Arousing Love, a teen novel (13 page)

“Just brushing my teeth.”

I watched as she bent down to get some water
from a container, her nightgown pulling tight around the curves of
her butt.

“Goodnight,” she called again, and went
inside her tent, zipping it closed. I glanced at Joanna’s father,
who was looking at me with a bemused expression, and I felt
embarrassed.

We sat around the fire for a little while
longer, talking quietly, then I said my goodnights and dragged
myself away. Walking home, I looked up at the star filled sky.
To think the God who made all those stars cares for me
.

“You really are an amazing God.”

Six

It was another beautiful, hot day. My dad was
in an uncommonly generous mood and let me get off work early. I
went to see Joanna at the campsite, but she wasn’t there. I found
her at the beach, sunbathing in her bikini, lying on her back with
one knee slightly raised. Her eyes were closed, and I just stood
there admiring her. Every little part of her was beautiful.

“Are you gonna stand there staring at me all
day?” She smiled without opening her eyes.

“How did you know I was here?”

She cupped a hand over her eyes and grinned
up at me. “I saw you coming.”

I sat down next to her, and she propped
herself up on one elbow.

“My dad told me off this morning because of
you.”

“What for?”

“For coming out in my nightie last night.”
She giggled. “Did you think it was sexy?”

“Yeah.” I laughed. “It looked
see-through.”

“It’s not, but it’s very filmy. I wasn’t
wearing anything underneath.” She smiled impishly.

“You like teasing me, don’t you?”

“Yes.” She grinned. “You like it too, don’t
you?”

“Yeah, I do.”
Though maybe I
shouldn’t.

“You wanna go to the cove?”

“Okay.”

She gathered up her things, and we set off
along the beach arm in arm. We passed a group of bikini clad girls,
and after we’d walked a little farther Joanna released my arm. “Why
did you look at those girls?”

“What girls?

“I saw you looking at them.”

“I only glanced at them. It was nothing.”

“Why do you look at them when you’ve already
got somebody? It’s like you’re still looking for someone better
than me.”

“No, I’m not, it’s just an instinct. We see a
girl and we have to notice if she’s pretty or not. We can’t help
it. It’s just the male instinct for finding a mate, and we can’t
turn it off after we’ve found someone.”

She started walking again, and I hurried to
keep in step with her.

“Men are so shallow. You’re only interested
in physical beauty and sexual attraction. You don’t care about the
more important things.”

“Yeah we do. Physical attraction is just the
first stage.”

“When you look at a girl like that, you’re
seeing if she’s someone you’d want to have sex with, right? That’s
what sexual attraction is?”

“No. You can find something attractive
without wanting it. And attraction doesn’t mean anything without
actually getting to know them. You fall in love with a person, not
a body.”

“Well it hurts that you’re with me and you’re
looking at other girls and being sexually attracted to them.”

“I hardly looked at those girls. I find you
way more attractive than any of them.”

“What if you did see someone prettier than
me?”

“That’s impossible.” I smiled.

“Why do you look then?”

“I told you, it’s just instinct.”

“Jesus said if you look at a woman lustfully
you’ve already committed adultery in your heart.”

“Well, I’ve lusted after you lots of
times.”

She half smiled. “That’s okay, but you can’t
lust after any other girls.”

“Honestly, I’ve never wanted to have sex with
anyone but you.”

“Really?” She blushed and looked away.

We walked in silence for a while. It was high
tide, and we couldn’t walk around the point. I looked for a way up
the steep bank where I knew there’d be a path to the cove. There
were some rocks we could use to climb up on.

“Here, I’ll help you up.” I gripped her
around the middle and easily lifted her onto a large rock.

I climbed up beside her, and we stood face to
face, only inches apart. I looked into her sky-blue eyes. “Joanna,
I’m sorry I looked at those girls. I didn’t even wanna look at
them, I’m not interested in them at all. I wish I could just stare
at you all day and never notice another girl ever again.”

She smiled. “Well, I guess it’s not your
fault. Girls want guys to notice them and see how pretty they
are.”

