becoming us (16 page)

Becoming Us - 79

“Zac.” Bryce whimpered, his own need and all the emotions around what he’d just done suddenly welling up in him. He got his arms around Zac as best he could, clinging to Zac, trying to reassure himself that it was all still okay.

“It’s okay, Bryce. You’re okay.” Zac kissed his cheek and the corner of his mouth and his lips.

“You’re so good. You are. I want you so much.”

That helped. Bryce kissed Zac like he was drinking some kind of wine, little sips that went right to his head. “That was... I like that,” he admitted, letting go of his insecurity. Now, he was just emotional about it. He’d always fought back being emotional about sex, but he couldn’t keep it down with Zac. “I love it. Zac.” He kissed Zac again, trying to hide the expression on his face, knowing he looked overwhelmed.

“I love it, too,” Zac admitted between kisses. “Sucking you off, feeling you suck me off, feeling your fingers inside me, fucking me like that. All of it.” Zac arched up, rubbing his body against Bryce’s, the smooth skin at the hollow of his hip sliding along Bryce’s dick.

“It’s not just how it feels.” Bryce whimpered and bucked against Zac’s body, his hips moving instinctively. He bit his lip hard to make himself focus, then kissed Zac again. “It’s ‘cause it’s you.” He let himself move, then, tracing lines of wetness across Zac’s skin and whining into their kisses.

“Then keep doing it with me,” Zac answered, nipping gently at Bryce’s lips between words. He moved with Bryce, moved like sex, like just feeling Bryce’s dick sliding across his skin was a turn-on.

“Zac...” Bryce couldn’t believe how close he was to coming all of a sudden. “Zac, please...” He couldn’t think of what he needed, he didn’t know what he was begging for, just that he was leaking all over Zac’s belly and his balls ached with his rising orgasm.

One of Zac’s hands slid down Bryce’s back, and then Zac was cupping his ass, pulling Bryce in harder with each thrust. “C’mon, Bryce. I wanna feel it. Want you to come.” Bryce buried his face in Zac’s neck to stifle his cries. “Zac, oh, God.” He was safe with Zac, and that made this all incredible. When he came, not even pressing his mouth to Zac’s skin helped to quiet him as he spilled come all over Zac’s hip and belly.

When Bryce finally came down, he collapsed against Zac’s chest, gasping. They were a mess all over again and his room smelled of come and it was so good. He closed his eyes and held on to Zac. Zac cuddled him and whispered quiet compliments in Bryce’s ear. His tone was contented and happy and it made Bryce feel better. Making Zac happy was really good. Bryce calmed and cuddled until he realized that his weight was all on Zac.

“Sorry,” he mumbled, trying to push himself up on rubbery arms.

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“‘S okay,” Zac said, shifting a little and then coaxing Bryce back down against him. “C’mere.

It’s good. Just lay back down.”

Bryce did as he was told, closing his eyes again. “‘S lots better this time,” he said, feeling kind of proud of that, even though he was having little moments when the ache and fear bit at him.

“Good.” Zac turned his head to nuzzle Bryce’s cheek and then kiss under his ear. “I’m glad. I wanted it to be good for you this time.”

“It was.” Bryce nodded. He took a deep breath and shuddered on the exhale. “I feel a little...” It was hard to admit, because things had been so good. “On the edge.” His voice broke. “You know?” He didn’t want to freak out now.
Oh, God, no.

“You’re gonna be okay, Bryce,” Zac said quietly, kissing the soft skin beneath his ear. “Just relax. It’s all okay. You didn’t do anything wrong. There’s nothing wrong with this, with you and me.”

“Okay.” Bryce couldn’t stop his voice from breaking again. “I was scared I was gonna fuck it up again.” The admission loosened the tightness in his chest, and he sighed heavily. He hadn’t. It was okay. He still felt emotional and worn out from tension he hadn’t known he’d been carrying, but it was okay.

“You didn’t, and you’re not gonna.” Zac rubbed his back, soothing him. “Everything’s okay, Bryce. Just relax. You gotta work on that.”

Bryce nodded, knowing that he didn’t need to apologize to Zac for being freaked out. It was a good feeling. The comforting worked and he drifted sleepily. Zac wouldn’t let them fall asleep in bed together again. It wasn’t like anyone cared, anyway. Three times now and no one had said a thing.

