Addicted to Him (15 page)

“If I can’t have you forever, I don’t want you at all,” he says disgustedly. He pulls away from me and jumps back into the car. I stand frozen against the car until he starts revving the motor and I’m afraid he might leave me out here all alone. I slide back into the passenger seat knowing that, for once, I was right. He was too good to be true.

He doesn’t bother getting out of the car when he pulls into the driveway. I sit there for a minute, hoping he’ll at least look at me, but I guess I can’t blame him. I’m abandoning a guy with abandonment issues. I’m not sure how I expected him to react. I lean over and kiss his smooth cheek for the last time.

“I’ll never forget you,” I tell him, then bolt inside, never looking back.

****

I’m lying awake in my bed, obsessively checking my cell phone every two minutes when I hear the home phone ring. The clock on my phone reads 1:22 am. Rain pelts against my window and a bolt of lightning strikes down close enough to shake the house. Someone answers the phone on the second ring and soon after I see light peeking in under my door.

I throw a T-shirt on over my tank top and slide pajama bottoms on and make my way downstairs. Dad is pulling a suitcase out of a downstairs closet and Lisa is making a pot of coffee.

“Is everything okay?” I ask, rubbing my eyes to try and make an effort to look like I’ve been asleep.

“I’m so sorry we woke you, sweetie. Lisa’s dad had a heart attack and we really need to get to Cheyenne tonight.”

“Lisa, I’m so sorry,” I say, walking toward her. Her eyes are wild and I see her looking at the coffee can confused, like she can’t remember how to do something that she does at least twice a day. I take the can from her and add the amount of coffee I’ve watched her dump into the filter so many times since I’ve been here.

“I have to pack some clothes,” she says vacantly.

“I can help you with that,” I say, flipping the coffeepot on and bolting upstairs to gather her things for her. I start in the bathroom with her makeup, finding a cosmetic bag in the bathroom closet. Lisa isn’t one for excess so I know that she uses every single one of the basic products neatly lined up in her vanity drawer.

“Are you going to be okay here by yourself?” Dad says, hurrying in to collect his shampoo and deodorant. “You are more than welcome to come with. I just don’t know how pleasant this is going to be.”

“I’ll be fine here. Don’t worry about me.” I almost add that I’ve been staying by myself since I was seven but I decide not to pile any additional stress on Dad’s shoulders.

Thunder rumbles and the lights blink but thankfully stay on.

“Our electric is buried underground so it hardly ever goes out, but if it does, there are flashlights downstairs next to the refrigerator and Lisa has candles everywhere.”

“Dad, I’ll be fine,” I promise but head downstairs to grab a flashlight just in case.

Lisa is still sitting on a bar stool in her pajamas with her head resting on the island. She looks so fragile that I just want to pick her up and promise her that everything is going to be okay. But what do I know? Her father might die before she even gets to Cheyenne for all I know. I’m done putting my foot in my mouth. Look at all the good it did with Seth.

“Dad’s almost ready. Can I help you get dressed?” I offer, lightly tapping her shoulder.

She looks up at me with her warm brown eyes and I can’t help but wrap my arms around her. I’m careful not to promise her anything even though I want to.

“I couldn’t love you more if you were my own, Cassidy,” Lisa says unexpectedly.

I gasp with surprise at her revelation. The sensible part of me wants to pull away from her, knowing how hard it will be to leave here in a few weeks. But tonight the little girl still inside me that has longed for unconditional love for so long clings to her tighter than ever. “Being your daughter would be an honor,” I tell her, not bothering to wipe the tears rolling down my cheeks.

If Lisa was my mom, everything would be different. I would have someone always two steps ahead of me, looking out for danger and trying to steer me in a different direction. Someone who would look forward to the day I walk down the aisle instead of someone trying to figure out how to sabotage anything special in my life.

“I want you to stay here forever,” she says, sobbing uncontrollably.

For a brief moment, I allow myself to imagine a life free of perverted stepfathers and manipulative mothers. A life filled with as much potential and happiness as I could handle. No one to beat me down emotionally when they feel I’m flying higher than they are. A life of freedom.

