Baggage & Buttons (25 page)

‘For talking to me, I know that was hard for you.’

‘No, actually it wasn’t. You make everything so easy
Gabe,’ I said as I squeezed his hand tightly. I’d never been so relaxed in a
relationship, yes he did drive me crazy sometimes, in a seriously bad way, but
crazy in an amazingly good way too. I looked up at him as we walked and bit my
lip to stop myself from grinning inanely. He was
so damn hot
and he was
mine and really seemed to be in love with me. I felt my stomach and heart flutter
at the same time and had to take in a quick breath, surprised at the sensation.
Holy crap, I’d forgotten for a minute that so was I,
seriously
in love
and that combined sensation had just reminded me. He squeezed my hand tightly
and I looked up at him again.

‘Ok baby?’

‘Yes thanks,’ I nodded, tucking my hair behind my ear.

‘You looked really serious for a second there.’

‘Sorry, it’s just hit me that we’re not just dating
Gabe. We’re more.’

‘More?’

‘That we’re serious, hence serious face.’

‘Is that frightening you?’ he frowned as I looked up
at him.

‘Is it you?’

‘No. Do you think we’re moving too fast?’

‘Do you?’

‘No, I think things happen for a reason. If it feels
right for us to move at this speed then don’t you think that we were meant to
be?’

‘Do you think we were meant to be?’

‘Are you going to answer every bloody question I ask
with a question?’ he said as he stopped walking and dropped my hand and studied
me intently. I bit my lip as I looked up at him.

‘We
are
moving fast Gabe and it scares me a
bit, I just told you that I love you, which is
huge
for me. I guess I
just need some reassurance that we’re in the same place,’ I said with a shrug
as I looked down. Why did talking always feel more intimate than having sex
with him? He tipped my chin up to make me look at him.

‘Don’t I tell you enough how I feel about you?’ he
asked with a concerned expression.

‘You tell me all the time Gabe, I’m sorry, I don’t
know what’s going on, I’m tired, emotional and I just feel a bit vulnerable
today. I’m not used to talking about my feelings with anyone but Lexi and
you’ve got me talking about my dad, telling you I love you …’ I blew out a deep
breath. ‘I’ve let you get to me, I’ve let you in and it’s a
massive
deal.’

‘You’re still scared I’m going to hurt you?’ he
whispered as his eyes searched mine.

‘I don’t know,’ I shrugged. ‘I don’t want to believe
it Gabe, but I feel like I did when I was studying for my last exams.’

‘What?’ he asked, looking confused.

‘It’s like I know I’m doing my best, but what if it’s
not good enough? What if I give it my all and I get a C? I’m scared because
I’ve never got a C in my life, I always do things I’m good at and get A’s or at
worst B’s, but you’re my Physics, I was convinced I was rubbish at physics so I
didn’t take it, because I was worried I’d get a C. I don’t do anything I’m not
good at and I’m not good at relationships Gabe.’

‘So
I’m
physics and you’re scared because
you’ve taken it and may only get a C and not an A?’

‘Yes,’ I whispered as I lowered my eyes, his fingers
still under my chin.

‘You couldn’t just say you’re trying something new and
scary and are worried you’ll fuck up?’ he laughed. I looked up at him and
narrowed my eyes.

‘
Gabe.
I told you I’m not good at relationships
or all this emotional talking stuff and this is a big deal to me. I’ve never
told anyone I love them before, not a guy.’

‘It’s a big deal to me too Mia,’ he said, suddenly
looking at me very seriously. ‘We’re both in the same position baby and I feel
like I’m in freefall too, but I’ll take how scared I am over falling in love
with you and worrying that
I’ll
get hurt, over every single day I lived
through before of not loving you, or having you love me back. I’m terrified
too, but I’m also seriously happy at the same time.’

‘Really?’ How did he manage to articulate exactly what
I was thinking, but put it in an understandable and romantic way? And there’s me
babbling on about bloody science exams like a moron.

