Without Knowing (When You Wake Book 1) (9 page)

I stood between him and the view, my eyes on him as he slowly looked down at me. “Why that dress?”

“You made it, but if it didn’t help you then maybe I didn’t get the right one. Or maybe……”

“Why did you kiss me the night of the party?”

“Let’s not talk about that.” He walked away, standing in front of the fireplace.

“You wanted to know why I was upset.”

“All of this is because of that?” He turned to face me, his face wet with tears.

“Why are you upset?” I took one-step towards him.

He wiped his face roughly, his face turning a dark shade of red. He took a step towards the door. “Just follow the schedule and give those men a chance. I have to work.” Caleb yanked the door open to Seth standing in the doorway. “Is there a problem?” Caleb growled.

“Just following the schedule, Sir.” He stepped to the side.

Caleb stomped off in a huff, leaving me to deal with another round of the most confusing man in the world, and Seth.

Seth’s constant suffocation over the last few days included checking on my healed injuries, providing meals, and offering to take me for a swim. After asking about Caleb’s unscheduled visit, he came to remind me that he was paying way too much attention to me during his previous stay, even when I didn’t realize it.

“You always looked deep in thought down there when you were trying to give yourself a break.” He leaned his arm along the fireplace mantle, just barely grazing the pictures.

My stomach became unsettled as he stood across the room from me. It wasn’t the same feeling like when Caleb stood there. Caleb annoyed me and lied to me, but I still wanted him all over me. Seth’s touches left me unscathed, but my nerves were fraying under his stare.

“I’m sure you could use a break from this…room.” He looked around the museum with the same expression I gave it. It wasn’t his cup of tea either.

“I’m fine where I am.”

“You must be hungry?”

“Full.” I padded my empty stomach.

“You haven’t touched a thing in…”

“I’d like to be alone if you don’t mind.” I turned away to stare out the window. He wasn’t pushing. The lightened expression on his face showed concern.

It was a full six days of my Anti-Lockdown Lockdown - yes I knew how backwards it all really was - when a knock at my door sent me on my usual rant.

“You can just turn yourself around and take that crap back downstairs. I’ll do without.” My stomach jabbed me in protest. I was starving. I didn’t have a workout regimen to keep my mind off of the deliciousness of food this time.

“Eva, will you pipe down and sit.” Caleb walked in, a tray full of my favorites in hand.

“What are you doing here?” I tried not to sound too excited.

“Four days of starvation just when you’re getting your strength back, it’s just unattractive.” He set the tray on the desk, walking the room as if looking for something, or someone.

“Guess you should call off the dogs then.”

“If only. I have to go away on some business for a few days so you’ll have to manage with them on your own.”

“Seriously!?” I was struggling with anytime away from Caleb as it was. He was my one constant. Even if we were fighting, I didn’t want him to go.

“Do you think you can deal for a few days?”

“But…Who will I…” I stopped my eyes on the floor.

"I'm sorry, Eva. There is nothing I can do. I trust that Seth and the others will manage things here just fine without me."

 "No!” Tears formed.

“Yes.” He pouted his lips.

“Don’t be mean.” I smiled a little.

“You’re just too cute when you’re all mopey.” He stared at me with fondness in his eyes. “But I prefer that beautiful smile of yours.”

I blushed. “What if I went with you? I’d be safe with you.” I trusted him more than I trusted the soldier boys, as much trust as I could give him.

“I wish you could, but I wouldn’t be able to concentrate with you there.”

“Distracting, am I?” I smirked.

“Not always a good thing, Eva.” His thumb wiped away the tears still streaming down my face.

My fear was harder to control. It wasn’t a fear of some stalker hurting me or anything to warrant the extra security. No, my fear came from an awkward place. Caleb was all I had, but every day I fought the urge to run away with the hopes he would just tell me everything. It didn’t make much sense to me.

“Sir, everything is prepped and ready to go,” Seth stood at the entrance of my door.

“Wait, you’re leaving now?” Caleb stood and I followed.

“Yes, it’s a long drive. We need to leave before dark.”

“We?”

