All The Little Moments (18 page)

“Yes, but evil
tastes good.”

Catching Anna’s eye, Lane spooned some of the chocolate torte into her mouth, eyes closing in ecstasy as she swallowed. “God, that’s amazing. Yeah, Kym looked more relaxed than I’ve seen her
in ages.”

Anna tore her eyes from Lane’s lips, taking some cake herself, trying not to think about the expression on Lane’s face. “Ella has that effect. As does
Beauty and
the Beast
.”

Lane laughed.

In the end, it was Lane who won the argument of
who paid.

“I organized this one. You can get the
next one.”

“Next one?” Anna asked, fluttering
her eyelashes.

“Yeah,
next one.”

“I
like that.”

They exited, and when the valet brought Lane’s car, they both
slipped in.

Something heavy settled into Anna’s lower stomach. She didn’t want the date to end, and, in her situation, it wasn’t like she could take Lane home. Or go to Lane’s, even if Kym was with the kids. She couldn’t leave the poor woman there all night, and it was already well after ten. The old worries about how she was supposed to manage this, dating and the kids, started to flare up. She pressed her hands on her tights, forcing aside
those worries.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Lane’s soft voice interrupted
her thinking.

“Nothing—I just don’t want to go
home yet.”

Lane grinned. “Good, because
we aren’t.”

“Oh, really?”

“Trust me. I want to show you a reason to
love Melbourne.”

Anna was starting to think she had quite a few reasons she’d never expected for
just that.

“Do I get to know where
we’re going?”

“Nope, but we’re almost there. In fact, close
your eyes.”

Anna eyed her in the dark of the car.
“Seriously, Lane?”

“Yes, seriously. Close
your eyes.”

Sighing playfully, Anna shut them. She was nearly lulled to sleep by the soft music and the equally soft movements of the car. Minutes later, she felt the car slowing down until it eventually stopped, then heard the clicking of
Lane’s seatbelt.

“Okay,
open them.”

Anna opened her eyes, blinking while she adjusted to the sight. Her mouth dropped open slightly. In front of them was an incredible view of the city skyline. The buildings were lit up, yet they were just far enough away to also be able to see the stars lighting up
the sky.

“Lane, that’s gorgeous. Where
are we?”

“Ruckers Hill in Northcote. It’s where we used to come to watch
the fireworks.”

“It’s incredible.”

“See…Melbourne’s not
all bad.”

Anna turned to look at her. “I’m starting to get on board
with that.”

Lane leant forward, reaching out to tuck her fingers into the strap of Anna’s dress. “Good.” She tugged gently and met Anna in the middle for
a kiss.

Anna let out a soft groan as Lane’s hand came up to her hair, fingertips gripping, and she unclicked her seatbelt so she could lean forward better. She sucked slightly at Lane’s bottom lip and dug her fingers into the soft skin of her hip as a moan washed over her lips. Manoeuvring herself in a way she hadn’t done since she was a teenager, Anna slid her leg over to straddle Lane. Both started giggling as Lane had to help her adjust her dress up her thighs so she could fit. Smiling, Lane pulled Anna’s face back against
her lips.

As Lane’s tongue brushed against hers, Anna ground her hips down in response. The hand on Anna’s thigh slid up and under, and Lane dug her fingers into her ass. Their kiss broke, and Anna’s head fell back as she felt soft lips against her jaw, trailing down her neck to settle against a spot behind her ear that sent shivers down
her spine.

“That feels so
good, Lane.”

Lane smiled against her neck, and Anna shivered when Lane’s tongue ran over sensitive skin. A moan fell from her lips before she pulled Lane back up to her. Their mouths crashed together, the gentleness of their movements gone. Anna rocked her hips again, seeking contact and not finding enough. Lane was driving her to a frenzy. A gasp fell from Anna’s lips when she felt a touch against her breast. Lane’s other hand pulled Anna in closer, fingers digging into
her neck.

