Without Knowing (When You Wake Book 1) (3 page)

Caleb left me to stew after I wouldn’t explain what happened downstairs. Hell, I didn’t even know what happened downstairs. If I had any ideas about that little circus I just went through, I’m sure, I still wouldn’t have told him.

Yes, Caleb was the only person I knew, but I didn’t really know him. He was still keeping a lot of things from me and I didn’t want to push him to the point that I was out on my ass with nowhere to go, but this was a two-way street. We weren’t close and I didn’t expect us to pour out our secrets over painted toenails, but as much as he’s done for me, he hasn’t earned this.

“Are you ready?” Caleb asked, pushing a wheelchair into my room.

“Ready?” I asked cautiously. I expected tonight’s plans, and any possible night of freedom, canceled until further notice.

“For comedy night, unless you’re not up for it?”

“No, I’m up for it. I just thought that maybe after earlier…”
Luxury night out of the elderly dungeon?

“Look, I’ve kept you cooped up in here too long.” Caleb carefully slipped his arms around me bridal-style, picked me up, and placed me in the wheelchair. “Tomorrow I’ll give you the grand tour. Following that, I want to get you started with some physical therapy. I think it’s time we get you back on your feet.”

“Caleb...” He unlocked the wheelchair and pushed me down to the elevator. I was afraid to undo this sudden spark of kindness and remained silent during our ride down to the basement.

Caleb was stern when he needed to be, but he perceptively understood I was suffocating. I knew he was only trying to keep me safe, but I was tired of being babied. And as much as I didn't mind seeing Caleb's beautiful face every day, I was losing my patience with the minimal conversations we forced out of each other, only to be vague and one-sided. This was a nice change of pace.

As we waited to arrive at the bottom level, I reached behind me to find Caleb’s hand. I didn’t want to say anything but I needed to show my thanks. I found his hand and squeezed tightly, keeping my eyes forward. And as the elevator dinged to let us off, I took my hand back feeling self-conscious and almost embarrassed. Suddenly, I was nervous.

The Entertainment Den
,
as he called it, was more like a mini-theater. There were about twenty-five individually built-in seats in the center of the room. The extremely comfy looking couches along the walls and towards the front of the room could each seat three to four people. The screen wasn’t as large as a typical theater, but I was pretty sure it took second place.

Located at the back of the den, near the elevator, was the concession style stand that connected to the kitchen through the backstairs. It was funny how covert Caleb made the backstairs
sound.

We stopped to admire the delicious treats before finding our seats. The glass display of colorful fresh fruits and sushi made my stomach do flips. I forgot to eat today. I barely noticed the two men behind the counter.

“Hi, I’m Eva. It’s nice…”

“Please, remember they have a job to do,” Caleb spoke over me, his tone ringing with irritation.

“Right, sorry.” I slouched in my chair as he pushed me along.

I’ll admit it was embarrassing, I hadn’t felt like a 9-year-old since just after Dr. Nyssa left. It was not a welcomed feeling.

We made our way to the front row. I avoided his hands and awkwardly made my way onto the fluffy couch on my own. I kept my head down, further preventing any eye contact with the random staff members that may or may not be in the area.

“I’m sorry,” he broke the silence.

“Not necessary.” I tightened the unzipped jacket around me. “So, did you decorate this place yourself?” I needed to not feel like this.

“I did, personally designed every nook and cranny.”

I listened as Caleb talked about each feature of the room and his reasons for the added touches. The way he talked about the den, it sounded like his favorite place. The irritation in is voice from earlier was now subtly replaced by confidence. He wore it well.

Now, had he kept me locked down here for a month, we might have avoided my need to slide down the invisible banister and out the front door for what seemed like a rough ride I was still regretting. I could still feel the droplets on my skin.

Luckily, I didn’t have the time to think about what happened earlier. I avoided thinking about my static bloody nose episode; I could avoid thinking about the static doorknob mess for a bit.
Yep,
sounds good to me.

The silence following Caleb’s detailed description of the soundproofing and creative placement of the den became awkward. I didn’t know why but my hands were sweaty and the movie wasn’t playing. I didn’t like the weirdness.

“I see you dressed up for me today.” I smiled strangely.
Did I just forget how to smile?

I thought back to his usual buttoned up suede shirts and dress slacks. They always reminded me of my dad’s work clothes.
Because I wanted to think of my father right now.
I suppose Caleb had to work to keep this house going. The mini-theater couldn’t have paid for itself.

