BrokenHearted (11 page)

I pick her up to bring her flush with my body and carry her over to the couch. She doesn’t let go of me once, and her legs get tighter around my waist, pulling me closer and closer. I didn’t feel like I could get close enough to her. I wanted to be buried in her until I felt no air anywhere.

I place my hands on her breasts and then lower my head so I can kiss them and then move back up to her face, making sure all of her body was getting attention.

“That feels so good, Trevor.” Her voice is quiet but sexy, asking for more.

She starts to untie the sides of her bikini bottoms, and I about lose it. I bite her bottom lip and suck on it then move back to her mouth, wanting to feel her tongue. I take it all in; I want all of her.

She tries to reach her hand in my shorts, but they are too tight, suffocating the animal that was going to break out any minute.

I break from her kiss and lean on my knee trying to untie them.

She reaches her hand in my shorts and … that feels so good. I want to lay my head back and lift her on top of me so she can straddle me and let me in. If she has a problem with always needing control, where do I sign? She can have it. Take it all.

She starts to move up and down, feeling my manhood with her hands, and I start moving my hand to touch her warmth. We are getting out of control. I knew it, she knew it, but neither of us could stop or wanted to stop. We wanted each other.

I was ready, and she was too … We were ready, and I was willing if she was.

“Ryann, are—”

She pulls me down, holding me over her by wrapping her arms around me and locking me in place. “Yes …”

She kisses me harder, confirming her acceptance.

And then we hear the door.

“Don’t mind me ... Carry on,” Maxwell says.

I freeze. Totally frustrated. And Ryann with a beet red face tries to cover herself up. I grab the blanket from the back of the couch, shielding her.

“You have impeccable timing, shithead,” I say.

“I’m about ready to go when you are,” he says.

I lean my forehead next to Ryann’s trying to catch my breath.

“How can you be friends with him?” she says and laughs.

“Right now, I am second-guessing that myself.”

Ryann

“You remember we were talking about Trevor? The doctor who took care of Jackie in the hospital?”

Most people will agree with me that a grown woman still doesn’t tell her mother some things, and what happened with Trevor last night was one of them. Although she would’ve been proud that I was moving on and finding a man.  But I needed to confide in someone, and she had always been a great listener.

“Of course, I remember. The one you said you didn’t like, but I knew that you did. Jackie called me the other day and confirmed my suspicions.”

“I really like him … but I don’t think it is mutual. I think he likes me, but even if he wanted more, I don’t know if he would let it happen.”

“Well, honey, keep trying … maybe … maybe not … but if you don’t try, you will never know.”

“Can’t you come up with something better than that? Any ideas how I can show him I really like him?”

“Nope. Just be you, Ry. I don’t know why any man in their right mind wouldn’t want you. But one thing is for sure. If he doesn’t want you, then he isn’t good enough for you.”

“Who else would I be?”

“Hopefully, he will come around. Sometimes, it just takes time.”

“You are telling me this like you are an expert.”

“Oh, sweet girl … I am more than you know.”

“So I am not totally insane to like a guy who tells me that he will not be anything more than friends with me? Even though I know he wants more?”

“No …it is human nature. If someone tells us we can’t have it, we want it more, right?”

“But that’s not why I like him or want him in my life.”

“I’m not saying it is, but that intrigues us whether we want to admit it or not. It is just the way we were made.”

“What if I get hurt?”

“What if you don’t? Ryann, you are always so positive. So why are you putting so much in to this?”

“Because, for the first time since Jake, I found a man who I’m not only attracted to but also who I really like. He has me up, down, and sideways half the time, but I still like him.”

“Maybe he just has things he is dealing with. I mean he is back in a town where he hasn’t lived for years from what Jackie said, his dad is sick, he has a new job that is probably very demanding and high pressure—”

“It’s not any of those things, though. He said he is broken and won’t allow himself to love.”

“I see. Those words are very familiar to what I have said before, and if I recall, what you have said before. Not verbatim but similar.”

“And?” I ask not needing her to remind me.

“And nothing. Like him, see where it goes, and for God’s sake, don’t rush it. Anything worth having is worth waiting for. Right?”

