Arousing Love, a teen novel (12 page)

“So I shouldn’t give up anything then?”

“We can ask God to show us if there’s
anything in our lives that doesn’t please him, or hinders us from
doing his will. Those are the things we need removed from our
lives. He calls us to love him with all our heart and mind and soul
and strength. If we do that, we hold onto everything else very
lightly. We see the world as it really is—something temporary, and
we seek the eternal things of God.

“Okay, so I just have to give up these things
in my heart. It’s about putting God first above those things.”

“Exactly.” Joanna’s father smiled.

I knew he was right. “I feel so stupid
now.”

He laughed. “I was just like you. I thought I
had to sacrifice everything in my life for God when all he wanted
of me was to love him more than anything else on earth, and not let
anything get in the way of obedience to him.”

I nodded, suddenly feeling all emotional.
“Thank you for coming to talk to me about all this.”

“My pleasure, Zach” he smiled.

“I’m still scared I’m going to let him down
somehow. I’m scared I’ll miss out on what he wants to do through
me.”

“God is much bigger than that, Zach. He
doesn’t rely on us in our weakness, He knows we’re only human. He
wants us to trust in him, not in ourselves, and he’ll give us the
strength. He can use our faith, but not our misguided zeal. Just
love him and be willing to obey him completely. He’ll do the
rest.

“Man you’re wise. I have so much to
learn.”

“You’ll get there, Zach, he’ll see to that.”
He stood up. “You should come and see Joanna when you get the
chance. She’d really like to see you again.”

“Yeah, I know.” The thought of seeing Joanna
filled me with so many emotions.

“Okay.” Joanna’s father slapped my shoulder.
“We’ll see you later, then.” He gave a little wave as he went out,
closing the door behind him.

I fell on my bed and buried my face in the
pillow. I was overwhelmed with so many emotions. “God, I’m sorry I
hurt Joanna, I’m sorry I gave her up when you never wanted me to.”
God felt so near to me, I knew he was helping me, and I could feel
his love. “You’re so good to me. Thank you for sending Joanna’s
father to talk to me.”

I got up and brought all the garbage bags
back inside. The posters were ruined, but everything else looked
okay, including Joanna’s portrait. I was relieved to have it back.
It was like having Joanna back again.
I’ve gotta go see
her.

Feeling all emotional, I headed over to their
campsite. Joanna must have been watching for me. She came running
down the path and flew into my arms. My heart just broke open. I
held her tight, tears welling up in me, I couldn’t even speak. We
just held each other.

“I’m sorry.” I finally managed to say. “I’m
so sorry, Joanna. I love you, I never wanna lose you.”

She smiled up at me through her tears. “I
love you too.”

I felt so happy. It was like the whole world
was floating up with me into the bright, blue sky.

We walked slowly back to her campsite, still
holding on to each other.

“I had to switch my heart off when I gave you
up. It was like I became stone, but it broke my heart. I really do
love you. I will always love you. I realize now how much I need you
in my life.”

“I’m glad you’re willing to give up
everything for God. It shows the kind of man you are. I’m just glad
you realized you don’t have to give me up.”

We reached her campsite, and her parents
greeted us with big smiles. Her mom seemed especially happy to see
me again. We sat with them, and they got me to recount my dream and
my spiritual experiences. I told them everything, and they were
amazed.

“That’s a profound dream you had, Zach.”
Joanna’s father sat back in his chair looking thoughtful. “The
church today often emphasizes God’s love, and as a result minimizes
God’s holiness, but as you said in your dream, God hates sin as
much as he loves us. God is love, and God is holy. We have to
understand his holiness and our depravity to fully understand his
grace, which is why the Old Testament revealed his holiness through
the law and his judgments, before the New Testament revealed his
love and grace through Christ.”

It felt so good to be in their company again,
talking of God and feeling the warmth of their friendship. I’d
never felt it like this before.

“Zach, you know we’re going back home on
Saturday, don’t you?” Joanna’s mother asked gently.

“Yeah, I know.”

“How are you and Joanna planning to keep this
relationship going after that?”