Playing at pulling away again before pressing her lips to Anna’s neck, Lane sucked gently, teeth nipping at the flesh. Anna finally felt Lane’s hand cup her breast through her dress at the same time as Lane sucked again at her
pulse point.

“Don’t stop.” Anna moaned. “Don’t you
dare stop.”

Lane chuckled.

Headlights washed through the car, moving away as another vehicle parked a few spaces away
from them.

They paused, breathing hard. Lane’s hand was still on
Anna’s breast.

“Shit.”

Anna dropped her head down, pressing their foreheads together. “We’re never going to catch
a break.”

One hand falling back to rest on Anna’s thigh, the other still buried in her hair, Lane grinned. “Probably a good thing. First time in a car? What are
we, sixteen?”

“Like that’s not why you brought me
up here.”

“Onto
me, huh?”

“Romantic view of the city in an apparently abandoned
car park?”

“Can you
blame me?”

“Did you hear me complain?” Anna kissed her again. She sighed. “I don’t want
to move.”

“Unless you want to keep doing what we were doing while a couple does the same thing metres away, you may have to. Because if you stay pressed to me like this, I can’t be held accountable for
my actions.”

Anna chuckled and slid off Lane as gracefully as she could, settling herself back into the passenger seat. She had to wriggle her hips to pull her dress back down. They both sat, heads pressed back against the seats. Anna tried to focus on the view in front of her, but her body was still thrumming from Lane’s touch. It took a moment before her breathing
slowed down.

“I think I just heard sex noises from
that car.”

Anna wrinkled her nose. “Ew, okay. Time
to go.”

Buckling herself back in, Lane pulled out of the car park. “I’m currently very resentful of
that car.”

Anna turned her head, smiling softly at Lane and reaching a hand over to rest against her thigh.
“Me too.”

Way too soon, Lane pulled up at the front of Anna’s house. For a moment, they were silent, until Lane said, “I want to walk you to
the door...”

“But you’re worried Kym will ambush the both
of us?”

“Exactly.”

“It’s safer not to. We’ll end up against the door again, she’ll interrupt, we’ll get cranky—it’s probably for
the best.”

Lane laughed. “I had a really great
time, Anna.”

“I did
as well.”

“Um, I’ll see
you Monday?”

“You’ll be getting texts from me tomorrow,
I’m sure.”

“Good.”

Anna kissed her, once, and forced herself to end it, not trusting herself to do more. She raised a hand, pressing it softly against Lane’s sternum. “You’re
incredibly patient.”

Lane looked at her as if she was an idiot. “Why wouldn’t I be? I’m enjoying this—all
of this.”

Anna
eyed her.

“Okay, yes, I’d love to go inside right now.” Lane grinned. “You caught me. But still, I’ll take what I
can get.”

“Me too.”

This time, Lane closed the gap between them, kissing Anna once more. “Go, before I kidnap you to
my house.”

“Is that
a threat?”

“No, it’s genuinely what I’ll do in a minute.
You’re addictive.”

Anna kissed Lane once more, then unclicked her belt and opened the door. “Thanks for a great
night, Lane.”

“Thank
you, Anna.”

Grinning to herself, Anna slid out and walked up her front steps. Lane’s car didn’t drive away until Anna closed the door
behind her.

Pale blue TV light washed in from the living room, and Anna paused in the doorway, trying not to laugh
out loud.

Ella and Kym were top to tail on the couch, a blanket pulled over them, both fast asleep with a pillow each. Pink and purple tutus peeked out from under the cover. Ice cream was smeared on
Ella’s cheek.

Anna pulled out her phone and quickly took a photo, then sent it to Lane with
a message.

Pretty sure I’m going to leave them
like this.

After she walked over and switched the TV off, she looked back to the couch to make sure she hadn’t woken either of them up. They were both still fast asleep. The modular couch was wide and spacious, and they looked comfortable. Anna didn’t see any reason to move either
of them.

Her
phone vibrated.