“Right.” If I could just keep my heart patient.

Trevor

While I loved staying at The Regency, it was nice to settle into my own place. I rented a furnished condo, and I was immensely pleased about it saving me the stress. I have never lived in something quite so nice and at the perfect proximity to work.

Thermal windows lined the entire east side. They faced the city, bare without curtains to feature the city landscape and let in the natural light.

Maxwell had offered to move me in, and I told him that I didn’t really have anything to move, but that didn’t stop him.

“I brought some wings and beer. Your cable is hooked up, right?”

“Hell, yes; it was the first thing hooked up.” We fist bump after he puts the paper bags down. He walks straight to the TV and turns it to Longhorn Sports Network for the game.

He stands up and looks around the place nodding his approval and congratulating me on the good find.

“This view is badass,” he comments.

“Of course. It’s mine.” I smirk.

“I would love to hold a woman up against these windows and nail her.” He mimicked the actions in the air.

“And you won’t be doing that because this is my place.”

“We’ll see.”

“Remind me never to ask you to collect my mail if I am out of town.”

“I will make a mental note of it.”

“Yeah, I bet you will.”

The doorbell rang, and I look at Maxwell. No one else knows I live here.

“I’m not sure—” He has a shit-eating grin on his face, and I shake my head letting him know my dissatisfaction.

I open the door shocked. “Surprise!”

Sadie and Ryann’s smiling faces meet me. Unfortunately, I had to force one on my face in return. I hadn’t seen Ryann since the day at Sadie’s. I knew I had let it get out of hand, but I’ll be damned if I didn’t want it.

“Maxwell invited us over to break in your new place,” Sadie says, not caring what my face looked like.

Ryann reads it clearly. “Do you want us to come back another time?”

Sadie had already walked in and welcomed herself around the place, taking it all in.

“No, it’s fine.” I move my hand in front of the door gesturing her to enter.

“This is really nice.”

“Yeah, I got lucky,” I respond. I glance over at Maxwell at the window with Sadie, remembering the conversation we just had. “Get away from my windows!”

He laughs showing me his hands as if he was proving he was keeping his hands to himself.

“If anyone is going to experience something by the windows, it will be me!” I smile.

Ryann looks confused. “Okay … whatever that was about. I hated to stop by unannounced, or should I say not invited by the owner on the same day you are moving in, but Sadie insisted.”

“I understand … I have a friend just like that myself,” I respond.

Maxwell starts the game, and we all sit around the TV to watch it. Ryann sat beside me, and I had reached my arm around her shoulder and kept it there.

I stared at her a lot tonight and knew she was really the real deal. She was comfortable in every situation, the all-around girl that every guy wants.  I honestly loved having her in my place. And I wondered if I would ever have another woman here who I’d like as much as I like her. But the fact remained, no matter how badly I wanted her physically, a part of me still resisted mentally. Or more correctly wouldn’t allow it.

Before Sadie and Ryann left, Ryann came into the kitchen to help put away any leftover food and clean up. I lean over her to thank her for the help as she smiles. I lean in, but instead of kissing her on the lips, I kiss her on the forehead.

I confuse her just as much as I confuse myself, but we both need the reminder of our relationship.

It has been a long time since I was close to another person other than Maxwell. I can’t help but question whether these feelings are okay to have.

*****

Ryann

It had been a week since I last saw Trevor. He had been apparently working nonstop per Maxwell. I would be lying if I said I hadn’t missed seeing him.

Sadie and I were supposed to meet at Threadgills, but as it had seemed to become the pattern, Maxwell ended up joining us. She gives me the line about how she had already made plans with him and forgot when she said yes to me. Not buying it for a second! I resisted at first since no one likes to be the third wheel, but at the persistence of Sadie, I agreed. 

I will neither deny nor confirm that she said we could maybe get some information on Trevor.

We’ve talked about it several times, and I wondered about several things from the way he acted. She did as well and understood my confusion. Damn near clawing my clothes off, and then the next time he sees me, he kisses me on my forehead?