Maybe they’re just not saying anything because they don’t know what to say
.

“Bryce.” Zac was scolding him and kissing his hair before he even realized he’d tensed up and was staring blankly at the wall, wide-eyed.

“I just... the guys. You know, us being together so much.”

“Relax. We haven’t done anything wrong.”

Bryce exhaled slowly and nodded, closing his eyes again. Right. Zac was right.

“Dude, you guys totally missed the me-and-Perry thing,” Zac whispered.

Okay, Zac had a point. Bryce didn’t want to think about Zac and Perry -- it made him want to growl for no good reason -- but Zac was right. He and Kaede hadn’t noticed at all last year. Steve
Becoming Us - 81

was pretty much a zombie from all the work there was this year, and Kaede was off being nearly-married to Shelly.

“So relax,” Zac said, laughing a little and nosing his temple. “No one here cares. This is our house. It’s safe.”

That was why Bryce couldn’t leave. God, he hadn’t even thought of leaving, not even once. He was going to have to deal with the consequences of that, but he wasn’t leaving. “I know,” he said, nodding against Zac’s chest. He closed his eyes and tried to relax.

“I won’t fall asleep anyway,” Zac muttered. “Some big jerk got come all over me and it’s itchy now.”

Bryce wasn’t expecting that, or the laughter that broke out of him in response. “You asked for it.”

“I know.” Zac laughed at him. “I’m just saying. You can relax.”

“I would, but some little prick keeps
talking
,” Bryce said under his breath.

“Eyes
and
mouth closed, pretty boy,” Zac ordered. Bryce closed his mouth on more laughter and Zac kissed his hair again. “That’s better. Don’t make me put something in there to hush you up.” There was no way Bryce was really going to fall asleep now, but he could fake it for a while. It felt good to lie here like this. Every day, reality wore his fear a little thinner so that Bryce could almost imagine what life would be like if it were gone.

Becoming Us - 82

It was another week before they got to go to the movie. Zac picked up tickets to the ten o’clock show on his way to Pharmacology on Friday and, after swim practice was over, they headed out for their date. This time, they didn’t have to take the car; they walked to the theater just off campus. They got a big box of Raisinets and the extra-large tub of popcorn and a large drink, and then they sat in the back of the theater so they could hold hands without wondering if anyone could see them.

Zac was a little nervous about how Bryce was going to handle it, at first, but it all turned out just fine. Bryce was as snuggly as he could be without being obvious about it, slouched down in his seat with his long legs folded up against the seat in front of them, his fingers twined with Zac’s.

The movie was pure B-grade schlock, just the way they liked it.

As the lights went up, Bryce slowly drew his hand away. Even though Zac didn’t want to, he let go, and let Bryce walk ahead to throw out their empty snack packaging. Zac followed him, shoving his hands into his pockets to stay the urge to reach for Bryce’s hand again when they walked out of the theater.

It wasn’t easy, being out on his own, but closeted as a couple.

“Back to the house?” he asked, and bumped his shoulder against Bryce’s arm instead.

“Yeah.” Bryce bumped back gently, smiling down at him.

They took the winding shortcut through the pine trees at the edge of campus; few people took it at night, staying to the well-lit path close to the road. Once they were alone on the path and the lights of the mall complex were fading, Bryce stepped close and reached for Zac’s hand. That was unexpected, and it made Zac smile. He slipped his hand into Bryce’s and squeezed gently.

It was, for a little while at least, like they were a normal couple. “I liked the part where the dragon showed up inside the spaceship,” Zac said. It had been a horrible movie, wonderfully bad and fun to watch. “The look on the captain’s face was priceless.”

“That was
great
. I knew they could make dragons and spaceships work.” Bryce laughed. “God, Steve and Kaede would have hated it. Too bad for them.”

Except for how Bryce checked over his shoulder before leaning in to give him a peck on the lips, Zac’s fantasy about being a normal couple was still going strong. The little kiss was sweet, and Bryce was getting more daring, more confident every day they were together. He wasn’t a cowardly guy, in spite of his self-loathing. He was protective and strong and could get in someone’s face, with a fist if necessary, even if he was so likeable it wasn’t ever necessary.

There were just some things that were harder for him to deal with than others. Being with Zac seemed to be changing that.

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“They have no taste,” Zac said, rolling his eyes. He was glad of it; it meant there were things he got to do with Bryce without having to explain them away.

