A New Dream [Dreams: 1] (9 page)

C
hapter 13 –
D
avid:
Enchanted morning after

D
avid woke up at the crack of dawn the morning after, his consciousness rising slowly, tainting his world in warming colors. Heat in his heart. A sense of serenity. He was lying down on his side, his head buried underneath a pillow. He was so tired, he didn’t want to move. It brought the Grumpy out in him. He sighed.
Will it be one of those days, today?
He hoped not…

He thought for a minute about what he had done last night, checking if he had any regrets. There were none; he felt good, whole. He smiled, despite his grumpiness. He would save a deeper analysis for later, when he had fully awoken.

He felt James’ body shift against him. When an arm snaked its way around David’s waist, he beamed. James pressed his full body, from head to toe, against David’s. He appreciated the sensation of having a hard muscled body spooning him. He felt protected, safe.
That
definitely got him out of his grumpy state of mind. He pushed his butt against James’ hips. His reward came in the form of a groan and a stifled “Mornin’.”

“
Bonjour
, sunshine.” David answered hoarsely.

James nuzzled him like a pup seeking cuddles. David tilted his head for better access and moaned when James kissed the soft spot on his neck. He would gladly submit and show his belly for his Alpha. He turned over onto his back. James nibbled his shoulder and his skin took on a shiny shade of red. He marked easily and the scratch of James’ morning stubble would surely leave a nice imprint on him. David was delighted. He whined when James stopped.

“Like it?” James asked softly.

“Hmm…you’ve reached David’s answering machine. His upper-brain cells have gone down to his other brain, to see if they could get a better point of view on some matters of interest. You can leave a message and he’ll get back to you as soon as possible….or maybe not…when he comes…back to…ah…argh!!”

James chuckled, his teeth still clenched on David’s nipple. A lap of his tongue softened the nip. James pinned David on the mattress and looked him in the eyes, a predatory look on his face. David loved to be crushed by his lover’s heavy body. The sensation of their naked bodies and their already hard shafts rubbing against each other brought a smile –and a flush– to David’s face. They kissed fiercely, not knowing who started it as their hips opened the dance of their lovemaking. James broke the embrace and lifted his upper body, resting on his elbows. His muscles jutted out underneath his skin. David slid his fingers over the light golden fur on James’ forearms.

His voice was rough and the sparkles in his eyes fierce, when James spoke. “The whole staging last night? I did it for you to trust me, because I wanted you to take what I wanted to give you. But it’s not me. Staying on this bed, not knowing if you would choose me or not…”

He hid his face in the crook of David’s neck and breathed in, apparently shaken. He lifted his head up again. “But I loved it. The sensations were so prodigious. Now I need you to feel, to experience what I did last night. I want you to stay on the edge, to be focused on your body and mine, not knowing what I’ll do to you next.”

David’s breath hitched and his heartbeat sped up. His chest heaved against James’. His lover’s proximity, the heat between them, James’ sexy words…all of it made his head spin. Entirely focused on the area where their skin lost touch, David was hot ―trembling with anticipation and fear of what he was about to discover about himself.
Oh, bon sang…I’m gonna do it or die trying!
He couldn’t have stifled the moan that escaped his mouth if he had tried. He nodded feebly.

“But…I know that a first time can be…complicated, to say the least. So, we’ll go as far as you want, okay?”

James seemed to lose a bit of confidence so David rushed to comfort him. “I want all of you…I want...” James cut him off.

“Right now, since nothing is too real, you
do
want everything, but in the heat of the moment, maybe you’ll realize it’s not what you want. I’ll listen, if it’s ever the case. But I don’t want you to hesitate. If it’s too much, too fast, just stop me.”

The tone of authority got David out of his semi-conscious state, completely awake now. He nodded again, understanding fully what James suggested. He was offering him an easy way out, just in case he had second thoughts.
How nice of him.
His heart melted.

