A Heart Once Broken (34 page)

“Like it?” Ezra glanced at her.

“Nothing tastes like homemade pecan ice cream,” Rosemary said with great content.

“We must have this every time I'm here.” Ezra squeezed Rosemary's arm with his free hand.

“Homemade pecan ice cream and you…” Rosemary let the words hang in the air. Ezra understood. His arm slipped around her and pulled her close. She wished Ezra could carry her upstairs, holding her in his arms as he had that night she passed out by the window—but that wouldn't be decent. She must be thankful for what had been given to her.

“This is great ice cream,” Ezra pronounced. “I could eat another bowl if it was
goot
for me.”

“Ann will get you more,” Rosemary offered.

“Thanks, but I'd better not,” he said. “Too much of a
goot
thing isn't right.”

Rosemary took a deep breath. There was her answer. The Lord provided direction even before she asked. She didn't like the answer, but Ezra was right. If he carried her upstairs in his arms, that would be too much of a
goot
thing for one evening. But surely the Lord would allow her the joy of lying in Ezra's arms again before she left
this earth. If she lived and wed Ezra, there would be plenty of those moments, but…

“Should you go back upstairs now?” Ezra asked. “You look…”

A small bite of mostly melted ice cream remained in her bowl, and Rosemary slipped it into her mouth before she answered. “I'm ready if
Mamm
will help you.”

“I'll call her.” Ezra rose to his feet.

Mamm
appeared at once, and they maneuvered Rosemary up the stairs and into her bed. With a sigh she looked up at both of them. “Thank you so much, and Ezra especially. This has been a very
wunderbah
evening.”

Ezra reached down to take her hand. “All I can say, Rosemary, is let there be many more.”

Mamm
averted her face and hurried from the room without a backward glance.

“Hold me, Ezra, for just a little bit,” Rosemary whispered.

Ezra knelt down in front of her and wrapped his arms around her. He pulled her close and whispered in Rosemary's ear. “Get better, dear. I'll be praying for you.”

“Thank you,” Rosemary whispered back. “I'll try.”

Ezra held on for a long time before he let go. Then he caressed Rosemary's pale cheek. “I love you, darling. Good night.”

“Good night.” She held on to his hand until he was out of reach, and listened to Ezra's footsteps on the stairs until they faded away.

“Thank You, Lord, for this evening,” Rosemary whispered toward the darkened window. “You have been so good to me.”

Chapter Thirty-Three

T
he following week Lydia was sitting on the living room couch with
Mamm
beside her and
Daett
ensconced in his rocker. She squirmed under the steady gaze of Deacon Schrock. She had known this moment would arrive, but she had pushed the dread into the recesses of her mind. No doubt if she had been able to return Harvey Miller's affections when he offered to help her the other Sunday, this wouldn't be happening. She hadn't been unkind to Harvey, but Harvey had understood. She wouldn't have accepted his offer to drive her home even if he had asked. And so now, in Deacon Schrock's world, she was to blame for rejecting Harvey's overtures.

Deacon Schrock cleared his throat. “This is a most uncomfortable thing to speak of, Lydia. We as the ministry don't choose life partners for our members, but we do have evidence that the ministry possesses considerable wisdom in these matters. Your cousin Sandra and your Aunt Edna are certainly proof of that. Edna is happily married after the ministry suggested she accept Amos's offer, and Sandra has come into a
wunderbah
love of her own after following our advice. Do you think you're better than either your aunt and cousin?”

“Of course not!” Lydia exclaimed. “But don't you think a man and a woman should feel love for each other before they think of marriage?”

Deacon Schrock offered a thin smile. “I'm not sure what you mean, Lydia, but if this has anything to do with that
Englisha
man, you know what my answer will be. Yet I'll try to be patient and talk this through with you.”

Lydia groaned under her breath. Why did she even try to argue with Deacon Schrock?

“I don't love Harvey Miller,” she said. “Nor does he love me. Is that plain enough?”

Mamm
jumped into the conversation. “But love for him can grow! It has happened before, and like Deacon Schrock said, both Edna and Sandra are
goot
examples.”

“Well, I guess I don't have the faith it will happen,” Lydia said. “Can't you understand that? I am not like Sandra or Aunt Edna. And neither is Harvey like them. Why do you insist on pushing us together?”

Mamm
spoke up again. “But the deacon is right. This worked for both Sandra and Edna, and I know that Edna was in love with Emil while he lived on this earth. Her love for Amos came later…but it did come.”

Lydia sighed. There was no use, so she might as well be silent. If she promised never to see Rudy again, they might leave her in peace, but it was clear Deacon Schrock didn't trust her, and
Daett
was still in his proving time with the community. The deacon must have serious doubts about this family and feel he needed solid evidence and not just promises.

Deacon Schrock stared intently at Lydia. “Please pay attention, Lydia. Listen to your
mamm.
I know these examples don't fit you
exactly, but it's still true that you could learn to love Harvey. And he is willing to open his heart to affections for you. He told me so himself.”

“Perhaps he is,” Lydia allowed. “But I am not.”

“Lydia!”
Mamm
moaned. “How can you say that? You know that Rudy isn't
goot
for you. The man has thrown his web of deceit around you, and now you can't see straight.”

