Back to You (55 page)

“You should have been,” Donn reproaches me. “A normal person would have reacted that way. You didn’t feel… traumatized, nauseated…”. He sighs. “But that was not your moment” he blurts out. “Yours was when I met you; the first time I saw you, met you… touched you.” He explains, stumbling. “But, here you are sitting here in front of me.” He remarks, raising an eyebrow. There is a hint of disbelief in his voice.

A touch of fear passes through me instantly, and the memory of his dark and tormented eyes, that day … But the pleasant feeling of security that I feel beside him puts to rest any fears, immediately.

“I don’t understand.” I rush to say, my voice is a whisper.

He remains perfectly still, in silence. The shadow of a smile on his hard lips. For the first time he breaks his gaze away from my face to find the right words. “I am too selfish to give you up, Stella. Too greedy to give you the time of just one life. You’re my only exception, and I long for eternity.” He holds his breath tensely and speaks softly.

From what little I’ve had to do with Donn, especially after my car accident, I have not realized that he thinks of me in those terms. “What do you mean, ‘you’re my only exception’?” I ask.

He gives me a harsh look from under his lashes. “Next question.”

“But this is the most urgent question.”

“Next.” He repeats.

I lower my eyes in frustration. “Okay,” I say, shooting him a dirty look. “Where are we going tonight?”

He flaunts his gleaming smile and charms me again. “Do you think I want to bring you to my sacrificial altar, to my crypt?”

I’m surprised. “Why, you have one?” When he touches upon certain topics I can’t help but feel a slight fear.

He lights up with a big smile, showing off his perfect white teeth. “Don’t worry, baby, it’s just a myth. I’ll tell you where we’re going. If…”

“There are conditions?”

He raises an eyebrow, and speaks in a threatening tone. “If you agree to come with me, in my car” he gets closer to my ear toward the end of the sentence.

I sigh, tense. “Can I drive?”

He frowns. “You’re more worried about how I drive, than all that I have within me that could terrorize you?”

I shrug decidedly.

“You’re coming with me, now. On my terms.” Donn orders firmly, as he opens the door and reaches out a hand to grab me by the arm. Fear and resentment appear in his dark eyes.

“Leave me alone …” I say, trying to hide my irritation. I talk to him slowly, as if trying to calm a lion crouched in front of me, ready to pounce.

“It would be a mistake!” He blurts out nervously, but he seems so impassive, even in this moment when he is running out of patience.

I try to wriggle out of his grasp and move back onto my seat. “I warn you, I’ll scream.” I warn him, sounding more like a command.

“Don’t threaten me, Stella. And don’t believe that anyone would guarantee you some kind of protection. Certainly not from me.” He exclaims, livid. But then captures me like an idiot with his turqoise gaze, like a caress. “I’m trying to establish contact with you … I have a strong desire to improve things in some way, to an extent” he explains. His eyes stop, unmoving, fixed on mine. “Give me your hand. Now.” He tells me, with more conviction, showing a glimmer of feeling.

“No,
Donn
” I say emphasizing his name, thrown off by the feeling that shakes me. “Please.” I try to convince him, while slipping an arm out from his gentle grasp and pushing him away.

“Stella, I would never hurt you. You saw that the other night that I don’t want to scare you. Don’t go away.”

“Please, let me go.” I plead. “Please … and don’t follow me.” At these words, my torn heart barely beats in my chest.

“No, you don’t want that!” Roars Donn, and frown. The distance I am putting between us hurts him. “It’s out of the question!” He yells, enraged. “Your heart knows me. Your senses tell you that you are safe and loved with me. All you have to do is listen.” The furious growl that still comes out of his mouth makes me cringe. “You don’t want that” he finally repeats, in a sad whisper.

“Don’t try to confuse me. I know what I want.” I feel a rush of heat shoot down my arms and he gives me an insufferable look.

“And what is it that you really want, Stella?” He interrupts me, aggravated, and puts me on the spot.

I hesitate, I feel cornered. “I do not want to stay in this parking lot a second longer!” I scream, hoping desperately that he’ll believe me. I lift my hand to shift into reverse, but he stops me before I can do it. “Let me go!” I plead again, exhausted, clasped in his icy grip.

