Baggage & Buttons (27 page)

‘We need to be less accessible,’ I replied as I picked
at some imaginary lint on his jumper.

‘What?’

‘I think we need a few nights off from each other.’

‘
What
?’ he spat, as I felt his arms tighten
around me.

‘Gabe we’ve only spent two nights apart since we first
slept together. We need to slow down a bit.’

‘You’re saying you don’t want to see me as much?’ he
whispered. I had to catch my breath, the pain is his voice was too much and his
arms were wrapped so tightly around me.

‘Gabe that’s the problem, I want to see you all the
time. It’s not normal, this consuming
need
we have for each other. I think
we need to step back a bit.’ I could hear him breathing fast as his chest
pounded against my cheek. ‘Gabe?’

‘What do you expect me to say Mia? You just want me to
just pretend to be fine with this? Because I’m not.’ He let go of me and
stepped back. ‘God damn it. I can’t have this fucking conversation when you
won’t even look at me. Are you saying you made a mistake? That you don’t … that
you don’t
love
me?’ I heard the break in his voice and raised my head to
look at him, his eyes were full of sadness, like a wounded animal waiting to be
put out of its misery.

‘No Gabe, god no. I’m saying I think I love you too
much, I
need
you too much, it’s not right.’

We exchanged a look and the heat in it scorched me. I
felt the pull to him and we both stepped forwards at the same time, colliding
into each other. He grabbed me, lifting me up onto his hips, backing me into
the wall as I wrapped myself around him and our hands tore through each other’s
hair as we kissed like feral animals. When we finally came up for air, he set
me down abruptly and stepped back again, both of us hot and panting. He wiped
his mouth and ran both hands through his hair.

‘Christ Mia, what are you fucking doing to me?’ he
snapped. ‘You tell me you love me, but you want time away from me. You tell me
I’m consuming you, yet you kiss me like that? It’s like you’re telling me one
thing and your body’s telling me the opposite. You want me, I felt it in that
kiss, I can see it in your eyes.’

‘That’s why Gabe, we can’t keep our bloody hands off
each other. I want it to be more, I
need
it to be more than that. I
started this with the intention of it being all about sex and I’ve encouraged
it to be about that, because I don’t feel worthy of being loved and I’m scared
that without the sex we’ll have nothing, but now I’ve fallen in love with you I
need to know. I need to know we’re more than just raging sexual hormones.’

‘Mia, I loved you before we even had sex. That we’re
so sexually compatible is just an amazing bonus.’

‘But you hardly know me Gabe, what if the sex is all
that’s holding you to me, what if we run out of steam?’

‘You hardly know me. We can’t choose who we fall in
love with Mia, surely you can understand that after so many failed and empty
relationships?’ He came back to me and caressed the side of my face and I
leaned into it closing my eyes. ‘You’re just scared Mia. I feel scared too baby,
I’m terrified of you leaving me and breaking
my
heart.’ I heard and felt
him sigh. ‘If you need to slow down, then we’ll slow down, just don’t run from
me,’ he whispered. I opened my eyes and held his gaze.

‘I’m not pushing you away Gabe, I promise, I just need
some time to breathe, to enjoy it. To try going at a normal pace, instead of
this flat out one, it’s scaring me how quickly we’re going.’

‘So what now? Tell me what you need?’

‘Will you stay tonight? I don’t want you to feel like
I’m pushing you away. Stay tonight then we could try two nights apart.’

‘
Two
nights? Seriously?’

‘Gabe it’s two nights, that’s nothing. Surely we can
do that?’ I pleaded. He rubbed his face and sighed.

‘Mia it’s not what I want,’ he said firmly, shaking
his head. ‘But if it’s what you need I’ll do it, but it’s on the condition that
I’m still taking you to the doctors on Tuesday morning.’

I flung my arms around his neck and kissed the side of
his face. ‘Thank you, I love you Gabe, I really do. Never doubt that.’

‘Then never doubt me Mia, it works both ways, it’s not
just lust and sexual chemistry that I feel for you.’

