Addicted to Him (16 page)

I dry off and slip into a tank top and a pair of cut-off sweat pants. I gather up my sheets and take them downstairs to throw in the washing machine. I’m sitting at the dining room table when I hear my cell phone ring upstairs. My stomach jumps hoping it’s Seth even though I know he’s in the middle of the lunch crowd so it can’t be him.

Giddiness turns to gloom when I look at the screen and see that it is Chastity’s cell phone calling. I take a deep breath wondering what fresh hell she has for me before answering the phone.

“I was just getting ready to call you,” I lie in the cheeriest voice I can muster.

“Oh, I’m sure you were, Little Miss Fancy Suntanned Girl,” Chastity smarts off, making my stomach turn. It’s almost like she can see me relaxing and I have to wonder if maybe she Google mapped Dad’s house and somehow it’s on a live feed.

“What are you talking about?”

“From the picture I saw on Facebook last night, you’ve got yourself a fancy new do, a tan, some inappropriate clothes and it looks like you and your step-monster are BFF’s.”

I forgot all about the picture Dad posted to Facebook. I made sure he didn’t tag me in it but he must not have his wall locked. This could ruin me.

“This little excursion was supposed to be a punishment but it looks like you’re spending time at Club Med. I think maybe you should come home early.”

I instantly feel the urge to puke just thinking of leaving my life here and never seeing Seth again. I know she is probably bluffing but I have to say something to convince her that I’m miserable.

“Do you have any idea what it’s like being treated like a human doll? She made me wear those stupid clothes and she forced me to dye my hair. Dad won’t stick up for me at all, he just goes along with anything she says. I freaking hate it here. I’ll change my reservation right now if you’ll let me. I want to come home.”

I hold my breath hoping that I didn’t go overboard. I usually know how to push her buttons just right if I want to, but I have so much invested in this I’m afraid I may not have been as convincing as I usually am.

“Well, you can’t come home right now anyway.”

I hold back an audible sigh, relieved that my reprieve isn’t cut short.

“Your brother is driving me crazy. God, sometimes I wish he was stupid so I had to send him to summer school,” she says.

I’m tempted to remind her that she doesn’t actually watch him anyway but sends him outside to play for eight hours while she catches up on her dumb ass Kardashian shows, but I keep my lips shut tight.

“How is baseball going?” I ask to distract her.

“He got a homerun last night. Phil hasn’t stopped talking about it,” she says proudly. I recoil at the mention of Phil’s name, making me glad she can’t see me. I’m so happy for my little brother that he has two parents who are proud of him but sometimes I wonder why she’s never proud of me.

“That’s exciting. He’s got quite the little arm.” I’m so glad that the hours I’ve played catch with him are finally paying off.

“We’ll change your hair back when you get home. That cut and color doesn’t do anything for you,” she says in a tone I’ve come to recognize as one she uses when she is lying.

“It’ll be back to normal when I get home,” I say, knowing that she’ll have to hold me down and dye it herself because I’m done making myself ugly to make her feel better.

“You look like you’re getting kind of chunky. Don’t let that get out of control,” she stresses, even though we both know she just wants me bone thin and not curvy. “We aren’t going to be around for a few weeks.”

“Where are you going?” I ask, worried. She is acting shady all of the sudden and it worries me.

“You aren’t the only one who deserves a vacation you know,” she spits back. “Phil works his ass off all year long to provide for you. You have no idea how much money it costs to have a teenager.”

She is still talking but her voice is drowned out by the commotion inside my head. They are going on vacation. They have never taken me on a vacation. She is just spouting all this nonsense to try and put her guilt off on me. I don’t think I’ve ever hated her more than I do right now.

“Phil’s parents are taking Wade for two weeks while we go on our cruise and then we are taking Wade to Walt Disney World for a week. You’re too old for that kind of stuff anyway,” she finishes.

“That sounds like fun. I hope you guys have a really good time,” I say, feeling myself switch to automatic pilot.

“It’s not my fault you decided to pull some dumb shit and get yourself in trouble,” she babbles.

“I know. I think it’s great you guys are going. You deserve it.”