“I’m all packed,” Caroline pushed in behind Seth.

“That kind of trip.” I smiled, walking backwards away from the group forming at the entrance.

Caleb stepped towards me. “Business, Eva.” He stared at me, hands on my shoulders, holding me in place. “Now stay out of trouble and mind yourself.” He kissed me on the forehead. I had no right to be jealous.

I wondered if jealousy was the source of my hatred for Caroline, but even from the moment when she came into my room the first time, I didn’t like her. Now, the world was safe enough to take her out, but I was stuck in a cage. Yes, it was a large cage, but still a cage.

“Ms. Eva, I see you have your meal. Perhaps we’ll start fresh tomorrow, first thing in the morning, with your new schedule?”

“Go suck an egg.” I turned from him.

“Well, that’s not very nice. But I will say, we’re gonna have us a grand old time.” He left.

Every part of me wanted to hurl, including the hairs on my arms. It was an uneasy feeling when he was in my room. Even as sick as I felt, the smell of the food on the desk called out to me. My stomach had suffered enough.

I stretched out what I could of the food through the night while I watched the same movie that had been up here since before my physical therapy. It wasn’t so bad, at least it was a comedy. It was a night of normal. 

Chapter 9

Spaghetti & Hope

It was another morning of confusion and unhappiness. The shower seemed to be the only place I didn’t ache when sitting still too long or moving around too fast. It was also the only place that I could enjoy peacefully - without interruption.

Today, I was using the time in the shower to contemplate my last few decisions, poor or otherwise. I couldn’t see if I was making a bigger mess or building a bigger wall with Caleb. I thought I was making progress and now he’s on a
business trip
with Caroline.

It dawned on me that I still knew too little, nothing made sense when I thought everything made sense. I didn’t know what I was going to do next or how I was going to keep moving when every morning I just wanted to stop, but I needed answers. And with Caroline and Caleb gone, I might find some of them. Even if I had to change in the meantime, I had to get somewhere.

My indicator that it was time to turn off the ice cold shower sounded; teeth chatter. I dried myself off and decided the stuffy clothes that covered every inch of my body needed a break. I wrapped the towel around me and moved into the heated closet.

I was sure the clothes in there were not mine, but seeing how they were in my closet, they were fair game. Unlike the handmade gown from the most unfortunate night of tonsil hockey with Caleb, the everyday clothes fit me well.

I decided on a purple no sleeve, plain V-neck top with shorts a little longer than daisy dukes. They were completely different from my usual attire, and the bare skin was something I’d have to get used to, but I planned on getting some sun today and I wouldn’t take no for an answer.

I combed through my hair, wishing there was more I could do to it than just straight, straight behind the ears, half ponytail, bun, and ponytail. I decided on a half-do in case of a breeze, as it was usually breezy outside. I couldn’t care less when it came to what I wore unless it was a special occasion, but my emotional meter was on low and still falling. I needed a pick-me-up.

I left my room expecting bodyguards to be at every turn, but for the first mile walk of the house, no one was on post. I continued to the dining room. Bernard wasn’t on duty, waiting as he usually did near the cart with the lady’s choice. I could be three hours behind everyone else and he was ready with a hot plate of food.

I was usually stopped at the entrance, but decided I wouldn’t pass up the chance and pushed open the door leading to the kitchen.

“Hello?”

I called once more, but there was no sign of the usual clanking of dishes when Bernard entered and exited this room. I walked through the large kitchen quietly, although I suspected no one was around, I still wanted to keep my arrival unknown.

The dark cabinets and stainless steel appliances were very modern for this home. The center island was equipped with a six-burner range and two built-in sinks. The pots and pans hung from the ceiling on a rack built to carry more.

It was an intimate kitchen with a breakfast nook and dinner table for a family of four. It could hardly fit the staff I saw carrying loaded trays through the halls for the party. This kitchen wasn’t made to serve a grand home.

I looked through the door on the far end. It led to another garage. Eight garages sat at the front of the property. I wasn’t sure what a man could possibly need with another two-car garage out back.