“There is no other place for you, now.” He says, holding me tightly. He takes my hand that was going to slam the car door shut and lifts it gently to his mouth, in a gesture of frustration. “At least wait to see what I have planned for you tonight.” He suggests softly.

I nod. “Please, I need to get out of here.” I try again, my head is spinning, even for the delicious feeling of his lips on my skin.

His lips separate slowly as he kisses the palm of my hand with a controlled breath. And I don’t feel any bite, just a moist chill and the soft caress of his mouth. “Sure, baby. Whatever you want.” He says, while my arms are weak, and my strength begins to crumble.

In the dim light of the parking lot everything seems more calm and quiet, now. I stiffen waiting for a rebuke yet there is no tension in the air, but rather a relaxed sense of peace. It doesn’t matter that I should be angry with him. I should also be angry with Vuk and Drake.

In an instant, as if he has heard my thoughts, he lifts me up to pull me out of the car. I just need a second to realize that I could never have made a similar move by myself without falling to the ground. He does it all. I look around, trying to see something. It all happens so fast that I can’t quite realize it, but instantly I find myself in his arms, a few yards off the ground.

He stifles a laugh. “Surprised?”

I nod, in disbelief. “And my Ponty?” I ask, after taking a breath.

He laughs at my expression. “Something else Miss Whitely?” Responds Donn ironically, while he holds me in his embrace without any effort. But in his eyes there is a spark that makes me feel under reproach.

He releases his lips with extreme ease and sighs.

“This is the reason why my driver, who insists on calling himself an undertaker, was there.” He purses his lips and becomes serious. He was reading my thoughts even before blocking my way with his car. I shrug. “I’ll take you back home, after we leave the parking lot,” he adds, and throws the key to the driver.

I have a feeling that Donn is the kind of person who is impossible to get used to. I remember what he told me about his death at the Battle of Yorktown: within an hour it will be the exact time that he died. Would he want to kiss me just before taking his last human breath, in that terrible battle more than two hundred years ago?

I sigh, short of breath. Anxiety controls the thousand beats per minute of my heart. Donn probably hears me, because he is looking at me curiously. I look away elsewhere on the road, over his shoulder, aware that he is able to read my mind.

His arms wrap around me while I push myself cautiously toward him with my face resting in the crook of his tense neck. I feel his cold hands on my cheek and the bare skin of my side, under my shirt. He has an extraordinary smell. I smell him. I savor it, trying to identify and memorize forever that delicious aroma. Not perfume, or aftershave, but his smell; the exquisite fragrance of his skin as toned and smooth as porcelain. He cradles me on his chest and interlaces our fingers, his other hand on my face, and in my hair.

I feel quite giddy.

I close my eyes and curl up under his shoulder. I’m all too comfortable. My head resting gently between his arm and chest, while his hand caresses my hair to calm me down.

The temperature has dropped, probably the rainy weather is back. His jacket keeps me warm, though, and when it seems that he is not looking, I smell his scent again.

I calm down with my head on his chest, following the rhythm of his breath. While he guides my hands along his back, holding me tight, I wrap my arms around his strong neck, and I feel completely safe.

He feels it.

His chest vibrates and I feel his lips curl into a grin while he kisses my forehead. He opens the door and helps me get into the car, then closes it gently. I watch him walk in front of the car hood, amazed for the umpteenth time by how graceful he is. By now I should be used to it, and yet I’m not.

The radio is on, tuned to a classical music station that Donn was listening to before getting out to meet me.
A Prelude
by Chopin is finishing, a song that I have heard only one or two times with my mother while she was making her documentaries. And now The Piano Sonata No. 14-
Moonlight
- by Beethoven is starting. It’s one of my favorite pieces. I think he knows it very well. No, he knows it by heart.

Getting into the car, Donn gives a dramatic sigh of victory and sinks into his seat with enthusiasm. A triumphant spark glitters in his turquoise eyes.

He starts the engine and turns up the heat. He thought to warm up the car even before I arrived.

“Welcome back,” murmurs his sweet voice, anxious, while his cold lips press on my jaw, just above my neck.

I clench my jaw, careful to not show any fear. I think before answering. “I’m happy to see you,” I say softly. I look at his face, he seems more peaceful.