‘Yes, we’re both going through the same worries Mia,
that we’ll get hurt, because we’re not good enough and the other one will leave
us. We need to just trust in how we feel about each other and go with it day by
day like we agreed. Don’t over think it or you’ll terrify yourself and then I
will
lose you and I couldn’t bear that.’ He pulled me to him, clasping me around the
waist, one hand still under my chin and I couldn’t look away from his eyes this
time, underneath all the confidence and cockiness, I could see the same deep
rooted fear I felt inside. He
was
exactly where I was, in love and
bloody terrified.

‘I couldn’t bear it either Gabe,’ I whispered and took
a deep breath as his lips came down to meet mine. He kissed me so tenderly, he
made me forget what we were talking about, or even where we were, as I clung to
him to keep my legs from buckling under me.

‘We’re good?’ he whispered.

‘Hmmm,’ I whimpered as he straightened up and I tried
to get the stars out of my eyes. God he was
the
best kisser ever.

‘Come on then,’ he gripped my hand and we started
walking around the edge of the lake again, in contemplative silence. We stopped
to admire some deer that were on the far side, heads bowed taking in some water,
they were so slender and graceful. Gabe stood behind me with his arms around my
waist and I leaned back into him.

‘O my god, you’ve got another erection. Are you on bloody
Viagra or something?’

‘Christ I hope the day never comes when I need to take
pills to get a hard on.’

‘Speaking of pills, I started it yesterday.’

‘I need to go and get tested then.’

‘I trust you Gabe.’ I swivelled in his arms and looked
up at him.

‘Thanks,’ he smiled. ‘I know I’ve tried to be safe
baby, but I’ve been with a lot of girls and condoms can always tear. I need to
be sure I’m not putting you at any more risk than I already have.’

‘How could you’ve put me at risk?’ I tried to focus on
anything but his “I’ve been with a lot of girls” comment, I
never
needed
a reminder of that.

‘Mia you’ve given me unprotected oral sex, I shouldn’t
have let that happen. We’ll get you to the doctors on Tuesday for a referral
and then we’ll go to the clinic.’

‘Wow you really
do
need to work on your romance
repertoire. The GUM clinic? I’ve always dreamed of a date there,’ I giggled.

‘Sorry baby, but I’m a work in progress when it comes
to romance. You don’t need to come, but I’d feel a lot better if you had a
throat swab at the same time.’

‘I’m coming with you,’ I sighed.

‘O god, I can’t wait until you’re coming with me again,’
he groaned.

‘You’ve sex on the brain don’t you?’

‘Since I met you I do. I’d like nothing better than to
spend a whole day inside you Mia, we need to fix up some alone time and soon.’

‘O god, that sounds
sooo
good,’ I groaned, my
heart speeding up at the thought of it.

‘Come on we need to make our way back.’

We followed a different pathway back to the car and
were the first to arrive. He pinned me to the side of the car and kissed me. My
hands reached round to his perfectly formed muscular bottom and gripped it. He
moaned and his erection pressed deeper into my stomach. I reached a hand up to
caress the back of his neck and run a finger along his hair line and he
suddenly pulled back from me.

‘God stop, I’m too aroused,’ he groaned, closing his
eyes.

‘I’m going to take care of you later, I promise.’

‘I told you no, I’m not going to hurt you,’ he sighed
as he looked down at me.

‘No penetration required for me to take care of you
Gabe.’

‘You already took care of me like that this morning.’

‘I get the impression that just once a day isn’t
enough for you Gabe Austin and I can’t have you going to look elsewhere for it
can I?’

‘Never baby,’ he said with a firm shake of his hand.
‘It’s you, my hand or nothing.’

‘Again with the romance,’ I smiled. ‘O here they both come,
don’t turn around and make it obvious we’re looking.’

‘Both still alive?’

‘Yes, but something’s wrong.’ I frowned.

‘O god what?’ he asked, his eyes widening as he looked
down at me.

‘Lexi … Lexi’s
laughing
and looks
happy
.’
I slapped Gabe’s arm as he started laughing as well. ‘It’s not funny, she only
ever laughs with me.’

