Arizona Allspice (59 page)

 Suddenly, I’m surrounded by my loud, giddy team.
“No way!”
“You’re a goner.” “Congratulations!” “God, help you!”
“Yeah!
That’s what I’m
talkin
’ about!” They laugh, whoop loudly, pat my back, slap hands with me and imitate the sound of a cracking whip. Cesar ruffles my hair and gives me vague, but profound advice: “Be careful.” 

******

“You’re doing it, baby! You’re driving!” I smile proudly. Joey has maneuvered the truck up and down the streets of the trailer park without the neighborhood or the vehicle incurring any damages. The breakthrough occurred when I realized that he could use the same method he used in soccer to help him with driving. We first walked around
Merjoy
, hand in hand, so Joey could memorize the length of our streets. With a rough count of the number of steps it took to traverse the neighborhood, Joey was able to match his mental count to what he was visualizing. I was shocked to see how well it worked for him. Pretty soon I could get him driving down Main Street!

“Cool,” Joey says mostly to himself as we cruise around the park. He circles it a few times before riding up to my house and parking. “Thanks, Laney. If it wasn’t for you I would never have thought to use what I do for soccer to help me with driving.” He leans towards the passenger seat for a kiss. I allow him.

“You’ll use any excuse to kiss me, huh?” I chuckle.

“I can’t help it. It’s like I’ve been starving. I can’t get enough of you.” His eyes bore into mine and I feel my skin grow hot. “Besides, I need it. It’s my own form of holistic medicine.”

“In what way?”

“Did I ever tell you that the tremor in my hand stops when we kiss?”

“I don’t know if I believe you.” I give him a seductive smile.

He smirks.
“Only one way to find out.”
It was hard to focus on anything else, but as we kissed I managed to open one eye and peek at his left hand. It was as still as stone.

“I need you at the game this weekend,” he whispers and brushes my ear with his lips, sending a chill down my spine.

“I’ll be there.”

“Are you going to bring your blue umbrella? That’s how I always knew where to find you on the sidelines.”

“You used to watch me sitting in the crowd?”

 
“Yeah.
When you weren’t looking.”

“I’m sure that distracted you.” I frown slightly. I brush his hair from his forehead and kiss it. “Stay focused this time,” I urge.

 He nods. He was always amazing on the field, but this time around, I know he’ll be focused, like a bullet.

Just as I predicted, week after week his team prevailed, bringing them ever closer to the finals. The weeks have been full and lovely. Spending time with my brother, Joey, Uncle Frank, Auntie Amelia, and all of my old and new friends has made every day bright. I wish Daddy could come home. All this happiness is healing.  

******

 “You are so sexy when you speak Spanish. Speak Spanish to me.”

“I think you need a Latin girlfriend if that’s what you want,” she pouts beneath me, feigning sadness. “I know a few Mexican girls that you could”

I silence her with a kiss. “No, no, no. I know what I want,” I smile against her lips and allow more of my weight to press her into her bed. Her fists tighten around my shirt sleeves. We’ve been doing a lot of this lately.
A lot of pretty-closes and could-haves.
  I suck and nibble on her neck. She moans. “Please?” I ask again.

 Her eyes flutter open and she stares up at me. “
Te
amo
, mi
corazón
,” she says slowly and breathlessly.
“
Tú eres mi tierra y mi cielo
.”
She
bites
on
her
bottom
lip
, and
then
whispers
, “
Mi fuego.
”

My mouth goes dry. I feel my body react. I find her hands, intertwine my fingers with hers, and bring her arms up above her head. Her eyes widen slightly. When she tries to pull her arms down, I apply more pressure to her wrists.

“Where are you going?” I smirk. She’s breathing hard. I wonder if she’s as turned on as I am. I lower my mouth to her full lips. I tease them open with my tongue. I feel her start to writhe beneath me. She’s rubbing against me and it’s driving me crazy. She tries to jerk her hand out of my grasp, but I just hold a little tighter. Out of nowhere, Elaine knees me hard in the thigh. In shock, and slight pain, I release her hands and she starts punching and slapping at me. Speechless, I just take the kicks and the punches, putting my arm up to block a few of them that come near my face.

******

I panicked. I wasn’t thinking rationally. I didn’t remember that Joey would never hurt me. I just felt like he had too much control and that I
was
trapped. His hands kept getting tighter and tighter and I exploded. I fought with my eyes clenched shut and tears running into my hair. Once I realized Joey wasn’t pressing me down into the bed any longer, I opened my eyes.

“Elaine, I wasn’t... Baby, I was kidding, okay?” Joey says in a soothing voice, but I can tell that he’s in shock as he sits in the middle of my bed.

