A New Dream [Dreams: 1] (14 page)

He had to be his lover’s pillar. When he would wake up, James would need him.
Don’t crack. Be strong. He needs you.

C
hapter 20 –
J
ames:
Surprise visit

O
uch!
The first sensation coming to James’ mind was pain. A numb ache in his arms and legs
―
as if he had the flu or had run a marathon
―
and a burn in his stomach. He tried to move but something stirred on his right arm.
IV.
He sighed internally. He was in a hospital, but what for? Was it Germany again? He shifted his leg and felt no pain other than the stiffness in his muscles.
Definitely not the knee. What’s wrong here?

He thought for a minute the last few months with David might have been dreams and he was lost in some kind of different dimension. Abruptly, everything flooded back into his mind. The lazy afternoon with his lover, the nice evening at the bar, the music, the group of drunks, the fight, the stabbing… He remembered perfectly the face of the tall, somber man who had stood in front of him, hiding his true assailant. He had been so focused on what seemed like the main threat he had forgotten to look out for other menaces. It was a rookie's mistake. As he began to feel guilty, a different impression awakened in his conscience.

Without opening his eyes, he knew it was David’s hand on his. Soft and reassuring, long fingers were gently stroking his wrist. He heard indistinct sounds, regular beeps but also nonsense words murmured with a low, smooth voice.
Lover.
He tried to open his eyes, squinting under the blinding white light of the overhead lamps and quickly shut them again. This time slowly, he reopened them and focused his blurred vision on the silhouette hunched over his hand. Seeing David with those dark circles under his eyes, his light stubble transformed into a short beard due to a lack of shaving and his paler than usual face, broke James’ heart.
How long have I been here?
James wondered.

“Hey,” he croaked, his lips and throat parched.

David almost jumped out of his chair. Shock and surprise were written on his face, as if he didn’t think James would wake up.

“
Oh, mon Dieu!
You’re awake? You’re awake! I thought I would never see you again...” Tears fell from his eyes as David sobbed loudly, his head resting on James’ hand, his fingers clenched tight
―
almost painfully
―
on James’ hand. His body shook with the relief and his mad crying. He soaked the bed linen with his tears and James couldn’t hold his own tears back. He silently let the hot streams pour down his own cheeks, suddenly atrociously aware of what he could have lost.

“Hey... hey… shush baby. It’s okay, I’m here now.” He stroked David’s hair with his free hand, trying to soothe his lovely man. He felt like the tears were not solely for the fear of losing his boyfriend. James thought there was more to it. Maybe a reminder of the last time he was in a hospital? He made some circling moves on David’s back, appeasing him the best way he could.

He interrupted the motion to pull the rolling table closer to him for a sip of water when he saw a glass, half filled with a clear liquid and a straw, standing on it. He was so thirsty. The water was tepid, but it felt like nectar of the Gods.
Pure heaven.
He sighed, satisfied for now and put the glass down. He resumed his calming gestures on his man. After several minutes, David lifted his head from James’ hand. His face ravaged by the tears, his eyes puffy and red-rimmed. He still had difficulties easing his breathing but he managed to say a few words.

“Three days…
oh putain…
Thank God, you’re back.” James was surprised to learn he'd been lying there for three long days. Well, that explained David’s short beard and his overall neglected look. David sobbed some more but seemed to regain his calm after a few deep, if shaky, breaths. “I’m so sorry.”

“Hey, don’t say that, Lover, no need to apologize.”

“Yeah,” he cut him off. “I’m crushing your fingers, I’m crying my eyes out on you and I’m not even the one who’s been stabbed. Sorry but I’m a bit…overwhelmed I think.” He breathed hard. “Seeing you lying down in the bar, all the blood, and then the waiting…I thought you…”

He sniffed. “You know, when Suzanne and I had the accident, I was scarcely injured and I woke up from my coma just a few days after the car crash. Suzanne, she…she had micro-fractures on the cervical vertebrae.  They weren’t broken in pieces, just... cracked. Anyway, the paramedics brought her to the hospital, I don’t know how, without increasing the damage. She stayed between life and death for days. We were waiting, full of hope and…all of that for nothing. She died a few days after.” He paused, breathing through his nose
―
his eyes closed, full of unshed tears. “For a long time, I’d hoped it was me, instead of her.”

Witnessing his breakdown was breaking James’ heart. He wanted to comfort him when all he could do was hold his hand and wait. He squeezed his hand in silent support. David forced a quivering smile.

“She had lost too much blood and her body wouldn’t cooperate. She wasn’t coming back to us. Her broken neck was a big concern for the doctors and, well…I guess it was her time to go. So, when I saw you there with all this blood and found myself next to a hospital bed again, holding my lover, waiting for you to wake up…” He ran a trembling hand through his already disheveled hair. “I thought it was all my fault again.” He cast his eyes down, his voice choked by tears.

“How can it be your fault, sweetheart?” James asked in a soft tone. He waited a long moment before David felt strong enough to answer.

“I was driving. The road was slippery. I was thirsty and I couldn’t reach the bottle of water in the back of the car. So I asked her to grab it. She unbuckled her seat belt and was turning around, getting off from her seat, when a tired truck driver lost control and swerved onto the wrong side of the road. The car flipped over several times before stopping. Her head hit the roof of the car and she went through the windshield. She lay on the grass verge like a discarded poppet. On top of the fractures of her cervical vertebrae, she broke her legs and several ribs. She had internal bleeding damage and, as I said, she had lost a lot of blood. It was dripping onto the slick road, washed away by the rain.”

He paused again, lost in thoughts. “When I woke up, I went to see her, she was…unrecognizable. She used to be so…radiant, the sun incarnate. But there, she looked…faded, as if someone had switched off her light button. The bulb was broken inside.”

