You Are My Sunshine: A Novel Of The Holocaust (All My Love Detrick Companion Novel) (15 page)

“I do, but
its back at the apartment. We don’t have any here.”

“Then she’ll have to wait until tonight.” Z
ofia said.

“By the way
, how was your date with Shmul?”

“Terrible, like I thought it would be. I know that no man is going to have respect for me because
of what I have done having a child without the benefit of marriage. They think that since I’ve already been with a man, I would think nothing of doing it again. They look at me as an easy mark. I’m not.”

“
Of course you are not. Did he try to take you to bed?”

“Yes and no,
I mean he didn’t touch me, he asked. But he sort of let me know that he felt that I was going to be easy. I walked out of the restaurant.”

“Oh
sweetie, I am so sorry. I never meant for you to get hurt. It’s my fault. I meant well. I really did.”

“I know you did,
Fruma. But I think that part of my life is over. No more love affairs for me, from now on, I need to focus on my child.”

“Over? You are so young. Were you so in love with Eidel’s father that you can’t look at another man?”

“I thought I was. I was just a silly young girl. I wanted to have some kind of big romance. You know get swept off my feet, like the girls you read about in books. Instead I got pregnant by my teacher who wanted nothing to do with me after he got his way.”

“O
h, you never told me before.”

“I know. I wasn’t rea
dy. But yes, he was my teacher, an American, not Jewish, very dapper.  I was a fool. I won’t be a fool for any man ever again.”

By
lunchtime, Eidel’s whining had begun to grate on both of their nerves. Between the humming of the machines and the noise from outside, Zofia was getting a headache.

“Oh
, Eidel, please be quiet already.” Zofia said but of course, she knew the baby did not understand. Her hands were shaking and she felt like she might cry. “She is really getting to me today, Fruma.”

“Maybe you should take her out
for a walk in the buggy for a little while. The fresh air will do you both good,” Fruma suggested. “Besides Eidel always calms down and takes a nap after she goes for a walk outside.”

“That’s a good idea. I’ll feed her first then I’
ll walk her to the park. By then she should be ready to nap.”

The fishmonger who Gitel w
orked for had given them a carriage for the baby. His children were all grown and the grandchildren had long since left the infant stage. So he no longer had any use for the buggy. In the afternoons sometimes when the weather was nice, and if they had time between jobs, Fruma and Zofia took turns pushing the baby through the park. Fruma knitted two thick blankets, a hat, mittens, and a sweater for Eidel. And now that the weather was changing, they would be put to good use.

Z
ofia took Eidel in the back of the store, and offered her the breast. Eidel was too fussy to eat. With her little fist, she kept pushing Zofia’s breast away. After several tries, Zofia decided to wait until later. Instead, she changed the baby’s diaper and dressed her for the walk outside. When they left Fruma sighed, it was hard but wonderful to have a little one around. She stretched her back and shoulders. As she was getting older, the long days hunched over the sewing machine had taken their toll and she’d begun to have aches in her upper back.  It was unusual for Fruma to stop working even to eat unless it was with Zofia, but she was tired today, the baby had been up a lot the night before. Fruma looked out the window as Zofia pushed Eidel’s carriage down the busy street. Then she set the dress she’d been working on aside to have a quiet uninterrupted lunch.

The sky sparkled
silver blue like a crystal. A cool, but not yet cold breeze brushed through the autumn colored leaves of the trees like a young girl brushes her long hair.  And a blindingly bright sun dominated the sky. 

“Look, over there Eidel. That’s a squirrel.” Z
ofia said as a squirrel scampered through the long golden grass. Eidel giggled and pointed her finger.

“Yes sweetheart. It’s a squirrel.” Z
ofia cooed. Eidel is such a beautiful baby, she thought. If someone had told me that, I would ever love anyone or anything as much as I love her, I would have told them that they were crazy. She said aloud, to no one but herself.