“Yes, jeans and a t-shirt, I’m super flashy today.” He brushed the back of his nails off his right shoulder.

The lights dimmed as the first movie finally started. I thought it was supposed to be easier. We had the movie as a buffer, so I didn’t have to say anything, but my clammy hands and nervous stomach weren’t easing up.

My attempts at a few pieces of popcorn met Caleb’s fingers in the bucket, now making my clammy hands shake. I avoided eye contact and any more snacks.

Send him the wrong signals, why don’t you? I’m going nuts here, right? This is just a movie. He is just a guy. Oh, what a fine guy. Eva, what is wrong with you? He’s like your caretaker. You can’t have a crush on your caretaker. But what’s wrong with a crush? It’s not like you have many to choose from. And he isn’t even interested. He treats you like a child and scolds you…Yeah, you’re reading this all wrong. So sue me, it’s not like I’ve had the pleasures of dating before.

Caleb stood from his seat to put in another movie as the second comedy ended. I nearly lost track of the time, but the sun was setting and my inner monologue was distracting me.

“Are you okay?” Caleb asked.

“Yep, you?” I said quickly.

“You just look deep in thought. Are you not having fun?”

“I’m having fun. Just so much excitement…”

“You don’t know what to do with yourself?” He smirked.

“Something like that.” I looked down at my hands.

“I meant what I said earlier, I am sorry. I just forget sometimes that it’s your home too. You’re not just a client or a staff member.”

“You’ll probably have to explain that one…or I can’t accept your apology.” I winked. I was flirting. I couldn’t help it. The little demon was coming out of me.

And that wink opened up a conversation.

We practically talked through the second movie only realizing we missed it once the credits rolled. Although we avoided too many specifics, we talked about random things.

Caleb worked security for powerful people. This little tidbit helped to explain his high-end digs - our high-end digs as he insisted I refer to them. He had many clients and their families here for intimate parties. It was also a safe house used during lock downs when needed.

I wasn’t sure how comfortable I was about these lock downs. He assured me they didn’t happen often, and only when it was absolutely necessary for the safety of his clients. But the thought of heavy guard placed around the house while we waited to receive word the threat on the clients were gone made my skin crawl.

The den helped pass the time for the kids and the parties made this place more adaptable when they needed to secure the families. Most of the time, they were none the wiser. It was just a sleepover at Uncle Caleb’s after all.

It was easy to get him to talk about work. His family was another story. He would visit them from time to time, but there were a lot of issues there that he didn’t want to discuss.

“Maybe another time,” he said. I left it alone. I was getting somewhere, why would I want to rock the boat now?

He was 23,
not
married, which he repeated to me a few times, and he didn’t have any kids of his own. There was no one special in his life, which meant that he and Dr. Nyssa were on the outs……which also meant there wasn’t anything between us.

I was right, there were no signals being crossed. I was just being like one of those hormonal nineteen year olds I’d seen in the movies who didn’t seem to have much control over her body. After all, I only grew up a month ago.

I guess a lot has happened in the years I don’t remember. He wouldn’t go into details but I don’t see my family at all.

“No, no,” he chuckled. “You’re not married and you don’t have any children.”

I supposed that was a good thing. I’d hate not remembering my own child. And not being married was a good thing too. How awkward would that be, living here when my husband was out there somewhere?

I did feel a twinge of hurt that I didn’t have a child yet or maybe I was a little hurt that I wasn’t already married. It some cultures I’d be considered an old maid. Jumping from 9 to 19 made me feel old sometimes, but I was still young and at an age with plenty of time. I’d have all of that eventually.

“So, no one special in my life?” I asked, trying to hide my disappointment.

“Not yet.”

I started working for Caleb’s company after a nanny job with a large family went south. He was vague on the details. He insisted that I needed to remember some things on my own. At least I was able to get some answers from him; rather vague, but it was something.

"Thank you for tonight. I didn't think you'd ever let me out of that room," I giggled.

"I'm not keeping you up there as a prisoner..."

"I know, I get it. I'm still clumsy and not feeling all together. I may have lost my manners, and I'm sorry for disobeying you," the words just rolled off my tongue.

Caleb sat back down, only this time, on the couch in the seat next to me. "Obey is such a slave-ish term." He smiled shifting to face me.

