A Heart Once Broken (15 page)

Sandra pushed her anger away and focused on the line of buggies. Ezra was her concern. He must receive a proper welcome so their day could get off to a decent start. So far this morning Amos and Clyde had done nothing but spoil things, but that would turn around when Ezra arrived. She was certain of that.

“Hi, Sandra,” Clyde spoke softly beside Sandra, making her jump. “I think we can still switch things around between Ezra and me. I think Ezra would get along great with my cousin Lavina.”

Sandra ignored Clyde.

“You don't have to be so snobbish,” Clyde said.

Sandra gave Clyde a glare and hurried outside. Maybe Ezra's buggy was in the line by now. If not, she would find something she could do until he arrived. Maybe a last-minute check on the table setting in the barn where the guests would eat.

Bishop Henry and Lena passed Sandra on the sidewalk and called out to her, “
Goot
morning, Sandra. What a beautiful day the Lord has given us for a wedding.”

“
Yah
, He has,” Sandra said as she continued to glance down the line of buggies. Ezra still wasn't there. Had he gotten cold feet? Did the thought of even a short time spent with her scare him off? Sandra's feelings sank. How things had changed, and so quickly. But surely Ezra would be here soon. They had spoken about the wedding at the last youth gathering. Ezra had seemed cheerful enough about the wedding, so she must not despair.

Sandra murmured “
Goot
morning” to several other people she passed before she entered the hushed stillness of the barn. The cobwebs had been swept clean from the beams last week, and checked again yesterday. But now one hung right over the corner table. Where had it come from?

“Busy spiders!” Sandra exclaimed. Where was a broom? Had they left one somewhere in the barn?

“I'll take care of that,” Clyde's voice said from right behind her.

She whirled around. “Where did you come from?”

Clyde chuckled. “You wouldn't talk to me in the house, but I see the change of setting has helped. I was hoping for that.”

“I'm not talking to you here, either,” Sandra snapped.

Clyde laughed and walked up to sweep the cobwebs away with his black wool hat. Sandra hurried out before Clyde could say anything else. Would the man follow her around all day? It certainly seemed so. If Clyde acted like this she'd never get anywhere with Ezra.

Sandra slowed her pace when she noticed Ezra's buggy in front of her. She stopped and waited until the buggy door opened and Ezra's black hat appeared.

“
Goot
morning,” Sandra sang out. After all she had been through this morning, the words poured out. “Am I glad to see you, Ezra! Can you believe that Amos and Clyde showed up for breakfast this morning? On a wedding day!”

Ezra's grin was crooked. “Maybe I should have come earlier myself.”

“You wouldn't do that.” Sandra gave him a bright smile as she helped Ezra unhitch his horse from the buggy.

“Well, I'm here now,” Ezra said.

Concern filled Sandra's face. “Was there trouble on the farm? Is that why you're late?”

Ezra nodded. “The cows were out. We have a fence jumper, but we thought we had everything shipshape. Still, she must have found a hole again last night. They were all in the cornfield and we had to run them out. Thankfully the harvest is in. They could only tear up the field.”

“That's terrible,” Sandra sympathized. “Seems like there's always one of those in every herd. Not that I'm much of a farmer's daughter, but
Daett
always claimed so.” Sandra unfastened the last strap and Ezra led his horse forward while she held the shafts.

Ezra walked the horse into the barn while Sandra waited.

“Don't forget to come inside for the service,” Clyde said from a few feet away.

Sandra gasped and Clyde hurried on before she could respond. Her face was still flushed, she was sure, when Ezra returned from the barn.

Sandra smiled her brightest. Hopefully Ezra would think she was glad to see him—which she was. Ezra was the only center of sanity at the moment.

Ezra returned Sandra's smile. “Ready to go inside?”

“
Yah
.” Sandra dropped her gaze as Ezra led the way toward the house. Sandra stayed close by his side the whole way. Let Clyde get a
goot
look at the quality couple they were, Sandra told herself, and perhaps he'd lose his foolish ideas about the two of them.

When they entered the house Bishop Henry had already taken his place on the front bench and the other ministers had gathered around him. Sandra led the way to the special benches for the table waiters. The two lines were set up near the front with easy access to the kitchen. That way they could leave right after the ceremony and not have to wade through the crowd.

Lydia was already seated on the second bench with her cousin Enos Troyer, and Clyde had found his cousin Lavina from Ohio. The girl appeared radiant and happy.

When Clyde grinned at Sandra, she quickly looked away. Thankfully Ezra didn't notice the inappropriate attention Clyde had paid her. But Ezra wasn't noticing much. That was the problem. Panic niggled at Sandra. She would have to break through his indifference. But how? Should she wrap her arms around Ezra's neck and profess her deep devotion for him?

No, that wouldn't work with Ezra or any Amish man. They liked to arrive at a decision on their own. She had no objection if only they would make up their minds. And in Ezra's case—choose her.

Sandra stilled her thoughts as the room filled with guests and she
and Ezra took their seats. She leaned closer to Ezra and whispered, “Sorry about our drab dresses, but Amos picked out the cloth.”

“Oh!” Ezra appeared surprised. He glanced at Sandra's dress. “I guess he does run a tight ship.”

“Just letting you know it wasn't
Mamm
,” Sandra whispered back.

“Your beauty, as well as Lydia's, makes up the difference,” Ezra teased.

Sandra pressed her lips together. That wasn't the response she had hoped for, even though it was nice to hear. Ezra was supposed to have forgotten about Lydia, but he obviously still saw them as the same person.

Sandra willed her racing heart to slow. Someone gave out a song number and Sandra concentrated on the singing. She must not imagine things. Ezra had acted perfectly normal this morning, and if he still thought Lydia was beautiful, that only reflected well on herself. So there!

