Arousing Love, a teen novel (11 page)

“Yeah, I’m fine. I didn’t get much sleep last
night, that’s all.”

“Girl trouble?” My dad looked knowingly at
me.

“No.”

“You haven’t got her pregnant have you?”

“No!”

I so wished I didn’t have to work today. I
wanted to go see Joanna and tell her all about last night. I felt a
flicker of excitement and anticipation about it.

“Actually Dad, I’m not feeling that great,
can I take the rest of the day off?”

He sighed and nodded.

I was soon bounding up the path to their
campsite. Her mom saw me coming and called out, “She’s at the
swimming pool.”

“Thanks!” I kept running.

I got to the pool and peered through the
chain-link fence. I could see a blonde head that was probably hers.
A sign on the gate read ‘campground residents only’ but I ignored
it and went in.

She didn’t notice me at first, until I got to
the edge of the pool, then she saw me and her whole face brightened
in happy surprise.

“What are you doing here?”

I grinned. “I’m taking a sick day.”

She swum up to me, and I crouched down to
kiss her. She wrapped her arms around my neck and planted a big wet
kiss on my lips. I felt her pulling me towards her, and suddenly
lost my balance plunging headfirst into the pool. When I came up
spluttering, she was laughing hysterically, and so was everyone
else. She squealed as I grabbed her around the middle and started
tickling her.

“Hey!” The lifeguard yelled at me.

I let go of Joanna and looked up at him, my
apprehension turning to surprise in finding a face I
recognized.

“Josh? What are you doing here?”

“I could ask you the same question. This is a
campers only swimming pool, ya know.”

“I wasn’t planning on going swimming.”

“Wait, you know each other?” Joanna
asked.

“Yeah, Josh this is Joanna.”

“Helloo.” Josh raised his eyebrows and gave
her a sly smile as he looked her over.

I gave Josh a bemused look. “So this is your
new summer job?”

“Yeah, it’s a good way to meet the babes.” He
grinned. “You’d be surprised, they really go for lifeguards for
some reason.” He looked back at Joanna and gave her a wink. “I
better get back to work, someone might be drowning or somethin’.
You kids have fun.”

“Nice meeting you, Josh.”

“Yeah, nice meeting you too Joanne,” he
called over his shoulder as he walked away.

Joanna slipped her hands around me and
started peeling my wet t-shirt off.

“Wanna go in the Jacuzzi with me?” She
grinned.

I laughed. “Alright.”

The large Jacuzzi was set in a gazebo away
from the swimming pool, and we had it all to ourselves. Joanna
turned the jets on, and we eased into the liquid heat.

“I need to talk to you about something.”

“Okay?”

“Umm
. . .
”
I wasn’t sure how to start. “Last night I had a dream—”

“Is this another naked dream about me?” She
giggled.

“No, this is serious.”

“Okay.”

“I had this dream, and when I woke up I could
feel God’s eyes looking right through me, it was really freaky. I
was actually scared.”

Joanna’s eyes widened. “What was the
dream?”

I recounted the dream to her. “
. . .
then I woke up and I could feel what
all those people in my dream must have been feeling. He’s so holy
and I felt so unclean. I was begging him not to look at me.”

“Wow.”

“I didn’t feel his love, just his holiness.
It was scary.”

“His love is found in Jesus, he saves us from
God’s wrath. He’s the sacrifice for sin, and by his blood you can
have forgiveness and be made clean before God, but you have to
believe in him that he’s paid the price for your sins on the
cross.”

“I know all that stuff.”

“But do you believe it?”

I thought for a moment. “Yeah, I do, but I
don’t feel saved.”

“Maybe you need to be baptized.”

“What for?”

“When I got baptized, they told me it was
being spiritually buried with Jesus and becoming one with him in
his death, so you’re dead to your old life and you’re raised up in
him to new life. My dad knows all about this. We should go talk to
him.”

“No, I want you to do it.”

“Do what?”

“Baptize me.”

“But my dad knows what to do—”

“I want you to do it. Please Joanna?”

Joanna bit her bottom lip. “Right here?”

I looked around. I could see Josh sitting in
his elevated lifeguard chair.