“I’m sorry,” I stifle a sob. He crawls back up to lay beside me and I watch him smooth my hair down and dry my tears. His blue eyes are apologetic and then suddenly Joey’s face goes blank. He stares at me for so long I memorize his irises. “Someone did something to you, didn’t they?”  

How did he know? Was ‘Stupid Little Girl’ written all over my face?  

He swallows. “Oh God,” he mutters mournfully and looks away. He turns his back to me and sits at the edge of the bed. I turn my head and bury my face in the pillow. Bile travels up my throat. The humiliation yanks at my gut.

“Was it your father?” he finally says.

 My fist clenches. “No,” I say through gritted teeth. Why can’t Joey get it through his head that my Dad would never hurt me?

“Who was it?”

“Some guy at a party.”

Joey stands and starts pacing my bedroom. “I need to know where this ‘some guy’ lives because I need to break every
goddamn
bone in his body!” he shouts and slams his fist into his hand.

 “You’re angry,” I respond weakly. My hands are shaking.

“Damn right I’m angry! I’m gonna bash his face in, Elaine,” he says, his voice full of intent.

“Why? Because it’s his fault you can’t get any?” I accuse, trying to divert his attention.

“No!
For hurting you.
You know that. Don’t you?”

I nod.

“I was supposed to protect you, Elaine.”

“You didn’t even know me then.”

“I don’t care!”

“You’re scaring me,” I plead.

He freezes. “I am? Okay...okay.” Still pacing the floor, he takes a few deep breaths and shakes his arms out in an attempt to convince me he is levelheaded. I don’t buy it. “I’m calm. Tell me who it was.”

I’ve been holding onto this secret for so long, I have to force the syllables out of my mouth. “Richie,” I sputter and wait for him to explode. He doesn’t move. It feels like he’s looking through me. “He tried to rape me, but he
was not
successful,” I add. “If it makes
you
feel any better,” I roll my eyes. Joey only shakes his head at my attitude. He chuckles darkly.

“What a coincidence.
My father’s name.
Richard screws the girl over and goes on his merry way. The story of my conception come back to haunt me,” he nods. “Shit!” he exclaims, angry again. “Just let me hurt him back! I know it scares you to see me angry, but if I don’t get this rage out, then I’ll cry like I’m twelve again!” His eyes widen a bit. “And I’m not
ever
going back to that.”

“Then go outside and kick the ball around.” I scoop a soccer ball up from the floor by my bed and toss it to him. He catches it, digs his fingers into it like it’s someone’s neck and then bounces it from one hand to the other as he studies me. I raise my chin and don’t avert my eyes because I want to look strong and not ashamed. He walks towards me, kisses me very tenderly and then leaves. I don’t know where he’s going; to the field or to go look for Richie. One hour turns into two.
Two into three.

******

When I return to Elaine’s house, I’m exhausted. I am so drained I almost fall asleep while walking. Elaine is sleeping when I slip into her bedroom.

I had seen it in other girls’ eyes; a wariness and shame that only came from one thing. I knew just by looking at those girls that they had been through hell. When I saw it in Elaine’s eyes I didn’t want to believe it. I couldn’t handle it.

“Where did you go?” She asks groggily once I wake her up by whispering her name a few times.

I’d made some phone calls and it turns out that Richie had only been in town the weekend of Manny’s party to visit his parents in Cadence Village. He was back at Colorado State now.
Basketball scholarship.
I had no choice but to run myself ragged at the soccer field.  “To the field,” I answer.

She surprises me with an appreciative kiss. “Thank you, thank you,” she says, relieved, and buries her face into my neck. I can’t believe she’s thanking me for not doing anything. I feel so useless. I feel like a worthless, cowardly, sorry excuse for her man.

“You don’t have to try to fix it, Joey. You can’t. You, Denise, Marisol and one other person know about what happened to me. We’ve all moved on. Let’s keep it that way.”

“Manny knows?”

“No. The other person that knows got pregnant and moved out of the state. The girl who was my best friend, remember?”

“Why didn’t Denise and Marisol say something to me about that guy? I would have kept him away from other girls in the neighborhood.”

“Because they didn’t see it as a problem back in middle school.
He was a senior in high school and popular. They thought I should have been grateful. They’ve probably forgotten about it by now.
And, in a way, I should be grateful to Richie.”

“What are you talking about?”

“If Richie hadn’t done what he did, maybe I wouldn’t have decided that I wanted to save myself for the right person. I wouldn’t have saved myself for you.”

I hug her to me and squeeze her tight. All the bad things in her life that I couldn’t protect her from have made her who she is today and I love her and wouldn’t change a thing about her. When we get married one day it’ll be the first time for both of us. It’ll be perfect. “Can I sleep here?” She nods her head against my chest. “I’m not too smelly?” She just chuckles and shakes her head. I pull the warm covers up over both of us and snuggle close. Her warm body smells like vanilla and honey. I drift off to a good dream.