Without Knowing (When You Wake Book 1) (4 page)

I normally had a movie to watch while I ate. Today, I had Caleb. I watched Caleb watch Dr. Nyssa. I didn’t know what was going on there, but I wasn’t going to be some way to prove something to the other.

“Thank you, Bernard, for a delicious breakfast. Different has certainly proven to be better.” I stood from my chair.

He smiled kindly. “Thank you, Miss. Eva.”

“Shall we begin our tour, Caleb?” I adjusted my crutches under my arms.

“Are you sure you’re up for it?” He jumped from his seat.

“Of course, I could wander by myself if you wish to stay here?” I smiled.

“Let’s go.” Of course, he wouldn’t allow me alone to wander.

Dr. Nyssa rushed through her morning paper and stood from her chair to join us. “We’ll see you later, Dr. Nyssa.” She stood near the table straightening her white skirt and sleeveless sweater.

“Let me grab the wheelchair and we’ll be on our way.” Caleb started towards the stairs.

“I’d rather walk if you don’t mind.” I moved with ease.

“Are you sure? The grounds tire me sometimes,” he stated.

“Let’s start down here.” Leaving the dining room, we turned to our right.

“Right.” Caleb followed behind.

I wasn’t sure if he was catering to me because he was afraid I was going to yell or if he was somehow making up for Dr. Nyssa’s unexpected return. Either way, he was back to his distant self.

“So, the dining room extends out?” I asked.

“Only if we need it to, the rooms are flexible if we need to have a large meeting or small event.”

“I can’t imagine a dinner for twenty guests let alone three hundred. Do you have many events here?” I wondered if the house was always this quiet, or if he was keeping things quieter for me.

“We have the space when we need it,” he answered without actually answering me. “I wanted a flexible, open flow concept for my clients. If we need the privacy, we have it. The dining room could flow into the living room for mingling if we want that type of party.”

The living room décor screamed classic and old, similar to my room. Gold and flowered patterns, statues and famous art, rugs with frills; I was in a museum.

“The offices are here on the end of the first floor.” He pushed open the door.

I was transformed to another house. The offices were like nothing else I’d seen in the previous rooms. The modern offices lacked the museum feel. Long mahogany desks stood in the middle of each room, brown leather chairs surrounding them and large flat screen TVs hung on every wall.

“We can step away from the party if we need to or those coming for a meeting can drive around and into the side entrance without disturbing the house.”

“And my room is right above the offices?” I asked walking the house in my mind.

“That’s correct. The house is almost shaped like a U; easier to notice from the outside.” Caleb headed back towards the dining room.

“I’m surprised by the décor.” I tried to be nice.

“Yes, some rooms are a little outdated. I’ve been meaning to add a little flare to the old place.” He smiled sadly.

“Your home really is lovely though,” I added quickly.

“Maybe I’ll let you take a crack at decorating our home, after we get you back on your feet.” We relaxed, but I didn’t miss how much he stressed that this was our home.

He pointed out the kitchen door located ahead of the dining room, as we moved towards the front door. We avoided disrupting the staff’s preparations for our guest, my watchdog. The watchdog’s boss, Dr. Nyssa, was nowhere to be found.

“Of course, you know where both elevators are.” I nodded.

Each elevator had its own foyer and patio on both floors. The doors, however, were bolted shut. Oddly, there were no handles on the doors and no key in sight. We turned the corner to the main entrance.

Each grand staircase ending near the front door led to the second floor. The Lizzie staircase on our right led to the hallway of the guest bedrooms Dr. Nyssa’s room, Caleb’s suite, and my master suite. The staircase on our left led to the hallway I was never to enter.

“The halls mirror each other, but I’d rather you stick to our hallway. After one of the pipes busted, it’s been hell trying to fix the mess. I don’t want you to get hurt. We want you back to your old self, you hear me?” He hovered over me, his hands on the tops of my shoulders.

I swallowed hard as one of his hands cupped just under my ear.
Stupid signals.
Our brief connection fluttered in my stomach. I didn’t expect to see that look again, not since she was back. I pulled away from his grasp and found something else to admire.