The shaking had stopped but to James the man still felt fragile. Caressing David’s hand had calmed James in the process and eased the pain in his chest. Now the suffering came from his lover’s memories and what it made him feel. He was about to talk when David spoke again.

“When you were lying on the floor, all I could think was that my lover once again had died through my fault.” There it was again. The guilt.

“I can understand why you’d feel guilty about the car accident, even if I disagree. But I don’t understand why on Earth you would be held responsible for a man stabbing
me
.
I
should be the one feeling guilty. I’m a trained soldier, for God’s sake. I’ve been doing this for years, watching the enemy coming, elaborating strategies and going for it. All I did was gamble on the wrong horse. I’m the one who fucked up.”

“I don’t know. It’s probably my twisted mind playing games. But I feel like I could have done something different, something useful for a change. I was standing next to you. And the next second, you were at my feet, bleeding your belly out. “

James cut him off. “Lover, what’s that saying again? If ifs and ands were pots and pans, there’d be no work for tinker hands… You can’t undo what belongs to the past. If I hadn’t invested with Bo, I wouldn’t have been there. If you hadn't tried your luck at the Green Card Lottery, you wouldn’t be here and we wouldn’t have this discussion. But, mainly, if there were no homophobic pricks like that guy and his cronies, I wouldn’t have been hurt, as well as thousands of people around the world, every year.” James lifted his hand and grazed David’s beard. “Now, we’re gonna stop worrying and enjoy each minute together.
Je t’aime, mon coeur.”

“I love you too, sweetheart.” They kissed tenderly, David gently licking his cracked lips.

A light knock at the door made them both jump and David hurried to sit down on his uncomfortable chair. A nurse came in, checked James' vitals and rearranged the bedding for James to be more comfortable.

She was smiling throughout and when she was done with everything she spoke in a sweet voice. “There is a young lady waiting to see you in the corridor. Would you like to see her?”

“That must be Jet or Sin.” David glanced at him and James nodded his consent to the nurse who smiled again and turned around to let the girl enter the room.

James recognized the young red-head from the chat session they’d had via Skype earlier last week when David had introduced his kids to him, but David was still surprised to see her here, judging by his open mouth and his astonished expression.

“Jenny! But, what are you doing here?!” He stood up so fast he almost knocked the chair over. He joined the girl still hovering at the door in two big strides and took her in his arms. James watched them silently, observing his lover with the miniature woman in his arms.

“
Papa!”
David spun her around and she laughed. They mumbled to each other, James barely understanding what they were talking about, but they were mostly words of comfort and joy at seeing each other again. When she backed off out of their embrace, she was smiling the same way her father always did.

“Jet rang me to tell me what happened. I was so worried. I didn’t want you to live through this alone so I just took my days earlier than scheduled and hopped on a plane. Here I am. Hey, here’s a hug from Jules.” She hugged him so tight the air was forced out of his lungs in a rush. She released him as quickly as she had reached for him. “He would have come if he could have.”

They hugged again, David wrapping his long arms around her tiny features. Their love was so evident that James’ stomach lurched with worry. What would happen when she’d see him, her father’s new boyfriend? When moments later her eyes landed on him, he knew.

“And you?” She pointed at James, her face set. She was petite but impressive. “How dare you getting stabbed?! Like, what? He doesn’t have enough to deal with?”

James was, for once, at a loss for words. He wondered if this air of authority served her well in her line of work. After all, you had to stand your ground with kids, too.

The only word he managed to blurt out was a poor “Huh!” and David, the traitor, chuckled.

“Leave him alone, sweets. It’s not his fault.”

James watched them
―
father and daughter
―
in each other’s arms. They were so alike and yet so different. He was tall where she was petite. He had dark hair where she was a red head. Her short spiky hair made her look like a fairy.
Where are her wings?
He wondered smugly. She had a small face to match her general frame but that were all their differences. For the rest, they were perfect copies. They had the same bluish-grey eyes that a fine line of black eyeliner brought out in her face. She wore no other make-up. They were both pale, the same melancholic expression on her face, same nose and same frail bone structure. She bore her meaningful eyes into James’, never breaking eye contact as she talked to her dad.

“Hey,
papa
, I’m dying for a hot cocoa now. Would you please get me some?”

He stared at her and cupped her face to turn it to him. “If you think I don’t see you coming, young lady, you’re barking up the wrong tree!”

On these enigmatic words, he smiled tightly at James and excused himself. The click of the door shutting resonated in the bedroom.
Okayyy…what’s going on here?

Jenny strolled to his bed and he shifted uncomfortably. She eventually sat on his bed, far  enough away to allow him to relax. She stared, saying nothing until…

“Do you love him?” She was dead serious. Her shoulders were tense, her back rigid with anxiousness. At least, it was an easy question.

“Yes.”

“What, yes? That’s all? Just yes? Not even a little ‘don’t worry, lady, I’ll take care of you father until the end of my life’ and so on, and so on?!” She faked outrage brilliantly, only her smirk betraying her. James chuckled and stopped abruptly when a sharp sting of pain made him grind his teeth.

“No, because it’s waffle. I love David, deeply. Probably more than I ever loved anyone in my life. Plain and simple.”

“I know that you’re much stronger than me, much taller and much everything but…” She stood up and leaned over him, supposedly more for the dramatic effect than anything else. He liked her. “If you break his heart, I’ll come back and beat you senseless.”

James did his best to keep his smile at bay. But, damn, it was hard. She was so cute in full mother bear mode.

“Got it.” He hoped that she missed the irony.

“Yeah right, mock me.”
Okay, apparently not.
She sat back. “Have fun as much as you like but I’m telling you, you won’t laugh as much when you know...”