Without a Mother's Love (28 page)

‘I fear Miss Trent is the cause of this.’

‘How so?’

‘She told us something of her past that - that shocked us both, Anna more than I. Anna has suffered worst.’

‘You must take care of her, Tobias. You have seen that she is prone to these attacks.The asylum is not the best place for her mission. I have told you so before.’

‘I cannot persuade her to give up her work here. And she has been so much better in recent times until—’ He looked down and shook his head.

‘My advice is that she should go away for a time. Take her back with you. Miss Trent is more than capable of keeping her mission going.’ The doctor was raising his patient to a sitting position, supporting her shoulders. ‘As soon as you can, my dear,’ he said to her, ‘go to your bed and stay there until the morning. I’ll leave you a sleeping draught and I’ll call to see you on my way to the asylum tomorrow.’

Harriet stepped into the kitchen. ‘I’ll help her upstairs.’

But Tobias barred her way. He took her elbow and steered her back into the scullery. His face was pained and anxious. He looked older. ‘You must keep away from her,’ he whispered fiercely.

Startled by his tone, her heart sank. Was he blaming her for Anna’s seizure? Was he not as forgiving as she had been led to believe? She had thought he and Anna, above all people, would have understood her need of their forgiveness. But it seemed they would rather not have known about her shameful past.

‘I am so sorry, Tobias. I had to tell you. I thought you might find a little charity in your heart.’

He stared at her, agitated. ‘Oh, Harriet, I do not blame you for this, but you cannot know what you have done and I cannot explain.’ His voice was low but his anxiety was clear.

He could have warned her that Anna’s sensibilities needed such protection. Yet Anna worked in a mission for the less fortunate. It did not make sense to Harriet. Anna was a gentlewoman by birth, who had chosen, like her brother, to follow a hard road in life. Harriet had thought she had a steely core: Anna did not flinch from difficult tasks. She had been mistaken. Her confession had been too much of a shock for the other woman.

The more Harriet thought about this, the more she thought she was to blame. Perhaps Tobias was simply trying to make her feel better. If so, she groaned inwardly, she loved him more for it. But she feared Anna’s seizure had been her fault and her misery deepened.

‘You must keep her quiet,’ she heard the doctor say as he left. ‘Do not distress her with talk of others in less fortunate situations. She will recover. If you take her away from here, Tobias, it will hasten her restoration.’

‘Very well. I shall. Tomorrow, if she is well enough to ride with me.’

‘I’ll mix her draught,’ Harriet volunteered, and swung the kettle hook over the hottest part of the fire. When she had prepared it and sweetened the bitter drink with honey, she laid a small tray prettily with a clean napkin and an oat biscuit baked especially for Tobias’s visit. She went out into the lane and picked a wild rose, which she placed in an empty glass phial on the tray.

Tobias came in from seeing the doctor off in his trap as Harriet was about to climb the wooden stairs leading from the kitchen to the bedchamber.

‘I shall have to take that,’ he said briefly. ‘The doctor does not want her upset any more.’

How Harriet stopped the tears flowing she did not know.

‘It is not your fault,’ he said, quite kindly,‘but you have resurrected memories. I cannot say more than that, except that if anyone is responsible it is me. She was alone when our parents died and I should have been here for her then, not in America. We all have our guilty secrets, Harriet.’

Harriet sank into a fireside chair and stared at the glowing coals. She heard voices from upstairs, then silence. Tobias came down with a serious face.

‘Do you wish me to leave?’ she asked quietly.

He shook his head.‘Anna will return with me to my mission. We shall go tomorrow, while you are working in the asylum. That way she need not see you and become agitated again.’

‘I - I am so sorry. I had no idea that my confession would cause so much upset.’ She looked at her hands, twisting in her lap, and heard him sigh.

‘I should like to tell you more. You are doing good work for the asylum and it is Anna’s wish that you continue. The doctor has said he will manage the mission accounts for me. He will call on you from time to time.’

‘I am to stay here alone?’

‘I do not see what else I can do.’