The staircases stood what looked like a mile apart, the den doors stood between them on the first floor and the clinic on the second floor. I stared at the den doors forgetting that I wasn’t supposed to be thinking about Caleb’s hands on me.

“Eva.”

“Yes, it is a grand entrance.” I pulled myself together.

“I didn’t ask her to come back.”

“You didn’t ask her to leave.” We stared at the doors.

“Things are just a little more complicated...”

“Look, I don’t want to get in between you two, but I won’t let her talk down to me. It just won’t happen.”

“So you’re going to tell me what happened in there,” he turned to face me.

I kept my eyes on the doors. “She came at me,” I said simply.

“I’m talking about the knife.”

I didn’t say anything. I didn’t have anything to say. There was nothing I could say. One minute I’m sitting and the next she is pinned against the wall, and I’m holding a knife. Grant it, it was a butter knife, but still.

“I told you to come to me.” Caleb stood between the den doors, and me pulling my eyes up to his.

“I can’t ask you questions about certain things without you going all batty on me. I came to you and you’re giving me scraps. I understand I need to remember some things on my own, but you snapped at me when I tried to talk to the concession guys. Then you gave me mixed signals all night which ended with you on top of me and now she’s back.”
That is not at all where that was supposed to go.

I lowered my head in embarrassment; I could die now. Just let me die. But he insisted on torturing me. He reached for my chin but I fought his touch. I didn’t want to look at him; I didn’t want to be pulled into his bewitching gaze.

“Look at me,” he whispered.

“No.”
Because if I look at you, I will cry and I don’t want to cry in front of you.

“Please, just look at me.”

His whispering, lyrical voice was hard to deny. I allowed his fingers to bring my face up to him; my eyes pinched closed.

“Open your eyes,” he laughed.

“I’m trying to be respectful of your relationship with her and you’re not making this easy. I like you.” My eyes were still closed. “To wake up to a man like you, I thought I was dreaming. But you’re purposely hiding things from me and now she’s here. You wanted her here. So let me be a respectable girl and let you be with her.”

I stood there, my eyes closed, waiting for this moment to be done. I waited for him to remove his hands from my face so I could start being respectful of their relationship. It took a few minutes before he slid his hands away as slowly as possible. I moved back, still blind, out of reach. I let out a heavy sigh and opened my eyes.

“Come on.” Caleb raced down the first floor hall under the forbidden wing. I struggled to keep up as I was still bringing myself back from the brink of a small jealousy meltdown. Caleb didn’t stop to show me the rooms in this hall. Though, this side of the house was mostly made of glass, I still wanted to see everything.

He reached the end of the hall and burst through the glass doors. As I finally reached the end of the hall, and pushed through the doors, the bright sun nearly blinded me. Blinking rapidly, I took in fresh air amazed by the open green grass. Caleb continued towards the back of the yard.

“I want you to be comfortable here. You were at one time. I want us to get back to that.” He breathed heavy.

“It’ll take some time, if ever.” My crutches and I entered the large gazebo, breathing slightly harder than he.

“I know, but maybe this will help.”

I felt his eyes on me as I admired the detailed work. “Exquisite.”

“It was built for a Greek goddess.”

He went on to point out the tall white pillars, the tinted dome just over us, a mixture of pink stone and marble under us. The gazebo sat on the edge of the property along the cove. Glass connected one pillar to the next. Without the white marble ledge, it was as if I could walk into the water. The beauty of the horizon and distant island were our protection. There wasn’t a boat in sight to disturb the natural beauty. 

“It was because of this back here that I wanted this house.”

Caleb jolted forward as I leaned on the ledge. I jerked upwards thinking something was going to bite me.

“I’m sorry.” He eased back, putting his hands in his pockets.

“It’s beautiful. The view from my window doesn’t do it justice.” I relaxed as the warm breeze pulled at my hair.

“You couldn’t really get comfortable out here, but you loved the view so much, I had to let you have that room.” He pointed to my bay windows.

“Wait, it was your room…”

“Please, you found more use of it than I ever did.”