We jumped as we heard a cough and looked up to see
Doug in the doorway.

‘Sorry guys, you’ve been gone ages. Everything ok?’

‘Sorry Doug, Mia and I were just talking and lost
track of time. We’re good to go if you’re ready?’

‘Sure, but Lexi’s fallen asleep on the settee and no way
am I waking her up.’

‘Well don’t look at me, she’s Mia’s bloody friend.’

‘God you two are such cowards, she’s just a girl under
all the crazy hair and outfits. I’ll go and do it.’ I went to pull away and
Gabe tugged on my hand.

‘See you by the car when you’re ready?’

I smiled and nodded and went back in. Lexi was fast
asleep half leaning on the arm of the settee, with her head back and mouth wide
open. I chuckled to myself and sat next to her and gently stroked her arm. ‘Lex,
Lex wake up, it’s time to go. Hello, how are you doing sleepy head?’

‘Shit, did I fall asleep? Where is everyone?’ she asked,
rubbing her eyes.

‘Yes you did and I wouldn’t bother rubbing your eyes,
I’d be more worried about that drool crusting up your chin.’

‘Noooo,’ she groaned as she rubbed her mouth.

‘Yep sorry, other side though. Come on, Gabe and Doug
have gone to the car, they’re waiting for us.’

‘God, tell me I haven’t been dribbling and asleep for
ages? I feel knackered all the time at the moment.’

‘I don’t think so, you were awake when Gabe took me
outside.’

‘You been off shagging in the toilets again?’

‘I told you we never did it in the toilets. We just
cleared the air about alcohol and I told him I needed a bit of space.’

‘How did that go down?’

‘Better than I thought. I asked him to stay tonight,
then we’re having Monday and Tuesday night off.’

‘You feel better?’

‘I guess. I just need to know it’s not all about sex. A
full night’s sleep wouldn’t go amiss either.’

‘I bet,’ she laughed.

‘So you and Doug getting on well eh?’

‘Don’t start, unless you’ve forgotten he doesn’t know
I’m pregnant. Even one night stand Lexi has morals you know.’

‘Two night stand now after Andrew, give yourself some
credit Lex.’

I stood up and gave her my hand and helped pull her
up. We found the boys outside, Gabe was leaning on his car, one hand over his
mouth, his other arm across his chest as he looked down at the floor. Doug was
talking to him and patted him on the shoulder a few times. Gabe suddenly looked
up and saw us, stood up straight and said something to Doug who turned to look
at us both. It seemed girls weren’t the only ones who shared conversations. I
hoped Gabe was ok.

We walked over and all got into his car and Gabe
pulled out and headed back to the city.

‘Hey Mia got your phone on you?’ asked Doug.

‘Yes, do you need to borrow it?’

‘I want to put my number in, do you mind if I take
yours too?’

‘No of course not.’ I rummaged in my bag and found my
phone at the bottom. ‘Damn it, I forgot to ring Mum
again
, four missed
calls.’

‘I thought woman checked their phones all the time,’
said Doug.

‘Thanks Doug, exactly what I said when I couldn’t get
hold of her on Friday and she wondered why I was pissed about it,’ chipped in
Gabe, flashing a scowl at me.

‘What? It irritates me when you’re out with someone
and their phone’s more important to them than you ok? That’s why I leave it on
silent. Well I’m not ringing her now and getting an earful with you all
listening in, so here Doug, but you may want to cover your eyes as there’s a
rather steamy picture of Gabe as my wallpaper.’

‘I’ve seen him in less,’ Doug said as he took it off
me, inspecting it.

‘Really?’ laughed Lexi. ‘I’m intrigued, was this a
whole we’re stuck at a boys boarding school with no girls to service our needs
kind of deal?’

‘No,’ they both responded forcefully.

‘God I hope not. It’s bad enough woman all over Gabe
trying to tempt him, I don’t need to worry about him looking back at the other
50% of the population as well,’ I said over my shoulder.

‘So, how about you girls? Any stories of pillow fights
that ended up in a hot lesbian orgy?’ grinned Doug.

