BOMAW Vol. 10-12 (203 page)

Jake sat more relaxed enjoying his lunch with Vivian beside him, and eventually, a few of the guys joined them at the table, laughing and talking, telling Vivian stories about Jake, having a good time as they took advantage of their extended lunches. Vivian laughed, smiled and listened intently, sitting next to Jake as he'd turned now straddling the bench, Vivian between his legs, his hand
possessively at
her back as he smoked a cigarette, watching her play of expressions as she interacted, quick of wit with his fellow workers. The guys were at the height of respect and Tony, the one who'd been present to see her in the red dress, so it would seem, was laying ground to be their friend along with his girlfriend, simply because he'd been there to witness their first meeting. That fact, he seemed to feel the need to bring up when the opportunity presented itself, "I knew it that day! I looked at her, in that red dress, looked at Jake and thought, ain't no way Jake gonna let this one get by'em, no how - no way."

Everyone let him have that one, including the couple, because it just seemed to make his day knowing that he was the one to first see the trip and fall of Jake.

*

Earlier - Madison University Hospital...

Meribel sat in her chair, trying not to cry. That's all she'd been doing for the last couple of days. She knew she needed to get over losing the baby. There was no choice in the matter, but knowing that, didn't make it hurt any less. Had it lived, she could have lived with not having any more, she had always known at some point, she would have finalized what would be their last child - she knew that point would have been reached, as hard as it was to face having a forced hysterectomy - it would be so much easier to bare, if she could have given birth to this last child that she'd conceived by her husband. That hurt more than anything, that one of her children had died, her baby. She wondered if it would have lived if she'd paid attention to the signs that she might be pregnant, and maybe by knowing for certain, she would have been more cautious? She couldn't say, she didn't know. All she knew was that she had conceived and that baby was now gone - it was that that was tearing her apart.

Not making it any better, she'd let her husband leave with such a burden on him as well. She had no doubt that he regretted all, she knew him - had always known the man that he was, this was the reason that once she got him, she held onto him with all her might. She thought back to her and Sylvia's conversation the night before, and she had agreed with everything Sylvia said, because she'd thought it herself.

"Meri - girl, you have got to reach wa-a-ay down deep into that place, that all women like us have, and pull out your might and power to get over this. Meri - you are blessed, please see that you are blessed. You have six incredibly beautiful children - and there are women out there, that can't even have
one!
Not
one
- they have tried and tried again and again, loosing one baby after another - imagine going through that? You are
blessed. If that were not enough, you got one hell of a good man, Meri - a
real
good man - you hear me? There are some women out there, who will never even meet - a man like what you've got - they can only dream of such a man - and yougot
one. You -
are
- blessed. Don't do this to yourself, don't do this to him - count - your - blessings - they are right in front of you,
count them. Want me to help you? Let's start from the top. Your mother, a father that treasured you, a brother that came to you and let's face it, took care of business. Your absolutely
good
man, Derrick, and then you have Derrick jr. Marcus, Luis, Shawn2, Sasha and Joseph - you have all of the McPherson's behind you, who love you to no end. You have me, and where we've come from, we have been through some shit, okay? But - look at us now Meri, look at us now. Count your blessings, and let - this - go. Take from it what you will, dust yourself off, get your medicine, take it, then hug and hold onto your man - your real good, rare and hard as hell to find, man - okay? It's all in your hands, you gone hang on to it, or let it go over this?"

Tears had rolled with every word she spoke, "We
have
come - a long way, haven't we mami? I know you right Sylvia, I know it. I just - I wanted that baby - and I hate that I took it for granted, that it would be here, growing, inside of me, to be born, like all the others - I never thought it could be any other way."

"That's why it hit so hard. I can understand that, but Meri - Derrick is carrying around so much guilt, regret, so much hurt - blaming himself. Imagine feeling everything that you do, and then, having to face yourself knowing it's something you did, or did not do, that caused it? That's too much Meri, that's too much for a man like Derrick to be carrying around, and I know this, because I'm married to his brother - come on, we know how they are - you gone have to swallow yours, to help him carry his, that's what we do - there's a reason God gave us the role, the job, the position he did, putting all the stuff in us the way he did - he gave Adam a helper! He gave us that place and more - we may be the weaker, but more often than not, we have to be the stronger and we
are!
And it show ain't easy - I know that too - every time I turn around Meri - I have to ask myself, have I lost my damn mind, staying with this man - with Shawn."

"But you can't leave him, you can't live without him, can you? No more than I could my Derrick."

"That's it right there. You just said it. You just said it. He there now, looking for Derrick, worried as hell - you know how Shawn and Derrick are - what they mean to each other."

"Yeah ... I do. I just hope he can find him, losing that baby is one thing, I know I'll get over that, but I can't lose my husband - that I couldn't get over."

"That's what you need to remember when he shows back up at that hospital, and he will - he will."

Now, here she was, the next morning, sitting within her curtains, while the nurses changed her sheets, checked her to make sure all was as it should be. She had her leaflets in her hand, looking them over while they cleaned up her area, gave her fresh water, saw to her flowers and plants that surrounded her. Taking away her breakfast tray, helping her change her gown into a clean one. First thing they'd done was escort her to the bathroom, so she could wash herself as best she could, brushed her teeth, her hair - and now she sat waiting for the last of what needed to be done, to be finished. The last nurse left asking before she departed the room, "Would you like to stay sitting up a while by the window, or me to help you back in your bed?"