“She’s just really upset, Cassidy,” Dad explains, pulling Lisa off of me and shrugging her into her raincoat. He looks at me apologetically and I can’t figure out what he’s apologizing for. Then I realize that he is trying to tell me that Lisa is just emotional right now and she is saying things she doesn’t necessarily mean in the heat of the moment. I wink at him to let him know I understand even though my heart is slowing breaking.

Dad pulls a wad of cash out of his wallet and plunks it down on the island. “We might be gone for a few days. You’ve got our cell numbers,” he says distractedly.

“Dad, seriously, I’ll be fine,” I assure him even though I know I’ll be spending the whole time feeling sorry for myself over losing Seth.

I help Dad get Lisa situated in the car and watch them back down the driveway. Dad presses the garage door opener and the door starts to go down. I wave to them then something across the street catches my eye. A bolt of lightning lights up the sky and for a second before the door closes I could swear I saw the pickup Seth picked me up in one night.

I bolt out of the garage and run through the house turning off all the lights. I know I’m being stupid because why would Seth be sitting across the street watching my house when he was furious with me earlier?

I’m being so stupid. I head upstairs to my bedroom telling myself that I’m getting delirious from lack of sleep. I peel off my T-shirt and pajama bottoms and slide into my luxurious sheets in just a tank top and panties. I roll on my side and close my eyes but this nagging feeling just won’t go away.

I toss the covers back and make my way to the window, peeking out the corner of the blinds. There, across the street, is a pickup exactly like Seth’s facing our house. There is nothing to identify it as being his and then it hits me how many black pickups there must be just in this neighborhood. I’m about to climb back in bed when something illuminates the inside of the pickup.

Even through the rain I know it’s Seth. My phone chirps and I jump. I grab it off the table and read the text.
U alone?

I don’t bother texting back because I’m too busy running down the stairs. I toss my cell phone on the velvet couch and fling open the front door. I run outside barefoot into the pouring rain with barely any clothes on. I’ve never done anything this impulsive before, but I can’t let Seth drive out of my life again. I won’t lose him again, no matter what I have to do.

I run out in front of his truck, lightning crashing all around me, soaked to the bone. I can’t read the expression on his face. But why would he be here if he didn’t feel the same? He gets out of the truck and moves toward me. I want to say a million things to him but I just watch the rain pound down on him as he comes closer.

“I have to be with you,” he confesses, running a hand through his wet hair. “Even if it’s only for a few weeks.”

He moves closer and takes in my soaked tank top and panties. I can’t stand not touching him for one more second so I jump into his arms. He catches me as I wrap my legs around his waist and my arms around his neck.

“Tell me you want me,” he says, kissing my neck.

I crane my neck back and let the rain pour onto my face. “I want you, Seth,” I obey, knowing I’ve never spoken four truer words in my whole life. He pulls my face toward his and kisses me gently at first but then our need for each other takes over and we practically devour each other. Seth starts walking toward my house as I start unbuttoning his shirt. He walks through the open door and kicks it shut then starts up the stairs to my bedroom.

I peel Seth’s shirt off him and it drops in a wet heap on the stairs. I pull my tank top over my head and fling it somewhere, rubbing my hard nipples against his wet chest. A gold cross dangles against his chest, flashing in the darkness.

“Cass,” he groans, his fingers edging the top of my soaked panties. I hear him fumbling with his zipper as we finally reach the entrance of my bedroom. His shorts drop to the ground and he waddles the rest of the way inside my room then gently drops me on my bed.

I watch him peel off his shorts and boxers. I try to avert my eyes from the lower part of his body but he’s so hard that I can’t stop staring.

“Do you like it that you do this to me?” he asks, touching himself.

I nod back and forth while pulling my panties off. I have to have him inside me. I never came close to having any of these feelings about Ethan. I feel like I might go insane if he doesn’t touch me again soon. I writhe around on the bed, spreading my legs as an invitation to him. He climbs on the bed, never taking his eyes off mine.

“I’m going to love you so good that you’ll never be able to leave me,” he says, caressing my face.

