BrokenHearted (17 page)

6 weeks later

Trevor

I wake to the smell of coffee filling my nose and a hard-on worse than I had ever had. It seems to be a habit that has risen, quite literally, whenever I think of Ryann. She was the one I wanted, and I couldn’t resist any longer. And I didn’t want to.

Last night’s events slowly start coming back to me, and I blink to see if Ry is standing over me. She stayed the night last night, and I remember very little of it. My eyes were groggy, and I had a pounding in my head that I hadn’t ever felt. I guess that is what happens when you drink far too much to try to erase some of the pain knowing it wasn’t going to be possible but still worth a try. The only thing that solved it was to get drunk, and from the way my head is feeling right now, I did a good job.

Ryann followed me home last night. Since it was so late, I insisted she stay, but the honest truth was I was too intoxicated to make sure she got home safe. She had done more for me than any other person in my life except for Maxwell. I loved Ryann, and I know I will have to tell her but not yet. It was too soon. I promised myself after losing Dad that I would. I resolved never to let another woman get in my soul, my heart, or my life since Leah. It wasn’t negotiable, and I had done a superb job at keeping the opposite sex at bay for the last decade until Ryann Payne.

I slept on my couch for the first time, and I have to admit that even if it were a wooden plank, I would have slept excellently.

Dad had been gone now for six weeks, and I wasn’t starting to feel any better. In fact, the guilt was eating at me. I just wish I would’ve done something more to let him know that I forgave him. I admitted to myself and my mother that I was ashamed I hadn’t come home sooner and looked at everything through his eyes. I acted like a wounded immature child at the age of eighteen and should have just once taken a look from his eyes. Hell, maybe it wasn’t possible, but now it is since I am older and know the truth. Yeah, things would have been different, for sure.

I open my bedroom door quietly and see that the bed is empty. It is quiet in my condo, and the only thing that lets me know that she is still here is the soft music she is playing from my bathroom on her iPhone. It is Christian music, and I cringe at the thought of it.

I knock lightly and wait. She doesn’t answer, so I knock again unsure of why she wouldn’t hear me.

I slowly start to open the door and see her sitting in my tub with half her head back in the water and the other half with her eyes closed as if she was taking in every enjoyment of the bath. She looks so peaceful and completely at ease.

I walk closer to her and sit on the edge of the tub to wait for her to acknowledge me. I can’t help but take in her body sitting in bubbles peeking through at me. She is even more beautiful than I had assumed.

“Holy shit, Trevor. You scared the shit of me!”

I hold the position not moving.

“What are you looking at?” She sits up and tries to start making sure her private parts are covered and then smoothing back her wet hair.

“I am looking at …” And I stopped myself.

“Step back a little, would ya? You can see everything even through the bubbles,” she asks, and I wait to see if she really means it.  “Can you hand me a towel and then turn around so I can cover up?”

I lift the towel off the rack and hand it to her with a smile. I turn around but don’t budge on my position to the tub. If only I had the mirror where it needed to be. That’s okay, though, because luckily, I have a vivid imagination. And I have the memories of what she looked like at Sadie’s place.

“Okay, I am covered,” she says, and I turn around to see her standing in the tub with the towel wrapped around her.

“Can I just say … wow.” I move my hand through my hair with admiration of her body.

She stands shocked at my compliment. “Wow, what?”

“You …”

She smiles ear to ear. I watch her as if an internal battle was going on until I see her take off the towel and slide back into the water letting me watch her.

I walk up to the tub and look down at her until I see her smile, giving me the okay for whatever might happen next.

I climb into the tub and lay on top of her in my clothes, my sweats and my shirt, and cradle myself right over her body feeling her warmness. Nothing is between us but the water and my clothes.

I start to kiss her, and she is giving me back whatever I am delivering to her. She is full of passion and skill, welcoming me with her tongue. I have no thoughts in my head other than this woman is not only beautiful but also feels wonderful under me. Why did I hold out for this? How could anyone walk away from her? Her taste could have me hooked if I let myself. She moves her hips up against my hardness and then up and down my back, pulling my shirt up so that she can feel my skin beneath her hands. The harder I get, the deeper she kisses. I was so lost in this woman. In my soul, I knew it was in more ways than one.

I slide my shirt off and then go back down to her, feeling her breasts against my chest. The water was getting cooler, but the heat between us was on fire, scorching, and I don’t think either of us cared. We would keep each other warm.

I wanted to touch her between her legs so badly; I craved it but thought better of it not sure what her limit would be, and I didn’t want it to end too soon. She was heaven, and I didn’t want anything to ruin it.

“Trev—”

She mouths taking a breather from our kissing, and I love the sound of my name on her lips.

