Arizona Allspice (29 page)

Maybe I could do it.

Maybe I could open up like a flower blooms and
let him in.

The reality of both the knock at his door and the outrageous thoughts in my journal-honeyed mind cause me to jump up from his bed.

Joey’s mother walks into the room.
“Everything okay?”

Standing beside Joey’s bed, I nod.

“We’re good,” Joey says.
“Just having a little talk between sweethearts.”
I feel his fingertips trace the inside of my arm down to my wrist and I freeze. He weaves his fingers with mine and I’m weakened.

“Just checking,” Miss Kinsley smiles at us and then leaves the room. As soon as she does I yank my hand from his.

“That was completely unnecessary.” I glare at him with my arms crossed.

He stares up at me innocently. “I was only playing the part.” I shake my head at him disgusted. His well-defined jaw clenches in anger and I recall his hotheadedness and occasional arrogance.  His cell phone, lying on the left side of him, begins to chime. We both look over at it. He raises his left hand and it begins to tremble. “I forgot…” he mumbles and then reaches for the phone with his right hand. He grins as he answers it.

“Hey
!…
Yeah, I’m home…Aw, don’t cry…Really. I’m fine. I just need to, like, rest and take my medicine…I saw them. Thank you…Sure…Well, don’t bring
too
many people,” he chuckles and runs a hand over his head.
“Yup.
Bye.” He hangs up and tosses the phone onto the bed. “Denise is coming over,” he says. I’m unable to hide my annoyance. “If you won’t be able to behave yourself you might want to leave now,” he scolds me as if I’m a child, as if I’m the one who’s done wrong.

“For your information, your little friend plastered my front door with those stupid pink ‘Save Joey’ flyers.  My
entire
front door! It might as well be freshman year in high school all over again!”

He shakes his head. “Denise didn’t do that.”

I stare at him in disbelief. “How would you know? You were in a coma! Her name was on the flyers!”

“She wouldn’t do something like that.”

“Yes she would. I know this girl, Joey. I’ve known her since we were ten years old.”

“No, you
knew
her from when you were ten up until you were fourteen. Then you weren’t friends anymore. Six years have passed since you’ve talked to her, meaning you don’t know her at all.”

I laugh nervously. “I can’t believe that gold digger has strung my brother along for five years and you’re defending her.”

“Lucky for you, five years of pining for someone isn’t something you can relate to.” His eyes stab me. I hug my arms tightly around myself.

“W-what do you mean?”

 “Joey? It’s me!” Someone squeals as they knock on the door.

“Come on in,” Joey calls.

The door flies open and Denise takes a few baby steps towards the foot of the bed. How the hell did she get over here so fast?
On her broomstick?
She glances at me and then back at Joey with her lip quivering and her eyes streaming mascara stained tears. Maybe I would have regarded her affection for Joey as genuine if she hadn’t been wearing a cut-off belly shirt and what looked like jean underwear. She wipes the tears from her face and onto her jeans.

Joey smiles sweetly. “I thought I told you not to cry.”

“Your hair…” she whimpers. Then the waterworks begin full force. She cries and cries as she shuffles past me to Joey. She gets onto the bed with him, straddles him, and buries her face into his chest. “I missed you!” she wails. Joey laughs and hugs her, running a hand down her long dark-brown hair.

 “Okay
okay
. I know you’re happy to see me but you can’t…straddle me. It’s not friend appropriate behavior.” She complies and rolls off of Joey, positioning
herself
to lay on the right side of the bed with her head on his shoulder. Grossed out yet entertained, I lean my back against the wall and watch them.

“I did a fundraiser for you,” she brags.

My family contributed money to cover Joey’s hospital bills too, but you don’t hear me making any announcements.

“I know. Thank you.”

“I put that picture of you and me at
Tino’s
party on the flyers. I made all the flyers myself on my dad’s computer. Marisol taped them up all over the neighborhood and we raised almost six hundred dollars.”

Joey glances pointedly at me and I feel only a pinch of guilt. So Marisol did it, my mistake. She and Denise
are
basically the same person anyways.

“Say hi to my friend Elaine,” Joey says. I roll my eyes.

Denise looks over her shoulder at me.
“Hi, Laney.”

“Hi, Denise.”

“Sorry about your brother,” she pouts. I want to wrap her long beautiful hair around my fist, drag her off the bed and dig my claws into her. She’s the reason Manny is in jail. She is the real
facilona
. I’m certain that she and everyone else have lost count of how many times she’s been around the block.