"Well, a wife does promise to obey her husband,” and I had no idea how I knew that. “But anyway, you know what I meant. Sheesh. Can you just accept my apology, please?" I smiled back.

"You have no reason to apologize. Sometimes, I forget how I can be and I'm sorry I made you feel like I was your captor. I'm only trying to look out for you. I should probably be a little better at being your friend again."

"Friends?"

"Well, yes. We were friends. Unless, you'd prefer to stay my prisoner." Caleb's arm lay across the back of the couch.

"I'd like to try the friend thing. After all, you told me your most embarrassing story." I giggled again as his smile widened, his eyes in an embarrassing shock.
Like I wouldn’t bring up the fact that he ripped his pants in front of a group of clients.

"Oh, it's going to be like that, is it?" Caleb's fingers crawled up my leg sending shivers down my spine. No, no mixed signals here.

"Don't you dare…"

And before I could play the hurt card, laughter erupted from the both of us as he tickled my newly healed ribs. As I moved around, my jacket fell open, revealing my thin tank top riding up my stomach from his clever hands. My chest stretched out in front of me, pushing against him lightly. I couldn’t manage the tickling any longer.

"UNCLE! UNCLE!" I yelled as Caleb was now practically on top of me as I lay on the couch.

"Already?" he stopped. His beautiful face hovered over mine, his breath teasing my heated cheeks.

Intertwined on the sofa, the movie playing behind us, Caleb looked at me with great care. A sparkle in his eyes sent my stomach into my throat making it difficult to swallow without making a noise. I held my breath as one hand slid along my hip and the other cupped my face.

Still not crossing the signals.
My inner thoughts were quieter. I wasn’t convinced anymore as his face dipped down to mine, his lips grazing my lips.

Chapter 3

Boundaries

Suddenly, a loud slamming of the den door startled us.

Caleb’s body tensed his face angry as he untangled himself from me. He darted up the aisle before I could hit pause on the forty-button remote.
Seriously, forty buttons, for what?
I decided that it was best to just breathe. It wasn’t like we were watching the damn thing anyways.

I gathered my composure while Caleb handled the distraction out of view. I straightened my shirt, shorts, and hair; sat up straight on the couch, swinging my leg on to the floor.

I wasn’t sure if I was grateful to the person who was being obvious about their arrival… or were they just leaving? Were they here the whole time?
I don’t want to know what they know. How embarrassing.

Regardless of what they were doing, I’m not sure what I was hoping for at the moment. Newly 19, and I nearly had a meltdown over hands and a popcorn bucket. If they hadn’t interrupted……well, I suppose I shouldn’t think about the what-ifs. I should only think about the what-dids.

I sank in the couch shoving a pillow in my face, a small scream echoed in the room.
Stupid pillow, not helping!
I looked around the room, hoping no one heard my release of frustration. But of course, who should be back at my side.

“Eva, are you okay?” Caleb asked.

“Yep, just moved my leg too fast.”
Nice.

“I’m sorry…”

“No, not you. I just wasn’t paying attention. So, is everything okay with your visitor?”
Sure, just change the subject to that weirdness.

He didn’t respond.

“Caleb, what’s wrong?” I moved closer.

“Nyssa, Dr. Nyssa. She is back to help you with your recovery. She will be assisting with your physical therapy,” he blurted.

“I see.” I tried to create some space between us.

“She has already recommended a PT Specialist. I’m to meet with him tomorrow.” His face sagged.

“What is bothering you? I thought you’d be happy to have her back. You have missed her.” My words stung in my throat.

“It’s not that, Eva. I have missed her.” His hands rubbed against the tops of his thighs.

“Hey, nothing to worry about over here, I get it.” And there it was, exactly what I didn’t want.

“Eva…”

“Caleb, she’s back. Just be happy about that, okay?” I tried to hide my jealousy. That’s what they called this. I didn’t like the feeling of jealousy.

The silence sickened me, only because I had nothing to distract me from my thoughts. Dr. Nyssa was back and just when Caleb and I were starting to…I didn’t know what we were doing. Talking, not-not watching movies, having fun, tickling each other, staring at each other, brushing our lips…

“We can just forget this ever happened,” I spoke as I got up from the couch.

“Eva…” He stood as I stood.

“I’d like to go back to my room. I’m tired.” I avoided meeting his eyes.