"I'll stay here a while more."

"Just buzz me when you want to get back in bed."

"Okay." Meribel answered.

"I'll open these curtains now," and did so, for her to see her husband sitting in a chair against the wall, right there, quietly waiting for them to get through with her. She wondered how is it she hadn't known he was there? He hadn't made a sound. None of the nurses or intern made a sound. Could he have just arrived she wondered? She knew the look on her face asked all of those things, but she simply couldn't speak. She was so overcome with joy, relief and regret - that moisture flooded her eyes.

"Good morning beautiful - I've missed you. Home is not the same without you." He started, speaking low, slowly, as if speaking his mind, "Do you know, that I love you more - than I've ever loved you before? Do you know that?" He asked, in his deep, resonating, powerful voice, that moved into her body, gathering every fibre within, to embrace, sooth, hug and hold, yet - he hadn't moved from his chair. Meribel would have gone to him if she could have moved herself from her chair. She couldn't, so all she could do was shake her head, then nod it, then shrug, accepting that once more, she would cry and did, words trapped within, choked up and aching, wanting him more than ever.

He rose from his chair and crossed the space that divided them, kneeling before her, "Please forgive me - please forgive me, Meri."

She moved forward as best she could, wrapping her arms around him, pulling him to her. His arms, so strong, wrapped around her, holding her as tightly as they could with her lower body confined as it was, her body still half in a cast. She made a noise, a slight cry from hurting herself, "Let me help you back to bed, okay?"

She nodded.

He'd seen how everything went, pushing her IV pole back a bit for her to hold while he pulled her carefully to her one good foot, baring most of her weight on him, mindful of her fractured hip and helped meneuver her back into bed. It caused her more discomfort, but she grinded down and bared all because she didn't want the nurses coming in. All she wanted was to be alone with her husband. Once she was back in bed, comfortable, waiting for the throbbing pain to ease that her moving brought on, she held onto Derrick's hand and wouldn't let go. He sat in the chair she vacated, next to her bed, holding onto her, waiting for her to relax.

"Think maybe you need a pain killer? I can call the nurses, to give you one."

She thought she could ride it out, but changed her mind, she was hurting. "Please." It came out in a painful whisper.

A few moments later, a nurse came in, gave her something to ease the pain, as it kicked in, she relaxed. She had little choice because the drug/pain killer made her slightly drunk/drowsy. Derrick could tell when it took effect, the painful crimace eased from her face, she seemed to sink into the bed, her body going limp, her head rolled towards him, smiling.

"I love you - so much Derrick - you mean everything to me. I'm sorry I told you to go - where have you been, I couldn't find you?"

"Doesn't matter, I'm here now - long as you want me, I'm here."

"Silly man, you gone be here - a lo-o-o-ong time then, 'cause - I want you until the day - I die - you - just you Derrick McPherson. I'm - the luckiest lady in the worl' to have you."

Derrick smiled, "That must be some good stuff, those pain killers, got you thinking crazy. You're not the luckiest - if you were..."

"Sh sh sh - that's over. It's over it's over it's over - we are never going - to - bring it up - again. Never again - you hear me? Not ever."

Derrick chuckled, "My sweet Meri, you are high as hell."

"Feels good - I'on feel no pain - only pain - I feel - is fear of losing you papi - don't ever leave me - even if - I tell you - to go - tell me - shet the hell up woman."

Derrick laughed out, "No, never - I'd never talk to you that way, you know that. You tell me to go, I'll go. You tell me to come back, I'll come back. Even if it's twenty times in a day, I'll be going and coming until you know what you want. You're worth that Meri, you're worth that to me, and more."

"I wanna go home now, Derrick - ask them can I go home?"

"Nooo, not yet. You have some more mending to do first."

"You missed the lady councillor - session thing yesterday."

"I know, maybe they'll reschedule it for me, if not, I won't miss another."

"You know what I don' li' abou' tha' drug - whooeee it make me - soooo sleepy." She grinned, her eyelids drooping.

"Good, go to sleep - I'm here to stay, no matter how long you sleep, I'll be right here, right by your side." He promised, stroking her hair that lay on her shoulder. She fought sleep as long as she could to keep her eyes on him, but finally, she had to give in to it. Derrick sighed, placed his arm carefully across her, laid his head on the bed beside her and dozed off there himself, not about to move from that spot.

*

Sylvia was having a hard time calming Angela down.

Mundo had long left to get Shawn and Ben, and she'd been fixing breakfast when she heard Angela and Sasha up. A few moments later, she heard Angela cry out loud, so loud she thought something was happening to her. She'd rushed up the stairs and into their room to see Sasha sitting on the edge of the bed, looking at Angela, feeling sorry for her. She was sitting back against the wall, her arms crossed over her folded knees, crying, her face going down to hide and then back up again, tears rolling down her cheek to drip off of her chin.

"Angela, what's wrong? What happened?"

"Crystal - left." She sobbed and then showed Sylvia her note.

Sylvia wilted, walking slowly to the bed, sitting down, she took the note and read it.

Angela, my little sister...

I love you so much - I'm so sorry I have to do this, but - I've gone back home, to my home with Victor. Below is my number, my email address and my address there. This doesn't mean that I stop being your sister, it just means - that I won't be here with you so much any more. Please try and understand, that it's something that I must do. I haven't left yet, I'm just writing this note, and I miss you already. I love you Angela...