“Mm. Taste.” Bryce laughed and stepped off the path, into the soft arms of the trees around them, pulling Zac with him.

Zac laughed as he let himself be led into the trees. It was dark here, concealed from all but the most pointed glances, and no one was around right now, anyway.

“They’re probably home tonight,” Bryce murmured, pulling Zac to him for a kiss. He had been good about keeping his hands to himself so far, right up until now. He stole that kiss and got a hand on Zac’s ass for good measure. “I missed you this week,” he added.

“Me, too.” They really had to figure something out, some way to be together even when their housemates were home. Weekends were easier because everyone was out of their routine and worn out from parties or hours of study in the library, but Zac wasn’t going to take too many chances on weekdays. The last thing he needed was to peel Bryce off the ceiling if they got caught.

Zac leaned up on his toes, got a hand in Bryce’s hair, and made this little break from reality really count. He kissed Bryce again, slow and soft. Bryce made a little noise and got his arms around Zac, holding him close while they kissed. The pine litter was soft underfoot and everything around them smelled sweet and clean. There was no one else in the world right now but them.

“Bryce,” Zac whispered, and then kissed him again. And again and again. He didn’t want this to stop. When they stopped kissing, they’d go back to the house, and go back to pretending they weren’t together. Zac wasn’t looking forward to that, not at all.

Bryce was breathless before long, and turned on; Zac could feel Bryce’s dick through their clothes when Bryce pulled him close, big hands on his ass. It wasn’t just arousal that made Bryce breathless. There was enough ambient light to see the sadness on his face when he pulled back to look at Zac, and there was softness there, a deep affection for Zac.

“Yeah,” Zac whispered. He knew exactly how Bryce felt. “Me, too.” Bryce kissed his forehead and his cheeks and his nose and then his mouth. “Maybe we could do something in the week,” he whispered.

“Wanna go to dinner with me some time?” They could go to one of the diners or something, Zac didn’t care. Maybe hold hands under the table and share French fries. Whatever Bryce would let him get away with in public.

“Yeah.” Bryce nodded and kissed Zac again, slow and sweet. “We could do that together.” They could make the best of it. They’d manage together. It wasn’t like they weren’t incredibly busy; they didn’t have time to mope, and they had moments like this here and there.

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“You ready to go back to the house?” Zac wanted to kiss some more, instead, but they could only put it off so long.

“No.” Bryce kissed him again, hot and sweet, sneaking his tongue into Zac’s mouth with a little moan.

Oh. Oh, good
. Zac pressed up close to Bryce’s body and kissed him back. He swallowed down Bryce’s moans and a few of his own, trying to stay quiet even as he got one hand on Bryce’s ass, kneading gently.

Bryce cupped the back of Zac’s head in one hand and Zac’s ass in the other and held him as close as they could get, kissing him like it was going to be the last time ever. It felt like that sometimes. Since their first ‘date,’ they’d been through a whole week of mornings in the same bathroom and kitchen, swim practices and showers after, dinners in front of the television set, acting as though they were ‘just friends’ all the while.

Zac moaned into the kisses, hoping they were quiet enough no one would hear him. He just couldn’t help it. It felt so good to finally be kissing Bryce like this again.

“God,
Zac
.” Bryce forced himself to pull away. “I... we should get back.” He was breathing hard.

“Maybe... I mean, after they’re in their rooms... or something...” He kissed Zac again, hard.

“Yeah.” Zac took a step back.
It’s the weekend. No one’s going to care.
God, he wanted to be right, and he couldn’t say no, and... “Yeah. I’ll, um. Want me to come to your room, or do you wanna come to mine?” He laced his fingers with Bryce’s and drew Bryce out of the trees, back onto the path. If they didn’t get moving now, they’d end up rubbing off against each other in the woods or something.

“Come to my room,” Bryce said, squeezing Zac’s hand. His room was at the end of the hall, past Zac’s room, away from the others. It was closer to the bathroom, but that was less of a risk. “Just come get in bed with me.” He stole one last kiss before they stepped out of the shadows.

The rest of the walk home was uneventful. It was nice, though, walking down the path with his hand in Bryce’s. Zac surprised himself all over again by how much he liked it, by how much he really liked Bryce. They were friends, had been friends for a few years, but that wasn’t the same.