“Hey, I don’t want…”

“I had a great time tonight, Caleb. Thank you for this.” I slipped in my wheelchair, refusing any help from him.

“I’m glad you had fun.” Caleb unlocked the chair and pushed me to the elevator.

I was just beginning to get to know him. He was just beginning to tell me about me. I was finally getting the signals right.

We arrived at my room, but I told him I could see myself in. I gave him a quick smile and rolled myself into the dark room, closing the door behind me.

He missed her. There was no denying that, but she was back and as I prepared for bed, my dislike for her grew. I replayed her actions from the day I woke up with hardly enough memories to give me a leg to stand on. Then, there was tonight. She could have returned without a fuss. We didn’t even notice the staff the entire night, why couldn’t she be covert?

I wrapped myself in blankets wishing the door had hit her on the way out. Oh, what the coming days will bring.

* * * * * * *

The next morning I woke up to a note on my nightstand.

Your breakfast will be waiting for you in the dining room. Do not rush, please. I would hate for you to fall down the stairs.

Dr. Nyssa

“Really? Already?”
This woman is just infuriating. I’m not even out of my pajamas yet.

She was only back a day and already made her presence known by coming into my room and changing my routine. Grant it, I was ready for a change, but I didn’t want her to be the one making the changes.

I decided that bed would be a better place for me today. I didn’t need a tour of the house. No, I did not, at least, not right away. It could wait. After all, I’m sure those plans have changed, now that party, planner, poopy pants has her hand in the cookie jar.

I took a deep breath. Yes, I was being irrational. I knew the woman for a total of eight hours and probably said three sentences to her. If anything, my staying up here would make me look like the bad guy. I sighed.

And who’s to say she’s the bad guy?
I pouted.

I should get dressed and get downstairs. But did she really have to mention the stairs? I’m mean, come on. I didn’t fall down the stairs. In fact, I don’t know what really happened. One minute I was reaching for the doorknob and the next I was at the gate.

If I didn’t know better I was remembering something, but it wasn’t like remembering my parents. This was a little more involved, or less involved, if I count my inability to control myself. I felt everything that was happening while it was happening, but I couldn’t control me.

And Caleb, it’s like he knew me when he saw me but didn’t want me to know that he did. And that vibration when he touched me, it was an odd sensation. I don’t know. That’s a lot of doors I don’t think I want to open yet. With Dr. Nyssa back, I had my hands full and I haven’t seen her yet.

Alright, shake it off, one thing at a time. Shower, slowly
.
It was time to deal with the lovely lady downstairs.
The wheelchair was waiting for me outside my door. I decided to keep my crutches at my side and scoot down the stairs again. I wanted easy access in case I needed to beat the good doctor with something hard.

I wasn’t about to announce my arrival using the elevator when I could just
get lost because I still didn’t know my way around this damn place.
I stood at the bottom of the unforgiving Queen Lizzie Stairwell eying the front door.

I could just leave
. I was tempted. Even if it was only eight hours of knowing her, Caleb was a wreck for a good part of the time she was gone. I wasn’t sure how ready I was to see them together, in the same room, or even across the room from each other. Jealousy didn’t suit me and after last night, I knew I was in for the mother-load of jealousy rides.

“Eva, there you are,” Caleb’s voice startled me.

I spun around nearly losing my balance. Caleb’s hands were on my hips before I could fall completely on my face.

“I’m sorry; I didn’t mean to scare you. I had the staff leave the wheelchair for you and the elevator…” He pointed towards the top of the stairs.

“I’m here, I’m fine. How about some breakfast?” I took a step away, leaving him with his hands at his side.

“I was just heading out but Dr. Nyssa just sat down, I’m sure she would love the company.” He directed me into the dining room.

I barely took in the room before she came into view. I purposely over smiled to avoid any chance that someone would question my distaste for the woman seated at the head of the table. If that didn’t make a statement, I don’t know what would.

“Why, there she is.” Dr. Nyssa patted each corner of her mouth gently, speaking again to the 2
nd
grader she obviously imagines me to be.

“How lovely to see you, truly good to have you back,” I forced.

Caleb assisted me into my seat, nodding at the gentleman near a cart filled with trays covered by differently shaped domes.

“Madam, the usual?” the tall British fellow asked, holding a tray with four different bowls of cereal.

“Would it be a problem if we changed it up?” My words were small.

