Chasing Love & Rainbows (11 page)

I was told to never talk about having Paige. I couldn’t go around Scarlet’s house to even see her.  My mother said it was easier that way.  That’s why Scarlet stopped coming over to the house. My mom would give me updates and say she’s fine.  My
dad was disappointed in me and I think our bond was broken but the bond between me and my mother was strengthened.

Two months after I had Paige, my mom committed suicide and killed her and my father.  My life was so messed up.  I had lost my mother, father, baby, and the man I loved all in one year.  After I came home I found out that Ms. Essie and Cameron moved away.  I never got a chance to say goodbye to him. He left a letter with me with an address and phone number to reach him.  

I could never reach out to Cameron.  It was all too painful for me.  The day after the memorial service for my parents, Scarlet came up to me and said she would take good care of Paige. She also said Paige would always know who we are.  I thanked her and I never saw them again until today when Paige reentered my life.

I don’t know if I should play the loving sister or the loving mother. I think only time can tell. Right now I will just go with the flow until I’m ready to actually be a mother figure. I don’t even know how to be a mother to a seven year old. I sighed to myself as I lay across my bed thinking about what my life has become and just then my cell phone rung.

“Hello,” I said.

“I can tell that sexy voice from anywhere,” I heard.

I sat up in my bed and said, “Link.” 

“The one and only,” he said, “so how you doing this evening, beautiful?”

“Fine now that you called,” I smiled to myself. 

“Right, right,” he said. 

“So what do I owe this unannounced call to?” I asked.

“I want to take you out beautiful.”

“Oh really.” 

“Yeah,” he said, “You up to it?”

“Yeah,” I said, “I need to get out.  I’m dealing with some heavy shit right now.”

“You want to talk about it?” he asked.

“Not really. But I would love to go out with you.”

“Alright then.”

“Meet me in front of the club,” I said.

“See you in an hour.” We hung up the phone and I got up to get ready.

After about forty minutes I was ready to go.  I went looking for Paris and I came to a stop in front of my daughter’s door.  As I turned the knob I could hear voices.  “My mommy also told me I had older sisters,” I heard Paige say.

“Well that was nice of her,” Paris said.  Paige touched Paris’s hair. 

“You’re pretty,” Paige said and Paris smiled.

“And so are you.”

“But I think Porsche is prettier.” 

“Hey, don’t tell me you are already playing favorites,” Paris said while tickling her.  Her laughter brought tears to my eyes.  I pulled the door closed to get myself together. 

I knocked this time and I heard Paris tell me to come in.  I walked in and Paige and my eyes met.

“Um, I’m going to go out for a while,” I said.

“Where you going?” Paige asked. 

“Out with a friend.” 

“What friend?”

“I don’t think you know them sweetie,” I said.

“It is a girl or boy?” asked Paige. 

“A boy,” I said.  She smiled.

“Is he your boyfriend?” she asked. 

“No, just a friend.”  

I looked at Paris and she thought it was funny I was being questioned by an eight year old.   “Can I have a hug?” Paige asked.

“Um, sure” I said walking over to Paige and picked her up off the bed and hugged her.

She felt so good and so right in my arms.  I didn’t want to let her go until she said, “You’re squeezing me too tight Porsche.”

“Sorry,” I said as I looked at her.  She kissed me on the lips and smiled.  I thought I was going to burst into tears but I kept it together. I put her back down.

“How long will you be gone?” Paige asked.

“I don’t know,” I said.

“Can I stay up to wait for you?” she asked

“No you can’t Paige,” Paris said.

“We have to get up early to buy you some clothes and other things you need.” 

“Can you come too Porsche?” Paige asked.  She was making this very hard for me.

“I’ll have to see, okay,” I said.

“Ok,” said Paige.  I walked out the door and went on my date with Link.  As fine as he was, I was not paying him that much attention.  My attention was on Paige and how much I really wanted to be a part of her life, being the mother I knew I could be.  But how can I tell a seven year old that I’m her mother?  I think it would only confuse her even more. 

