A Heart Once Broken (32 page)

A smile played on his face and he stood to his feet again. “That's fair enough.”

Sandra dropped her head to say, “Thank you for being so kind, Clyde. There already must be a seed of love for you in my heart, or I wouldn't have agreed to marry you.”

Clyde's face glowed. “You must have learned this wisdom during your time of trouble.”

Sandra hesitated. “You could say that I fell and broke my foot so the Lord could get my attention away from Ezra—and onto you.”

Clyde laughed and the sound filled the room. “I would not be so bold, but perhaps the Lord was kind and helped me out a little. Sandra, thank you for accepting my request for marriage tonight. You will be a better
frau
than I deserve…but you know I will still expect obedience on your part.”

“You would have to say that at this moment,” Sandra said. “It's not very romantic, you know.”

Clyde chuckled. “That's why I'm saying it. It's an important part of marriage.”

“So is romance,” Sandra shot back.

Clyde laughed again. “There will be plenty of that! And
yah
, you will have to get used to some of my ways…my bossy ways, I suppose.”

Sandra grinned.
Yah
, that much about marriage to an Amish man she knew. He wasn't that different from other Amish men, but then again, wasn't that what she wanted?

Clyde reached over for Sandra's hand. “Let me assure you that if there is any failure in our marriage it will be on my part. I ask your forgiveness ahead of time. In fact, I know you're already overlooking many of my faults. And I know I'm unworthy of such love.”

With that, Clyde rose to his feet and said, “I think I had best be going.”

He took Sandra's hand to lead the way down the stairs. At the last moment, before they stepped into the living room, Clyde let go—but not without one final gentle squeeze.

Chapter Thirty-One

S
andra pulled on her thick winter coat before she ventured out into the late afternoon snow squall. Mark had hitched Dixie to the buggy earlier, and the horse was patiently waiting for her at the hitching rack. Sandra patted him on the nose and pulled off his blanket. She climbed in the buggy to drive out of the lane. Along the road's ditches, snowdrifts formed and shifted with each blast of the wind. Surely the squall would end soon, Sandra hoped. January could bring bitter blasts of weather in upstate New York, but so far the winter had been mild. This must be the blessing of the Lord. How could she organize her wedding in the middle of a blizzard?

Clyde had asked on Sunday evening, “Have you and your
mamm
decided on a date yet?”

“We're working on it,” Sandra had assured him. She teasingly had added, “You're not buying the farm until spring, are you?”

Clyde had grinned. He was impatient, but in the end he understood. They needed time to enjoy each other's company and become better acquainted before the wedding. An engagement on the first date was unusual, but she didn't have any regrets. The community would understand the short courtship. She could tell when Deacon Schrock shook hands with her at the last Sunday service that he was
thankful Amos and Clyde had saved her side of the Troyer family from the trouble Lydia and her parents were in.

Sandra's face clouded. She hadn't spoken with Lydia or Aunt Mary since before Christmas. Lydia, being the sensible person she usually was, hadn't pushed the matter in their brief greetings at the meetings. Why Lydia couldn't see the truth about Rudy was beyond her. But Lydia appeared withdrawn and preoccupied when she showed up for the community gatherings, so apparently Lydia still hadn't made up her mind. Surely her cousin wouldn't allow this situation to continue for long. Everyone knew something was wrong, and the whispers abounded.

“She might be ill like Rosemary but doesn't know it yet,” someone guessed this past Sunday.

“No, it's something else,” another girl ventured.

Sandra kept her mouth shut. Before long everyone would know. She knew what was wrong, and so did some of the other women. Those were the ones who said the least. They knew that with her head, Lydia was committed to the community…but with her heart, she continually brooded over the possibility of a life with Rudy. A jump over the fence into his arms seemed more and more a possibility.

Sandra shivered. How could Lydia do such a thing? How had they drifted so far apart? Lydia had always done everything with her. They had shared their school years, their
rumspringa
time, and had been baptized together. The pursuit of Ezra had been the last thing they had done together. And they had both lost him. That should have drawn them together, but it hadn't.
I must pray for Lydia,
Sandra decided.
Lydia must be saved from an awful mistake
. Lydia couldn't leave the community and be placed in the
bann
. If Lydia jumped the fence, it would be a tragedy no one could begin to comprehend.

Sandra held onto the reins as the wind picked up and the buggy
leaned sideways. Surely this buggy ride wasn't a mistake, was it? Maybe she should have waited to ride with Mark. He would arrive later to the supper
Mamm
had invited them to. But Sandra had wanted to visit Rosemary, and this had seemed like the right time. She had best see Rosemary soon. From the sound of the report Ann gave her at the last Sunday meeting, Rosemary wouldn't live much longer on this earth.

Sandra let out the reins so Dixie could increase his speed. The horse shook her head when another blast of snow blew over them. They were almost to Rosemary's place now, so Sandra couldn't turn even if she wanted to. She pulled the buggy blanket higher over her knees. The warmth crept over her, but Sandra still shivered. That Rosemary was so ill still seemed impossible to imagine. How quickly it had all happened. As had all the tragedies of the recent months—
Daett
and Uncle Ben falling suddenly into financial ruin, then
Daett
passing unexpectedly. If Amos and Clyde hadn't shown up when they did, who knows what would have become of
Mamm
and her. She had been so wrong about Amos and Clyde from the beginning. That showed how much
goot
sense she had, or rather didn't have. How quickly things changed.