Z
ofia decided to walk over the bakery and pick up a strudel for Fruma. She knew how much Fruma loved the vinegar raisin strudel that Mrs. Zuckerman, the baker on the corner made. If she hurried perhaps they would not be all gone, and what a delight it would be to serve it after dinner tonight.

She pushed the carriage
slowly along the cobblestone walk towards the bakery. It was necessary to go slow because the stones made the buggy rock disturbing Eidel.  As she crossed the street, she ran right into her old friend Lena. There was no avoiding the confrontation. The two women were face to face. Zofia had heard that Lena’s parents forbid their daughter from having any contact with Zofia because of Zofia’s bearing a child out of wedlock. From the way that Lena looked, her face as red as a ripe pomegranate, her eyes averted, Zofia knew it was true.
“Hello, Lena, I haven’t seen you in months.”

Z
ofia, pregnant and big bellied, had gone to Lena’s home twice, trying to see her, but her mother had always said that Lena was not at home.

“Yes, I know.
I’m sorry, I’ve been busy.”

“I left word with your mother that I was living with the seamstress,
Fruma. You could have come by anytime.”

“Yes, I knew where you were.
” Lena said, biting her lower lip, her eyes darting around to see who was watching this conversation.

“You knew? But you never came by. We used to be best friends. You do remember?”

“I have to go, I’m sorry, Zofia. I can’t stay and talk. I must hurry and get home.”

“You’re ashamed to be seen talking to me, aren’t you?”
Zofia’s face dropped.

“What do you want me to say, Z
ofia? You’ve done a terrible thing. You’ve shamed yourself. Now, you want to drag me into your embarrassment. If I’m seen keeping company with you, I’ll never find a decent husband. You’ve always been this way, doing just what you want and never thinking about the consequences. I’m sorry, but I don’t have that luxury. I want to get married and have a family. I’m not like you. I don’t want to live on the outskirts of society. I need friends. I want to be accepted. I’m sorry Zofia. Now, please, move out of my way, I have to leave.”

Lena practically ran down the street. Z
ofia stood watching Lena’s full skirt flutter around her legs as she left her heart breaking. She knew that whatever friendship they’d shared was over. It had been over for a while, but she’d always hoped that somehow when they saw each other Lena would remember how close they’d been and she want that closeness again. But it would not be so. It would never be so. Zofia’s mouth sagged a little and she felt the tears burning at the back of her eyes. Yes, sleeping with Mr. Taylor had been a mistake, but now she wouldn’t trade Eidel for anything. And she was not sorry that she’d given her daughter life, even if it meant that she was to be an outcast forever. Zofia looked down at Eidel’s little hand holding on to her blanket. The tiny fingers fisted on the pink knitted cover as the baby smiled up at her. ‘It’s all worth it. God works in strange ways. I don’t care at all about the baby’s father anymore. In fact, I don’t know what I ever saw him. So strange that I thought I was in love with him. However, he did give me Eidel and for that, I am forever grateful.  I love this child so fiercely that I would give anything I have for her even my life.’

And then…without warning
… breaking through the sameness of the early afternoon, of the vendors hawking, the customers quibbling, all the sights and sounds of the city…she saw them, marching.  German soldiers in uniform, totting guns, marching right through the center of town.

Z
ofia could not move, her feet felt as if they weighed a thousand pounds and were glued to the sidewalk.  In a few moments, the soldiers would be turning the corner right in front of where she stood. Instinctively Eidel picked up her mother’s angst and began to cry. Normally Zofia would lift the baby into her arms and cuddle her, but the crying was just the catalyst Zofia needed to free her from her stance. With her heart pounding to the rhythm of the marching soldiers, she began to run towards the shop. She must get off the street before the soldiers got any closer. As Mother and baby raced down the sidewalk, the carriage hit a cobblestone and almost toppled over. Zofia cringed and trembled with nervous fear. If the buggy had turned over, Eidel could have been hurt. She could have hit her head. Zofia shivered. Stop thinking and keep moving, she told herself. Get back to the safety of the shop and lock the doors.

