Your Eyes in Stars (13 page)

(p.3) and I feel ashamed to write of missing Wurst, but he was like family. No one knows what became of the pets. One can only hope they were killed instantly, but more likely they were sold somewhere, for a lot were pedigreed dogs and cats. Sometimes they were thrown out windows or collars they wore were tightened until they choked. Anyone who had a fish or bird: Fish were dumped in street, and birds hung by their necks out the windows on strings.

I saw Elisa Stadler at the Stadler apartment for a short time just days before Father and Mr. Stadler were taken. Father and I had gone there to discuss
giving Grandfather’s Beckstein piano to Mrs. Stadler. She did not even dare accept the gift for fear of looking as though she had strong ties with us. Too bad, for soon came the SS to snoop around Grandfather’s house, and they threw that beautiful instrument out the third-floor window. They like to throw things out windows!

(p.4) Elisa behaved so strangely. I always felt we were slightly attracted to each other, that in the right circumstances we could have become friends. When our father asked me if I would like to visit Germany in January, ahead of schedule since he and I were going over in spring, I was so pleased to hear I would be company for Elisa on the crossing and look out for her there. At our party last summer I sang “The Very Thought of You.” I looked directly at her. I was sure she felt that. I also called her from New York once, but midway in the conversation she became cold and cut it short. I don’t know what I said or even if it was something I said.

Then Fate intervened, and it was some time before I saw her again. Once, here on the street. She was with others but stopped to say she was sad about Wurst. The second time, at her family’s
apartment, Elisa was remote and spoke little to me. She asked me if I thought Myrer sounded like a Jewish name to Germans. I said Jews spelled that name Meyer, usually, but who knows what a postal inspector would make of it? I think she was receiving packages from Jessie Myrer and was worried that postal inspectors were watching her mail. Then she abruptly ended our conversation by leaving the room without a word to me.

Mrs. Stadler said Elisa had gone to her old school expressly to say hello to a schoolmaster named Kai Kahn. He had just then been made to clean the street with his beard by a contingent of SS men. The incident was in progress. Mrs. Stadler said Elisa was very upset by it, and she offered it as an excuse for the sullen way Elisa received me.

(p.5) She may be genuinely worried and afraid. You don’t have to be a Jew to worry about what will happen next. Our grandfather’s maid of twenty-two years was told she could not work anymore for Grandfather since she is an Aryan. They are not allowed to work in the house of a Jew or even serve a Jew in a café. I don’t know where Martha will find work, and I don’t know how Grandfather will manage without her. He is so weak now, and she
was the only one who could coax him to eat. They were like father and daughter. She cannot even visit him, for it is against the rules to go to a Jewish house.

Do not tell all of this to Mother. She is worried enough as it is and even threatens to join us. She must not! Even though she knows it is dangerous, she wants to be with Father. Please don’t you get any heroic ideas about accompanying her. Don’t ask for trouble, Dieter!

October 10, 1936

Dear Elisa,

ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

Please just let me know that much if you can’t tell me more.

I am so worried about you!

Have a heart!

Love, Stars, Memories, Jessica

January 3, 1936

Dear Jessica,

The Reich wishes everyone to have the experience of
Arbeitsdienst,
which translates as “work service,” soon to become compulsory for girls. I already volunteered and will be assigned to a camp with factory workers. It will be good for me, and healthy.

I have learned a lot about my homeland that I did not realize, particularly how unfairly we were treated by the Versailles Treaty in 1919. Germany was forced to pay the Allies an enormous amount of money; hand over all our colonies; accept full blame for the war; reduce the size of our military; and give land outright to Belgium, France, Denmark, and Poland.

The map of Europe was redone, and we were forced into the Great Depression, which would make your own little depression insignificant! We were being punished for the war as though it were solely our fault.

Hitler understood the feeling of humiliation and betrayal all Germans harbored. He alone has restored our pride!

I never knew anything about this part of our history! I don’t think it was taught in any school I attended, for how could I forget such treachery!
It makes me ashamed of myself for knowing all my various languages and quotations from literature but nothing about my own people and how they suffered. I was such a dilettante!

Jessica, I now belong to the League of German Girls. In German
Bund deutscher Mädel.
I enclose a photograph of me in my uniform.

See how proud I look. It is because I am dedicated to Germany, and my entire ardor will henceforth go into her service.

You may be surprised, my friend, for when we knew each other, I was so ignorant and uncaring of anyone but myself. That is all past. I say
auf Wiedersehen
and wish you a productive and meaningful 1936!

Sincerely,
Elisa Stadler

February 10, 1936
Arts & Science Academy
Paris, New York

Dear Jessie,

Your note with enclosed letter from Elisa Stadler
just arrived. I wish I could be of help with regard to Elisa Stadler. My brother has not seen her since last fall, nor does he have any news of Mr. Stadler. As you know, our own father is in a concentration camp called Dachau, outside Munich, but we do not hear from him. We only heard that he was there from someone who was released.

There are not many people released from these places. There is never anything about them in the newspapers, there or here. In case you don’t know, they are horrible places with guards and barbed-wire fences, and prisoners are taken there in airless, crowded trains. We hear rumors about them in the few letters that can be smuggled out of Germany. Guards make people work long hours in nearby factories, without pay or any consideration for their health. They routinely murder people without cause. No, there is not much about this in any newspapers. Eyes shut when it comes to Germany and what is happening to the Jews.

My mother and I are expecting Wolfgang home this spring. Grandfather is so near death, he cannot last much longer.

If Elisa is proud to be a member of the League of German Girls, she has become a convert to the
Third Reich. I shook my head when I read what you wrote about being surprised she would join them, since she always said she would never join a sorority. Jessie, forget the Elisa you knew. Her letter is telling you that. If I were you, I would forget that friendship too. If you persist in writing to her, it is best not to mention names of people. That can cause them big trouble if her letters are being censored.