“No, not here. How ‘bout the cove?”

She looked at me for a moment, then
nodded.

We walked down to the beach, neither of us
saying anything. I was nervous. I didn’t know what to
expect—another spiritual experience like last night?

At the cove, we held hands and walked into
the cold water. When we were in over waist deep, she turned to
me.

“You sure you wanna do this?” She looked so
unsure herself.

“Yeah.”

“Okay.” She pressed her lips together for a
moment.

“Zach, do you accept Jesus Christ as Lord of
your life?”

Her question took me by surprise. A phrase
came to mind, ‘Not my will but yours be done.’ I knew it was a big
thing to commit to, but I had to do it.

“Yes, I do.” I said, full of sincerity.

“Then I baptize you in the name of Jesus
Christ.”

I took a deep breath and let her push me
under. I closed my eyes as the water came over me, and in my mind I
immediately saw myself as a little boy playing with wooden blocks
and a train track. The train track was a circle, and I’d built
bridges and buildings all around it. Then I heard a voice say, “At
the end of the day you have to put it away.” I somehow knew
instantly what it meant. In the end, all the things that made up my
life would be put away like toy blocks. Then the bridges and
buildings disappeared, and I saw the train track become a straight
line for a train to travel along, shining its light into the
darkness.

My head broke the surface of the water and I
opened my eyes. I stood up, feeling dazed by what I’d seen. Joanna
was looking at me, and I suddenly realized I was free, there was no
more guilt or fear. I felt so light. Everything seemed to shine in
a new way.

I looked at Joanna in amazement. “I feel
new.”

We made our way back to shore.

“You have a huge grin on your face.” She
laughed.

“I’ve never felt like this before.”

We sat on the beach and I described what I’d
seen while under the water.

“That’s a vision from God, Zach.”

“It’s amazing. I can’t believe this has
happened to me.”

“It’s so exciting, you’re a Christian now!
There’s nothing standing in the way of our love anymore. I knew you
were the one for me.”

I looked into her beautiful, blue eyes and
smiled, but something in me felt restrained, like I couldn’t think
of her that way anymore.

“Joanna
. . .
the vision I saw, I think God wants me
to give up everything in my life and focus on doing his will.”

Joanna studied my face.

“I have to give up everything, my art,
surfing
. . . .
”

“That means me as well?” She said in a quiet
voice.

“I’m not giving you up. We’ll still be
friends.”

“Why?” Joanna’s eyes filled with tears and
she turned her face from me. “God didn’t tell you to give me up.
That’s your own idea. God wouldn’t tell you to give up the one you
love.” She stood up.

“Joanna—” I tried to reach for her, but she
ran from me.

She turned back. “This isn’t fair! I baptized
you, and now I’m being punished for it!” Then she ran, leaving me
there with an aching heart, yearning to go after her and comfort
her. I felt her pain like it was my own, and it broke my heart.

But I have to do this. Not my will but
yours be done.
I took a deep breath.
This is so hard, God.
Help me to do your will.

I wasn’t going to be a lukewarm Christian. It
was all or nothing.

I went back to the shack and started pulling
down my posters and grabbing stuff off the shelves—I had to get rid
of everything.

I looked at the portrait of Joanna on the
easel.
Can I just keep this one thing to remember her by?
But I knew I had to give it up. I looked it over one last time,
then stuffed it in the garbage bag.

I’m giving up everything I used to be so I
can be what you want me to be.

Deep within I was grieving, but I ignored it.
I tried not to think about Joanna, I felt so bad for her.

Living for God is a lot harder than I
thought. It’s like a self-inflicted life of misery.
But even as
I had that thought, I could feel God with me. I still felt new and
there was a deep excitement in me I’d never felt before. I just
wanted to please God with my life.

There was a knock at the door and I went to
open it, half expecting it to be Joanna, but it was Josh.

“Hey dude, just got off work.” He strolled
past me and flopped onto my bed. “I see you’re doing some
redecorating. Going for a minimalist look?” He saw the Bible next
to the bed and gave it a strange look.

“Yeah.”

“That girlfriend of yours, I’ve gotta say,
she’s pretty hot for a sixteen year old.”