It was our turn to respond ‘No,’ at the same time.

‘See now I’d have no problem my girlfriend wanting to
eye up members of the same sex, in fact I’d happily encourage it. So Lexi, am I
getting your number too?’

‘Doug if you think I’m going to give you my number so
you can call me up for a three way with another girl you’ve another think
coming. I’m a strictly cock girl, cock all the way.’

‘Jesus,’ muttered Gabe, shaking his head as he kept
his eyes on the road.

‘Well that wasn’t why I was asking, but does that mean
you’re open to it being just me?’ questioned Doug.

‘Are you always so persistent?’ she asked, as I
giggled to myself.

‘I’ll keep trying until you say yes. So how about your
number? If Mia’s that bad at answering her phone, I may need to ring you
instead.’

‘Why?’

‘Lex, as a favour to me will you just let him have it?’
I asked. ‘I’ll make him promise not to harass you.’

‘Ok what the hell’s going on here?’

‘Gabe’s worried about us being out at night without
him, especially after that murder, so I promised we’d all swap numbers in case
of an emergency ok?’

‘Fine, whatever, everybody exchange numbers. Are we
going to speakerphone good nights to each other like the bloody Walton’s?’

‘Happy to talk to you in bed anytime Lexi, you just
say the word. Here Mia. My number’s in and I’ve taken yours.’ Doug handed me
back my phone and I smiled as he and Lexi continued to bicker in the back. I
looked at Gabe, I’d not seen him look so distant before. I reached over and
tucked his hair behind his ear and he looked at me, giving me a quick smile
before returning his eyes to the road. I pressed the heated seat button and leaned
back and closed my eyes.

The sound of crunching gravel woke me up, we’d arrived
at Doug’s house. Gabe got out and Doug followed, then leaned back into the car.

‘Thanks for inviting me girls I had a really good
time. See you soon I hope, especially you Lex.’

‘See you around Doug,’ said Lexi rolling her eyes at
him.

‘Doug, would you be able to give me a copy of the
picture you took of Gabe and I?’ I asked.

‘Which one?’

‘There’s more than one?’ I asked surprised.

‘Yes sorry, I’m a bugger for taking sneaky shots.’

‘The one Gabe has in his room of us holding hands.’

‘Sure thing Mia, listen go easy on him will you? He’s
never had a girl back off him before, you’ve really thrown him. See you soon,’
he shut the car door as he and Gabe walked over to the front door. They looked
deep in conversation again.

‘Think Gabe’s ok?’ Lexi asked.

‘I hope so,’ I sighed as I watched him out of the
window. ‘He looks so serious and it sounds like I’ve bruised his ego too. I
don’t think I should have told him that I needed a bit of breathing room Lexi.’

‘Hey, you’ve got to be honest with him. He loves you
Mia, he’ll be fine when he’s had time to digest it.’

‘He hasn’t touched me since we left the pub.’

‘He kept looking over at you to check you were ok
while you were asleep and he even smiled to himself when you started that
little snoring thing you do. Stop doubting him.’

‘Thanks,’ I twisted to look at her and smiled. What was
wrong with me at the moment? I felt so out of sorts.

‘Don’t think I’ve forgiven you over this little set up
of yours though,’ she said, narrowing her eyes at me.

‘I thought you had a good day?’

‘So not the point and you know it.’

I smiled again and sat back as Gabe climbed back in
the car. I looked over at him, but he was focused on driving again as we pulled
away. I stayed watching his face for the rest of the journey waiting for him to
look at me, but he didn’t until we were approaching the apartment.

‘I can drop you off and go,’ he whispered.

‘Not tonight Gabe, unless you want that?’ I whispered
back. I felt a wave of relief when he shook his head and drove around to park
in the car park. We walked in silence and I noticed he didn’t reach for my hand,
so I took his and smiled at him. Lexi opened the front door and we headed in
and she shut the door behind us.

‘Right guys, thanks for a nice day out and for
inviting me, I’m beat I’m going to bed.’