‘When will you return?’

‘I do not know.’

‘I am so very sorry, Tobias,’ she repeated in a whisper.

‘Yes, I am too, but it is done now and my sister’s health is my first concern.’ He lit a candle stub and gave it to her. ‘I should like to retire now. Goodnight, Harriet.’

‘Goodnight.’ She said it so softly that she did not think he heard her. He was not listening anyway. He was already packing his bag for his journey tomorrow.

Harriet climbed the narrow stairway and ducked into her tiny room. She undressed slowly in spite of the chilly air and placed a nightcap over her hair. The sheets were cold and she was glad of her thick nightgown. She lay awake, watching the flickering shadows from the dying candle on the sloping timbers under the slates.At least the roof was dry, even though a draught blew in through the loose bricks in the end wall. She pulled down her cap and tucked her feet up inside her nightgown as the candle flame died and the shadows disappeared.

She was not saved. No one could save her. She had behaved too wickedly to be saved.

Chapter 21

Olivia heard horses outside on the cobbles. A carriage as well. The sound of loud voices drifted through the open schoolroom window. She often sat in there, reflecting on those distant days with Miss Trent. She had asked after her at the gown-maker’s and draper’s, even her uncle’s lawyer’s, but no one knew where she was. Or cared. Since Hesley’s homecoming, Hill Top House had degenerated from the gracious family home she had made into a gambling-den for his friends. She had loved this house once, but now she hated it.

They came here from that place called Grace’s down in the valley, gentlemen on horseback and in carriages, from the railway company and the government bureaux that now served the Riding so well. The town was growing out of all recognition, with foundries and glassworks adding to the iron works and forges, fuelled by the coal brought in from surrounding pits on the navigation.

Olivia knew the household servants would be awake all night, providing meat and drink while the gentlemen played their card games for coins and banknotes. And when they ran out of those they wagered their timepieces and guns.

Her husband was already drunk. She hurried across the landing to give her uncle his medicine. She did not want him roused for he would wish to join them, which caused him such pain and anger now that he was too weak to do so. If only he would accept his advancing years and failing health. His apothecary recommended laudanum and he took it willingly, asking her every day if she was with child.

She did not linger long, for her husband ordered her to be with him when his gentlemen friends visited. And she obeyed because when she didn’t his tantrums sorely vexed her maids. She was hardened now to his ways, but he whipped the servants for the least thing when he was irritated by Olivia’s behaviour. So, she dressed in the fine silks he liked, curled her hair and painted her face.

He took her arm possessively and walked with her around their drawing room, pausing to pass his hands over the swell of her breasts above her gown and tilting her chin upwards so that she was obliged to look directly at some flushed lawyer or company agent he wished to impress.

To this end he had bought her beautiful gowns and jewellery, but she knew they were not for her benefit.They were to show off his new-found wealth. That was what she was to him: one of his possessions to be exhibited along with his treasures from the West Indies. When the gentlemen began gaming she stood by the wall next to the ostentatious displays of valuable articles he had collected.

One of the gentlemen was making up the fire in the drawing room while others were helping themselves to strong drink and opening packs of playing cards. Money had been plentiful at Hill Top House since Hesley had received the government compensation for freeing the slaves. It had paid off some of the Mexton debts. Then he had sold her plantation and used the capital to pay for a new shaft at the mine with a steam engine to wind the cage.

He said he would invest more in machinery and railtrack for the mine: it still did not make enough profit. Olivia wondered why he didn’t proceed with his plan instead of wasting money in this disgusting fashion on these disgusting people.

If only Miss Trent were here, or Jared, so that she could escape to their ruined cottage with him. But she had long since discarded any hope for either of them. They had abandoned her when she needed them most and, in doing so, had stiffened her resolve not to trust anyone ever again. She was alone in this God-forsaken life, but she was intelligent and strong and she did not need either of them now.