“I don’t need your approval. My God, you’re turning into him. Everything is about you. What you what. What you need. Jesus, I’m going to have to deprogram you when you get home,” she shouts.

I just keep smiling to myself and trying to convince her that I’m happy they are going but her guilt is a stronger influence than I am. I can feel a shift and I get a mental picture of a giant tornado heading toward me. I try to brace myself, but without knowing what I’m bracing myself against, it’s almost impossible.

“By the way, I saw Ethan and Whitney at the movies last night. They make such a cute couple. I’m so glad he finally found somebody who appreciates him.” She disconnects the call without so much as a good-bye. I slump onto my bed and let my phone drop to the carpet.

****

I don’t know what I’m more upset about; the fact that my best friend is fucking my ex-boyfriend or that my mother just couldn’t wait to tell me about them as payback for looking happy in a picture.

Sometimes I fantasize that she will die and then Dad will have to take me. I used to think that I would miss her, at least a little bit, but I know that she is out to destroy me. Like a shark trying to eat its young, I’ve been her prey for eighteen years.

I glance around the house taking in my pictures on the mantel. My dad loves me. He really, really loves me. If only I could work up the courage to ask him if I could stay forever.

I should have known something was up when Whitney never even texted me but I’ve been so worried about Seth that I didn’t give it much thought. Never in my wildest imagination would I have dreamed that my ex and my best friend were betraying me by hooking up.

I busy myself making enchiladas and Spanish rice for Seth for dinner tonight. I put everything in the refrigerator until it’s time to pop it in the oven. I go upstairs to get dressed and do my hair and makeup.

I try to push Whit and Ethan out of my mind but I just can’t stop thinking about it. I hate that I’m giving Chastity the power she wanted. Deep down she knows I’m enjoying myself out here and she hates it. She lives to make me miserable, and by dropping that little nugget, she succeeded. I hate it when I let her win.

I pick up the remote and turn on a movie I’ve seen about a hundred times to try and take my mind off everything. I don’t want to be in this funk when Seth gets here because I don’t want to waste any of our time together. I get up and slide the food in the oven then collapse back into the chair.

A half hour later, I hear Seth pull up and force myself to act happy. I fling the door open and he rushes through it, scooping me up and twirling me around.

“God, I missed you,” he says, kissing me. I realize that I don’t even have to force myself to be happy, Seth makes me happy automatically. He kicks the door shut and walks me into the kitchen and plops me down on the counter.

“Something smells amazing,” he says, bending down to peek in the oven.

“I hope you like Mexican.”

“I love it. Do you mind if I take a shower? I hate smelling like grease for you.” I notice that he’s carrying a bag full of his things and my heart soars. I was afraid he wasn’t going to be able to stay again tonight.

“I like the way you smell but I don’t mind.”

“Do you want to join me?” he asks tantalizingly.

“I don’t want to burn dinner.” I could actually give a shit less about dinner but I’m still kind of in a funk and I can’t think about being intimate with Seth just yet.

“I’ll be out in a sec,” he says, pecking me on the cheek and bolting upstairs. I sit down at the table and listen to him start the shower. It makes me feel good just having him here. I shut the oven off, knowing that dinner will stay warm enough until he gets out of the shower.

My phone rings from the other side of the kitchen island and I instantly recognize Ethan’s ringtone. My heart leaps out of my chest. I know I shouldn’t even answer it, but I have to know how long they’ve been lying to me. I listen to make sure the shower is still going then walk around the island to answer my phone.

“Are you or are you not fucking Whitney?” I answer, figuring why beat around the bush when we both know why he’s calling.

There is just the slightest pause which tells me that Chastity didn’t misread the situation. It also explains why Ethan deleted me off Facebook and why Whit won’t return any of my calls.

“We never wanted to hurt you.”

“How long?” I scream. “How long have you been fucking her?”

I swear if he says before we broke up I’m going to have a stroke. If I find out that two of the few people I trusted were conspiring behind my back I don’t think I will ever trust another human being as long as I live.

“I would have stayed with you forever but you changed so much. You wouldn’t let me touch you. Why didn’t you just talk to me?”