‘You wanted to fix her up Mia.’

‘Hey guys,’ shouted Doug as they drew near. ‘You
missed an amazing view up the top, even with the grey skies you could see for
miles.’

‘Mia it was awesome, we could see the lakes and deer
and hardly anyone was up there, it was so peaceful.’ Lexi was all smiles and it
was really freaking me out.

‘Glad you had a good time. Lex why don’t you sit in
the front? You’ll have more leg room,’ I suggested.

‘Don’t worry, I’m cool in the back.’

I stood with my mouth open as she climbed in. Doug
grinned at me as he hopped in the back with her and Gabe chuckled at the look
on my face.

‘Come on baby let’s go, I’m starving.’

Twenty minutes later we arrived in front of a quaint black
and white timbered and thatched property called The Old Bell, which sat on a
village green. We walked in and the three of them had to duck under the door
frame. I sighed as I realised how stupid I must look with the three of them all
six foot and over. I’d been last in the queue when they were dishing out tall
genes to babies. I decided I needed to wear heels more often now I was seeing
Gabe. I looked in amazement at the long bar in front of us, stacked with every
bottle imaginable and at the very far ends of the pub, behind the dining
tables, were two roaring open fires with old worn leather settees either side.
It was a really nice looking gourmet pub, with a really cosy feel about it.
Doug ordered a beer, Lexi a coke, Gabe water and I asked for a large glass of Zinfandel.

We were shown to our table and spent over two hours
sitting drinking, eating and laughing and the pub was nearly empty by the time
we got to the seriously comfy settees. Lexi and Doug sat on the one, while Gabe
and I sat opposite and he put his arm around my shoulder and rubbed his thumb
up and down my arm. I’d just drained my second large glass of wine when Lexi
offered to buy a round. Before I’d a chance to ask for another, Gabe asked for
two glasses of water for us and Doug went with her to the bar. I turned to face
Gabe annoyed.

‘Seriously? You order without even asking me what I
want?’

‘Sorry, I thought you didn’t want another and could do
with a water,’ he said with a shrug.

‘No, you
decided
I wasn’t having another and
that I
needed
a water,’ I snapped.

‘You’ve a full day of lectures tomorrow. I assumed you
didn’t want a hangover again, like yesterday.’

‘I don’t see you stopping Doug from knocking back the
beers.’

‘I’m not dating Doug. What he does isn’t anything to
do with me,’ he said unapologetically, giving me a steely look. I gasped,
stunned.

‘So dating me precludes me from drinking? Just admit
it Gabe, you’ve got a real problem with me and alcohol.’

‘Ok fine! I’ve seen too many drunk girls flirting with
Doug and I on nights out. I’m
not
ok thinking about you being like that,’
he responded with a glare.

‘Why would I need to flirt with anyone else Gabe? You
don’t trust me?’

‘I don’t trust other guys.’

‘Well I’m not on a night out, we’re eating lunch,
together
.
You’re saying I can’t even have a few drinks when I’m out with you?’

‘I thought you’d had enough for one weekend Mia. I’m
not going to argue about this anymore,’ he said firmly.

‘Well neither am I. You’re getting all domineering
again, which after our conversations this morning is
totally
unacceptable. I’m going to the bar to have a proper drink, knock yourself out
with a double bloody water when it comes.’ I got up and he gripped my wrist and
pulled me back down next to him again. ‘Gabe let me go
right
now, I mean
it,’ I scowled, furious with him.

‘Don’t do this,’ he sighed, looking at me frustrated
as he ran his free hand through his hair.

‘You may be my boyfriend, but you’re
not
the
boss of me Gabe Austin.
I
make my own decisions about my own life and the
day that stops happening is the day hell freezes over, so you’d better start getting
used to it you … you … bossy …
whatever
.’ I shook off his hand and got
up and marched to the bar, annoyed I couldn’t think of a word to let him know
how much he’d just pissed me off. ‘Lexi I’m having a vodka and cranberry.’