You Are My Sunshine: A Novel Of The Holocaust (All My Love Detrick Companion Novel) (38 page)

“It is going to be rough
.” Zofia said. She felt the heat of his body next to hers. He smelled fresh like the air outside mingled with a little perspiration. She inhaled deeply, not realizing that she had.

Isaac saw her face and laughed. “I guess I must smell terrible after that walk last night. I’m going to the pond this afternoon to take a bath.”

She looked away.

“And by the way
…I brought you a present.”

She turned her head to meet his eyes.

“Oh?”

“It’s not much, but I thought you might like it.  Here
,” He took a bar of plain brown soap out of his pocket. “Of course it’s not diamonds but considering our present situation it was the best I could do.  Anyway, when I saw this soap in one of the barns, I thought you might like to have it.”

Soap was a luxury. And even though it had been used
probably on a farm animal, Zofia was genuinely touched. “You thought of me?”

“Actually, yes, I did.
The whole time I was gone.” He put the soap into her hand.

“Thank you, Isaac. This is very kind
of you.”

He shrugged.
“Like I said, it was the best I could do.”

“Well, it was very nice
of you to bring me anything.” She smiled.

Sarah stirred where she lay across the room and Z
ofia realized that she was awake and listening.

“Nothing for me Isaac?” Sarah said.

“I brought blankets for everyone.” He answered.

She nodded
her face scrunched in disappointment. Then she stood up stretching. “Well…You should eat something.” Sarah said. “You’ve been out walking all night.”

The rest
of the group began to awaken.

“We
have some corn meal left from last week. I am going to make some porridge. If you want it, help yourself,” Sarah said not looking directly at Isaac. She took the kettle and filled it with water then heaped a handful of meal into the pot. With her back, straight, and her head high, she walked outside.

Z
ofia watched Sarah. She felt bad.  Sarah’s feelings for Isaac were obvious to everyone.  Zofia did not want to come between them. Yet, when she looked into Isaac’s eyes, when he talked to her in his cavalier style as if they were living a normal life, not stuck out in a cabin in the forest hiding from the Nazi’s, he made her feel good and light, sometimes even giddy.

Over the nex
t several weeks, everyone did what they could to build the stockpile for the winter. They worked hard, well into the night while the weather was warm enough to do so.  For now, they had water but once the stream froze, they would have to melt the snow over a low fire. 

“I
hate the winters.” Shlomie said

“There is nothing we can
do; we must make the best of what we have.  I will hunt as much as I can”

“Yes,
but sometimes the snow gets so high that you cannot even walk.”

“I’ll manage.” Isaac said.

“I’m a little scared.” Zofia said

“Don’t be. I’ll do what I can. I’ve learned to ice fi
sh. That should help too. We’ll get by just fine.” He smiled.

She smiled back, a little nervous

Chapter 58

The winter was brutal. It came on with a blast of frozen air, and gusty winds carrying enough snow to reach up to the middle of Zofia’s calf. The group of survivors stayed in the cabin, all except for Isaac who insisted on going out to hunt. He was fortunate enough to catch a rabbit. Isaac skinned the rabbit. It was cold and difficult to make a fire, but the group watched as Isaac built a small one and cooked the meat.

Once the sun went down it was even colder. Z
ofia shivered on the bare ground inside of the cabin. The blankets helped, but she never seemed to feel warm. On an exceptionally cold night, Isaac offered her one of his blankets.

“But everyone has three. If you give me one
of yours you’ll freeze.” Zofia said.

“I’ll be alright
, I’m warm blooded.” Isaac smiled and laid the blanket on top of her.

It did help. She felt warmer. But as she watched Isaac trembling from the cold, her heart broke. Z
ofia looked over, Rivka and Esther were huddled and sharing their blankets together, and so were Moishe and Ben.

“Isaac, would you like to come in and share all
of our blankets, I mean together? It would be a good way for both of us to stay warm.” It was a bold statement, Zofia knew. And she was glad that it was dark because she knew that her face had turned red. But after all, it was bitter cold and she meant nothing by it other than that it would help to keep them both warm.

He cleared his throat.

She waited in silence. The room was small; she knew that Sarah and Shlomie heard her. No one said a word.

“Yes,” Isaac
said his voice soft. “That would probably be a good idea.

“You will be a gentleman?”

“Zofia, I would never be anything thing else.”

Clumsily Isaac slid under the blankets beside Z
ofia. It felt uncomfortable to be so close to him, but the warmth of another body and the additional blankets provided enough heat to keep her from shivering. At first, they lay side by side without speaking.  But somewhere before the break of dawn, Zofia drifted off to sleep. She awoke to find Isaac asleep beside her. He’d kept his word, he was a gentleman.

Sarah could bear to look at Z
ofia, but when their eyes met, Zofia saw the hurt and distain in Sarah’s face. She wanted to apologize but nothing had happened, there was nothing to apologize for, perhaps just the stirring that had begun in her heart.

Everyone had been right, it was true,
and food was scarcer in the winter. In fact, the group was close to starvation. Isaac tried to hunt daily but brought back very little. The streams had frozen. So, the men took the axe they’d stolen and went out to break the ice. Zofia waited with the other women shivering as they sat against the cabin wall.  Esther had begun coughing. Her small slender body hacked until she lay down exhausted. Zofia noticed a bloody cloth that Esther had been spitting into. It was filled with blood-tainted mucus. She watched the two young girls, and her heart broke with sadness. It was doubtful that Esther would live much longer. If the Nazi’s had never taken power, these two young women would be attending parties, school, and dances. Instead, they were struggling for survival. Zofia felt a great sense of overwhelming sadness as she watched Rivka pat Esther’s back lovingly.