I pulled him to the ledge for a better view. He was squirmy even as I was carefree against the ledge. There was more to see around the house, but I couldn’t pull myself away. We ignored the rest of the tour.

We stood in the gazebo hearing the waves crash against the rocks below us. The bright sky dimmed in the horizon, signaling how much time we had spent outside. It was the aching in my legs that tore me away from the beautiful view.

“This is where I had my accident?” I asked, noticing he was still uneasy, standing close but still far away.

“We installed the glass and ledges after,” he stopped.

His eyes told enough of the story. He remembered my fall. I couldn’t remember falling… or landing. I didn’t want to look down. I didn’t want to ruin the beauty with fear.

We returned to our silent enjoyment of the meeting between the sky and water. The blue sky became a multitude of purples and reds and oranges as the big beautiful sun dropped slowly in the distance, sinking behind the water.

“One of the best sunsets I’ve seen,” I whispered.

“Once you’re able to move around a little more on your own, you should come out here, and enjoy the fresh air.” He turned to look at me.

“I’ve seen the sun set many times from my window, but out here, it’s different.”

“I could watch you, watch the view all day.”

“You can’t say things like that.” My face went ugly at the comment. He must have had his fingers in his ears when it was discussed earlier.

“Eva, I like you, and I’m sorry that her coming back stopped whatever was going on between us…”

“Now I’m going to stop you because there’s nothing between us.” I held up my hand in front of his face. It was rude but it needed to be done. “Please just let me enjoy this…my first experience out here.”

He stood silent, letting me soak up the outside beauty, I’ve been deprived of, but it wouldn’t last long.

Chapter 4

Limits

“Caleb, he’s arrived and is waiting for you in the clinic,” Dr. Nyssa announced.

              I thought I was imagining the cawing of a crow interrupting the serene view of the sunset. I thought ignoring it would make it go away, but it continued to caw until my trance was broken.

              “Dr. Nyssa, I didn’t realize you were here.” I turned to face her, speaking over her repetitive banter.

              “As I was explaining to Mr. Caleb,” she cleared her throat, “your PT specialist is here and eager to get settled in before he starts to tomorrow.”

              “Wait, he’s actually going to be staying here too?” I rolled my eyes.

              “We have plenty of room, Eva.” Caleb touched my shoulder.

              I leaned on my trusty pals noticing the oddness of my behavior today. It was only getting worse, but I couldn’t control my aggravation.

              “Suppose we head in?” he asked.

              “Guess we don’t have much of a choice, now do we.” I headed towards the house.

              “I’m sure we can find time in the next few days to come back out and finish the tour. The view will still be here.” Caleb raced to my side.

              I kept moving even as my hands went numb and my armpits felt bruised. The aching in my leg was enough to make me cry. There were a lot of things that made me want to cry.

              As if he knew, “I could bring the wheelchair…”

              “I’m good.”
Stubborn as a mule.

              Back on the patio, Caleb directed me to wait until he had a minute to talk with the new guy. I sat for a moment on the edge of the cushioned patio chair only to catch my breath. Everything hurt, but my annoyance fueled my movements. 

              I didn’t want to miss too much of the introduction. Call it paranoia, but anyone Dr. Nyssa recommended, had me on alert.

              I made my way up the Lizzie stairs and down the hall. Beads of sweat gathered on my face and neck. I could hear them faintly the closer to the clinic I came.

              “…Dr. Nyssa has told me great things about you.”

              “That’s mighty kind of her. She’s had nothing but nice things to say about you too, Sir,” his accent seeped from his mouth.

              I didn’t hesitate to walk into the room, cold sweat soaking through my clothes.

              “Eva, I asked you to wait downstairs.” Caleb stood between the stranger and me.

              “Best you talk to him about me, with me present, don’t you think?” I huffed. It was harder to breathe now than during the entire tour of the grounds.

              “Some things need to be discussed without you,” Dr. Nyssa explained.

              My face darkened. “How does anything pertaining to me, need to be discussed without me?”

              “This is not this time,” he whispered. “Eva, let me introduce you to your physical therapist.” Caleb stood to the side.

              “Howdy, Ma’am, I’m Seth.” He reached his hand out for me to shake.