When she arrived at the shop, Z
ofias mouth was so dry that she could hardly speak. Her heart pounded in her neck. As quickly as she could she locked the door. Then she pulled the curtains tightly closed over the window.

“What’s the matter, you’re as white as a ghost?”
Fruma said putting down the thick wool fabric that she was working with. She’d finished the dress for Mrs. Balinsnksi and had begun working on a coat for Mrs. Klenstien the banker’s wife.

“The German’s are here. Right here in Warsaw.”
Zofia said and she began coughing, choking.

“Where? What are you talking about?”
Fruma got up and handed her a glass of water that had been sitting beside Zofia’s sewing machine. “Drink this.”

Eidel let
aloud-hysterical wails. She sensed the tension in the room. Her face had turned crimson.

“Here, look, come they are, right outside. Get down
low. We don’t want them to see us. I don’t know what is happening. But I thought Hitler had agreed to leave Poland alone. I heard that. I know he said that.  Come, come, and peek out the window.” Zofia was almost hysterical, her voice was high pitched, and she was shaking.  Fruma rubbed her back for a moment.

“Shaa” she
said, “It’s alright. You are upsetting the baby.” Fruma said.

Eidel’s
incessant crying filled the room. Fruma took the baby into her arms she rocked her back and forth and Eidel began to quiet down. Next the two women got down on their knees and parted the curtain a crack just enough to see the street outside.

People stood watching as the soldiers marched through. Some were blank faced staring out
of unseeing eyes, others cried, or covered their mouths with their hands in shock or horror or both.

The news
of the plight of the Jews in Germany had reached Poland. There was no doubt as to the anti-Semitism of the Nazi regime. For months, many of the Polish Jews, Gitel among them, had sent word to their German relatives inviting them to leave Germany and come across the border to safety in Poland. Fruma’s only living relatives were in Hungry, but Gitel had tried to convince her aunt to no avail. Often at night when everyone had gone to sleep, Gitel sat up unable to rest. Zofia would hear her in the living room. She knew that Gitel worried that perhaps her family refused because she lived a life that they did not approve of. It saddened Zofia to think that such hatred and misunderstanding could keep people from their own best interest. Well, at least you had tried. Zofia would hear Fruma tell Gitel when the discussed the matter.

German marching music came thundering in from outside.

  The Third Reich had come to Poland. The terrifying Nazi flag flew at the front of the legion.  A chill ran down Fruma’s back. Since she was a little girl, she’d always had a gift for seeing the future. But she never had control of the gift. It came whenever it chose to. Once as a child, she’d gone to the hospital to see a friend of her mothers. The friend had a minor surgery, and was expected to leave the hospital in a few days, however, as soon as Fruma saw her, she knew that the woman would never leave alive. That night, her mother’s friend developed an infection. By the end of the week, she was dead. Incidents like these had occurred throughout Fruma’s life. Now, Fruma stared out the window. Her eyes blurring as mental pictures came to her. Horrible visions of mountains of corpses, their bones jutting from emaciated bodies.  Fruma collapsed. Zofia saw that she had fainted. Carefully she put Eidel down on a thick square of fabric and took Fruma into her arms laying her down gently on the floor.

“
Fruma” Zofia said. “Fruma” Fruma did not answer although her eyes were wide open.

Z
ofia got the glass of water she had been drinking from and brought it to Fruma’s lips, but Fruma did not drink.

“A dark day is upon us.”
Fruma said her voice distant, deep, and frightening.

The tone
of Fruma’s voice made Eidel begin to fuss again.

“Shhh, it will be alright.” Z
ofia said, her finger gently rubbing Eidel’s cheek, but even she didn’t believe her own words.

“I wish Gitel were here with us.”
Fruma said.

“Yes, so do I. Shall I go over to the fishmonger and fetch her?”

“No, no don’t leave here. Stay. Keep the drapes closed. Let them pass like the angel of death on Passover.” Fruma said. “We will see Gitel tonight.”