Happiness had arrived for her just as suddenly. That didn't seem fair when Lydia wasn't happy. How could Sandra look forward to a husband and a farm with
kinner
in the future, while Lydia contemplated leaving the community? And Rosemary's situation was even worse. Rosemary might soon lose everything in this world. All while Sandra felt so blessed. Maybe she shouldn't have come to see Rosemary. What comfort could she be to a person on her deathbed when things were going so well in her own life? Sandra's hands tightened on the reins for a moment. But no, she would go on. She was Rosemary's friend, and friends comforted each other whatever the situation.

A mile later Sandra pulled back on the reins and turned into the Beilers' driveway on Old State Raod. She stopped at the hitching post and climbed down carefully on the slippery buggy step to tie up Dixie. Sandra retrieved a blanket from under the backseat of the buggy and fastened the blanket securely on Dixie's back, to protect him from the continual wind blasts. He should be okay for the short visit she planned. Rosemary shouldn't be kept up too long, even for a visit with an old friend.

Sandra made her way slowly up the icy walk and knocked on the door. Ann answered a moment later, an apron tied around her waist. “What a surprise, Sandra! How nice of you to come.” Several of the smaller children behind Ann peered out of the kitchen at their visitor.

Sandra smiled at them and asked, “So it's okay to visit Rosemary?”

“Oh, she would love to see you,” Ann said. “She's upstairs.
Mamm
would bring her down so she wouldn't be by herself so much, but Rosemary insists on staying in her own room.”

Sandra hesitated. “Is it okay if I just go up?”

“
Yah
. Just knock on the door.” Ann waved Sandra on.

Sandra tousled several of the smaller boys' heads as she passed them. They grinned and retreated into the kitchen.

Sandra tiptoed up the stairs and knocked on Rosemary's bedroom door.

“Come in,” Rosemary's weak voice called out.

Sandra opened the door to find Rosemary under the quilt on the bed. Her face appeared pale and thin.

“Rosemary!” Sandra cried out. She rushed over to kneel in front of the bed and grasp both of Rosemary's hands. “This cannot be! You must become well again.”

Rosemary's smile was weak. “It's in the Lord hands, Sandra. He decides these things, and there's nothing any of us can do. I find
peace in the comfort I have been given. Ezra comes over almost every evening now. What a gift the man is. I can't believe I've been given such a love to see me over to the other side.”

“But Rosemary,” Sandra protested, “is there not something that can be done?”

Rosemary shook her head. “Dr. Katz has been kind enough to get me into an experimental treatment. I objected, since
Daett
doesn't have the money, but Ezra talked me into it. That, and Deacon Schrock came by personally. I think Ezra put him up to it. Deacon Schrock said he spoke with Dr. Katz and they worked out a reduced rate, which the community will help pay. I still don't like it, but I finish with the final treatment this week.”

“And there is no difference yet?” Sandra's hands tightened on Rosemary's.

Rosemary winced. “I'm afraid not, but I have to trust it was all for some reason. Perhaps it will give me a few more weeks.”

“You poor dear.” Sandra stroked Rosemary's forehead. “I am so very sorry. I wish there was something I could do, but I feel so helpless.”

“You came to visit.” Rosemary attempted another smile. “And there is something you can do for me.”

“Oh?” Sandra didn't hide her surprise.

Rosemary nodded. “
Yah
, there is. You will think me crazy, but I've prayed about this and I know it's the right thing to do. Will you agree?”

“Agree to what?” Sandra asked.

“I won't tell you unless you agree first,” Rosemary said, her smile wider and slyer now.

Sandra hesitated, then said, “I agree.”

Rosemary's smile changed to one of gratitude. “Sandra, I want you to encourage Lydia to open her heart to Ezra once I'm gone.”

“Rosemary!” Sandra scolded. “I will not speak of such a thing.”

“But you promised—and I insist,” Rosemary said. “I was never a decent match for Ezra to begin with. I'm sure he was given to me only as a comfort on this journey to the other side. And I heard that you have agreed to wed Clyde, so surely you don't still want Ezra for yourself.”

Sandra tried to breathe. “Rosemary, please. No, I don't want Ezra. He chose you, and I will not even think of such a thing as speaking with Lydia about this matter.”

Rosemary touched Sandra's arm. “Are you offended by the thought that you didn't get Ezra?”

Sandra rushed the words. “No, it's not that. I'm going to marry Clyde. I wouldn't think of going back to all that before…and besides, Ezra didn't want me. It's just not the will of the Lord—me and Ezra.”

“So it's settled, then.” Rosemary was matter-of-fact. “You don't have an interest in Ezra while Lydia still does. If you encourage her, maybe Lydia can be saved from making an awful mistake.”

Sandra let out her breath. “So you've heard about Rudy?”

“
Yah
, Ann told me.” Rosemary tried to sit up. “You will do this for me? Remember, you agreed!”

“But you're the one to talk to Lydia about this, not me,” Sandra insisted.

Rosemary sighed. “I will speak to Ezra, and he will understand. You speak to Lydia.”

“What bothers me about this,” Sandra went on, “is that you seem to be giving up. But maybe the treatment will work yet. Or maybe they can try something else. You can't give up!”

Rosemary lay back on the pillow. “I'm not giving up. But I need to be realistic. Pancreatic cancer is one of the worst. Even if the treatment works, it's probably only a short-term solution. Sandra, I'm
tired. Let's leave it at that. I will speak to Ezra, and you'll speak to Lydia, okay?”