It was almost dark when the men returned, their beards, and eyelashes coated with tiny icicles.
Their bodies shook with the cold, but Isaac held up a few small fish. 

“It was a success!” Isaac said
a smile breaking on his wind burned face and his voice cracking with cold.

“Yes, we almost froze to death, but we have some food anyway.” Ben said sinking down on the floor and pulling an extra blanket over his shoulders.

Isaac began to cut the fish. The snow was so thick covering a layer of ice that it prevented them from making a fire.

“We will have to eat this raw.” Isaac said
slicing the fish thin. Then he burst out laughing. “Zofia, you should see your face.”

“I’ve never eaten raw fish.” Z
ofia said.

“Come over here. Let me give you a piece.”

She walked over to him. He held a sliver of white slimy flesh in his hand. Even though she was starving, her stomach lurched a little.

“I don’t know if I can eat that.”

“Trust me?” Isaac said smiling.

Z
ofia nodded.

“Open your mouth.”

She did as he asked.

He put the sliver
of fish in her mouth. At first, she gagged.

“Think
of the wonderful smells when my mother baked bread. Do you remember how they filled the streets?”

She no
dded. Her mind began to embrace the memory.

“Everyone
for miles around rushed in to buy it, as soon as the bread started to bake because of the smell. Remember?”

She nodded, and he put another piece
of raw fish into her mouth

“And
the cookies, ah, do you remember the cookies? The ones with the apricot jam? And the strudel? The raisin and vinegar strudel…”

“Yes, I do” She said. She’d swallowed the fish.

“Come on, open up your mouth.” Isaac said speaking to her as if she were a little girl.

Z
ofia opened her mouth and Isaac put another piece of fish inside.

This time she swallowed.

“Think of other food while you are eating this. It will help.” Isaac smiled. Then he put another piece of fish into her mouth.

She
gagged.

“Challah, think
of thick braided Challah on Friday morning for the Sabbath.” He said.

She nodded
.

When she’d finished eating a few thick pieces
of the fish, Zofia looked into Isaac’s smiling eyes. “I want to thank you.” She said.

“No, need,
” He answered.

“You helped me to get that down.”

“I know, it was hard for me at first too. But the mind is very strong. You can make yourself believe that what you are eating is something else.”

“It worked.”

“I’m glad. And I will do what I can to help you anytime you need it.” Isaac said. Their eyes locked. The warmth she saw in his deep brown eyes melted her heart.

Everyone tried to keep moving as much as possible to avoid freezing to death.
They walked in circles around the cabin with blankets wrapped around their shoulders, watching as their breath turned the air white.

“I know this is hard on you. It’s true that the
winters are rough, but if we can survive, we’ll be all right once spring comes. You have to think that spring is just around the corner,” Isaac said. His beard had grown thick.

“You look like a Rabbi.” She teased him.

“Do I?”

“No. You look more like a cave man.”

He laughed, “Now that I can believe.”

Shlomie
watched them and she saw the loneliness in his eyes. If only she could divide herself and become two people, one for Shlomie and one for Isaac.

“As terrible as the snow is, it is beautiful. Don’t you agree?” Isaac said pulling her attention back to him.

She gazed out the window. It was like a wonderland that she’d read about in fairy tales long ago, so long ago, in another lifetime.

“Yes, it’s
beautiful. Like a fairy tale, except if you remember in fairy tales, there is always an evil force.’

“Well, we certainly aren’t lacking there. We have a whole group
of Evil force, in fact an entire country. Germany. Now there is one evil force. They top any monsters in any fairy tales I ever heard.” He said.

“Do you believe that all German’s are bad?”

“I do.”

“They aren’t. I promise you this. I’ve known some very wonderful Germans who aren’t Nazi’s at all.”

“I don’t believe it.”

“You should believe it. I would never lie to you Isaac.”

“But look what they have done to us. If they were decent people why couldn’t they stand up to Hitler and stop his madness?”

“Maybe
they were afraid? Maybe they were victims too.”

“Perhaps
,” He nodded.

“Without even taking much time to think about it, I know at least two wonderful women who are both non-Jews.
One is Polish and the other is German. Neither of them were Nazi’s.”

“I wouldn’t trust either one
.”

“I’ve had to trust both
of them, each of them with something very important to me.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“No, I can’t. Not yet.” She thought about Eidel and Katja.

“Someday you will tell me?”

“Yes, someday,” There was a spark in Isaac’s eyes that made him different from any man she’d ever known. How could he stay so optimistic against the odds they faced every day? But he did. Yes, someday she would tell him.

The following morning Esther was dead. Rivka wept silently as the men carried the body
of the beautiful young girl out of the cabin and deeper into the forest. No one, mentioned it, but everyone knew that the ground was too hard to bury her. Esther would be eaten by wild animals who were also trying to survive the winter.

Chapter
59

“Another filthy camp full of filthy Jews, I thought that when we left Treblinka I would be sent home to Berlin. Will this black mark that your father put on my name never be erased? How long Christa? How long must I pay for his crimes?”