You Are My Sunshine: A Novel Of The Holocaust (All My Love Detrick Companion Novel) (34 page)

Dear God, Z
ofia thought, please soften Manfred’s heart. Please don’t let him hurt the baby or take this out on Christa or me.

Z
ofia sank onto her bed. “And please God,” she whispered allowed. “Let the allies come quickly.”

Chapter
52

The summer of 1943 was exceptionally hot. Fortunately, for Zofia heat rises and the basement where she slept remained the coolest part of the house. Christa’s health seemed to be taking a turn for the better.  Due to Zofia’s insistence, Christa agreed to allow Zofia to take her outside where she sat under a tree for an hour each day. Zofia brought Katja and stayed with Christa in case she should need anything. The child loved to play outside. Zofia taught her how to make necklaces out of dandelions, and although she could not quite grasp the hand coordination, Katja loved to run through the grass collecting the weeds. Then she would sit beside Zofia her face determined as she attempted to make the tiny connecting holes in the stems.

“You’re
getting better at this every day.” Zofia said.

Katja
giggled, and Christa leaned back to let the sun caress her face.

“I’m glad you convinced me to come out
side, Zofia. I needed the sunshine.”

“I’m glad you’re feeling better. Your color is much better.”

“I was very pale.”

“Yes. You were, quite pale. I was worried about you.”

“Zofia, sometimes I think you might be an angel. How can you not hate me for all that you have been through?”

“Because I realize that you had nothing to d
o with it. In many ways you are a victim too” Zofia watched Christa lean back and lay down in the cool grass. She longed to tell her what she endured from Manfred’s physical advances, but she could not. Not because she thought that Christa would turn on her and take her husband’s side, but because Zofia realized that Christa too endured pain at Manfred’s hand. Yet, he loved her. Every time he forced himself upon Zofia, it was Christa that he yearned for, Christa’s name he called out. Something had happened, something terrible. She wished she could ask, but felt that she might be over stepping her bounds. So, Zofia accepted her life, the bad with the good. And even with all that Manfred subjected her to, she knew she still had a better situation than those people who were at the camp.

Sometimes she thought
of Marsha in spite of her efforts to wipe the pain of losing her friends from her mind. She hoped that Marsha was still alive and had found someone to share her burden another friend.

“Blow the fuzz
off this one for me.” Katja said handing Zofia a grey fuzzy dandelion, and interrupting Zofia’s thoughts.

“You would like me to do it” Or would you like me to help you to do it?’

“You help me.” Katja handed Zofia the weed with a soft furry top.

“Alright now, get ready.”

“I ready!” Katja said laughing.

“Blow as hard as you can.”

Katja blew and Zofia helped. Then as the fluff floated away in the breeze Katja crumbled into Zofia’s arms laughing.

She needs me, she needs me so much
, Zofia thought.

At
noon, the sun had risen high in the sky and the heat bore down upon them.

“I’m tired.” Christa said. “Shall we go inside?”

“If you would like, yes let’s go in.”

Z
ofia prepared a light afternoon meal of bread and cheese.

“It is so hot in here.” Christa said.

Zofia increased the speed on the fan. “Does that help?” She asked bringing Christa a wet cloth to put on her head.

“A little,
” Christa answered. “I’d love to go downstairs in the basement where it is cooler and lie down in your bed until the sun sets. But I am afraid Manfred wouldn’t care for the idea.”

Z
ofia said nothing. The thought of poor Christa lying upon her bed, the very place where the awful things happened with Manfred, made her feel disgusted.  She was glad that Christa had decided not to sleep in her bed.

That night, like most others, when it got late enough for the darkness to cover the earth Manfred came downstairs.

“I have a special treat for you.” He said. “I brought you some chocolate. That’s very generous of me, you realize chocolate is hard to come by.”

“Yes, thank you.” She took the candy.

“You have become quite special to me. Like a good loyal pet.”

Z
ofia did not answer. She placed the candy on the small table beside her bed.

“Do you pity me?”
He asked looking away.

Trick questions. Nazi’s always asked trick questions. She smelled the alcohol on his breath.

“My wife hates me. Do you know that?”

She did
answer or dare to meet his eyes.

“I love her. I’ve a
lways loved her. I always will. But I want to take this moment to tell you something. I will never say this again, so you must listen closely.”

His words slurred together assuring her he was drunk.

“You have been a comfort to me. I know that you take good care of Christa and the baby. This means a great deal to me. I also want to say that I feel badly about what I must do to you. But sadly, I cannot seem to stop. I will try to go for several days without coming to you, but then it is almost like a drug. I must see you. We must play our game of pretend. Do you understand?”

He took a flask from his pocket and put it to his lips.

She didn’t answer.

“I have some bad news for you. Your friend died today. You should be happy that you are
nowhere near those barracks. We have had a nasty outbreak of typhus. Those who were infected had to be eliminated in order to stop the spread of the disease, a messy business to be sure.”

S
he felt the bile rise in her throat. Marsha had died, sick, and alone, while she ate well and slept in a comfortable bed. Even though she came to the home of the Arbeitsführer as a prisoner and not of her own choosing, she still felt overwhelming guilt.

“I am tired, t
oo tired for our game tonight. So, I suppose you are pleased to be rid of me. Ahhh, well, tomorrow I will make up for it. Sleep well, Zofia.  Sorry about the news, but your friend has surely gone to a better place.”

She listened to his heels click on the wooden stairs as he
ascended back to the main floor.