“So essentially you’re saying that it’s my fault. That I forced your dick into Whitney.”

“You’ve been angry for so long. I just wanted to help you but you wouldn’t let me.”

“Answer the question, Ethan. When’s the first time you two were together?”

He doesn’t even skip a beat. “Prom night,” he answers, and it feels like someone just plunged a knife right into my chest. He begged me to go to prom but I didn’t feel like sucking up to Chastity to buy me a dress for an event that I could have cared less about. I was completely okay when they asked me if I cared if they went as friends. Now I find out that they were actually just waiting to be alone together the whole time. I feel like such an idiot.

“I guess there isn’t anything else to say. Good luck with Whitney, she’s kind of got ADHD where guys are concerned and pretty much fucks any guy who will give her the time of day but I’m sure it’ll all work out for you two lovebirds.” I hate how much I remind myself of Chastity at this moment.

“Whitney wants to call you once you’ve calmed down.”

“You can tell Whitney that I don’t ever want to talk to her again.”

“You can’t be mad at her forever. You guys have been friends all your lives. Besides, the school is too small for you two to avoid each other forever.” I can’t believe that he actually thinks we are all just going to pal around together. He has no idea how much I hate both of them.

“You don’t have to worry about any of that, Ethan, because I’m never coming back.” I stab the phone off, knowing that I shouldn’t have told him that because it could get back to Chastity but she’s going to be gone for almost a month so that will buy me some time.

“Are you really staying?” Seth asks from behind me.

I spin around to see him standing in the middle of the staircase in just a towel. Droplets of water fall from the ends of his hair and roll down his tan, muscular chest. I drop my phone on the island and rush toward him, needing him more than ever.

“I just found out that my ex was hooking up with my best friend before we broke up,” I mutter as an explanation for the scene he just walked in on.

“Do you still love him?”

“No,” I answer immediately, realizing that I never really did. “But I loved her,” I say, knowing that my friendship with Whitney is over.

“Good, you had me a little worried. So, are you really staying?” he asks again, now standing directly in front of me.

“Tell me you love me, Seth. Tell me you want me to stay,” I beg, running my hands all over his body. I feel like such a sad pathetic girl begging him to say these things to me but I can’t help it.

“I love you, Cassidy. I want you to stay forever,” he says, holding my face in his hands.

I believe him. I never believe anything anyone ever says unless it is negative, but in this moment, I really believe him. I let him scoop me up and carry me up the stairs as tears stream down my face.

He stands me up beside my bed and slowly undresses me. His touch is so gentle that my heart nearly breaks. He pulls my covers back and coaxes me into bed, dropping his towel and climbing in with me.

He wipes the tears from my face and grazes my cheeks with his lips. I wrap my arms around him, trying to pull him on top of me. I need him inside of me. I need to know that he wants me. He resists, concern flashing in his intoxicating eyes.

“Are you sure?” he asks, stroking my hair. I nod, not trusting myself to speak, as more tears roll down my face.

He slides himself into me slowly and begins to tenderly rock back and forth on top of me. Every touch feels even more intense than the first time because of the emotion involved this time. I put Whitney and Ethan out of my mind and start contracting myself underneath him. His cross necklace dangles in my face, making me wonder if Seth was sent to me from a higher power to help me escape my life in Missouri once and for all.

He watches me cautiously as he moves inside me, like he is afraid he might break me. It feels like the first time that anyone has ever worried about me before. I didn’t think that I could want him anymore but knowing that he actually cares about me makes my body respond in ways I didn’t know were possible.

I wrap my legs around his waist and pull him deeper inside me. I grip his ass with my hands and start to grind underneath him, needing the release. “Make me come, Seth,” I beg.

“Promise you’ll stay,” he says, pulling out of me. I gasp and try maneuver myself underneath him to get what I want, what I need, but he stops me. “I want to hear you say it. Tell me you won’t leave me.”

I know I’m about to promise him something that is out of my control. I want to stay but I have no idea if Dad and Lisa are going to allow it, but I don’t care. I want Seth and I’ll say whatever I have to so that I get him.