He nods, surprised. “I was ready with a fury inside me that would have unraveled the Council, and this is what I get?”. He tilts his head to the side, and gives me the crooked smile that I love. He resumes speaking entirely satisfied. “You know, I should infuriate you more often.” He looks out the windshield, about to start laughing.

I grimace. “Seriously?”

He turns back to me, his smile disappears and a stiff expression appears on his adorable face. “Oh, Miss Whitely, you better not think that I’m not serious about this. Ever!” He warns me sarcastically, with a grin. “So, are you ready?”

“Uhm.. Yes.”

At my tone, his lips curl into a spontaneous, involuntary smile, but he remains blank in the face. “Do we want to go?” He asks again. His teeth gleaming in the dim light.

I give him a puzzled look. “Where are we going, exactly?”

Again he makes his smug grin, arrogant. “Not to unleash your rage prematurely… but I’m driving, it’s settled. And we’re going in my car. However, can you at least do me a favor?”

He takes me off guard. “Of course I …” I interrupt. “It depends on the favor …” I say.

And he bursts out laughing. “You get more and more clever, little girl.” Then he sighs. “Trust me,” he tells me at the end, seriously.

Now I let my guard down a bit. I stare at him … and nod, helpless. “Okay, I trust you. I’ll try.” He’s pleased.

“Okay!” he says, as he kisses my forehead and his hand gently caresses my face.

“And what about you, don’t you want to know what I did today?” I rush to say, curious.

He caresses me again. “I’m always interested in what you do.”

“But I was with Vuk” I point out. Until a little while ago he did not want to talk about Vuk. Until the other day, the subject had tormented him. Vuk has also changed since he went to the library yesterday afternoon.

His apparent lack of interest puzzles me, again.

He shrugs. “I know.”

“I saw him on campus,” I say, as soon as the silence returns.

He frowns. “Just like every day … Does it concern me?” His voice is cold and empty, and he clenches his jaw. Then the tires screech on the asphalt, and the car turns toward the exit of the parking lot with a violent slam on the gas pedal.

Donn merges into the flow of traffic, almost without looking around, disregarding the other cars to take the street straight to the library toward the center of town.

While he is driving, I follow the features of his face with concetration, trying to guess his mood. “He seemed very down both today and yesterday. I wonder why.” I say between my teeth, and I pay attention to the tone of my own voice. I prepare for a fit of rage.

He justs says, “Buckle up,” as the car sprints fast down the now dark road.

I do as I’m told.

Only at this point does he start talking again. “Does Vuk pay you to be his spokesman, or have you volunteered?” He grumbles.

Immediately, he turns sharply and begins to accelerate, crossing several intersections without stopping.

I realize I’m clinging to the seat. “You don’t know anything about it, right?”

He looks up at the sky. “I told you everything that I’ve needed to… these days.”

“Okay, judging from what you’re telling me, you know a lot more.”

He sighs. “I don’t want to keep talking about it” he responds, dry and short.

“There is something Donn, but you won’t tell me anything else, right? And also, where is all this good will coming from? “I finally ask in a strange voice.

He frowns. “I am just trying to be more reasonable.”

“I don’t understand.” I hint.

Donn takes my head in the palm of his hand, and for a brief moment he looks in my eyes. “I decided not to intrude any more, and not to think too much about it. I want to trust your good sense.”

“What?”

“Stella you’re free, on your own terms. Isn’t that what you asked for?”

“Yes, but …”

“I don’t want this- your relationship with Vuk- to become an obstacle between us. Besides, I don’t agree: you’re trying to make everyone happy. Jeff, Scott, Jason, Tyler, Vuk, and me. And to me, their feelings don’t matter. Not even mine matter, you know that. I need to know that you are happy, Stella. Nothing else. So be happy in your own way.”

“But you …”

“No,” he grinds his teeth nervously. “Do it your way. Because my way doesn’t work. It didn’t work. Look what I caused… I ended up hurting you, deeply, and continuously.” His voice fades and his god-like face becomes somber again.

“Can I ask you something … personal, Donn?” I whisper.

But the car straightens out after a turn,shooting between lanes toward Beacon Street-,and I realize that we are going very fast. The car seems to be so secure and stable that I don’t even feel it moving, but Donn is driving at a ridiculous speed.