Mary brought in refreshments and Olivia sent her away, aware that some of Hesley’s guests could not be trusted to behave properly towards the servants. She began taking round the salvers herself, keeping her eyes down to avoid the more voracious looks some of the gentlemen were casting her. She was still young and she had learned already that her youthful attentiveness was prized among Hesley’s friends, many of whom were older than he.

Hesley was in high spirits for he seemed to be winning.The hour moved past midnight, and Olivia watched quietly from a shadowy corner as the others noted ruefully his mounting pile of coins and notes. At least he would be in a good humour when they left, she thought.

‘We’re not leaving yet, Mexton. You must give us a chance to win it back.’

‘If you want to risk the shirt on your back.’ He laughed.

The party divided into a small group wanting to win back their losses and others attracted by the spectacle. The players filled their glasses, lit cigars and sat down.

‘
Vingt-et-un
?’ one suggested.

‘Higher stakes this time?’

Olivia knew that Hesley would agree to any stakes in his present mood. She came forward. ‘Dearest,’ she said politely, ‘this will go on all night. I shall retire—’

‘You will stay where you are,’ he answered sharply, then noticed a few raised eyebrows and added, ‘My dear.’

‘As you wish.’ She melted into the shadows again. She was angry. He did not care whether she was present or not. He was concerned only with showing his friends how obedient his young wife was. She did not mind if he hit her for disobeying him, but she could not bear it when he beat her young maids with his horsewhip. He did not need a reason to do so, except to punish her. She remembered how he had taken pleasure from it when she was a girl and hated him for it.

After an hour there were only two players left, Hesley and a man called Jessup, who raised the stakes even higher. Hesley’s luck wavered. Twice he wagered heavily and lost, then won most of it back only to lose it again. He seemed more than unusually angry at this turn of events and stood up to leave the table.

‘You can’t go now, Mexton,’ someone goaded him.‘You have to take it back from him.’

‘He’s out of funds, aren’t you?’ Jessup said. He was a young lawyer, who was making a name for himself in the town. He was the grandson of a farm labourer whose son had bettered himself and opened a butcher’s shop in town. Jessup had proved an able scholar and had been sent to the grammar school by his ambitious father, then attended university at the same time as Hesley.

‘And if I am?’ Hesley responded belligerently. ‘My credit is good at the bank.’

‘If you say so. But you know our rules, Hesley. No promissory notes.’

‘Very well!’ Hesley sounded irritable. ‘I have more valuable things to wager than coin. Look about you.’

Olivia thought privately it would be better for Hesley to lose some of his silver collection than more of her money. She knew their income from the pit was not inexhaustible, and all this entertainment was paid for by spending what was left of her capital from the plantation. She cared nothing for his possessions, but the mine needed more investment.

He slapped his hand on the table. ‘Who will pledge their coin against one of my treasures? Lady Luck has not deserted me yet.’

Olivia wondered what had made him think that. Even when he had a good night, he never quit early and always lost.Tonight would be no different.

‘I will,’ Jessup suggested calmly.‘Twenty guineas on the turn of a card.’ He piled his coins on the table.

Hesley eyed the gold and, in the candlelight, Olivia saw a pulse throb in his temple.

‘If you win that, Mexton, you can play on all night,’ someone suggested. ‘So what’s to be your stake?’

Olivia knew he would be unable to resist.

‘My stake? I have silver to pledge worth a hundred times that. Choose your piece.’ He waved his arm airily around the room.

Olivia guessed that Jessup could afford to lose his wager. His father had leased his butchery and now owned terraces for the workers in the iron and glass manufactories in town. He had bought his educated son a partnership in a law practice and, once set up, Jessup had made it his business to know everything about government and municipal regulation. He had cultivated the Member of Parliament for the Riding and other local dignitaries so he knew their thinking and was retained as their agent to institute new parish laws and deal with the resulting disputes. He was not of the gentry but he was powerful in the Riding.

She wondered idly whether he had good taste and which piece of silver he would choose. He walked over to the glass-fronted display cabinet beside her and peered inside. Suddenly she realized he was not looking at the silver: he was staring at her reflection in the darkened glass. She blinked and moved away.