Deacon Schrock dropped his gaze to the living room floor. “None of this comes as a surprise to me. Yet I'm disappointed in you, Lydia, and in you, Ben.” Deacon Schrock paused to give
Daett
a sharp look. “Why are you still allowing these things to happen on your place? And this after you've made a confession in front of the church.”

“It's not
Daett
's fault,” Lydia said.

Deacon Schrock shook his head and sighed. “I can't believe things have gotten so out of control in this house. You are a member of the community, Lydia, as are your parents. It is disgraceful behavior to consider an
Englisha
man as a marriage partner. The church has tried to exercise patience, but this has gone far enough. I am completely ashamed of myself that I've been so soft with your family. I'm sure Bishop Henry will share my feelings when I tell him of this. Both of us understand that we are partly to blame for letting our compassion get the best of us, so this has to stop.” Deacon Schrock gave Lydia a sharp look. “Or have you already promised this
Englisha
man that you will marry him?”

“No, of course not!” Lydia exclaimed. She then calmed herself for a second. “And I know that I am to blame for this. I want to make that clear.”

Deacon Schrock shrugged. “All I can say is, this is entirely unacceptable. If you know what is
goot
for you, you will show some
affection to Harvey and allow him to bring you home from the hymn singing when he asks permission. And you will never see this
Englisha
man again.”

Mamm
reached over to clutch Lydia's arm. “Please, Lydia. Listen to Deacon Schrock's advice.”

“Harvey hasn't even asked me,” Lydia objected. “And I don't think he will, even if I promise to return his affections…which I cannot do.”

Mamm
's fingers dug into Lydia's arm. “Do what Deacon Schrock says. He knows what's best. I'm sure Harvey has made his desires known to Deacon Schrock.”

Lydia faced all of them. “This will not work, and I cannot agree to it. I'm sorry, but I can't.”

Deacon Schrock stood to his feet, and his words were brisk. “I will not argue with you anymore, Lydia. You are a woman, and it's time you realize that. Your emotions will not be catered to. I think I can get Harvey to ask you home for a date or two. He has that much interest at least, and you should be thankful the man even considers you as a possible
frau
in spite of the circumstances your family is in—to say nothing of your own thoughts about
Englisha
men. That is an abomination, Lydia, and I will have no part in it. We have other things to work on in this community, and our patience has run out. Either you will accept a date with Harvey, or Bishop Henry will speak of the
bann
with the congregation at the next Sunday service.”

Lydia held her breath. The
bann
? For her? She tried one last desperate plea. “What if I promise not to see Rudy again?”

Deacon Schrock paced the floor. “And you would keep your promise?”

Lydia hesitated. “
Yah
, but I must at least tell him good-bye in person and explain why I can't see him anymore.”

Deacon Schrock faced her again and thought for a second, then
said, “
Yah
, you can tell your
Englisha
fellow good-bye sometime this week, and after that you must put your life in order. I'm not saying you have to marry Harvey, but you have to give him six months at least, and open your heart to what the Lord's will is for the two of you. Either you get in Harvey's buggy on Sunday evening, or we as a ministry will take further steps.”

Lydia found nothing more to say. How could she get in Harvey's buggy on Sunday evening? Harvey didn't have feelings for her. She was sure of that.

“Good night to all of you.” Deacon Schrock picked his hat up from the living room floor and went out the front door.

Daett
didn't make any effort to see him off, which would have been customary. Beside Lydia,
Mamm
moaned. “The Lord has smitten us mightily. My head will hang in shame among the community people over what my family has become. First, Ben, you have shamed us, and now Lydia.”

Daett
still didn't say anything, but he got up and left for the barn without a backward glance. As Deacon Schrock's buggy drove out of the lane,
Mamm
wept softy and Lydia slipped an arm around her shoulder. What could she say? She was part of the problem. When
Mamm
didn't look up or stop her tears, Lydia stood to her feet. She might as well go upstairs and cry herself to sleep. That, and figure out what she must do. She would have to make up her mind about Harvey, and she would have to abandon Rudy.

Lydia passed the kitchen and glanced in. Both of her sisters were seated at the table. Clearly they had overheard every word spoken in the living room. Emma and Rhoda didn't appear guilty in the least. They both stood and tiptoed behind Lydia up the stairs. When they reached the top, Emma whispered, “That was awful, Lydia! Absolutely awful! I will never be baptized now. Not if Deacon Schrock can order me around like that, and tell me who to marry.”

“I agree,” Rhoda echoed.

“He's not telling me who to marry,” Lydia objected.

“I can't believe you're defending the man!” Emma exploded.

“Calm down,” Lydia said. “The two of you were on your way over the fence before this, so don't blame the deacon. You can blame me and
Daett
perhaps, but not him. The deacon's a decent and humble man. When the community's values come into question, he must be firm.”

“Firm?” Emma exploded again. “He's harsh and cruel! That's more like it!”

“Don't say that,” Lydia said.

“You're still defending him!” Rhoda exclaimed. “Surely you're not coming home with that horrible Harvey Miller on Sunday evening?”

Lydia turned on her sister. “Rhoda, watch your mouth. Harvey's a kind and gentle man.”