All About Me (17 page)

Jacob is sulking, still not over Dora, and at some point I
’
m going to intervene. But right now I have some precious time with India, so I
’
ve got to focus on her.

I pull up in front of her apartment block and send her a quick text letting them know I
’
m outside. It surprises me that she hasn
’
t changed her number after what happened between us. Any other girl would
’
ve gone through a lot of drastic measures, but India just attacked me back by going out with the guy I can
’
t tolerate.

She looks amazing walking towards me in a blue fitted dress and brown sandals. Her hair is damp. Deep inside I never want to be away from her. I can
’
t believe that all these years I was so fucking blind. If I could have just pushed over my ego and reached for her, then I wouldn
’
t be in this situation right now.

“
Nice car, is it yours?
”
Josephine asks, while texting on her Blackberry.

“
Nah, it
’
s one of my mates who used to go out with Dora,
”
I explain.

“
Used to?
”
asks her mother.

“
Yeah, until couple of days ago, but not to worry. I
’
m going to bring them together again. That girl doesn
’
t know what she is losing.
”

I meet India
’
s eyes in the mirror for a second. She looks at me intensely, as if she is trying to guess if I
’
m staging anything. I can
’
t keep trying to impress her. I have to gain her trust; that
’
s what this is all about.

My trip to downtown Braxton has been pre-planned. First I take them to the town, showing them the famous cathedral and a few other monuments. It
’
s a day out and I want to make sure that Mrs. Gretel and Josephine have fun. India is quiet, following her mother and not saying anything to me at all. The weather is warm and once we
’
re done with all the attractions, I push my luck and take them to one of the restaurants on the outskirts of Braxton.
 

“
I
’
m just wondering
—
why did you choose this place, Oliver?
”
India asks as we are seated in the back. Her mother looks at the menu straight away, whereas India doesn
’
t take her eyes off me.

I shrug.
“
From what I know, this is one of the best places in town.
”

“
Maybe you
’
re right. After last time I was sick, you remember? At the last place where you took me?
”

I swallow hard, trying not to show that her words affected me in any way. I strain my muscles breathing evenly as she watches me.

“
It was a mistake. I shouldn
’
t have taken you there, India. I
’
m sorry.
”

There is a silence at the table. Her mother looks between us as the tension starts rising in the air and I finally manage to clear my throat.

“
India, don
’
t be so uptight. He apologised and he brought us here. Maybe we should just enjoy each other
’
s company.
”

“
Right, yeah, of course, Josephine. We should also have a dessert. I heard the cakes here are pretty amazing,
”
she suggests.

Her mother keeps looking at me, expecting me to say something more, but it
’
s better for me to shut my mouth. India still holds a grudge against me, now until forever. In the end, we order a celebration cake for all of us. It
’
s a tiramisu with an extra layer of chocolate. Three of us chat about anything and everything, while I try to think what else I can do to bring India to my side. She is my only bright light, but she stopped shining once I fucked it all up. Now I
’
m going to keep paying for it forever.

Chapter Sixteen
 

Please let it go.

Present

I wait until the ladies are ready to get to my last surprise. I try to convince myself that they already had an awesome time with me, but there is just that one little thing that will make this day extra-special. My thoughts trail off to the time when we left for Gargle to go to my father
’
s funeral. India and I understood each other without words. When there was no tension or arguments, our connection was stronger and with boiling sexual tension. Now it
’
s only anger.

Once the dinner is over, I drop them at India
’
s apartment. She probably thinks that she won
’
t have to see me again, but I want to give them a few hours without me. Everyone needs their space. I waste some time at home, playing some pointless computer games and wondering if my action has changed her perception about me, but I
’
m not sure what to think anymore.

Jacob shows up after some time, looking like he hasn
’
t left his room for a good few weeks. He is unshaven and stinks of buzz.

“
Are you planning to talk to Dora?
”
I ask him as he searches for food in the fridge. I feel like crap. All this time I
’
ve been so focused on India that I didn
’
t have time to come up with an idea about how to get him and Dora back together. It
’
s obvious that those two can
’
t live without each other, but neither of them will speak out first. They are both too stubborn.

He shoots me one of his looks that says,
Leave me the fuck alone, otherwise I
’
ll fuck
you
up!

When there is no response I approach the subject again, this time from the different angle, risking a punch.
“
Come on, man, she wants you! Just talk to her.
”

“
Stay away from my business.
”

Okay, so he
’
s in a stinky mood.
 

“
India is probably talking to me again, so I
’
ll ask about Dora.
”

“
What the fuck, man? I
’
m telling you to stay away.
”

“
Shut up! I can see that she has crawled under your skin.
”

“
You don
’
t know shit.
”

He doesn
’
t even let me say anymore; he grabs a carton of milk and disappears upstairs. Jacob is so similar to me: he won
’
t admit that he wants Dora back. I
’
ve learned that I
ha
ve to be straight with myself and avoid manipulation or games. Girls hate that sort of thing, but sometimes you just don
’
t have a choice.