James eyed him seriously. “Will you allow me to blindfold you?” David nodded silently and James shook his head. “No, I need to hear you say it.”

“Yes, I do.” His voice barely more than a whisper but the force of the words hit them both with their finality.

James got up nimbly, in a cat-like move. He picked up the silky foulard that had fallen down to the ground during the night and came back up to straddle David. He leaned down to kiss him lightly on his lips and then folded the fabric before tying it behind David’s head.

David took his time to
feel
, to hear the ambient noises and to enjoy the moment.

First he heard James busying himself in the bedroom and rummaging in the nightstand. He sensed the mattress shifting under James’ weight and the rustle of fabric being pushed away. Finally, the faint pop of a bottle being pried open. A sweet, almost spicy, smell filled the room, something like orange mixed with what could be cinnamon. He identified the slippery sounds of two wet hands rubbing each other.

He took a sharp breath when the hands landed on the planes of his stomach.
Massage oil.
James was right: not knowing what would happen next was the icing on the cake.
Such ecstasy!
The sensation of the slickened hands on his torso was exquisite. He felt the pleasure growing inside him, as if his time as a caterpillar had expired and his wings were getting ready to come out of his body. He was transforming into a magnificent butterfly. James was setting him free, his hands sliding in concentric circles on his chest, shoulders, and arms before returning to his stomach. The same movement, repeated endlessly, was beginning to hypnotize David.

He realized how difficult it was to let go when the tantalizing hands tortured his thighs, drifting closer and closer to his crotch. He wanted to accelerate things, to be touched where he craved it but the decision wasn’t his.
Fucking do it…stop torturing me!
He couldn’t say that out loud. The whole thing was about daring to let his lover take the lead. James was in charge, not David and he had to let go.

He tried desperately not to move, not to be too loud but he couldn’t stop it. He moaned and grunted and groaned and…mewled.
So what?! I’m not silent…sue me!
He promptly dismissed the thought of the neighbors doing exactly that when James sneaked a hand under one of his legs to caress the crack between his buttocks. He cried out with the intensity of his excitement, his
“Ooooooh”
echoing loudly in the bedroom. And when fingers were wrapped around his eager cock, he went straight to seventh heaven.

On his knees between David’s spread legs, James’ hands milled about him silently, as he stroked him deliberately, wandering closer and closer to his tight pucker. At some point, David well past any kind of embarrassment, a single slick digit probed his entrance, kindly asking for permission. He allowed it entrance and bit his lips to blood. The oil and the massage had relaxed him enough to make the penetration smooth and painless. David hissed at the first knuckle, trying to get used to it. Such a visceral answer from his body…

David was overwhelmed. James’ tongue joined the game and its feather light touch made David lose the ability of speech and thought. He was explored from every angle, stroked, licked, sucked, finger-fucked…he wished he could see what was happening, witness what his man was doing to him, his head bobbing up and down on David’s slick cock. Maybe they could do that next time –
next time? Yeah, definitely.

James’s index finger slid in and out of David in rhythm with his sucking movement. The moans emitting from James’ throat while he blew David’s mind, sent David over the moon. He closed his eyes and saw billions of stars, so bright that he wanted to close his inner eyes to avoid the luminosity. He opened his mouth wide and without making any sound he climaxed. James swallowed all he had to give, until the very last drop. David gasped when James retrieved his finger and he was left with a horrid sense of loss.
What will it be when it’s James’ cock?
Still lost in the afterglow, he vaguely felt James pulling him in his arms, rolling them on their side as he discarded the blindfold, erasing a single tear that ran down David’s cheek. He hadn’t seen that coming.

“Hey…are you okay?” James asked softly, his tone worried.

“Yeah, it’s just…I miss you already and I’m…I’m sorry.” He finished in a whisper.

“But why?”

“I was too quick…I wanted to go farther, so much farther…” James cut him off.

“We have all the time we want, right? You have nowhere else to go?” He smiled.