“Yeah, that’s right. Your instincts make you
wanna be beautiful to get our attention, and our instincts make us
look. We’re all controlled by our instincts.”

We climbed up the bank and found the path
that led over the point. She went ahead of me, and I got to watch
her pretty, little bikinied behind as I followed her up the hill. I
loved the way she moved.

She reached the crest of the hill and turned
to face me. “That’s true, it’s the way the world is, everyone’s
shallow, everyone’s engrossed in the physical things instead of the
spiritual things that really matter. We judge and value everything
by appearances, but God sees our hearts.”

I smiled. “You really are wise for a fifteen
year old.”

She smiled sheepishly. “I’m sorry I got mad
at you.”

“I’m sorry too. I love you.”

“I love you too.” She grinned at me. “Was
that our first fight?”

“Yeah, I guess it was.” I laughed.

We held hands as we walked over the crest of
the hill and down the steep path to the cove.

“Yay! We have it all to ourselves.” Joanna
leapt down onto the white sand and spun around, grinning back at
me. She spread out her towel, and I lay down beside her on the
sand.

She propped her chin on one arm and studied
me. “Do you think our relationship will be more serious when you
come to Colorado?”

I was pretty sure she was talking about sex,
but I played dumb.

“Well, yeah, it’s a big thing moving to
another state to be with someone. It shows how committed we
are.”

“It shows how committed you are. I wanna show
you how committed I am.” She said seriously.

“You already have.”

“I wanna show you in a real way, not just
with words.”

“Like how?”

Joanna smiled and looked away. “You’ll see.
It’s a surprise.”

“You’re gonna surprise me with something
that’ll show how committed you are to me?”

“Yeah.” Her smile broadened at my
puzzlement.

“I know we both want to
. . .
”

Her smile was replaced with her own look of
puzzlement. “Want to what?”

“You know, make love.”

She looked shocked. “My surprise isn’t
sex!”

“Oh.” I laughed.

She laughed too. “I know where your mind is.”
She smacked my arm. “You thought I was gonna surprise you with
sex?”

“Yeah, I thought you might be planning to
sneak out at night and come and be with me or something.”

“Would you let me do that? Would you let me
give myself to you?”

I knew I should say no, and not show her how
much I really wanted that, but it was too strong a desire to
completely deny. “I don’t know.”

She just looked at me, and there was a new
tension between us.

“Would you want me to?” She asked in a quiet
voice, her eyes searching mine.

“Yeah
. . .
but we can’t. I’m willing to wait for you until you’re ready—”

“We are ready if we’re totally committed to
each other.”

“What if we rush it and find out later we
weren’t right for each other, or one of us wasn’t as committed as
we thought? We don’t know the future. We need to be sure.”

“I’m as committed as I say I am.” She looked
into my eyes. “If we have sex, we’ll be one flesh, and we could
never break that bond. If you left me afterwards it would be the
same as divorcing me, and I’d never marry anyone else. If I have
sex with you, I’m committing myself to you for as long as we both
live, no matter what happens. That’s what a marriage commitment is.
I love you, Zach, and I’m ready to make that commitment to you for
the rest of my life.”

Wow.
Until that moment, I must have
had some unconscious doubts about her love for me, that it was just
an infatuation or something, but now I knew how real it was. I
didn’t understand how she could love me so much, I felt so
undeserving of it. It was scary, but man it felt good to be loved
like that by her.

“I just realized something, Joanna. Marriage
is more than a commitment, it’s believing in the other person’s
love and commitment to you. It’s having faith in their love.”

“Yeah.” She nodded. “Like the faith we have
in Jesus’ love.”

“Yeah.” I wished I could give her the same
feeling of security her love gave me. I knew that’s what she needed
from me. “I believe in you Joanna. I believe in your love and your
commitment. I’m scared of it though, it’s such a big thing. It’s
like you’re giving me your whole life. I don’t feel ready for it
yet. I have to be able to provide for you and for our future. Right
now I don’t even know how I could do that. I’m not in college yet,
I don’t have a career. I’m only eighteen, and you’re still only
fifteen.”