I was the first to arrive and secured a table for three. I had already ordered my favorite wine and was relaxing when they waltzed in. Sadie looked fabulous, as always, and Maxwell didn’t look too shabby himself. His good looks were shining through tonight, and I could see that something more was going on than both of them would own up to.  She was falling hard.

That was the thing with Sadie. She had never been in a serious relationship. Not because men haven’t tried but because she swore she didn’t want that. She didn’t want to get married and tied down. Don’t get me wrong, she wasn’t a whore or a run around type of gal. Nope. She just loved her life and made no apologies for her actions.

Honestly, she was exactly what I wished I was but wasn’t. I always wanted to be a wife … to settle down. But I’m also honest with myself and know that might not happen. And finally, I am good with that. My plan wasn’t lost on me, though. I’m not afraid to be alone as long as I am happy … I planned that I would already be tied down, loving life with my husband. You probably think that is odd and contradictory since I grew up without my father in my life. And you couldn’t be more right. But I was always the girl who saw the families together and knew one day I would have that. Now, I know looking back that it was never going to happen with Jake. I was so foolish.

“Earth to Ry!” I hear Sadie’s voice shaking me out of my trance.

“Oh, sorry!”

“Already diving into your wine, I see, or should I say sugar water?” She smiles taking a seat as Max sits beside her. She always jokes about my taste in wine. I like sweet and white. She likes bold, dry, and red.

“Shut up. This is my first glass,” I respond.

“Sorry we’re a bit late. Maxwell was slowing me down.” She looks over at him and winks, and he raises his eyebrows letting her know he wasn’t the least bit sorry for his actions by shrugging his shoulders.

It was cute.  And yes, I was jealous. They had a clear connection that an outsider would recognize.

We order, and before I know it, we had finished three bottles of wine. I was feeling light on my feet and frankly should have stopped. But I didn’t. I had some questions, and I was positive I could ask them without being nervous now.

“Maxwell, can I ask you some questions about Trev—”

He smiles. “I knew this was coming.”

“Why?” I ask and look at him and then back at Sadie.

“Give me a fucking break, Ryann. It is as clear as glass that you like him.”

“I beg your pardon. I do not like him … as a friend, yes.”

“Ha!” Sadie blurts out and then takes another drink of her wine.

“Okay, let’s pretend like you don’t like him … although I know damn well you do. What do you want to know?”

“Why is he so intense? So closed off?”

“He lost the love of his life.”

I snort by complete accident. I should have been embarrassed, but I wasn’t.

“Hell … at this age, if you are not with someone, then you most likely have ‘lost’ who you thought was the love of your life. Besides, I already knew that.”

His face freezes, and he seems to get frustrated with my answer.  “No, I mean he really lost the love of his life.”

“Okay …” I should have been able to say something else, but I couldn’t. Nothing else came to mind. What does that mean?

“How long did he live out of Austin or Dripping?”

“For a little more than nine years, almost ten.”

“Why, how, could he stay away so long from his parents?”

“He blamed his father and couldn’t be around him.”

I counter. “That seems kinda childish, don’t you think?”

“Well, you really have no idea what really happened, Ryann.” Maxwell defends his best friend, and he was losing his patience.

“I guess not. And not that it matters.”

“Since we are here tonight, and I have already probably said too much, Trevor thinks he is broken and hasn’t had a committed relationship since he left town to go up north.”

“Everyone has been hurt—”

“Not like this,” Maxwell says.

“So you are telling me that even if I did like him, which I don’t, that it wouldn’t matter because he is broken?”

“No, I’m not telling you that. What I am saying is that he is who he is. And what has happened to him is not normally something someone has to survive. He is the guy he is because of what he has been through. Take it or leave it.”

“Trevor said we would be nothing but friends, so really none of this matters. I was just wondering,” I finish, trying to end the conversation and the emotions it was causing.

Sadie smiles at me weakly.

After getting home and thinking over everything that Maxwell had said, I knew that I should probably run and block out any friendship with Trevor. Instead, I knew it was already too late. There were things about him that I was attracted to, and unfortunately, one of those things is the need to prove to him that he wasn’t broken. Just as I’m not. Even though I had felt like it previously, I know now that is not the case.