Once she was alone, Z
ofia allowed herself the luxury of tears. She cried into her pillow, remembering all of the people she’d loved and lost, Marsha, Dovid, Fruma, Gitel, her parents. They were all gone now. How easy it would be to join them. All she need do was take a kitchen knife and run it across the blue vein in her arm. Then it would be over, but what about Eidel, Eidel was still alive. And for Eidel, she must continue to live. Then she thought about Katja, what would become of the child if she were to end her life? Poor innocent baby, who had not asked to be brought into this terrible Nazi ruled world. She had not asked to be bred to be a perfect Aryan child. Katja, although they’d bred her to have golden hair and eyes the color of the sky, and they tried to teach her to hate even in her youth she defied them instead she grew into a child with a heart as big as a lion filled with love. A child not of the Nazi’s but a child of God.

Z
ofia had come this far. She would not quit now. The allies were coming. They must be coming. And Dear God, please let it be soon. I don’t have the strength to hold out much longer.

Relieved to be left alone, Z
ofia fell into a fitful sleep filled with vivid, frightening dreams.  At 3:45 in the morning, she heard a commotion coming from upstairs. She wasn’t sure if she was awake or asleep and dreaming. There were footsteps that sounded like running on the floor above her. Manfred bellowed orders in German. And Christa answered in a tearful voice. Another fight? At this time of night? Then Zofia heard the door slam. She smelled the thick heavy smoke of a nearby fire. Perhaps the house was burning. If it was, she must go upstairs and get outside. But dare she risk going upstairs? What if Manfred was there? She had no idea who slammed the door, or why. Would Christa not come and tell her if there was a fire? The smoke grew thicker. Zofia felt her lungs choke up with it. She must take the risk and go upstairs.

Gingerly she opened the door to the basement. There was no sound, but the lights in the house were all on. She
tiptoed to Christa’s room. As she did, she looked in on Katja to see that the baby was still asleep. Turning the corner in the hallway, Zofia peeked her head in the doorway of Christa’s bedroom.

“Ma
’am, are you alright? I’m sorry, I heard a lot of noise, and it’s very smoky in here.”

“Ye
s, I’m fine. Come sit down.” Christa said patting the edge of her bed. “There has been an uprising in the camp. One of the buildings has been set to fire. Manfred went there to try to set things to order. However, I am terrified. I am so afraid that the prisoners will come here and set fire to the house. If they do, we won’t be able to get out. But Manfred insisted that we stay here and wait for him.”

Z
ofia nodded an uprising. A part of her heart swelled with pride. The prisoners had finally begun to fight back. If they were to die, at least they’d not gone to their deaths like lambs to the slaughter. Well, good for them! But, still, she did not want to see Katja and Christa killed in the wake of their anger, so many mixed emotions.

“
Ma’am, may I be so bold as to make a suggestion?” Zofia asked.

“
Of course, Zofia.”

“Let’s go outside into the forest nearby
. We can leave a note for the Arbeitsführer to let him know where we are. It is cooler in the forest and we will be safe until things settle down. Besides, I am afraid that the smoky air is hard on Katja and you as well.”

“There are wild creatures in the forest. I am afraid for
Katja.”

“I
know, so am I.  However, if we stay here and the house is raided, who knows what will happen.”

Christa took Z
ofia’s hand. “You will help me, please? I am weak and tired. ”

“
Yes, of course I will help you.”

“Then
, yes, you are right, Zofia. Hurry, go, and get the baby. Try not to scare her. I will write the note for Manfred.”Christa said.

When they walked outside
Zofia looked across the yard to see orange flames leaping in a fiery dance inside the camp. From where they stood, she could hear the shouts of the prisoners and the guards.  The booming of loud gunfire assaulted their ears, and Katja began to cry.

“Shhh, it’s alright
…shhh” Zofia said.

“U
p” Katja said, tears still covering her face as she raised her arms.

Something exploded,
and the sound shook the trees. Katja screamed in terror.

Z
ofia lifted the little girl into her arms.

Katja
snuggled into Zofia’s chest weeping softly as Zofia carried her. And with her, other hand Zofia wrapped her arm around Christa helping her to walk. The ground shook beneath them as the two women and the little girl headed into the dark woods.

“I’m scared.”
Katja said her voice trembling. “Mama, I am so scared.”

“No, don’t be afraid. This is going to be an adventure.” Z
ofia whispered into Katja’s ear as she hugged the baby tighter. Katja was getting heavier and it was hard to hold her with one hand. But in spite of the pain in her shoulder, Zofia continued on, until she felt they were a safe distance from the war zone.

It did prove to be cooler in the forest.
They could smell the smoke, but it was diluted and not as hard to breathe.  The three sat down. Zofia propped Christa up against a tree and then did the same for herself. Katja, usually curious about everything sat still and quiet, she did not try to wander. Instead, she stayed close to the two women, who listened to the hooting of owls combined with the mysterious sounds of the forest at night, and the distant uproar of a rebellion.

Katja laid
her head on Zofia’s lap. Zofia patted her back as the child curled up and fell asleep. Neither of the two women slept during the dark of night, they watched the sunrise in silence. Zofia longed for freedom, not only for herself, but also for all the others who suffered in the camp. But she was conflicted, she couldn’t care less what happened to Manfred; whatever ill befell him was well deserved. However, Katja and Christa, had never hurt her or anyone else, and she couldn’t bear to think of what might happen to them should the prisoners have taken charge once the morning light came flickering through the trees.

Christa had begun to nod on
and off as dawn broke, but Zofia stayed wide-awake. She considered running away. This was her chance; she could be free of this nightmare at last. But it came with a high price. The possible sacrifice of an innocent child who she had come to cherish, and who called her mama. Her limbs ached to run. They trembled with the desire to stretch and go dashing off deeper into the over grown trees. She was sure that even if Christa awoke, she would not give her away. In fact, although Christa needed Zofia, Zofia knew she would turn a blind eye, let her get away and then pray for her safety.