“Yes, baby …?”

I start to kiss her on the neck and hope that the intensity only gets hotter. I wanted it, all of it. All of Ryann. She had me feeling again.

“The door.”

“What?”

She pulls back from me for a second, so I can hear what she hears. Someone is at the door, ruining our time together.

*****

Ryann

You’ve heard the saying saved by the bell… well, this was saved by the knock. If Maxwell wouldn’t have shown up, I have no doubt in my mind that I would have had sex with Trevor. And I would have loved every minute of it. I could feel the want on his lips, and the desire from his body.

He took great care of himself, and it showed. I didn’t exercise as much as I should since I stayed so busy, but when I felt Trevor’s body, I knew he did the extra mile to stay trim. He had love handles that fit perfectly to his body that I would have loved to hold on to when he was on top of me. His back is muscled and shaped in a way just for me to hold, feeling the movement of his body.

When he jumped in the tub with me, I about died. I wanted him to, but I never would have thought Mr. Intense would have done it. He was so pissed at me last night and drunker than a skunk. I couldn’t leave him and knew I was only asking for trouble when I followed him home. Then he stumbled around telling me where I was to sleep since I insisted on staying. He brought me to his bed and then leaned over to kiss me on the forehead. I was tempted to move my head so that he would have to kiss my lips. I was tempted to put my arms around him and pull him down with me in his bed. Instead, I relented. I thought better of it and then snuggled into his pillow, breathing his scent in.

After some time of staring at his ceiling, I tiptoed into the kitchen passing him to get some water. I watched him snoring sprawled out on the designer couch. He was out cold. Though I had never seen a man look so sexy snoring.

I kissed him on the forehead and whispered, “Sleep tight,” before walking back to the bedroom. He looked so beautiful yet so vulnerable. But not weak, though.

He was a grown man upset over his father’s death … and I was trying to help him out. That was all.

Maxwell showed up to check on him and bring him coffee from Starbucks.  He was just as worried about him as I was, and I liked seeing a man friendship like they had. They truly cared for each other.

I could tell that Maxwell was not the least bit shocked when I walked out of the room wearing my bar shirt and my blue jeans. He had a smile on his face bigger than Texas, and I could tell Trevor was still frustrated about what was about to happen and didn’t.

“I was worried about you, man, but it looks like I—”

“Actually, Maxwell, I was just leaving.”

“You don’t have to go, Ry,” Trevor comments.

“I gotta get home. I am glad you are okay.” I smile weakly.

“Because of you,” he murmurs, and I feel the presence of Max’s eyes on me and then back at Trevor.

“Can I walk you out, at the very least?” Trevor asks.

“Sure.” I didn’t want to sound rude, and I did want to spend another minute with him alone telling him that I really didn’t plan for what happened just a few minutes ago.

He walks me to the elevator and pushes the button waiting for it to ding in silence.

We enter the elevator, and he stood right in front of me so that I had to give him my full attention.

“It means a lot to me that you stayed and looked after me last night. I know I was a mess.”

“It’s okay. I can only imagine. Your loss …”

And then Trevor leans in and kisses me sweetly on my lips while holding my cheek.

“Thank you,” he said as the chime went off. “Can we finish this another time?”

“Anytime. I mean sure, yeah.” And I walk into the elevator as fast as I can. I had to get away, and I had to get away fast. For the first time since Jake, I knew that Trevor was going to ruin me. And I am stupid enough to love him, knowing that if I do, I could walk away more hollow than I already am. And it would be worth every ounce of pain when all I had left was the memories. I wouldn’t regret letting myself love him because I knew deep down he loved me too, even if he didn’t want to admit it.
 

Ryan
n
             

It has been three months since Mr. James died and the stables just do not feel the same. The only good thing that has come out of this is Trevor seems to be trying. He seems to really want something with me, and even though I swore I would never settle, for Trevor I would. I would take what he can give and hope it was enough. Hopefully, in time, he would heal from Leah, and if he didn’t, then we would take that as it came. Love is nothing if it isn’t a sacrifice, right?

Jackie sent me over to him to see if he was okay. He seemed lost in thought, and I would have left him alone. She insisted, though, at my hesitation. “You probably should go check on him and see if he needs reminding of what needs to be done … You know he has been working in the a/c for so long, he may have forgotten how to actually do manual work.” Yep, that was my aunt—always an insult at the end of her trying to be nice.

I walk up and put my arms around his chest from behind while he stares into the distance at the stables. I could tell he was still filtering the loss of his father and the guilt of the years of not being around due to a misunderstanding that probably could have been worked out.

He tapped my hands wrapped around his chest, lightly holding his over mine.

