Broken (10 page)

             
I let the aftershock subside as I ride it out. I’m surprised Eric doesn’t just throw me on my back and get this over with. We both know that it’s going to happen. It may not be tonight. But, it will happen. His fingers are still inside of me and I’m okay with that. Again, he’s staring at me like it’s the first time he is seeing me. I still can’t decipher if he is scared or in shock. I let my lips touch his earlobe. “Thank you,” I whisper. His breathing is heavy. I can feel him and he is rock hard. I’m not a heartless bitch. Sure, I left plenty of guys in this situation. But, I can’t fathom the thought with Eric. “If I try to take your boxers off, will I get the same response like when I tried to take your shirt off?”

             
He dead eyes me. “No.”

             
I smile seductively at him. “Good.” I lift my bottom from him and place my hands on the top of his boxer shorts and begin to drag. He lifts his butt up, helping the process along. His erection springs free and I am in awe. I’ve seen what seems like a million of dicks before Eric’s. But, I never wanted one this badly. “Does the rule still stand, Eric? No penetration?”

             
He gives me a throaty response. “Yes. I won’t do that to you.”

             
Playfully, I answer back. “Hmm…then what to do? Just lay back. Close your eyes.”

             
Sighing, he begins to lie back, but stops. “You don’t have to do this. I can take care of it. Just let me up and I’ll go to the bathroom.”

             
I laugh at his thoughtfulness. He still doesn’t get it. I need this just as much as he does. “Uh, Eric. I want to take care of it. But, if you want to start it off, I won’t mind. Just let me finish. Kay?”

             
His hands rub his eyes and he starts to laugh. “Shit, Lena. Where’d the fuck did you come from?”

             
I don’t answer. He doesn’t need to know how I got to be a little vixen. He doesn’t need to know that I get off on the power I have over the guys I sleep with. I make them feel good and leave them before the morning. My mom says every time I use someone, it’s me getting back at Levi for what he did to me. She might be right. Doesn’t matter. The only thing I know is I need that feeling and will stop at nothing to get it.

             
I take his hands and place it on his cock. Wrapping my hands around his, I move our hands up and down his shaft. I watch Eric’s head drop back onto his pillow. And, he’s gone. I can tell. He’s entered the world of bliss. The feeling of empowerment takes over and I get greedy. I don’t want him to be a part of this anymore. I remove my hands for a second to detach his. Not wasting a second, I put my hands back on his penis and pump. His breathing has become erratic and his mouth drops open a little. His face is heavenly to look at. He’s so pretty. He’s close. His pelvic area begins to lift from the bed with each pump I give him. As if he is inside of me, he drives his dick into the groove I provided with my hands. His motions become shorter and jerkier and with a guttural groan, he releases.

             
I let him lie there with his eyes closed. Getting up, I find a box of tissues on his nightstand. Filling my hand with tissues, I bend over to clean him up. His eyes pop open. “You don’t have to do that.” Continuing what I’m doing, I grin at him. Once he’s all cleaned up, I lie next to him. His arms encircle around me. To my surprise, I don’t mind it. With other hook ups, I was out the door right after we finished. With Eric, I let him hold me. It feels good. No, it feels wonderful.

***

ERIC

It’s four in the morning and I’m wide-awake. Lena’s head is on my chest and my arms are wrapped under her arms holding her as close to me as I can get her. It’s an odd feeling. I don’t want to kick her out of my bed. I’m not cringing from her touch. Fuck, I remember her name.

As I bask in my
contentment, I think of Lindsay. I feel like I’m disrespecting her memory. When, I was messing around with all of the other girls, after she died, I only saw her face. Last night, I didn’t see her. Not once. All I could see was Lena. The thought scares me. I can’t let Lena erase Lindsay from my mind. I’m not ready to let Lindsay go. 

             
Lena sighs in her sleep and I rub her back to soothe her and make whatever has her bothered go away. Funny thing is…last night…I couldn’t help looking into her eyes. I could see she is just as plagued as me with haunting memories. And, I want nothing more than to fix her. These feelings are seriously fucking with my mind. I’m not supposed to feel anything of the sort for any girl, let alone Lena. Besides, Lena appears to be on the same page as me. No commitments. No feelings. I thought that is what attracted me to her in the first place. I fear it might be more.

             
Stirring on top of me, she looks up shaking the sleep from her. “You okay? Want me to go?”

             
The thought of her leaving stirs anxiety within me. “It’s all good. Stay, baby.”

             
Something tells me that she is new to this, as well, by the uneasy way she lies her head back down on my chest. But, in no time, we both coax each other back to sleep. It’s the best sleep I’ve had in a long time.

I’m still in fucking amazement how easy this morning went. Bree and Lena had to go to work but there wasn’t an awkward exchange amongst Lena and me. In fact, we managed to fit in another make-out session before she had to go. It ended well for both of us. Of course, I played it cool when Bree and Josh were around. Lena went right along with it. We made it look like we just crashed the night before.

              After the girls leave, Josh decides he wants to make a fucking mess in the kitchen by making me breakfast. I help him because he’s a fucking slob when it comes to cooking. He’s busy mixing what looks like pancakes while I’m cleaning up the coffee he spilled all over the countertop. “Dude, you’re a fucking mess. Get out of the way. I’ll finish this.”

             
Trying to be cute, he chucks a spatula at me but continues to mix his slop. “I’ll cook. You clean up,” he offers.

             
I cock my eyebrow, “Seriously, that’s not fucking funny, asshole. You know your going to annihilate the kitchen.”

             
“I’ll clean up. Relax.” His jolly mood has sparked the Martha Stewart in him.