“No,” David chuckled feebly. “But next time, I want the whole menu, starter, main course and dessert.” He smirked faintly. “I’m so sorry…” He buried his head in the crook of James’ neck. He caressed the defined muscles of James’ pecs and abs with both hands. He wanted to hide, to crawl in a hole and never come out of it.

“Hey…hey!” James called him softly. He grabbed David by the hair and peeled his head gently back, forcing him to meet his eyes. “What’s happening in this head of yours? Talk to me!”

“Nothing…much. I wanted to be up to whatever you had in mind. I have access to something I’ve desperately wanted all my life. I don’t want to ruin everything because I’m not enough of this or too much of that.”

“Oh, believe me, you’re perfect as you are,” James smiled mischievously. “Just be yourself and you’ll be fine.”

James didn’t let go of his hair but his eyes showed the smile he didn’t dare show on his lips. David liked to be maintained, forced to stay in a certain position by his man –
his man.
Suddenly, the smile in James’ eyes was replaced with hunger, as James swooped down on him and ravished his mouth, not letting his hair down. He was the one in charge, the one to decide what David would experience next. David was blinded by the emotional turmoil and the physical sensations. Everything melted in his head. He didn’t even know if James had come. The only thing he was sure about was that he was pressed against James and James against him. It was impossible to tell who moaned louder, they were in there together, wherever
there
was.

And for now, without any further explanation needed, that would do.

C
hapter 14 –
J
ames:
Doubts

D
espite their early awakening, the time to return to work came too soon.

They decided to enjoy their afternoon after David’s shift and went for a picnic in Franklin Park. It was a huge park, partially wooded, and James had always loved to take long walks through it. The zoo was also located in the park but there were plenty of different things to do and James decided to take David to the Overlook Ruins, the remnants of the original Overlook Shelter, which burnt in the forties just before White Stadium was built.

It was a quiet area in the park and they wouldn’t be disturbed by the crowd there. They took two blankets, sandwiches, beers and a thermos of hot coffee. The temperatures were still low despite the sun, lower than in France any way, according to David. The man spoke a lot about his native country and James was all ears when he did. He loved how the more David talked about France, the more you could hear his cute French accent. The only problem James had was converting temperatures and distances, from Celsius to Fahrenheit and from kilometers to miles. Apart from that, the conversations were fluid and there was no awkward silence between them.

The memories David shared with him reminded James of all he had missed as a child. Whether it was warm family gatherings or singing and playing guitar at a camp fire, David’s memories were happy ones. He hadn’t talked about his wife yet but he had implied that he had married her to do what everyone expected from him. He put himself in David’s shoes, imagining how it must have been to live in the 80s, in a small village where minds were set based on the conservative moral principles of the Catholic Church…It wouldn’t have made him want to get out of the closet and shout his pride from the rooftops, James was sure of that.

Of course, it wasn’t James to shout his pride, in any situation. He wasn’t that arrogant, but it wasn’t because he feared judgment. He remained aloof and kept his private matters private, because he was made that way. It wasn’t anyone’s business who he’d fuck or who he’d care for. He was who he was and he didn’t give two cents about what people might think of him. He had enough with his own problems, so he didn’t want to deal with others' opinions on top of it. The only person he cared about was his sister Laura. He had been lucky to have her to look after. It had given him an anchoring until he hit eighteen and had to leave their umpteenth foster home to start his own life. Their youth seemed to have been quite different from David’s.

When they arrived in Franklin Park, they settled down on one of the blankets at the foot of a big tree, sipping a beer as they huddled together comfortably. David sat between James’ legs, his back to his lover’s chest as they observed the scenery and the few people ambling about. There was a man playing Frisbee with his dog nearby.

They enjoyed every minute of their rest, David nuzzled James’ neck from time to time as they relished the sandwiches, talking about everything and nothing. James loved feeling the weight of David’s back against his chest. He had draped the second blanket over them so their bodies weren't in the public eye. He wouldn’t hide but he wouldn’t provoke anyone either. He wasn’t ashamed of who he was and he hoped as hell David wasn’t either.