“I applied to some colleges in Colorado.
Hopefully I’ll get in, but I guess we’ll have to have a long
distance relationship until then.”

“What will you do at college?”

“A fine arts degree.”

“Oh yes, Joanna told me you’re a good
artist.”

“He’s not just good, he’s amazing,” Joanna
said, and I laughed.

“You know, Zach,” Joanna’s father leaned
forward in his chair again, “your artistic ability is a gift from
God. You can do great art for him.”

“Yeah, you’re right, I hadn’t thought of
that.”

“When will you move to Colorado, if you get
into college?” Her mom asked.

“Um, I guess sometime in August. When I’m
there, will I have your permission to date Joanna?” I was sure
they’d say yes.

Her parents looked at each other, and they
both smiled.

Her father nodded. “I wouldn’t let her date
anyone else, but if you come to Colorado you’ll have our permission
to date.”

“Thank you Daddy!” Joanna hugged her
father.

“Normally I’d be worried about you dating at
this age,” Joanna’s mother added in a more serious tone, “but I
can’t help thinking there’s something special about this
relationship. I just hope you don’t ruin it by moving too
quickly.”

“We won’t.” Joanna said, and I agreed.

After dinner, her mom suggested Joanna and I
go for a walk to have some time alone together. We happily took her
up on that, and headed down to the beach.

“Your mom is being really nice.”

“Yeah, I know. I’m amazed how well she’s
coping with me having a boyfriend. She actually likes you, and
she’s glad we didn’t break up. It’s not what I expected.”

“Your dad’s cool about it too.”

Joanna smiled. “That’s ‘cause he sees himself
in you when he was your age.”

“Did he say that?”

“Yeah.”

We walked along the beach, arm in arm. The
sun was just beginning to set, and the beach was nearly
deserted.

We followed the water line, letting the waves
wash over our bare feet. Joanna lifted the bottom of her long hippy
dress to keep it from getting wet.

I picked up a stick and wrote our names in
the sand with a heart around them. Joanna laughed. She took the
stick from me and wrote ‘4evr’ under our names. She stood with the
sun setting behind her, making a sexy silhouette through her
dress.

I picked up another stick and wrote ‘I love
Joanna’, and she wrote in reply ‘I love Zach’, the waves erasing
our words. We stood there in the warm glow of sunset, looking into
each other’s eyes, and we kissed.

I took my stick and wrote in the sand ‘Joanna
will you marry me?’ She laughed and wrote ‘Yes’ before another wave
washed our words away.

We climbed a sand dune and sat down to watch
the sun dipping into the sea. The waves glowed transparent green,
and we could see fish shaped silhouettes darting along them. I
looked at Joanna, her eyes sparkling. She smiled at me, and her
smile filled my heart. We kissed as the sun melded into the
horizon, and a cool breeze began to blow.

“Were you serious when you asked me to marry
you?” She searched my eyes.

“Yes, I meant it, I’d love to marry you as
soon as you’re old enough.” The thought of being married to her
seemed too good to be true. I couldn’t even imagine anything that
good ever happening to me. “I know it seems crazy, we’ve only known
each other a short time, but I love you so much, and when I thought
I had to give you up, it made me realize how much I needed you. I
never wanna lose you again. Did you mean it when you said yes?”

“Yes.” She laughed. “I’ve always known it. I
had my doubts sometimes, when you said you’d never become a
Christian, but part of me always knew you were the one for me. You
remember I told you that once, when you were painting my portrait?
I never felt guilty about anything we did because it was like I was
doing it with my future husband.”

“Yeah, I remember. When did you start feeling
that way about me?”

“God must’ve whispered it in my heart when I
first met you, and the more we fell in love, the more I let myself
believe it. Now I know without a doubt. I know you’re the one for
me and I’m going to marry you.”

I smiled. I didn’t know what to make of
that—if it was true God had shown her I was the one for her, or if
it was just the fanciful imagination of a young girl in love.

I stood up and offered her my hand. She took
it and I pulled her up as the wind pressed her dress tight against
her slender figure. I pulled her to me and we kissed, the wind
whipping her hair across her face.