             
“You get laid last night?” I’m not being disrespectful. I know he likes Bree. Otherwise, she would have already been kicked to the curb. This is the kind of shit we share.

             
He lets out a nervous laugh. “Nah. But, she’s my girl, now. I’m done messing around, man. After being with her the last few times, I can’t go back to that shit we were doing.” I’m not sure why Josh is so nervous telling me that he’s with Bree. Anyone could have seen that coming. The first day he saw her, I knew. “You know you can still do whatever you need to do. I told Bree that girls come and go here.  It’s your place too. I won’t ask you stop bringing them in. I’m just out of the game, player.”

             
I laugh at the fact that he is just ‘getting’ that he is falling hard for Bree. You’d think he would have recognized it by seeing me with Lindsay. “Man, it’s cool. I’m glad you guys are together. Things are good with you and me. Don’t worry about that. More pussy for me.”

             
“Speaking of pussy. How did it go with Lena? I didn’t see her running from your room. Actually, I’m surprised she was still here this morning.” Josh is laughing, recalling my track record.

             
“I was a good boy, Josh.” I don’t give any details because I’m still trying to sort them out in my head.

             
“No shit?” Josh is shocked. I mean really shocked. It’s like he can’t believe I can have a girl in my bedroom without screwing her.

             
“Brotha, have a little faith in the man in front of you.” I say.

             
“What man?” Josh thinks he’s a funny guy.

             
I take the spatula that he threw at me and chuck it back to him. “Fuck you.”

             
Still laughing, he begins to fry the pancakes. “You going to the shelter today?”

             
I really want to check on Joey. My greatest fear is that his mom gave up and went back to her asshole husband. “Yeah, man. Can you cover the studio? I have some things to handle with Viv.”

             
Josh picks up on the tone of my voice. That’s the thing between us. True friends. We can tell when something is up. “Everything ok, bro?”

             
I hold a plate out so Josh can put the pancakes on it. “There’s a kid there. He kind of reminds me of…well…me…when I first went to live there. I want to make sure he’s still there.”

             
“And, if he’s not?” Josh knows I’d do anything to help anyone who has experienced the kind of shit I went through. Maybe that’s why I like his girl, Bree, so much.

             
“I’ll bug the shit out of Viv to do anything she can to keep that kid safe. Not to change the subject, but how is Bree? Learn anything new?” Bree is another person I worry about. I don’t think she realizes the severity of her problems. She thinks a stinking’ piece of paper is going to keep her psycho ex away from her. She’s delusional, like Lindsay was.

             
“It’s not good, man. He was a shithead. I mean, really cruel and possessive. The straw that broke the camel’s back was when he threw a plate at the back of her head. She doesn’t remember everything. But she remembers that he was choking her. Bree said that she woke up in the hospital.” I can see Josh’s face getting redder and redder as he talks. If I didn’t know any better, he’d like to hit something or a certain someone.

             
I put the plate down and sit at the table. My head falls into my hands and I rub my eyes. “Dude, we both know guys like that don’t stop. Does she realize that? Are you prepared to live through this again?”

             
Josh looks me directly in the eye. “I will do anything to protect her. Anything. And, to answer your question, I don’t think she has a clue. She’s dead set on moving on and starting over.”

             
I shake my head in disbelief. I’m sick of this shit. I really am. “We’ll keep her safe. I got your back, man. He won’t get near her.”

             
“Thanks, man. I appreciate it. I know you don’t need this shit.” Josh sits down with a stack of pancakes. We both start shoveling them down. There’s a comfortable silence while we eat. Meanwhile, I know we’re both lost in our angst-ridden thoughts.

             
Driving to the shelter, I think of Lena. She’s invaded almost every thought I’ve had since I’ve met her. Again, a sense of guilt rises. The more I think of Lena, the less I think of Lindsay. And, the recurring thoughts of Lindsay are all I have left of her. I can’t lose her.

             
To enter the shelter, I go through my usual routine. As always, Viv wants to see me. I just want to see Joey. Plopping down in the chair across from Viv, I see her smile. Her eyes rake over me. After she evaluates me with her eyes, she perks up. Before she begins our ‘session’, I need to know about Joey. So, I immediately blurt it out, “I won’t be able to sit here without knowing about Joey. Is he gone?”

             
A wider smile appears. “He’s still here. The family is doing well, Eric. Joey and his sister are adjusting to their new arrangements…much better than expected.”

             
My body relaxes. My mind stops wandering to the dark thoughts living in the safety of the shelter and leaving so many times to go back to my fuck up of a dad. “That’s real good. I’m going to see him when I’m done here.”

             
“He’d like that. He’s been asking about you,” she sits up straight in her seat. Folding her hands and giving me a giddy glare she asks, “What’s got you looking so different, Eric?”

             
I have no fucking idea what she is talking about. Having Lena with me last night did help me sleep better but I doubt that would make me look different. Shit. There’s another thought of Lena. “Not sure what you are talking about, Viv. Have you been smoking something? Better share if you have.”

             
“Very funny, smarty pants.” She leans over and smacks my hand.

             
“Seriously? That’s the best you can do? At least call me a smartass, Viv. One swear word won’t send you to hell,” I tease her. In all of the years I’ve known Viv, she has never uttered a swear word.

             
“Watch it, Eric. Within five minutes you have accused me of smoking illegal substances and have tried to get me to swear. Knock it off. Now, tell me how you’ve been.”

             
“I’ve been well. Business is good. Josh met a girl. She has a friend that I hung out with last night. She’s a cool girl.” I don’t know why I even mention it. I know Viv is going to take the tiny information and blow it up. Maybe, without knowing it, I need answers of why I can’t stop thinking of Lena.