“How can one place mean two totally different things to two different people? It was hell for me to be here, and for you, it is heaven.”

“And now?”

“You make it heaven. My heaven. The only place I want to be if I know you are going to be here.”

“So I changed this place for you?” I asked.

“No … you changed me for this place. You healed me.”

“Trevor, I think you healed yourself. You just needed some time.”

“And you.”

I continue holding him from behind and let him continue looking into the distance. We spoke no words, although I felt like we were talking a million miles an hour.

He turned and leaned me up against the fence.

I look into his eyes, and they have turned from serious to playful. I love the playful Trevor. He kisses me, teasing me to give me just a little bit of him, and then pulling back.

“I have never kissed a woman on this property.”

“Bullshit. That is a good one, though,” I sass back.

“I’m serious,” he says, and I shiver.

“Kiss me again then and prove it.”

He kisses me, and I take it all in. He moves his tongue in my mouth expertly, showing this wasn’t the only thing he was good at.

“What else have you not done here?”

“You would like to know, wouldn’t you?” He raises his eyebrows knowing it would get me going even more.

“I would,” I cave.

“In good time, Ryann.”

He kisses me again and again until we hear Jackie hollering and whistling but not out of joy. She was pissed she was doing all the work.

“Hey … you want to go to dinner with my parents next week?”

“Are you sure you want me there?”

“Yes … You know the old man that is at Smith’s all the time?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s my father. Lewis.”

“Really?”

“Yep.”

*****

Ryann

I show up at the condo excited to see Trevor tonight. He wanted to pick me up at my place, but this made more sense. He lives in such a new place, and I feel like I couldn’t compete. But he explained there was no need to compete. My place was one of the reasons he liked me. It was me, and he didn’t want to change that.

Tonight, he is going with me to meet with my mom and dad. That felt really odd saying out loud. It will be the first time I’ve been with them since the morning they told me.

Trevor has a glass of wine waiting for me when I arrive to try to calm my shaky nerves. I wasn’t sure why I was so nervous, but I was.

“I still can’t believe your father has been watching you at the bar.”

“Yep.”

“Explains why he is always looking after you … I mean he did what he could, right?”

“Yeah, I guess both our fathers did what they thought was right. Still sucks, though.”

“Hell, yes, but maybe they knew better.”

“We are meeting them at the Ruth Chris’ steakhouse. He wanted to treat us. Have you ever been there?”

“Once. On business,” he responds.

“I’ve never been.”

He hands me a beautiful bouquet of flowers just like the other ones he’s sent me. I love them, and I could get used to their scent in my home.

“You are going to spoil me.” I take them, smelling them.

I walk toward the windows that look over Austin. The whole city lights up at night. It doesn’t even feel like the same location during the day. Something about being high in the air looking over the city excites me. It makes me feel like anything was possible. He stands beside me as we both look out taking in the sight. I turn to him, put my arms around his neck, and kiss him. He looks gorgeous tonight with his suit on.

“You ready? I don’t want to be late the first time I am meeting your parents.”

He was right; although, I would much rather spend time with him here alone.

I was wearing a black form fitting dress that came high in the front but hung low in the back. I wasn’t especially large in the breasts but had a fantastic ass. Or that’s what I have been told. The dress I wore tonight required me to wear no bra, and this would work to my advantage and Trevor’s. We would be having sex for the first time. After this, I would be all in, and any chance of me being able to walk away would be thrown away. But I was going for it. I was going to take the gamble. He had been trying, and that was all I could ask for.

I had wanted him all the way for far too long. Truthfully, the fact we made it this long was a miracle.

Trevor stood beside me completely oblivious of what I was thinking and that I was about to strip down for him. I knew he had a fantasy to take a woman in front of the windows from a conversation that Maxwell and Sadie had the night that we had come over. I hope I would do.

I took off one shoulder, sliding it slowly to get his attention. I wanted to see his eyes and for him to see mine, to acknowledge the desire I had for him.

I then began to slide down the second shoulder and then my arms were all that was holding it up just at the very top of my breasts. I wanted to make him wait for a minute and fantasize about what I was wearing underneath.

“Shit, Ry… you are going to kill me. We have to leave, don’t we?”

He moves closer, and I ran one hand through his hair while still holding the other up against my chest about to kiss him but holding off.

“We can leave if you want … or …” And I drop my dress. I had to move my hips a bit to get the dress free, but it puddled at my heels until I stepped out of it.

I wore a lace thong that may as well have been nonexistent.

“Holy fucking hell …”

He moves flush with my body, but his clothes are blocking us, irritating us both.

“I heard from someone … that you wanted to have sex in front of this window.”

“What window?” he says and grins.