“Speak up, dear. A lady should speak with confidence,” the head octopus yelled loud enough for the entire house to hear.

“Nyssa, please,” Caleb shushed her.

“Caleb, she’s a big girl. She needs to start acting like one.”

As they argued over me, I requested scrambled eggs, bacon, and a biscuit with honey. The gentleman holding the tray smiled with a wink of approval and made his way back to the cart.

I watched the British gentleman over the shambles across the way. He was elegant in his movements, precise. Even if he managed to drop a couple plates on the shiny, white marble floor, I don’t think anyone would hear the crash over these two still arguing, now on either side of me.

I wasn’t sure what they were arguing about anymore, but I was losing my cool. Even the British gentleman’s masterful work of plate decorating couldn’t distract me from these two, and maintaining my jealously was already more difficult than I wanted to admit.

“I’m not really sure what the problem is,” I yelled louder than either of them. I was proud and a little embarrassed. They stopped with surprise clearly written on their face. “But I’m sure you’re making your staff uncomfortable and I didn’t come down here for this. So, if you wouldn’t mind, I would like to eat my breakfast without the fighting.” I breathed out slowly.

“Excuse me.” Her head zigzagged back like I just tried to hit her. Oh how I would love to.

“Dr. Nyssa, as much as I’m over the moon to see you.” I leaned over the table, interrupting her. “Mind your beeswax, and Caleb, control the fine Doctor or find someone else.” I sat down, covering my lap with the napkin provided neatly at my place setting.

“Do remember whose house you are in, young lady.” Her motherly attitude annoyed me most. She talked down to me. Best to harpoon that out to sea.

“That’s right, not yours.” I looked up at her, smiling kindly. “You are an employee here and Caleb is your boss. Try not to confuse your
relationship
with being part owner of the house.”

“I don’t know what side of the bed you woke up on today but I suggest you…”

“What? Check
my
attitude? I came downstairs and YOU came at ME.” I stood without bracing myself. “I had every intention of being kind to you after your lack of kindness to me, which if I remember correctly, got you suspended,” my voice grew louder. “Forget that you arrived uninvited and have taken it upon yourself to play mommy dearest. We are closer in age than you want to admit, fine. But don’t talk to me like I’m a child and I won’t talk to you like the bitch you are. We will have boundaries or I will leave. I don’t like you and we won’t be friends.”

Dr. Nyssa and I were face to face, her back against the wall. Caleb’s hand was peeling the knife out of my hand before I realized the stillness in the room.

“Take a step back, please.” The knife was cleared from my reach. “Are you all right, Eva?” Caleb whispered.

“I’m fine. Is this situation handled?” My stomach ached.
There went that.

“Yes, yes. Boundaries,” Dr. Nyssa stuttered.

“I’d like to eat now.”

The British gentleman was at my side, my hot steaming food placed in front of me.

“I assumed you wanted that bacon extra crispy?” His voice was untouched by my outburst. He moved around me unafraid. I was afraid, but it was best that I just smile.

“Perfect. I’m sorry; I didn’t catch your name.” I looked up at him.

“Bernard, Ma’am.”

“Thank you, Bernard.”

I watched the room as I ate my new favorite breakfast. Dr. Nyssa moved her things to the chair to the right of the head of the table, Caleb across from her. I stayed in my seat on the opposite end of the table, taking in the fact that neither were sitting at the head of the table.

“Caleb, you decided not to leave after all?” I asked dabbing each corner of my mouth with the cloth napkin.

“No, I was going out for a jog, but it looks like rain now.” He pointed up towards the ceiling. He wore his usual button up suede top and dress slacks. Not usually something, one would wear going out for a jog.

I studied him for moment. He wasn’t doing anything extraordinary, just sitting in his chair slightly pulled away from the table, hands in his lap, shoulders shrugged, legs stretched out. It was an odd sight. I was used to him doing something, always in motion.

“We should probably do an exam before you start your physical therapy, Eva.” Dr. Nyssa was cautious. She didn’t look up from her plate.

I found stuffing my face was the best response. She was still trying to take control. The rush I was getting from keeping her on her toes made me hungry; I requested seconds and then thirds.

My usual appetite was pretty basic. I rarely ate more than the three meals provided to me. My pity snacks were boring, but when I was bored, I didn’t have much else to do but eat what was in front of me.