As they watched the surroundings, the owner of the dog threw the Frisbee in the wrong direction and it landed near their blanket. The man trotted over to them, arriving a little out of breath. He shot them a hundred watt smile. James hadn’t realized how stunning the guy was from distance. Piercing green eyes were partially hidden by a mop of shaggy, brown hair.

“Hey!” he panted. “Sorry guys, I didn’t think I had so much force in my arm!”

“No worries.” James answered.

The young man couldn’t be more than twenty-five. He observed them, his eyes going back and forth between David, still leaning against James’ chest, and James who was waiting calmly. It took a few seconds for the scene to register but then his mouth formed a silent “O”.

“Well, I don’t regret coming over. The view is well worth the trip.” He grinned. His smile divulged his thoughts as he assessed them blatantly. James felt David tensing against him and he wrapped him protectively in a tight embrace. A few days earlier, he would have been glad to eat the cute guy for dessert, however, he wasn't hungry anymore.

“Nice dog,” James stated, not taking the bait. He was staring back, his look giving a clear warning. The kid seemed to get the gist and nodded imperceptibly.

“Yeah, he’s cute. He’s some kind of bulldog mixed with I don’t know what.” His smile hadn’t faltered. “A true bastard!”

When he heard that, James saw red. He’d been called that a lot in his childhood. A bastard, son of a murderer…
”You should have died with her! Worthless bastard!”

The words resonated in his mind as if they had been thrown at him the day before. It felt like salt in his opened wounds.
Get a grip!
He had seen worse. He was a soldier at heart. He had met Death and survived. James held on to those facts and repeated them as a mantra. He closed his eyes and swallowed.

David closed his arms around James' in comfort. And when he talked, it was with an unexpected kindness.

“Maybe he’s a bastard, as you say, but they often have the biggest hearts and sensibility. He’s a beauty. What’s his name?” David astutely changed the subject.

The man acknowledged the change of subject by nodding and added “Jizz. I know, I know, I got him with this name. I thought I could change it but, hey, it’s funny!”

James chuckled and when he saw that David hadn’t got it, he explained.

“Jizz is another word for semen…”

“Oh!” When David realized how ridiculous it was as a dog’s name, he got the giggles. His laugh was so communicative, they all snorted together during what felt like ages.

As their giggles came to their natural end, they wiped their eyes in time to see an old couple passing nearby. The old man glared at them, eyes filled with hate and he mumbled “Fucking fags.” To James, it hadn't fallen on deaf ears. He had heard worse, as far as insults were concerned, but this was the straw that broke the camel’s back. James was sick of people considering being “a fag” sinful. Since when had love become such a bad thing? Young people used the word everyday and didn’t seem to see it as an outrageous way to treat someone. It had become a bad habit, almost a verbal tic for them.

For the elderly, it was different. They meant what they said and they knew  their words could hurt. In the cathedral's neighborhood, there were some crazy bigots who would take umbrage at having homosexuals near their home and they weren’t shy about showing their resentment. James couldn’t bear it anymore. No. He
wouldn’t
bear it anymore.

“Excuse me?! Could you repeat that?” he snapped. “Maybe I’ve not heard well enough. Did you just call us fucking fags? What do you care who we love and who we fuck? Why do you care if I putt from the rough? Do you wanna know what my favorite position is too? Do I ask you if you go down on your good ol’ lady, man?!” He knew he was overreacting but he couldn’t stand their damned bigotry, bundled up in their straight-laced demeanor. They could as well have a broom handle stuck up their… “Love is love,” he spat.” I don’t care what you’re doing in your bloody bed so don’t fucking dare put your nose in mine and everyone will be happy. Now, don’t let me stop you and have a good day!”

When the old man, lips pursed, stared back in contempt, James repeated, “Have a good day, sir. Now, leave!”