“The window I am standing at right here,” I murmur as I lean up against it.

He unbuttons his shirt then unbuttons his pants. I take the liberty of unzipping them and then putting my hand in them to touch him.

He was aroused, and I was far past that.

I begin moving my hand up and down on his length the best I could with the cloth blocking it.

He had leaned against me on the window, and I was sucking on his ear.

“How about if I remove these?” And I use my foot to push his pants down taking a hold of his ass.

He lifts me off the ground and puts his fingers over my center checking the moisture before moving himself in front of me instead.

“Ryann … you feel just as good as I thought you would.”

“You haven’t felt anything yet,” I mumbled.

He takes that as an invitation and pushes himself in me as I lean my body back against the window. He continues moving in and out of me while holding me up against the glass. We don’t worry about the time, who could see us, or what we were doing. We only focus on the pleasure.

He continues to thrust, and I rock with him enjoying every stroke.
Please don’t let this end
, I’m begging. I had thought many times of what it would feel like with Trevor in me, but this … there are no words. He is a god, and if I have to beg for this for the rest of my life, I would. I was positive I would never have another lover like this.

“Does it feel good?” he asks, and I nod my head and then pull at his hair while suckling on his neck.

“I’m about to—” I mutter, and he begins moving faster hitting me higher and higher inside.

And that does it.

He pushes in me while rocking his body and his chest against my breasts. I have never felt so amazing.

When he rolls his hips one final time, I know he has finished in me, and I couldn’t have been more ecstatic. I had pleased him, and he had pleased me.

I want to tell him that I love him … but I don’t. I’m not going to risk ruining this moment of intimacy.

He kisses me sweetly on the lips and puts me back on the ground. “You are amazing, you know that?”

“You’re pretty amazing yourself.”

We kiss for a few more minutes, and then I immediately realize since the trance was wearing off where we were supposed to be.

“I think it is about time that we head out to meet my parents.”

“I will do whatever you want after that,” Trevor admits.

“I really want to kick myself right now.” He laughs.

“Why?”

“We could have been doing this so much earlier?”

“You think? I had to make you work for it!”

“And you were well worth it, Ry.”

I wink at him and want to respond that I feel the same way because I do. There was no doubt about my feelings for him. I was head over heels in love with Trevor James and had been for a very long time. I just had to wait for him to admit he loved me too.

*****

Trevor

Twenty minutes later, we are sitting at the restaurant having some wine and still in a daze.

I am not the type of person who is shocked often, so when it happens, I love it. And Ryann, she shocks me. She intrigues me and keeps me on my toes, guessing what she is going to do next.

“So sorry, Mom, we are late. I got stuck in traffic on the way to Trevor’s,” Ryann says smiling.

“Not to worry, baby girl. We were just visiting.” She smiles and looks over at Lewis.

We are only sitting for a brief minute before her father calls for our attention. “I’d like to make a toast,” Lewis says and raises his glass. We all followed his lead.

“To my daughter and her beautiful mother, the love of my life.” We clink our glasses together and look around the table. My focus remains on Ryann before I look up.

Lewis has his arm around her mom. He looked like they were still in love, and it made me wonder why it had ended years ago.

I speak up. “How did you two meet?”

Tammy begins to talk, and Lewis interrupts her. “I saw her one day sitting in the milkshake shop we all went to after school. I knew the first time I laid eyes on her that I was going to spend the rest of my life loving her, even if I didn’t get it in return.”

She giggles. “Lou, that is positively ridiculous.”

Ryann adds, “Mom always said that she loved you at first sight too.”

“And I did,” she confirms.

“She had her hair pulled to the side and had on a white button up shirt with a kerchief around her neck. She was beautiful.”

“You had on a button up striped short sleeve shirt with blue jeans,” Tammy adds.

“I can’t believe you two remember all this from all the years that have passed,” I comment.

“When it is love, it is love,” Lewis says.

I look to my left and see Ryann staring at me sweetly.

I lean forward slightly pulling Ryann’s hand into my lap, lightly rubbing my thumb over her soft skin.

The conversation continued easily through our meal. Lewis and Ryann laugh at some of the bar idiots, then she and Tammy laugh at some of her childhood stories while sharing them. After asked, I told some stories about some funny things that happened at the hospitals I had worked at.

“You know I wanted to be a doctor as well?” Lewis says matter-of-factly.

“Really? What stopped you?”

“My parents. They wanted me to run the family business. Or course, back then was a different time. It was expected for the children to take over the business so that the parents could retire.”

“My parents wanted me to take over the stables too, but I was determined,” I respond.

“You should be proud that you followed your dream, son. Not everyone is so lucky.”