Back to You (52 page)

“Is this movie too dumb for you? You haven’t even watched a minute of it.”

His green eyes glisten.

“I’m just waiting for the zombies to eat someone. I thought you wanted to watch an
action
movie”.

“This is it.”

“So far it seems like a comedy.”

“You’re right. It’s fictitious. But sooner or later something is going to happen.”

The rest of the movie is a succession of bloody zombie attacks framed by the screams of the few human survivors, who are diminishing quickly by the dozen. Vuk doesn’t seem to be interested in the movie anyway.

While I suffer through it, staring at the action on the screen, he studies the outlines of the characters and the set props they use. After the last victim loses its head, Vuk sits up and starts laughing. He lets out another laugh when a couple of zombies get blown up, spurting blood everywhere against a wall of trees in the distance. From this moment on he seems to enjoy the show, continuing to laugh with me at every fake scene. I also became a zombie a few weeks ago. I make an effort not to think about the irony of it. When I was little I would dream about becoming a creature of myth or of fairytales, but certainly never a walking zombie.

“Movie is over, already.” I complain disappointed, when I see the final credits scroll. I’m sitting on the floor, a couple of yards away from the screen. The ending was exciting enough, but my complaint was addressed to Vuk. I don’t want him to go. I turn around and turn off the TV. I didn’t realize he has fallen asleep.

With the sound off, I can hear him snoring. He wakes up immediately for the sudden silence that fills the room, interrupting the rhythmic sound of his snoring that seemed like a lullaby. He slowly opens his eyes, and I let him meet mine. I see a strange glance emerge.

“I think I really
have
to go,” he says, absently. He raises his head from the armrest and stands up. He yawns sleepily.

“You’re leaving, already?” I assess the situation with care, while I continue sitting on the floor to gain some time. Maybe he wants to be alone.

“Yes, I’d better go,” he says though that familiar smile that has already faded by the time it reaches his cheekbones and emerald eyes.

“Are you sure?” I ask, frowning.

“It’s time to get home.” He sighs. I walk him to the door. Who knows how long it’s been since he slept. He seems exhausted.

I offer to let him take my car or to take him back to the parking lot where he left his pickup, but he won’t hear of it. Sometimes, he’s the hardest to convince. I walk out to the veranda.

“Will you call me, as soon as you get home?” I ask, anxiously. Vuk just smiles at me and turns to leave. As I look upon him, he crosses the yard taking long and fast steps.

“See you tomorrow!” I yell behind him as soon as he runs into the woods toward Boston. “Rest!” I add loudly after the darkness that outlines the woods has already swallowed him.

I stare at the nightfall and the empty street, with my stomach upside down and a vague nausea that has nothing to do with my physical condition. I go back in the house and sit next to the stove to study, ready to start biting my nails while I read. I also need to prepare something to eat for Jeff, and wish I would have insisted on keeping Vuk here.

I lean against the kitchen counter, my fingers a few inches away from the phone. I think back at Vuk’s strange look as I tap my fingers on the counter. I want to be patient, and will wait until I see him tomorrow in class. Despite my commitment to not calling him, I end up doing so before he starts his work shift, just to make sure he’s ok. Restless, I put my jacket on and leave the house, slamming the door. I go to work a little earlier than usual, I’m too restless to stay home.

I get to The Pats, say hello to Scott, and go to work in the storage room. I look at the wall clock as the minutes tick by.

Five. Ten. Fifteen. Twenty.

Even if I drove, it would take an hour and forty-five minutes to reach Wolfeboro. But Vuk is faster than me. Since we said goodbye, two hours have passed. Finally, I call the Wolf residence at noon.

I dial the number from Scott’s office. I let it ring for a while. Maybe the guys are out hunting or guarding the border. Maybe I got the wrong number. I try again. At what seems like the hundredth ring, as I am about to hang up, Drake answers the phone.

“Hello?” He seems cautious, as if expecting bad news.

“Hello, it’s me, Stella. Is Vuk home already? He left my house a couple of hours ago and I’m worried, he hasn’t called me back.”

He greets me without enthusiasm.

“He’s here,” he says, almost rudely.

“I asked him to call me. When he left he seemed a little strange. Can he not come to the phone?”