That’s stupidly cute. You definitely can’t wake them.
Aunty Kym-aw!

Anna smiled and replied, walking up stairs as she
did so.

Done, they’re left. There’s still ice cream on
Ella’s cheek.

She peeked her head in on Toby. He still woke up every second or third night, simply needing a cuddle to get him back down, occasionally a nappy change. Tonight, though, he was out to it, on his stomach with his legs tucked up under him, bum in the air, blanket clasped close. And there was no pacifier. Anna was winning
that battle.

She quickly brushed her teeth and washed her face, slipping on her pyjamas and sliding into bed. She really still had no idea what to do about any of it. Yes, Ella liked Lane, and Toby would, too. Yes, she liked Lane. But it wasn’t as simple as that. Dating Lane was different, and having a girlfriend, a partner, in her life? That would affect the kids, and maybe not in a
good way.

It was complicated,
and hard.

But tonight? Tonight Anna was relishing in a first real date, in the memory of Lane’s lips against her own, against her neck. The feel of Lane’s hands
on her.

She looked at her phone, realising Lane might have replied to
her text.

She’s a kid, the ice cream can
stay there.

Inappropriate to say that I’d love to lick ice cream off
your cheek?

Anna had no idea how she did it, but Lane always brought a smile to
her face.

CHAPTER TWELVE

Anna’s hip leant against the
nurses’ station and she twirled a pen around her fingers absently. A quick glance at the clock told her it was close to twelve. Disappointment swept over her—she was tired and looking forward to getting home with the kids and relaxing. The twirling of the pen slowed. That was a
surprising feeling.

There had been days, when Anna had first arrived in Melbourne, when she’d woken up and, for a split second, thought she was back in her old life. And then she’d be struck with an ache of grief so deep and startling it made her nauseous. A grief not just about two deceased people she loved dearly, but also for the life she no longer had. Beneath the grief and shock, behind the learning curve of looking after two small children, she ached to be back in her old life. She had missed Hayley, especially. When she’d lain in bed in the spare room, shell-shocked and exhausted, she’d missed her girlfriend and she’d missed her life. While Anna knew they hadn’t been perfect, at times barely seeing each other as they’d focused on their careers or disappeared to bars with friends, she still
missed
Hayley. They’d been great together, supportive and adventurous and incredibly understanding of each other’s utter focus on their careers. Anna had missed having
a partner.

But, slowly, she wasn’t waking up with the feeling that she was drowning in
grief anymore.

Instead, she was waking up with thoughts of the kids and, now, often
of Lane.

Anna stopped twirling the pen and stared at it. As Ella and Toby stole into her life, they were taking up the space her old life had left. They had floated in and settled into that void in a different way, sure, but Anna was starting to wonder if they fit in even better than her past life had. She still struggled. She still felt that flicker of resentment, pushed way to the back. Sometimes she still
 
pined
 
for Jake to be alive purely so she could punch him in the arm and yell, “Seriously, what the
 
fuck
 
were you thinking,
big brother?”

But the last week, she had barely thought of her old life at all. She woke up with the kids; mornings were the most hectic time. She ran around getting Ella to her mother’s and Toby ready for day care, all in time for rounds. She spent her days at the hospital working, laughing with Kym, and flirting
with Lane.

Anna was aware that Lane was a big part of the reason she was coping so well. Since their date, they’d spent all the time together they could at work. They had even discovered a stairwell not many people ventured into that was an excellent make-out spot. They managed to grab five minutes here and there to see each other, disappearing to the particular stairwell or chatting in a corridor. But it was never very long before Anna was dragged away by a resident’s page or to paperwork, or Lane had to go back to emergency, her
break over.

Anna’s reservations about dating and the kids were still there, plaguing her mind, usually right before sleep. But Lane, it seemed, was happy to take her time. It was as if she realised that if she moved too quickly, asked for too much, Anna
would bolt.

By the time her pen had dropped onto the chart she was supposed to be working on, Anna had completely given up on
looking productive.