I fumbled through the drawers, utensils for a small family.
He must have a second kitchen somewhere.
In the last drawer, I pulled out a pen and notepad. I’d nearly forgotten about these. I didn’t see any in the house, not even near the phones for messages…not even a phone.

I wasn’t aware of a lot, but it was starting to look like these things were being kept out of sight from me. I couldn’t understand something as simple as a pen and paper? I slipped them into my back pocket and left the kitchen.

I checked out the common room, living room, and even the offices. Computer towers, laptops, and monitors were all missing from the offices. I looked through each cabinet and drawer, and to no avail, did I find a phone or even a keyboard.

The longer I looked around, the more the house looked empty. My mother used to sell homes. She had to stage a house before she brought in a client. Each room had something different; one room appealed to the wife, another room made for the husband, and a third room was created to appeal to the both of them. I was getting the stagy vibe.

There was still no sign of the staff or babysitters in the workout wing and I still hadn’t scratched the surface. I stared at the pool and wished I was surrounded by water. Shivers ran down my back at the thought of Seth watching me from this very spot.

I headed back to my room to put on some jeans and hide the pen and notepad. I couldn’t wear the shorts any longer.
Baby steps.
I paused in front of Caleb’s door. I’d never seen or even had a peek inside his room. I was curious to know where he slept.

I looked around, still in the clear, and tried the knob. I was surprised to find the door unlocked. I pushed the door open and quickly stepped in, closing it behind me. His masculine room was nothing like my room. I understood now where the touches of update around the house came from.

His king size bed was the smallest thing in the room. The leather couch faced the large flat screen TV that took up the entire wall it was reinforced on. The cabinet off to the right of his TV held accessories for what looked like every gaming system, including ones I didn’t recognize. The mini refrigerator was stocked with beer and energy drinks.

The center of the ceiling was made of glass, a complete view of the sky from the luxury of his bed. The large bay window on the opposite wall of his door had bunch seating that doubled as storage. It was easier to see that the house was almost completely surrounded by water.

I continued around the room. There were shelves full of games, movies, magazines, and pictures. I stopped to look at the people in the pictures. The man cave Caleb created was centered on these people. I looked down the line and stopped at the two little boys, arms over each other’s shoulders.
Caleb’s family?

I continued down the line and noticed the pictures were all taken on the same day, nothing before, nothing after. I poked through his drawers and closet, but there were no other pictures, not even of Caroline. I almost took satisfaction in that fact until I realized I also wasn’t in any of the pictures.

I stood pondering if I’d missed something. I stared at his bed wondering if he slept better than I had since my Pull to the chase in the snow. Next to my night terror when Seth first stayed here, I just wasn’t sleeping well. And then it hit me.

I dropped to my knees and army crawled under his bed. I nearly missed the single wooden box tucked away in the corner. I pulled the small box into the light. A few balls of dusts followed, making me sneeze.

I lifted the latch and opened the lid hoping it wasn’t something gross boys hid under their beds. I pulled out the tissue paper lying on top. Wrapped within the paper was another picture.

I studied the picture carefully. The picture was of Caleb with his hand hanging over a little girl. I looked back at the pictures on display in his room. It was taken on the same day as the others on the shelves. My eyes refocused on the picture in my hand, more closely at the girl with Caleb…Me.

We couldn’t be more than nine in the picture, but there was something different about the way I looked in the picture - a change that doesn’t just happen from aging. I tried to remember that day, the picture, the others, Caleb. I couldn’t see passed the moments captured in the frames.

I turned the picture over to see if anything was written on the back and found there was more to the picture. I unfolded the rest of the picture to see another smiling boy on the other side of me. Suddenly, my breath caught in my chest. I looked over the folded boy’s features hoping for further recollection, but only found my breath had returned.

I looked through the box, but it was empty. I wanted to leave the picture in the box, and the box back under the bed as if I’d never found it, but I knew that wasn’t going to happen. It was a link and I just couldn’t leave it there only to have it disappear.

I pulled the notepad from my back pocket and tore a sheet from the back of the pad. I wrapped it in the tissue paper and placed it back in the box, closed the lid and placed the box where I found it. It was a bargaining chip and I needed it to be in a safe place.