“We just broke up.” My voice sounded so
expressionless

“Why?”

“I don’t wanna talk about it.”

“Okay. I could tell you’re depressed. To
immature, right? These young girls look hot but they’re not ready
for anything—”

“No, it’s not like that. I had to give her
up
. . . .
”

“You’re not gettin’ all religious on me now,
are ya?”

I smiled. “I guess you could say I found
God.”

“Yeah? Where’s he been hiding?”

“Come on man, I just had a major religious
experience, and God is real to me now, not just a distant idea,
he’s real and he’s with me.”

“You’re too young for this, Zacho. Life’s too
good for this, man. There’s so much you’ll miss out on.”

“No, it’s the other way ‘round. You’re just
wasting your life doing stuff for yourself instead of what you
could be doing for God. What good is your life if it’s lived for
your own enjoyment, just passing moments of pleasure quickly
forgotten? It’s all meaningless.”

“I wanna enjoy my life, what’s wrong with
that?”

“In the end, everything you’ve ever done will
be wiped away like it never happened. But if you live for God
everything you do will count for something.”

Josh shook his head. “You can keep your
religion, man.” He got up and headed for the door. He looked back
at me. “Let me know when you’re over all this, and we’ll go surfing
some time.”

After he’d gone, I felt really depressed.
I wish I could make him understand. He’s so blind to the
shallowness of his life.
I prayed for him, and for Joanna too,
my heart ached for her.

•••

I went to work as usual the next day, then
spent the rest of the time shut in my room. I didn’t want to admit
it, but I was miserable. I missed Joanna so much, my life felt
empty without her. I tried to keep myself focused by reading the
Bible.

There was a knock at the door, and I opened
it to Joanna’s father. I was so surprised to see him I just stood
there staring at him.

“Can I come in?”

“Uh, sure.” I let him in and he glanced
around my room, then turned to face me.

“Joanna told me what happened.”

“Is she okay?”

“Yeah, she’s
. . .
well, she’s still upset, but she wants
whatever God’s will is for your life.”

“I never wanted to hurt her.”

“I know.” He sat down on my computer chair.
“Look, Zach, I understand what you’re going through, I’ve been
there myself. You’re full of zeal. You want to serve God and give
up everything for him.”

“Yeah?”

“Zeal is a good thing, but we can be zealous
for God and not know exactly what he wants of us. We can end up
with misguided zeal, and that can be a dangerous thing. We have to
know for sure what God wants of us, and only then act with
zeal.”

“Did Joanna tell you about the vision I
had?”

“Yes she did.”

“It’s pretty clear what God wants me to do.
He showed me that all the stuff in my life was going to keep me
going ‘round in circles, but if I get rid of everything in my life
I can be used by God.”

“I think you’re misunderstanding what God
wants of you, Zach. God knows there are things in this world that
we need, and things that make us happy. He made them for us. Jesus
said don’t run after those things like the world does, but to seek
God first, and all those things will be given to us as well. This
is about our attitude and our mindset. We seek first God’s will for
our lives and we put all that other stuff last. We don’t exist just
to satisfy our needs and wants like the rest of the world does. His
will for our lives becomes our biggest need and want.”

“What do you think the vision means then?
What does God want me to do?”

“I’m sure he doesn’t want you to get rid of
everything in your life. That’s an impossible way to live. It’s all
about your focus and your attitude. Don’t be focused on the things
of this world and what you want for your life. Focus on what God
wants for you. God doesn’t want your sacrifice, he wants your
heart. He doesn’t want you to throw away everything he’s given you,
and everything that makes you who you are. He wants you to love him
and put him first above all else. Most Christians don’t live like
that, their faith might be important to them but it’s just a little
piece of their lives. They have worldly goals that they want to
achieve, and they put them first in their lives—a career,
possessions, family. Their faith might be important to them, but it
isn’t the over-riding thing. But God is calling you to have a
different attitude, to have a goal in life of serving him and doing
his will. Instead of your faith being one little part of your life,
like a train track going around in circles, he wants your faith to
be the thing that drives you and sets the goals in your life.
That’s the train track going in a straight line.”