Once my plans with India are set in motion, I
’
m going to take care of Jacob
’
s business. Dora plays a tough chick, but at the end of the day she is insecure and desperate for attention. Jacob is the only guy that can put up with her. When the clock in the living room approaches nine, I jump into Jacob
’
s car and drive back to India
’
s apartment to pick the party up.

As usual, India doesn
’
t look too happy that she has to sit with me in the front. She keeps asking me where we are going.

“
Just be patient, everything will come in time,
”
I say, letting my eyes linger over her sexy body. She is wearing jeans that I like, that show off her amazing figure. I need to calm down; otherwise I
’
ll look like a hell of a moron in front of her mother.

Half an hour later, we reach the hill on the outskirts of town. It
’
s the same place where I took her on her birthday. As she shuts the door to Jacob
’
s car she looks confused. Maybe she doesn
’
t remember that special night with vodka and a meteor shower, but I will always have it in my memory. We came here at night, but I want to trigger those memories back, let her know that deep down I have feelings.

“
We just need to climb a little, ladies, and then I can show you my final surprise.
”
I chuckle, looking at their faces.

Josephine moans that she is tired, so I tell her that I can carry her on my back. Okay, I might be pushing my luck, but if that
’
s what it takes to make India trust me again, I
’
m prepared to carry all her family up that hill. It took me years to figure out that I can
’
t live without her. It
’
s hot and I struggle a bit, even though Josephine is a lightweight fourteen-year-old girl. Halfway through, luckily for me, Josephine gives me a little break. A few minutes later, we finally reach the top.
 

“
What are we supposed to do here?
”
India asks, looking around.

I
’
m lucky that there are hardly any clouds in the sky today. Otherwise, I would have scrapped this idea completely.

“
We are here to look at this, ladies,
”
I tell them, pointing at the sun as it starts slowly hiding behind the horizon. The view is stunning as a radiant mix of orange, yellow and red colours paints the sky in front of us. The clouds burn with sunset hues and I keep staring, enjoying the dying warmth on my face. Slowly I turn my head towards India. She looks back at the glorious view, breathing harder than she should. This is our moment, and I can only hope this will bring the memory of the meteor showers back
—
and that she
’
ll understand that this is my other way of saying I
’
m sorry.

India
’
s mother gasps.
“
Oh my Gosh, Oliver! This is so thoughtful.
”

“
Yeah, this is pretty awesome,
”
Josephine admits quietly. India is silent, not taking her eyes off this glorious spectacle of colours. Her lower lip starts to tremble, and I keep watching, wondering if I
’
ve done enough.

The sunset is beautiful; it shines, hiding behind the horizon. After a moment, she turns her face to look at me, and our eyes stay glued to each other
’
s. Pain, despair and passion moves between us. For that one long moment we are connected, and I know that she is going to give me a shot at being around her just as a good friend. I don
’
t deserve her love. But we can
’
t carry on like this. I learned the hard way. I
’
m never, ever going to hurt her again.

“
I think we should go. I have to study,
”
she says after a moment, breaking the eye contact. If only I can control her fear and hatred. She doesn
’
t need to feel any of these things. We both suffered enough damage. It
’
s time to let in some happiness.

“
Oliver, this is really special. India, hun, you
’
re lucky. This boy is an old fashioned romantic,
”
sighs her mother, sending me a smile.

“
I know, Mum. He is unpredictable, right?
”
she mutters, not hiding the sarcasm.

Fortunately for me, Mrs. Gretel doesn
’
t pick up on it. She is still engrossed by the stunning view in front of her. After the sun vanishes in front of our eyes, we walk back down. India is quiet and I leave her be. She doesn
’
t need to feel obligated to talk to me.

We stop at her apartment to pick up the rest of the stuff. The next stop is the train station. The last train leaves in around fifteen minutes, and I don
’
t want them to be late.

“
Take care of her, Oliver. She
’
s upset, but you can find the way to her heart. We both know that she loves you,
”
her mum states in a quiet whisper once it
’
s time to say goodbye.

“
I hope she does. She
’
s everything to me,
”
I tell her.

It
’
s not long before they have to go. India gives her mother a long hug and wipes her tears away. Josephine keeps waving goodbye.

When they vanish in the train, India turns to look at me.
“
Thank you. I had a really nice time.
”

She walks away and I hurry after her, wondering if I should say anything right now. My head seems completely messed up. For a split second I wonder if she
’
ll refuse to drive back with me, walking back to the apartment on her own. Surprisingly, she gets back in the car. I start the engine, tensing my hands over the wheel, fighting with myself and wondering if I should say how I really feel. My heart pounds faster than it should. For a long moment I drive in silence, trying to gather my racing thoughts and think of the words that she needs to hear. I have been thinking about forgiveness in my head over and over, but this time I want to make it right.

The silence draws up the demons from the past. I feel like my fucking brother is sitting behind me, watching me. I want to get rid of him, kick him away from this life. India doesn
’
t need to feel that raw, hollow unhappiness. He can
’
t hurt her anymore. It
’
s up to me to show her that I
’
m done with emotional games.