I slipped the picture into the pad and it and the pen back in my pocket. I stood up and headed back to my bedroom checking the hallway for any foot soldiers along the way. I locked my room from the inside and rushed to find the perfect hiding place.

Under my bed….Duh!

Under my mattress…They change the sheets more often than they dust the lamp shades.

The bathroom…Water and old picture don’t mix.

The closet…Possibility.

Clipped to the back of curtain...They shake and pound those things randomly.

The desk… Caleb plays around the desk too much.

The picture frames behind another picture…Another possibility, but it is too close to the fire.

The chest under the bay window…The chest…

I always admired the uniqueness of the chest. Although it was old, it didn’t match the elderly décor of my room. No, it hid in plain sight. It was used for seating and I never thought anything was kept in it. The oak had a cherry stain and leather straps that wrapped it on both sides of the chest, unhooking at the front like a belt. I flipped open the latch and opened the top.

As I pulled the large handmade quilt from the chest, my nose filled with the smell of apples. A burst of colors and feelings washed over me catching me off guard. I lost the smoothness of my breathing finding it difficult to keep my balance.

My feet pulled me through the fields of gold. Sticks of wheat tickled my hands as I brushed through them. Enjoyment flew with the breeze as his hands slipped around my waist, his arms tightening around me.

My screams evolved into an eruption of giggling and uncontrollable laughter. His warmth lightened my darkness. His breath brushed against my skin until I felt his lips. I turned to face him, the man with the awakening touch. The emptiness suddenly…

The banging on my door tore the beauty of gold away from my sight. I moved quickly to conceal the picture and quilt in the chest. I settled myself on my bed as Seth burst through the door, keys jiggling in his hand.

“What’s going on up here, Ms. Eva?” Seth was nearly out of breath.

“Just here in my room. What could I be doing?” I answered as uncaring as I could.

“You locked yourself in?”

“I showered, wanted to make sure I wasn’t walked in on.”

“I do apologize for my tardiness,” he began.

“I’ve been up long enough to shower and dress. I didn’t even notice you weren’t outside.” I stood from the bed. The keys in Seth’s hands dropped to the ground.

“Different get-up today?” he asked staring a little too long at my body as he searched for the keys with his hands.

“I have legs, arms, shoulders, and a neck. You’ve seen me in a one piece,” I announced remembering he had no problem assisting me out of the pool.

“That’s pool attire.” He straightened himself, keys in hand.

“Are we going to have a problem?”

My workout clothes consisted of yoga pants and a tank top with a zipper jacket that I never took off. My bathing suit wasn’t always restricted to the pool area. I was usually covered with a towel, but he never objected.

“No, Ma’am. I just don’t think it’s appropriate with just us men folk in the house, or at all really,” he corrected himself.

Chivalry? It was an odd combination. I wasn’t sure how to take him.

“I appreciate your concern, Seth…I’m sorry, I didn’t catch your last name.”

“It’s Schultz.” He was distracted still not looking at my face.

“But I don’t seem to understand the problem with what I’m wearing. You’ve never questioned my bathing suit.”

“You’re right, it’s not my place,” he cleared his throat. “Since Mr. Caleb has given the staff the next few days off, we will be managing your meals.”

“I see, and why has the staff been relieved for the duration of his absence?” I asked almost with authority.

“He felt it would be easier to manage security while things blow over after the party.”

“I see. I’ve embarrassed him.” I looked away. I played with my hands.

“Look, I wasn’t there, but yes, I believe he just wanted to give everyone some time and make our jobs a little easier.” He was comforting me.

“Thank you for your honesty.” I turned back around.

“I know we didn’t get off on the right foot, but I hope you know we’re all just doing our jobs.”

“You’re right. I haven’t been fair. I have my issues with Dr. Nyssa and whatever I thought……” I paused. The endless nights of Pulls replayed in my head. “Let’s just start over.” I extended my hand.

“I’m glad to hear that. The guys and I wanted to have a nice dinner for you tonight. One of the youngin’s, Thomas, makes a killer lasagna.” He smiled.