“No, not exactly. Do you want to leave a message?” he asks, now politely.

“Yes. If he needs anything please call me, and I can be there quickly.”

“No, no. Everything is all right here. Stay there,” replies Drake.

“Ok.”

“Goodbye, Stella.” He hangs up.

Click. A sound so abrupt. Icy.

“Goodbye.” I say to nobody.

For a few moments, I stand still with the phone in my hand, while a car’s light floods the narrow street behind the bar. It’s the Siberians rangers’ Jeep.

If Vuk does not come to school tomorrow, I’ll go find him and bring him some cheer. I know that somewhere I must have some to give to my friend. I sure hope that my plan can be carried out because of Drake’s abrupt and repeated
no
and his words, his tone. He sounded like he was threatening me to stay away from Wolfeboro or worse, from Vuk.

At least he got home. But I’m still worried.

I’m forced to continue acting with Scott, who sometimes can read me even better than Jeff. Only when he turns to his papers am I free to let my true mood surface and get rid of my fake smile.

I go back to the floor and find myself in the middle of a heated discussion between Tyler and a tall guy wearing a blue and red Patriots cap. I stop on the door and look at him. Seeing him from behind, he’s too hefty to be Locke. I look again from the side and see that it is him. He’s gotten bigger since I last saw him.

“I’m coming, too!” Locke spurts out. His voice is booming.

“No, stop it.” says Tyler. “You can’t. You’re not
ready
yet, I told you.”

“Please,” he says impatiently. “Let me be a part of the expedition. I want to come with you all to the border!”

He slams his fist on the counter.

“It’s out of the question,” interrupts Tyler, as he keeps working behind the counter.

“For what reason?” asks Locke, exasperated. He wants to be part of the group, even though he’s just a college boy.

“Please understand. It’s too dangerous,” Tyler explains patiently. “When you become one of us, a Siberian Ranger, you’ll become part of every expedition. But until then…”

“What is at the border?” I ask quickly with curiosity, moving toward them.

Tyler stares at me, surprised. He was too engrossed in the conversation and distracted by work to hear me coming. Locke, closer to the door, had noticed me. I wait for the answer.

“Hey Stella. You got here early today,” Tyler says feigning indifference. “I was just talking to Locke about conducting a survey at the border. We have to make sure that wolves don’t cross over.”

“Why?”

“We want to insure safety in the reservation.” He speaks in the plural, I notice. The same plural of the pack that Vuk uses.

“To preserve
the balance among the creatures of the different mountains
,” Tyler adds, changing the subject. He breathes in and becomes still, while a bit gloomy.

“What else is there?” I ask, as anxiety takes over.

His face grows serious and it takes me a moment to understand why.

“More troubles with the cougars?”

Tyler shakes his head and frowns.

“I wouldn’t say that.” I can read hesitation on his face as he continues speaking. “Another hiker has gone missing a short distance from the border.”

“Has there been another attack?” I turn pale.

“Well, yes. Not too far from our cabin, by the lakes.” Tyler continues. “We’re not suspecting the wolves, but that doesn’t mean that they can leave their territory and cross the border.
We’ll take care of it
.”

I shiver and stand still. Vuk. His name echoes in my brain.

“The rangers found the hiker’s campsite early this morning’” says Tyler. “But there is no trace of him. He has disappeared.”

“How can you say it’s not the cougars who got him?” I spurt out, panicking. “Maybe it was the pack of them.”

My observation is completely irrational and cliché.

“There are no traces of animals on site. Just a little blood, just like last time.” Tyler notes. “But this time we have traces that are not compatible with those of cougars. They lead to and get lost a few yards from the interstate in the direction of Massachusetts.”

I see the anger in his face, a dark side, but well hidden. Immediately his glance regains the same cheery and friendly look of Myco’s eyes.

“Anyway,” he continues calmly. “We’re headed to the border to make sure that it is not crossed. We’re preparing traps.”

Sounds like he’s expecting me to relay the news to someone else.

“Ah.” I’m shocked. I’m not listening anymore. I’m upset by the thought of Vuk being in danger if he crosses the border again with Drake and the cousins. I have to warn him. Time keeps passing by too fast.