I hope we can get together a lot during spring vacation. My family is not having any parties this year, as you can understand. But I have a better time with just you and me anyway.

Pray that by then we have Wolfgang home and some good news about my papa and Mr. Stadler too. I’ll call you soon.

Yours, Dieter

THE
CAYUTA ADVERTIZER

MARCH 10, 1936

FORMER RESIDENT DEAD

The American Red Cross reports that Professor Heinz Stadler, a visiting professor at Cornell University, died as the result of an accident in Munich, Germany, in December 1935.

Dr. Stadler and his wife, Sophie Stadler, and their daughter, Elisa, lived for a while on Alden Avenue in the house belonging to Thomas and Gertrud Sontag.

Heinz Stadler’s expertise was in agriculture, and he was learning hydroponics in Ithaca with the intention of teaching this new method of plant growing at the University of Heidelberg.

Elisa was a student at Cayuta High East, and the family were communicants at Holy Family Church.

The Stadlers had returned to Germany to bring back Mrs. Stadler’s mother. Recent political upheaval delayed them. Then Professor Stadler’s death canceled the return plans.

March 11, 1936

Dearest Elisa,

We have word here of your father’s death. There are no words I can find to tell you how sorry I feel, how much I think of you going through such sadness.

We are reading
Romeo and Juliet
in school now. You’ve probably read it, but I never have, and I am so surprised by its power. For instance, if something happened to someone I loved, I would have this for an epitaph:

When he shall die,

Take him and cut him out in little stars,

And he will make the face of heaven so fine

That all the world will be in love with night,

And pay no worship to the garish sun.

It is interesting how stars figure into things with us. The song you heard Wolfgang sing that summer night, which seems so long ago, is always coming over the radio, reminding me of you and a time when we weren’t so out of touch.

I hope you will remember something always: I am not a fair-weather friend. Do you have that
expression in German? It means I am not there for you just in good times, and just when we agree on things, and just when we are near each other.

Elisa, when you wrote me telling me how proud you are to be a member of the League of German Girls, I was so delighted, not because I know anything about that group but because you trusted me enough to tell me how you feel about Germany. You may think I can’t understand your new feelings about your country. What I can understand is that the League is something you care dearly about, so of course I want to know more without you having any fear we won’t think alike. What if we don’t?

I never became friends with you because you believe
Les Misérables
is such a wonderful book. Do you want to know the truth? I had to plow through it! I always copy passages from books I read, but I copied only one from this book by Hugo: “The supreme happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved.”

I don’t even think that’s very profound or original, but it was all I could find in the book to mark. The other thing is: I didn’t care that much for Jean Valjean. It’s probably because of Slater
Carr. Reading it, I did think of him in his “blues” with the
B
cap, and with his angel face, but not any longer with sympathy or fondness. So you see, we do not think alike maybe, but you are and will always be my only dear friend.

I wish when you suffer any unhappiness, you can feel my concern and trust that no matter what happens in the years to come—even if we lose track of each other—I am still for you, no matter what.

I think of lazy days we “lollygagged” about in our iron swing on the front porch, talking about everything and talking about nothing.

I really miss you, Elisa. I am sorry about your
Papachen.

If you don’t want me to write, just say so. Please don’t.

All stars are ours.

Love, Jessica

P.S. Remember Dieter? He comes home weekends from A&S often. We take long walks in Hoopes Park. He does not act at all like his brother. He is full of bash and quiet.

April 16, 1936
Arts & Science Academy
Paris, New York

Dear Jessie,

The enclosed is for you from my brother. I’ll call you when I get home the weekend after next.

Yours, Dieter

Dear Jessica,

Knowing your interest in Elisa Stadler, I am asking Dieter to pass this on to you.

I saw Elisa several weeks ago in downtown Berlin. I saw her, I thought, before she saw me, and I had no intention of compromising her by speaking to her. A Jew doesn’t walk up to a member of the League of German Girls and say Howdy!

I begin to understand why she wasn’t friendly before. She doesn’t want to jeopardize her reputation in her new “sorority.”

Those girls were busy taking down all the insulting signs about Jews, which are everywhere in this
city. No, there has not been a change of heart in this country. The signs will go right back up as soon as the Olympics are over. Hitler does not want Germany to look like Germany when the foreigners arrive for their sports games. Guests of the Third Reich may have heard a little about the persecution of Jews, but there will be no sign of that (no signs!) thanks to dedicated daughters of Hitler like your friend Elisa…. I can remember when I was slightly under her spell, but she is not that young woman anymore.

I was wrong to think she hadn’t seen me, for she had. She looked right at me as they marched by, or should I say she looked right through me? I have never seen anyone with such cold eyes. Yes, I was undoubtedly a threat to her, but there are ways to let someone know that. She could have told me when we were there about the piano. On the street she could have winked, given me a sign, something, but she is a bona fide Nazi, I’m afraid.

I am sorry to tell you this, Jessica, for I know you were dear friends with her, but I advise you to put her out of your thoughts.

I am sending all of this correspondence through a friend who is leaving the country and can mail this somewhere else. We do not send letters from
here for fear they will be opened and never reach their destinations.

I would also advise you not to write to her if she is not writing to you. It will not help her to receive mail from a foreigner, particularly one from the U.S.

Although my grandfather died a month ago, I remain here hoping for news about Father. We know he is in the concentration camp, but all reports from places like Dachau are hearsay. You may have been informed that Elisa’s father was killed in Dachau, but of course there are no details.

Sincerely,
Wolfgang Schwitter