. ‘I told you. My - my pupil was married.’

‘Well, I shall not judge you until I know more, but you must answer one question truthfully.’

Harriet held her breath and waited.

‘Are you with child?’

‘No! Truly I am not!’ But her cheeks reddened more as she said it.

Anna gave her a level stare. ‘You are not alone in your sin. I follow the teachings of John Wesley. He believed that we all have sinned but can be saved.’ She paused. ‘I shall be on the carrier that leaves at four this afternoon from the inn.You may join me, if you wish.’

‘Thank you, ma’am. I will be there.’

Anna nodded as though she approved.‘Now you must excuse me. I have mission business to attend to. The rain is easing. Go to the fair. It is Lammas Day and there are travelling players in the town square.’

Anonymous in the crowd, Harriet enjoyed her first day of freedom in the market. She bought a good length of cotton calico from the back of a cart. It was a strong weave and she took more than she needed. The traveller added a piece of sprigged muslin and some ribbon to her parcel and she felt pleased with her purchase. But the extra bundle was heavy to carry and she went to the inn to sit on a wall and wait for Anna. She had eaten well and drunk from the spring that filled the horse trough. Her heart lifted when she saw Anna approach with a gentleman companion, carrying a travelling bag.

‘You are early. I said you would be. Harriet, this is my brother, Tobias Holmes.’

‘Ma’am.’ He set down the bag, took off his low-crowned hat and bowed.

‘Sir.’ She curtsied. ‘Are you travelling with us?’

‘I’m afraid not. I come only to see you safely on your way. The carrier is not due for an hour. Shall we take tea inside?’

He took one of her bundles as well as the bag, and they settled by a window so they could see the cart when it arrived. Harriet guessed that he wished to know more about his sister’s travelling companion and prepared herself for more questions.

‘My sister tells me you were a teacher at Blackstone?’

‘Do you know of it?’

He nodded. ‘By reputation only.You understand that we are Dissenters?’

‘Oh, yes.’ She found herself looking at his countenance with interest. He was a handsome man. In fact, a very attractive man. Harriet could not take her eyes off him.

‘But Anna has not told you about her mission?’

‘It is all God’s work, is it not?’

‘Anna has chosen a particularly difficult task.’

‘I shall do my best for her.’

‘But the people who—’ He stopped as his sister put her hand on his arm.

‘Toby, I shall explain to Harriet as we travel.’

‘Very well. I shall ride over to visit you after next quarter day.’

Anna smiled brightly. ‘Am I not lucky to have such a thoughtful brother, Harriet? Oh, good, here is our tea. And lardy cake, too. How lovely.’

They talked about the new chapel in town as they ate and drank, and of other missions that were setting up to serve families who laboured in the Riding. It seemed to Harriet that coal mines and iron works would soon be taking over the whole town. The cart was early. Tobias loaded their belongings, then embraced his sister warmly. ‘I am so proud of you,’ he said.

Anna smiled back and replied, ‘And I of you. We shall see you in two months’ time.’

He bowed to Harriet and stood back as they climbed into the cart and settled themselves with their luggage. The horses jolted them away. As Harriet looked back, she had mixed feelings. She was glad, oh, so glad, to be leaving Hill Top House and the unhappiness it had caused her. But when she thought of Olivia, she felt deeply saddened and guilty that she had left her.They had become like - she hardly dared to think it - like sisters in their support of each other. It had been all she had hoped for when she had first taken the position. She prayed that Jared Tyler would keep his word, respect her and care for her. For now, she could only pray.

She looked forward to working with Anna, even though Tobias had warned her of hardship. She deserved her sackcloth and ashes, and she would endeavour to redeem herself from her wickedness at Hill Top House. Perhaps God had not totally forsaken her. He had given her this chance to repent through Tobias and Anna’s work. Suddenly she felt elated. It did not matter how difficult Anna’s mission was. It would be her salvation. She was so lucky to have met them.

It was a long ride, and when they were set down at a tavern they had to wait for a messenger to fetch a trap for the final stretch of the journey.

As they lingered, Anna explained, ‘You will live with me in my tiny cottage. It is just outside the gates.’

‘Gates?’

Anna placed her hand on Harriet’s. ‘My mission is with girls and women who have been cast out by their families.’

Harriet thought she understood. Like some of the girls who had been at Blackstone. Those in danger of moral decay, and worse.

‘You must understand that some cannot think for themselves. They have never been able to. But others, well, they are different. They were influenced by - by people, by events that led to their state of mind and . . . Well, you will see for yourself.’

‘Where are we going?’ Harriet asked.

Anna stood up. ‘Here is one of the warders with his trap.’

‘Is it a prison?’

‘No, but the inmates cannot leave, though many wish to.’

Suddenly Harriet knew where she was going.‘It’s an asylum, isn’t it?’

‘Yes. An asylum for the insane.’

Panic rose to Harriet’s throat. ‘But I do not see how I can be a teacher of the insane.’

‘Please don’t be alarmed. In my view not all of the inmates are insane. As I have said, some cannot think for themselves - indeed, cannot think at all. But there are others who are there because of things they have done in moments of madness.’

‘Do you mean criminals? Murderers?’

‘No. Their behaviour has been wild enough to cause their physicians to diagnose insanity and that is why they are here.’

Like Olivia, Harriet thought, whom everyone had said was wild but was simply lonely and unloved.

‘Some have recovered,’Anna went on,‘but cannot leave unless the father or husband who sent them here agrees and will look after them. Those are the ones we can help.’

It was falling dark by the time the high stone wall loomed in front of them. The warder dropped them outside a small artisan’s cottage and continued on to the high iron gates of the asylum.

Chapter 18

The following day the heavy iron gates creaked as they swung open.

‘Don’t be frightened, Harriet.You are quite safe. Besides, we are not allowed into the main building.’

Harriet was frightened. The insane were unpredictable. One of her pupils at Blackstone had been declared insane and taken from the school. She had attacked the principal with dress-making scissors and cut him so badly they had had to call the surgeon. She wondered if the girl had been brought here.

The grey granite building was high and forbidding. There were three storeys with tiny windows, each with vertical bars, and she shivered as she tried to imagine the life of the inmates. She and Anna followed a laden supplies cart that trundled off to the right and around to the back of the building. ‘We go to the left.’ Anna led the way to a small grey house. Its cold austerity reminded Harriet of Blackstone, except that her school had been built of Pennine stone. At the time she had not appreciated the warmth in its hue, but she did now.

The warden’s wife let them in, nodded briefly in Harriet’s direction and said, ‘My husband has told me about you. How do you do?’ She was plainly dressed in dark grey, with hair that seemed the same colour. Her manner was brisk. Harriet returned the greeting and the woman disappeared into a room containing a large desk and cupboards round the walls. Harriet followed Anna up a narrow wooden staircase and into a small chamber set out like a schoolroom. She relaxed a little. This was familiar territory, except that the windows had iron bars fixed across them.