They didn’t comment and hurriedly made their way, furious and shocked. Watching them until they disappeared around a bend in the path, he looked down to find David and the guy staring up at him. Even the dog was looking at him, tongue hanging out, drooling on their blanket, as if to say “Well done, man!”

David looked surprised and shocked by the violence of his answer.
He probably didn't even heard the insult, he must think I'm mad.
James hadn’t realized he had stood up and it was only when he unfurled his fists that he noticed he had clenched them in the first place. He forced his muscles to relax and planted himself back down on the blanket next to his lover. He sighed deeply. He didn’t want David to see him like this, but David grabbed his hand and squeezed it a little, smiling at him proudly. James couldn’t fathom why he would be proud. He had just lost it in front of everyone for two idiots who weren't worth the fight. A voice resonated in his head.
You ain’t no better man than your old man, kid!

It echoed in his brain like a death penalty. So definitive. He pictured himself, a blood-covered knife in his hand, David bleeding to death at his feet. His heart missed a beat and his chest heaved. He shuddered violently and closed his eyes to make the vision disappear. As he opened  them, David’s worried face was all he could see.

“
Ça va
?” David asked.

“
Oui
, I’m okay…just a bad memory.” James answered wearily.

The dog owner, who was still standing at the edge of the blanket, interrupted the exchange. “Oh my God, you speak French? I knew there was something different about you guys!! You’re so sexy!” He looked like an excited puppy.

David burst out laughing. “French guys are sexy? No more than American ones, or men of any other nationality!”

“Are you kidding me, man? Jean-Paul Gaultier, Yves Saint-Laurent, André Gide, Jean Cocteau…”

“Ha-ah,” David cut the younger man with a smirk, “your references are a bit dated but I’ll forgive you. We don’t have many famous gay stars. Footballers stay quiet, actors hide and each rumor is refuted. You’d think that they’re ashamed or something. An out and proud French star is as rare as seeing a Yeti outside of the Himalayas!”

They smiled at the comparison.

“Yeah, here it’s a bit difficult to come out too, especially in some sports.” The guy held out his hand. “By the way, I’m Chris.”

James and David introduced themselves and they learned that Chris worked for a real estate agency where he organized visits, prepared contracts and dealt with reparations. He lived with his best friend and his love life was apparently a mess. His humor and laugh were contagious and they had a great time as they spend the rest of the day together. David told Chris the recent events in his life.
He seems so comfortable with him.
James thought, a sting of jealousy piercing his heart. David didn’t give any detail about their relationship and James was very careful not to comment on it either.

He had some trouble realizing that David and he had only arrived in Boston last week. So many things had changed since then. He had decided to try it with this beautiful dark-haired man, with his skin so pale and his matching eyes. And last night, he shared his bed. The mere thought of having him in his bed again stirred his cock. He tried to think about something that would help him regain control over his undisciplined body.

He remembered the incident with the homophobic pricks and the voices in his head.
Do I have any right to inflict that on David? There is some pretty bad shit in my past that will probably affect our…relationship, if we ever have a real one. But…what if…what if I’m really like
him
? What if I’m like my father? What if I become an alcoholic, cheating on the love of my life every night, like him? And if I can get this angry this easily, what if I destroy our family life by acting on it?”

He knew he was overreacting and that it would probably never happen. But he would never forgive himself if anything did happen to David. He’d had his fair share of pain in his life and James wanted to protect him. He couldn’t take the risk of hurting him in any way. He moaned inwardly in despair. This morning, when they’d woken up, James had felt as if he had finally found his home. Not having the lean body against him in the mornings would be a torture. But it would be worse to lose David because of James' own bad temper. James was tormented, torn between the need and lust he felt for his Frenchie and the fear to hurt his beautiful soul.

His doubts tortured him for the rest of the day and it was only when they parted ways with Chris in the early evening that he knew what he had to do.