I don’t doubt that this is going to be the best sex I have in my entire life but I won’t promise him anything. I won’t hurt him like that again.

“Do you want me, Cassidy?” he asks. I nod and he slides himself inside me.

“Oh, Seth. Yes,” I shriek, closing my legs around him and rocking underneath him. I never knew anything could feel so good. I don’t ever want it to end.

He drives his tongue into my mouth while keeping his eyes open the whole time. His hands move all over my body stopping to explore my nipples. He stops kissing me long enough to taste one. He watches my expression as he flicks my nipple with his tongue then sucks it into his mouth. I instantly feel the slickness between my legs increase which makes him groan. I lean up and take his cross into my mouth, knowing that this is about as close to heaven on Earth as I’ll ever get.

His eyes roll back in his head as he thrusts into me one last time. I feel myself tighten around him and then my body starts to spasm uncontrollably. We both yell out at the exact same moment and if I had any doubt that we were perfect for each other, I don’t now.

Seth collapses onto my chest and I run my fingers through his damp curls. A stray tear escapes my lid and races down my cheek. I have so many emotions running through me right now.

I never had any of these feelings with Ethan, and now that I have them for Seth, I can’t imagine going back to living life without him. It feels crazy after knowing him for only a few weeks, but I know, without a doubt, that I’m in love with him. It terrifies me to think that he might not feel the same about me.

“Please don’t leave me,” he whispers before drifting off to sleep.

****

“Wake up, beautiful,” I hear Seth say about five seconds before I feel him start to slide down my body.

“Seth, no,” I say, trying to pull him up. The thought of him down there makes me embarrassed for some reason but he won’t give up. He forces my legs apart and plunges his hot tongue between my legs. I yell out in pleasure, never knowing something could feel so good. His fingers find their way to my nipples, gently tugging them as his tongue explores me. It only takes seconds before my back arches and my body heaves with an uncontrollable orgasm.

“God, I love making you come,” he says, sliding back up me.

“The feeling is definitely mutual,” I agree, still out of breath. I feel his hardness lingering close to my wetness, his eyes meet mine, waiting for my approval. I use my hand to guide him inside of me.

“Jesus, Cassidy, you feel so amazing. I can’t hold out very long,” he proclaims, rocking back and forth on top of me slowly.

“You don’t have to, baby. I want you to come for me,” I say, not even embarrassed to be talking dirty to him. Everything just feels so natural and perfect with Seth, like we were born to be together.

“I’m never going to let you go,” he says then he tenses and his whole body is instantly covered in goose bumps. He collapses on top of me and buries his face in between my shoulder and my neck. His hot breath feels amazing against my skin and I love the fact that he is panting and trying to catch his breath because of me. I clasp my arms around him, never wanting to let go but knowing someday soon I’ll have to.

Chapter Nine

“I want to find you in the same exact spot when I get here tonight,” Seth teases, dropping his towel to give me a preview of what I can look forward to in a few hours.

I think I’ll at least take a shower,” I say, watching appreciatively as he steps into his dry boxers. “I wish you didn’t have to go.”

“Tell me about it, but I’ll be back soon. And the things I’m going to do to you,” he threatens, winking as he pulls his Chubby’s T-shirt over his head. It is ridiculous how happy it made me just pulling his dry clothes out of the dryer. I wish we could stay like this forever but I don’t want to make him feel guilty because I know he has to work.

“Will your mom give you a hard time about being gone?”

“Not if she wants me to show up for work,” he says harshly but I know that he would never let his mom down, no matter what he says. It’s one of the things I love about him. His undying loyalty toward his family.

“I’ll cook for you tonight,” I tell him, already planning the menu in my head.

“I can’t wait.” He leans down and kisses me, grabs his phone and keys then bolts out the door. I wait to hear him start up the truck then force myself out of bed. Making dinner won’t take long and I don’t know how I’m going to live without him for the next nine hours.

I jump in the shower and take my time shaving my legs. I replay all the things we did last night and my body starts tingling remembering how good Seth made me feel. I’m already starting to crave him even though he just left.