              Our hands linked, our eyes met; the room began to spin around us. Only I noticed the motion of the room. Seth, Caleb, and Dr. Nyssa continued to speak as if I wasn’t falling into some black hole. I could feel the loss of time as each blink of my eyes changed to the beat of Seth’s pulse.

              The spinning came to a sudden stop, jerking me to the side. My neck snapped to the right and back, shivers coursed through my body as my eyes refocused under the frozen sun. I was no longer in the clinic meeting Seth.

              The distance was foggy and hard to read, but immediately behind me I could feel myself leaning against a tall tree, the snow burning through the brown dress I was wearing as I sat in a pile of hard white powder. My bare shoulders hiked up to my ears only to freeze my neck along with them. I was afraid what little warmth I had was escaping through the tips of my fingers.

              A twinge of static started in my chest as the snow blackened under my naked feet, crawling up the tree trunk behind me. My eyelids drooped nearly blinding me and my head wobbled uncontrollably as if the bones just didn’t exist.

              I looked up, hesitant to take the hand extended out to me, the face was as foggy as the distance. The frozen hand broke from the wrist shattering on the ground, and the fingers spinning around my bare toes. I was frozen against the blackness, my echoed screams unheard.

* * * * * * *

The smell of cookies and the sight of milk on the nightstand eased my stomach, but the wooziness as I sat up to indulge, timed everything by two.

              “Well, looks like yesterday was a little too much for you.” Caleb sat at the end of my bed.

              I blinked rapidly, hoping I could focus without showing my imbalance.

              “Eva, what aren’t you telling me?” His voice was stern.

              “No-Noth-Nothing. It was a lot, you’re right,” I spoke a little too quickly.

              “This isn’t going to work if you’re going to lie to me.”

              “No, really, I should have told you how tired I was. I just didn’t want to come back up here. I was having too much fun.” I looked down. I did enjoy most of our time, once Dr. Nyssa found something else to do.

              Caleb moved to the bench under the bay window. He pulled a piece of the curtain to the side. “Do not push yourself again, do you hear me?” I nodded my head, only now realizing the tightness in my neck. “It’s not a pleasant sight to see you that way. I thought you were having a seizure. And I’m sure your new therapist didn’t like to meet you under those circumstances.”

              I dropped back onto my feathery pillow, humiliated by how I could only imagine what all that looked like to him. I pictured a drooling monkey playing with its feces.

              “Luckily, he’s seen worse.”

              By his reaction, Caleb seemed disappointed the therapist didn’t run for the hills. Maybe he wasn’t ready for me to be on my feet quite yet.

              “I’m not going to push the issue because you obviously don’t want to talk about it, but at some point we will have to, ready or not. Understand me?”

              “I’m sorry.”

              “I’ll blame the paleness on overexertion, but the next time I ask what is going on, you will tell me.” It was not a request.

              “That’s funny coming from you.” I shot up from my pillow. The woozy feeling turned into a full-blown sense of the crazies.

              “Excuse me?” He stared at me, no longer talking to the curtains he had been playing with.

              “Don’t act like I’m the only one keeping secrets. Anytime I ask a question about anything, you find a way not to give me an answer.” I was furious. He pushed too hard. How dare he demand answers from me.

              “This is a different situation. I’m trying to keep you safe.”

              “Well, guess what? I’m doing this for your own damn good. How about we just stop asking each other questions, it will save us all a lot of time.” I grabbed a cookie and the glass of milk and breathed easy.

              I was calling bullshit all over this place. He didn’t like it, but it wasn’t going to be a one-way street. The fishy smell lingering in the air was getting thicker and I was done smelling the stench all day long.

              “I’ve let you spout off to Dr. Nyssa. I didn’t correct you because that was a battle you two needed to fight without my interference. You were asked to wait outside while I met with your physical therapist and then made a scene in front of him. I blamed your rudeness last night on our long day, but I see now I will need to step in.” Caleb stood over me.

              I continued to eat my cookie unaffected by his towering demeanor.

              “I see you think this is just some game we are playing.” The shattering of my milk glass against the bay window grabbed my attention. I wanted to stand on my bed and scream at the top of my lungs, but I couldn’t show how rattled that made me.