Sometimes, when she thought about it all too much, she found her mind spinning. Dating would mean more dates—how did she balance that with the kids? How on earth would she find time for a new girlfriend when sometimes she barely had time for a shower? How would they be able to enjoy the fun, the spark, when Anna was tied up with two charming yet demanding children? Would Lane get bored and walk? Hell, she and Hayley had been committed for three years and
she
had run.

And was she damaging the kids by wanting to spend time with Lane? Ella and Toby deserved to feel someone was there no matter what. She really didn’t want to mess up the only two things her brother had left
for her.

“If you stare much harder at that pen, I’m thinking
it’ll explode.”

Anna looked up to see Kym holding out a coffee to her, a look of amusement on
her face.

“Well, that’s what I’m trying
to do.”

Smiling, Kym leant against the nurses’ station. “How’s that working out
for you?”

Anna winked. “Not
so well.”

“Want to share the complex thoughts that had you sticking your tongue out of your mouth
a little?”

“I did
 
not
 
do that.”

“Oh,
you did.”

“Can I help
you, Kym?”

Suddenly looking a little off, Kym shrugged, eyes flicking to the ground then back to Anna. “I brought
you coffee?”

Anna eyed Kym over the coffee cup as she took a sip. “That you did, and it’s amazing.” They held eye contact for a second.
“What’s up?”

Opening her mouth, Kym quickly closed it again. Her fingers pulled at a loose thread on her sleeve,
eyes flickering.

Without pushing her to answer, Anna simply
watched her.

“I…I haven’t slept in our bed for, well, since
he died.”

Head cocked slightly, Anna ran her thumbnail along the edge of her takeaway cup as she watched Kym, waiting as her friend took a deep breath, trying
to smile.

“Not once. It’s been six months. I sleep here, mostly, or on the couch when I have to go home; once it was on the kitchen floor. I know it’s not normal that I
 
should 
sleep there. But I’m so scared of waking up and reaching for him and him not being there. I…I think about moving, but that would be like giving up on him completely.” Her eyes swam with unshed tears, none falling as her lips stayed curved up. A subtle waver caught her voice as she fought to sound casual. “That’s not normal, is it? I should be…doing
something.
 
Anything
?”

There was nothing Anna could think to say to that. “You’re doing what you need to do. There’s no guidebook for this.” She waved her hand between the two of them to indicate the “this” she meant. “I don’t think you
 
should
 
be doing
anything, specifically.”

“I went to a support group.” Kym blurted out the words. “I left because I felt like I was ten giant steps behind the rest
of them.”

“It’s been six months. That’s nothing,
not really.”

“Sometimes I can’t stand it, Anna, that I’m alive and he’s gone.” Kym’s stricken features twisted as she fought to stay blasé. “All the air goes out of the room and I just, I can’t
stand it.”

A lump caught in Anna’s throat, and she grasped Kym’s forearm. “I
know, Kym.”

Kym nodded with tears in her eyes, rotating her arm to return the grasp,
fingers tight.

Anna’s voice was as tight as her smile. “I haven’t been into their room. Not once.” She tilted her head, chin jutting up slightly. “It’s probably covered in dust and serving as a creepy shrine to them, but I can’t bring myself to go in there.” She squeezed Kym’s arm. “Neither can Ella. I sleep in the tiny spare room and share a bathroom with the kids in a house that’s apparently mine but I won’t let feel like it, because going in there and packing it up? Facing that? It’s the step that makes all
this reality.”

Kym let out a slow breath that Anna was sure she had been holding
for months.

“Thank you.”

“There’s no guidebook, despite how useful that
would be.”

They let go of each other’s arms as one, both placing smiles on their lips, taking a shaky sip
of coffee.

Some of the forced edge slipped from Kym’s smile. “If your pen leaks in your pocket later, I’m going to be amazed at the power of
your mind.”