 I deliberately look over her outfit and raise an eyebrow. She looks blankly at me then turns her head away and snuggles into Joey’s side. Joey frowns at me. Without warning, three more of Joey’s fans burst into the room. They squeal and cry and fawn over him.  Joey introduces me to
Morghan
, Brittany and Tia. I smile politely at the pretty airheads and they smile back and then all get into Joey’s bed.

They baked brownies and cooked casseroles for him. They kiss him lovingly on the cheek, on the forehead, play with his short hair, caress his unshaven face, squeeze his bicep, and even pat him on the thigh. King Joey sits there enjoying his affectionate harem of concubines, himself a whore for attention. I refuse to stand there and be mistaken for another female fan. I walk out. “See you tomorrow!” Joey calls from his room as I stride down the hall.
Maybe you won’t
.

******

 “What’s her problem?” Tia asks concerned.

“She’s jealous,” Denise answers nonchalantly.

Brittany fingers a strand of her short golden hair. “She’s always been like that, I think.
Always sort of…standoffish.”

“Stuck up,”
Morghan
clarifies.

“Hey. Don’t call her names. Elaine’s not any of that. She’s just worried about her father and Manny right now.”

“Pardon me if I’m not sympathetic towards the guy who almost killed my friend,”
Morghan
rolled her eyes.

Tia scratches at her hand as she looks down at the rumpled bed sheets. “Maybe it would have been nice to just ask her how her family was doing,” she shyly proposes. “We could have asked how Mr. Roberts is getting along. Just to be nice. I don’t know.”

The three other girls shrug in unison.

“Girls, what happened
was
an accident. Manny and I were throwing fists like it was a turf war and we are both dealing with the consequences right now. His sentencing is this week. It would make me very happy if any of you would write a letter to the court for him. You all know he’s a good guy. He never meant for all this to happen. If you write a letter to the judge about Manny’s good character he’ll be more likely to give him a short sentence or, better yet, release him.”

“I’ll write one, Joey,” says Denise from my shoulder.

“Me, too,” Tia bounces on the bed.

“I don’t know,” Brittany rests her chin in her palm.

“I’ll think about it,”
Morghan
tilts her head to the side.

“How are things lately?” I ask no one in particular.

“Miserable,” from Brittany.

“Same old, same old,” from
Morghan
.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” says Tia quietly.

“Heartbreaking,” Denise moans dramatically.

There is a sudden anxiety tumbling inside me. I want to know the problems, but I can’t help these girls anymore. I’m practically bedridden right now. I can’t be Superman, so I don’t ask the girls to elaborate.

“Crushing,” I say finally.

“What?”

“I can’t feel my arm. You’re crushing it.” Denise sits up quickly and pouts.

Brittany pokes Denise in the shoulder. “Girl, you almost broke his good arm!”

I brush off the ‘good arm’ joke. She doesn’t know the extent to which I feel broken.

Boyfriends, parents, and jobs eventually pluck each girl from my bedroom hangout and back into their daily lives. I remain.

I can’t believe it. My hands are still tingling. Elaine felt that
energy
between us. But the way she leapt away from me when my untimely mother dropped in says she’s either afraid or ashamed of what she felt. I honestly thought it was an innocent move to hold her hand. The disgusted look she gave me for touching her stirred up old insecurities and prodded at new ones. I was offended and made some smart remarks I shouldn’t have. Only because I can deal with her being angry with me, but I can’t handle being treated like I’m a degenerate, like I’m beneath her. She’s the one that started this charade about us dating each other. She’s the one that begged me to help her. Oh, I’m going to do my very best to help her with her lie.  I don’t care anymore if it’s going to make Elaine mad. Besides, she’s sexiest when she’s passionate.

Who knows? Maybe she’ll get used to me holding her hand and then realize I’m not so bad. Or she could use it as a reason to never talk to me again. She promised my mother she’d take me to physical therapy, so I don’t think she’ll leave me forever. She wouldn’t leave handicapped Joey all by himself. Would she? She did just walk out on me. Elaine must think I’m a player who can’t live without female attention. I’d be bored for a few minutes, but I could live without it. The girls aren’t usually that touchy feely and attentive, but they missed me and were worried about me. I could see how that would look sickening to other people. I wish Elaine knew that her attention is the one I really want.

TEN

Dumb.

That’s what Joey is. Isn’t he? I never gave Joey a reason and yet he hung onto me, the idea of me, so intensely. Man, he’s so intense. Every glance, every undercurrent in his voice, every stroke of his fingers against my skin threatens to cloud my thinking. Knowing what I shouldn’t know only makes things more confusing and emotional and awkward. It would wreak havoc beyond my control if I acted on any of my misguided romantic feelings. My life has been turned upside down and rattled enough.