              “Unnecessary.”

              “You want to know what’s unnecessary. This, whatever this is.” He leaned down waving his hand in front of me.

              “I suppose lying to a person as long as you have would make a girl a little upset.”

              “I haven’t lied to you.” He stood.

              “When it looks guilty, the evidence says he’s guilty and the jury announces he’s guilty, he’s found guilty.”

              “I should have never let you watch that damn movie.” His frustration was frustrating.

              “That’s all you let me do! You have no cable! There’s no music! I didn’t see one radio while we were out yesterday.”

              “Poor signal,” we said simultaneously.

              “See, I know. I know all the excuses. I play through every one of them every time I sneeze during the fourth lapse of the Milky Way. You know why, because I have nothing else to do. But today, I get to start physical therapy and I already don’t like the guy.”

              “Listen here; you will treat that man with respect. He is doing Dr. Nyssa a favor by helping you.” He pointed his finger in my face.

              “You mean a favor for you by keeping me busy.” I rolled my eyes.

              “Whatever you need to tell yourself.”

              “And if I don’t feel like working with this guy?”

              “I suggest we figure this…” His finger was now pointing at the ground.

              “Forget it, it’s figured out. I’d like to get ready. What time are we starting?”

              He stared at me. This was a losing battle.

              “What time should I be downstairs?” I struggled out of bed.

              “Thirty minutes.” Caleb exited my room abruptly, slamming my door in the process. The door would not survive very many exits like that.

              I moved into the closet and then into the bathroom. I hesitated just in front of the mirror, my hands on the wall on either side of it. I avoided mirrors as often as I could. I didn’t see me when I looked in the mirror. It was hard seeing a stranger looking back at me.

              I was downstairs and in the gym as Seth arrived. My mental exhaustion was battling my stubbornness, but I was prepared to do what I needed to do, even if it meant breakfast had to wait.
Bacon…mmmm. Damn it.

              “Miss Eva, glad to see you’re feeling better.” Seth held out his hand.

              I avoided any hesitation and shook his hand. It’ll be a cold day in hell before they know they get to me. “I must apologize for yesterday. I tried to do a little too much and it got the best of……” I smiled, my teeth clenched tightly.

              Flashes of frozen fingers crawling on me weakened my grip. I took my hand back before he noticed.

              “I understand. I’ve overdone it a few times myself,” his southern accent swirled in my ears.

              “I’m ready to get started whenever you are.”

              “Eager little beaver.” He placed his bag on the bench near the entrance. “I was told the ribs have healed, but it looks like your biggest issues are your wrist and leg.”

              “Yes, so let’s start with the wrist. It’ll make it easier to get around with these.” I pointed at my crutches.

              “Well, we can work a little bit of both, if you’re up for it?” he asked.

              “I’m up for anything.” I was wide-eyed and all bushy tailed.

              “Great, let’s get familiar with the machines and see what you can do. This will give us an idea of where we need to start you.”

              Physical therapy with Seth started far too slow. After the unnecessary tour of the random machines we would be using, I was growing impatient. I’m sure his need to physically assist me on and off every piece of equipment didn’t help my tolerance level.
Just unnecessary.

              I had to tirelessly avoid touching Seth as much as possible. Pieces of our first meeting came back to me during any contact with him. Whether he was straightening my form on the weight machines or simply spotting me, I could see the deeper connection being created to that frozen night.

              Don’t get me wrong, Seth wasn’t a hideous beast. I didn’t mind looking at him. He was actually a very attractive man. He had the body of a homegrown farm boy, and his baby face almost had me fooled until he touched me.
Too much unnecessary touching.

              The frozen night was filled with more darkness than anyone should see. It filled me with a dreadful feeling, one that nearly brought me to tears just from a mere graze of his finger.

              After three day of physical therapy, and Seth’s unnecessary physical contact, the constant replay of dread and darkness sealed the deeper connection. My dreams paid the price and began mimicking the darkness and dread I felt during our therapy sessions. I couldn’t get away from his touch even when I was locked in my room.