Sandra sang vigorously, and Ezra whispered from the bench beside her. “Happy that your
Mamm
is marrying today?”

Sandra faked a smile and sang even louder. Ezra would have to think what he wanted. Maybe she had finally made an impression on him. How that would translate into a request for a date, she wasn't sure. But anything was better than this gray existence where Ezra smiled and did nothing.

On the second line of the song, Bishop Henry rose slowly to his feet and led the line of ministers upstairs. Amos stood to follow them with
Mamm
beside him, and the two fell in line behind the ministers. The singing continued for another twenty minutes until Amos and
Mamm
returned.

The ministers had instructed them for the same length of time a young couple usually stayed upstairs. Amos and
Mamm
knew as
much about marriage as any of the ministers did, but likely the ministers had spent their time in wishing the couple well. Or in talking about the problems inherent in a second marriage—such as feuding children. That's what Clyde and she were—only worse. Clyde wanted to marry her.

Sandra glanced down at Ezra's arm pressed against her dress. On impulse she slipped her fingers into his hand. He smiled and didn't seem to mind. They rarely had opportunities for such intimacies. Here one had presented itself, and she was not about to pass up the chance. Maybe Ezra would see how pleasant things would be if she saw him every Sunday evening, and they could hold hands together on the couch.

Ten minutes later Bishop Henry reappeared at the stair door with the other ministers behind him, and Sandra let go of Ezra's hand. The singing stopped and moments later the preaching began.
Mamm
listened to each word with rapt attention. Maybe
Mamm
thought she needed fresh instructions as she faced life again with a man. Sandra knew she herself would need more than preaching in order to live with Amos. She would need a lightning bolt from heaven to keep her on the straight and narrow. But
Mamm
was obviously more saintly.

Bishop Henry rose to his feet at eleven o'clock for the main sermon. A smile flitted on his face as the bishop addressed
Mamm
and Amos.

“We have come now to this hour when the two of you will promise your lives to each other for better or worse. You will now walk together in the will and blessing of the Lord. I know that both of you are older and wiser for this marriage. At least one would hope so.” Bishop Henry paused for a chuckle. “I wonder sometimes how wise I am when I see childishness and ingratitude in my attitude toward
Lena. But I trust you will both allow the Lord's spirit to guide you in your walk together through life. I know my heart is gladdened today. Especially after the sorrow we experienced recently with Brother Emil's passing. But we will think of happiness today and of the joy Brother Emil must be experiencing with the Lord.”

Mamm
wiped away a tear and Bishop Henry hurried on with his sermon. From the look on his face Bishop Henry wished he hadn't brought up
Daett
's name. The minutes ticked on and Bishop Henry wrapped up his sermon at a quarter to twelve. “Now if our brother and sister, Amos and Edna, are still willing to enter into the holy state of matrimony, please come forward.”

Amos stood to his feet and
Mamm
followed him.
Mamm
's dress was of a slightly lighter blue color, but still drab. Sandra hadn't thought of how
Mamm
appeared until now. Amos could have chosen a nicer color. The bitterness raced through Sandra. She struggled to push the thought away.
Mamm
was beautiful even with the touch of sorrow that filled her face. With a calm voice
Mamm
said her vows with Amos.

“And now I pronounce you man and wife, in the name of the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob,” Bishop Henry said.
Mamm
tried to smile, but the effort failed. Amos practically glowed, though, and Sandra's bitter thoughts came back.

They were still there when Amos and
Mamm
took their seats again and the last song was sung. The long line of table waiters stood to their feet and moved toward the kitchen. Sandra tried to breathe evenly. Her anger toward Amos still hadn't subsided.

Sandra caught sight of the satchel strap that had fallen into the aisle only a moment before her foot caught it. With a cry she sprawled forward into the kitchen, ending up on the floor with a loud crash. The pain in her foot was so intense she couldn't pull in
a full breath. Ezra had grasped her arm, but too late. His attention was now fixed on the chair that had tipped sideways and lodged in the ankle of her boot.

“Hold still until I can get the chair out,” Ezra whispered.

Hot flashes filled Sandra's face and neck as she clutched the leg of the kitchen table. This was what happened when bitterness and anger entered the heart. The Lord had rebuked her severely for her transgression, and shamed her in front of the whole community. Sandra moaned and looked up as several of the table waiter girls' faces peered down at her.
Mamm
's anxious face soon appeared as she knelt beside Sandra.

Mamm
repeated Ezra's words. “Hold still.”

Sandra almost cried out as Ezra gently moved the chair.

“Is it broken?” Horror tinged
Mamm
's voice. “Surely not! Oh, Sandra!”

“No, it's not broken.” Sandra gritted her teeth. She was not about to destroy her day with Ezra. No, not for anything! Not after they had barely begun to enjoy each other's presence. Why did she have to fall over a satchel strap like a klutz and wrap her foot in a chair?

“Come.” Ezra offered his hand, and Sandra gripped his arm with both hands. She groaned as Ezra helped her up. Sandra stood with both hands on the table's edge.

“Try your foot.” Ezra smiled encouragingly. “Maybe it's just wrenched.”

Sandra applied pressure to the floor and cried out.

“You must go into the doctor's office in Canton and have this x-rayed,”
Mamm
ordered. “Mark can take you.”

“But I have to wait on tables,” Sandra wailed. “I
want
to wait on tables.”

“You're not suffering because of me.”
Mamm
was firm. “And you can't work on that foot anyway.”

“You had best listen to your
mamm
,” Amos spoke up loudly. Sandra wilted. She couldn't defy the man in public. He was her
daett
now.

“It'll be for the best.” Ezra squeezed Sandra's arm, trying to comfort her.