Tonight I’m not dreaming. I toss and turn restlessly in my bed and fall asleep only at dawn. I open my eyes and I find myself staring at the day of my date with Donn. To think of where he’s going to take me is scary. To remember what day it is––the day he died––sends shivers through me. But I am too mad at him to feel any compassion. Mad for what he’s putting my best friend through.

Poor Vuk.

When I go down to breakfast, Jeff is already out of the driveway and about to leave on his way home. I look out at the road. I hear him say goodbye and the Corvette takes off.

I have breakfast while I look as the thick fog floats in the air, illuminated by the light that filters through the window. I leave the house and despite the gray and swollen clouds, it isn’t raining.

When I arrive at school, I recognize that mass of tousled bronze hair from yards away. Sitting inside the red pickup, there is Vuk Wolf.

His presence in the parking lot gives me a sense of relief that quickly fades. Nothing has changed. He’s actually standoffish and feels even more distant. He doesn’t seem to notice my presence.

I stay at the wheel, waiting for his eyes to meet mine, and for him to come out of whatever deep thought he’s in. I want to look at his face to see if he has returned to be the same warm and friendly person I have known for the past year. Or, if unfortunately, what transpired yesterday afternoon is true.

He turns around slowly, reluctantly. I do the same. I don’t want to let myself get carried away by the feelings that will overtake me as I admire his face, so intense and tormented. When I look at him, I see he’s worried about something; his emerald eyes seem dull, unreadable. He doesn’t say anything.

I get out of the car as he gets out of the truck and comes toward me, taking my hand. But his greeting confirms that he is still upset. I try to act casual, but I have something else on my mind and my conversation sounds horribly forced and fake.

While we walk silently together to the economics lecture, he slows his pace to stay by my side. I try several times to start a conversation, but he isn’t going for it. He walks very close to me, rigid and gloomy, and absent. His arm hangs around my shoulders, but his head is somewhere else. It is obvious that spending time with me is not helping him. I turn pale and shrink. The same person who was my best friend yesterday barely speaks to me today and practically doesn’t look at me anymore.

We sit down at the usual row of desks already full of our friends, who greet us from the other side of the invisible barrier between us. Jamie gives me a distracted wave with his hand, then goes back to talking with Amber.

Fortunately, Tess is sitting next to me. I smile and nod, while Seth, a bench away, goes on about professors and lectures, as well as rock climbing and the matter of the cougars. I don’t even try to follow his story. I try to be polite, but for the most part I lie. I can only think about Vuk and I feel myself collapse into the void––alone, without the feeling of security I know when he is
really
next to me.

While conversing distractedly with Seth and Tess, my eyes dart back to Vuk. He is sitting tensely in the chair, and his eyes seem to drift off into nothingness, looking like a beautiful statue by Michelangelo.

He is staring out at the classroom, far from the desk, from the other students, from me, from everything. I stare at him because his beautiful face is the only relief from the pain. But that’s not the reason why I can’t look away. I can see the torture in his eyes, more golden than usual, as I feel it also in mine.

For the rest of the first hour of the class, I cannot help but throw quick painstaking looks at Vuk. He keeps watching the wall, thoughtfully, without listening. I try to catch his gaze, but it does not meet mine. I hang my head down over my notes and I try to downplay his behavior, but I’m not believable. I can’t even lie to myself.

Suddenly, however, Tess giggles embarrassingly and looks at me.

“Hey, Stella,” she whispers, with a smirk. “He’s staring at you.”

From her tone I sense who she talking about and look up. Vuk is looking at me. Then he looks at Tess for no more than a fraction of a second. And I find Vuk again staring at me, curious, his topaz eyes veiled from the usual hint of frustration. I, too, look at him, surprised, sure he will turn away his gaze. Instead he continues to inspect me, ever more intensely.

The nothingness that appears in his eyes is as deep as a crater, creating a black hole inside me. But I’m not willing to surrender.

My hands tremble. I can’t believe the wave of feelings that have overcome me only because, for the first time in nearly two hours, he has given me more than a glance. In this swift exchange of meaningful glances, I give in and shyly lower my gaze, overwhelmed by a thousand emotions grinding and tearing away at me.