Anna did the only thing she could think to do, now that Kym had changed the subject: she went with it. “We had this caseworker, Lorna, stop in to check up, the
other night.”

Kym’s eyes widened. “What, like someone who’s keeping an eye
on you?”

“They warned us that will happen the first six months, a couple of random visits. She’s called a few
times, too.”

“I thought everything was sorted, the paperwork
and everything”

“Oh, it is. I’ve not had the confirmation, but they said it could take months and it’s only been six weeks or so since I signed it all. Sometimes there needs to be a hearing thing, or if there’s no issue, they just sign off on it.” Anna flicked her thumbnail on her coffee lid yet again. “It was their wishes, so it should all
be fine.”

Kym pushed off from the nurses’ station, face still a little watery, and led a slow wander towards the elevators. “How did it go, with
the caseworker?”

Anna shrugged, keeping her face deadpan. “She came at six thirty at night, Toby was stark naked running around the house after his bath and Ella was chasing him with one of her old dresses to try and get him to put it on. I was in the kitchen being lazy and heating a
frozen pizza.”

Kym stopped dead at the elevator and pursed her lips, face going red with what Anna was pretty sure was concealed amusement. “Oh. Well, um…” She looked sideways at Anna and finally laughed loudly. Anna couldn’t help but join in. “I’m sorry, but of course. Of course she shows
up
 
then.
”

Anna was glad to hear the tension had left Kym’s voice. “Right? She’s lovely, though. It was her second visit. She came in the beginning, too. She even managed a smile and said she once made her brother wear her gymnastic leotard and perform in
the backyard.”

“So, basically, she gave Ella more ideas?” The buttons in the elevator lit up slowly as they made their way to the top floor. “So while it wasn’t the best circumstances she could have come over in, it
was fine?”

“Yeah. I was worried she’d be out to find fault or something, but she really is just there to
check in.”

“Good.” Kym hesitated a moment. “Hey, can I
ask something?”

Anna looked sideways at her as they walked into the cardio
wing. “Sure?”

“What about Sally’s parents? You told me why not yours, but what about them?”

Anna bit her lower lip. “They, um, didn’t have a great relationship with Sally. Or rather, Sally didn’t see them much
at all.”

“Oh.”

Anna shrugged. “We got stupid drunk one night and she ranted about them being bigoted, closed-minded, judgemental assholes she didn’t want in her life any more than she had to, and that she didn’t want around
her kids.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

Sadly, Sally had told her a lot more, too. But as far as Anna was concerned, that summed it
up enough.

“Well, they
sound delightful.”

Anna grabbed the file she needed from the nurses station. “Oh, they are. They told Sally she was condemning Ella to hell because she was conceived before they
were married.”

“Right. Got it.
They suck.”

“Exactly. Now, I have to get to
a surgery.”

Kym sighed. “I should get back to Psych. My resident
is useless.”

File held to her chest, Anna watched Kym walk around the corner and disappear. Bracing herself for consultations with worried parents, she checked she had everything she needed in the file and headed for her first
patient’s room.

Surgery completed earlier than she had hoped, Anna was walking past a stairwell door when she felt fingers wrap around her bicep and tug. Suddenly she was through the door and pressed against it and Lane was in front of her, delicious body pressed against
her, smiling.

“Hi.”

An involuntary grin spread over Anna’s lips. “Hi. This isn’t our usual stairwell.”

“I thought I’d branch out. Wouldn’t want to get stuck in
a rut.”

Anna grazed Lane’s lips as she said,
“Good idea.”

“I
thought so.”

Their lips pressed together with more urgency than Anna had anticipated. Lane’s thigh moved between Anna’s, causing Anna to groan into Lane’s mouth. Her fingers slipped under Lane’s scrub shirt to cling to
her skin.

It had started to become like this, in these brief moments. They fell on each other, hungry. Their constant flirting, the verbal sparring, the looks and touches—they all built so that in the rare times they were alone, one of them escalated soft, playful kisses into something much
more frantic.