“No-one knows what the future holds, Zach. I
don’t put my faith in you to provide for us, I trust God to provide
for us, and I know he will. We’ll look after each other and we’ll
be happy, whether we’re rich or poor. I can work as well, so it’s
not just your responsibility, it’s both of ours.”

I smiled. “Maybe that’s why men are so scared
of commitment—they have an over exaggerated sense of
responsibility.”

“Yeah, or they’re scared of being stuck with
the same woman for the rest of their lives.”

“I’m not scared of that. I’d love to be stuck
with you for the rest of my life. I feel so lucky to be loved by
you. I don’t even know why you love me so much.”

She smiled. “Why wouldn’t I? You’re honorable
and good, and you’re a wonderful man, and you love me.”

I didn’t dare look at her, I felt so much
love for her.

“I want to marry you, Joanna. I just wanna do
everything right before God, and right for us, and right for your
parents and everyone else. It would be unfair to them if we got
married like this without them knowing about it. We should have a
proper wedding so they can celebrate it with us.”

“So we have to wait ‘til I’m eighteen? That’s
more than two years. Why do we have to wait that long when we feel
this way about each other?”

“I don’t know.” I didn’t wanna talk about
this anymore.

“It’s okay, Zach. Let’s not worry about it.”
She leaned over and kissed me so gently, looking into my eyes with
her big, soft eyes, not moving away.

“You have no idea how much I want you.” I
whispered, my voice strained with emotion.

She didn’t say anything, she just hovered
there, so close I could feel each breath from her lips on mine. It
was like I knew just one kiss and we’d be powerless to stop. Slowly
our lips came together, setting all my desire free.

I’d been trying so hard to be the sensible
one, the responsible one, but with one kiss it was all undone. I
needed her so badly, the desire overruling everything, all my ‘no’s
becoming one big, passionate yes.

She lay back as I kissed her lips, and neck,
and body, my mouth caressing the exposed parts of her breasts above
her bikini top. She reached up and pulled at her top, exposing more
of her breast to my hungry mouth, and my tongue explored the
sensual area around her nipple. My hands slid down her body to her
bikini bottom, and she groaned as my fingers caressed her through
the thin fabric. I stroked her inner thigh along her bikini line,
pushing my fingertips beneath its edge. Her body tensed, and she
moaned. She was visibly trembling now, and I expected her to stop
me, but she didn’t, her eyes willed me on.

Adrenaline surged through me as I started
easing her bikini bottom off. She arched her back to aid me, but
something in the corner of my eye made me glance up. Someone was
there, walking on the ridge above the cove. Joanna sat up too, and
quickly rearranged her bikini. We watched as the man disappeared
from view.

“Do you think he saw us?”

“I don’t know, but he couldn’t have seen much
from that far away.” I looked at her and sighed. “It kind of ruined
the moment, huh?”

“We can go to your shack?” She looked at me
expectantly.

My heart was pounding, and I was still
reeling with the intensity of my desire, but my mind had cleared
enough to start thinking with some sense.

“I think we should go to your campsite and
hang with your parents for a while.” I couldn’t read her
expression. “This isn’t the right time for us, Joanna. I don’t want
us to regret it.”

“What are we gonna do, Zach? How can we wait
two years if we feel like this the whole time?”

“It would help if you were actually trying to
stop me instead of trying to persuade me to do it.”

She looked surprised and hurt. “I was just
telling you how I feel.”

“I know,” I said more gently. “I feel the
same way. I don’t know what we can do.”

“I wish we could just make love and not have
to worry about it anymore.”

“Me too.” I looked at her lying there, with
that soft, smooth skin, so beautiful, so desirable. I was starting
to feel shaky again.

“We should do it before I go back home to
Colorado.”

“Why?”

“‘Cause then I’ll know you won’t forget about
me, and you won’t change your mind about coming.”

“Is that what you’re afraid of? Joanna, I
could never forget how I feel about you, my whole being longs for
you like you’re the missing part of my soul.” I stroked her soft
hair. “I couldn’t forget how much I love you and need you in my
life.”