I combed her hair back with my fingers. “If I
married you I’d be the luckiest man
. . .
.
”

She looked at me with such soft eyes. “I love
you, Zach. Let’s go to your shack.”

“Why?”

“So we can be alone. We’ll do whatever you
want.” She looked at me with large eyes. I didn’t know what to say.
“And I need to play your guitar. I have an idea for a song. My mom
did say we could have some time alone together.”

“I don’t think she meant my bedroom. Besides,
it’s a bit of a mess right now.”

“It wasn’t a mess before?” She laughed.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea, especially
after what we’ve been talking about. We could end up making it
happen.”

“Would it be that bad if we did?”

I looked at her, and she was serious.

“It wouldn’t be bad, but we have to
wait.”

“I know.” She smiled wistfully and looked
away. “I don’t know why I said that.” She looked at me again. “How
long will we have to wait, though, Zach? It feels like
forever.”

“It won’t be forever. We just have to wait
until you’re old enough. Maybe after I move to Colorado—”

“I’ll be sixteen then. Will that be old
enough?”

“Your mom said we could ruin it if we rush
it. It’s worth waiting for.”

“I know, but we already know we’re meant for
each other.” She sighed. “Come on lets go get your guitar, we’ll
take it back to the campsite.”

We held hands as we walked in the gathering
twilight.

“What’s your new song about?”

“It’s about you, and about God’s gift of
love.”

“Wouldn’t it be great if we could make music
together? We could form a band.”

“Yeah, I’d love that!”

“I have to learn the guitar properly,
first.”

“I wanna make majestic music for God.
Something powerful and beautiful that speaks of God’s glory and
inspires awe in everyone who hears it.”

“Wow, that would be awesome.”

Joanna smiled. “Our life is gonna be so
exciting, Zach. We’ll serve God together. I can’t wait.”

We got to the shack, and I went in to get the
guitar. Joanna peered through the door.

“What did you do to your room?” She pushed
the door wide and came in. “Where are all your posters?”

“I got rid of them when I gave up everything
for God.”

“Oh.” She gave me a sympathetic smile. “What
about your art?”

“I’ve still got that. I managed to salvage
it.”

“That’s good.”

I felt ashamed of my foolishness. “Come on,
let’s go back to your campsite and you can play that song for
me.”

“I don’t wanna sing it in front of my
parents, it’s too personal. I’ll sing it for you here. It’ll only
take a few minutes.”

“Okay.”

She sat down on my bed with the guitar. “It
isn’t a proper song yet, it’s just in my head, so I don’t know how
it’ll sound.” She started playing, and after experimenting with a
few chords, she started singing in her hauntingly, beautiful voice.
It was a love song about me, and it made me feel warm and
tingly.

She stopped playing. “That’s all I’ve got so
far. What do you think?”

“It’s amazing. Thank you.”
Man she makes
me feel so good.

Joanna smiled up at me, and I bent down to
kiss her. She put the guitar aside and put her arms around me, and
I felt the desire rising between us as she lay back, drawing me
down with her.

I broke away from her. “We can’t do this,
we’re just torturing ourselves.”

“I know.” She spoke with sadness in her
voice.

“Come on, let’s go.”

We were both quiet as we walked back to her
campsite. Her parents had lit a fire, and we joined them around it.
Joanna played some worship songs on the guitar, and her parents
joined in singing with her. I didn’t know the words so I just
listened, but my heart was stirred with praise to God. I started
picking up some of the words and joined in where I could. It felt
so good to express my love to God for all he’d done and all that he
is, worshipping him together under the stars.

Joanna yawned. “I can hardly keep my eyes
open.”

“Yes sweetie, you must be exhausted. It’s
been such an emotional time for you lately.” Her mom patted her on
the head.

Joanna said her goodnights, giving us each a
kiss on the cheek. My eyes followed her to her tent, and lingered
there after she’d zipped it closed behind her. I couldn’t help
thinking about her getting undressed behind those thin canvas
walls. The zip suddenly opened again and she came out in a skimpy
nightgown that looked almost see-through.