This is so not happening to me right now.  After I ended my date with Link he wanted to take me back to his place and repeat what happened in the club but I wasn’t up to having sex with him tonight.  My thoughts were on getting back home to spend some time in getting to know Paige better. I think my best approach for now is to be her sister then once she is comfort
able with me then I can talk to Paris
about telling Paige that I’m her mother.

When I opened my bedroom door Paige was already sleeping in my bed.  I tiptoed around as quiet as possible until I got in the bed next to her. 

Paige said, “Porsche?”

“Yes sweetie,” I said.

She turned around, looked at me and said, “I’m glad you’re home.”

“I’m glad I’m home too,” I said.  I pulled my daughter towards me and she laid her head on my breast.  I wrapped my arms around her body and we both fell asleep.

Chapter 8 ~ Patrice

I was sitting nervously in the doctor’s office for the first time. Tony and I had come to an agreement that we would weigh our options first before we made any decisions.  Ever since we had that falling out over a week ago he has been so supportive.  He has called me every day to make sure that I’m okay and now he was sitting with me on a Saturday at our first doctor’s appointment.

“You nervous Precious?” Tony asked.  I grabbed his hand and kissed it.

“Of course I’m nervous. I’m just glad I haven’t been sick this week,” I said. 

“That’s good to hear,” he said, draping his arms around me pulling me closer to him and saying, “Everything will work out fine.” 

“I hope so. My sisters still don’t know that I’m pregnant.  That’s why I picked this clinic to come to so it won’t be on Paris’s insurance. Can you imagine her getting a bill saying that I’m pregnant?  I’m not taking that chance,” I said. 

“So is all this stuff is going to be free,” he asked.

“Not really,” I said.

“All I have to do is pay five dollars each visit.” 

Tony looked amazed and asked, “That’s it?” 

“That’s it,” I said and smiled at him. 

“You really did your research didn’t you?” he asked. 

“Of course I did, plus I picked a clinic that I know no one would spot me at,” I said.

“Smart girl,” he said. 

I replied, “I have to be. I don’t want anyone in our business. You feel me?”

“I feel you Precious,” he said. 

I leaned my head on Tony’s shoulder and closed my eyes.  If only this was a dream and I was about to wake up at any minute. “You know what Precious, I think…” Tony
began but before he could tell me the nurse called my name.  I grabbed Tony’s hand and we went into the room together. 

Of course I had to leave him for a minute when the nurse asked me to pee in a cup to make sure that I was pregnant. Then I had to fill out this long form on family history. I think it took longer than I thought.  About time I made it back to the room Tony eyes were closed and it seemed like he was either asleep or deep in thought.

I sat there for a while and studied him. He was so handsome. I think dark skinned men attract us Hilton sisters. It’s just something about that deep dark chocolate skin that makes you want to lick it like
it’s
some sweet piece of candy. I knew the moment I laid eyes on Tony that he was going to be mine.

I never imagined that he would change his ways totally once we started dating, but I knew in my heart that he loved me as much as I loved him. I bent over and kissed him lightly on the lips.  He opened his eyes instantly and smiled.

“I thought you were asleep,” I said.

“Nah, I’m not asleep. I was just thinking to myself that’s all,” he said. 

“About what,” I asked.

“Us and this baby, I’m looking around at all of these pictures of how the
baby’s
develop and everything and all I could seem to do is think about my baby growing inside of you,”  he said while putting his hands on my stomach.

“What are you saying Tony?” I asked.

Before he could answer the doctor and nurse came into the room.  I was a bit surprised because my doctor was a sister, a black woman I could relate to.  Thank God for that.  I turned and smiled at the doctor. 

“Hi I’m Dr. Brown,” the doctor said. 

“Hi, I‘m Patrice and this is my boyfriend Antonio,” I said sticking my hand out and she shook it as well as Tony’s hand.

“It’s nice to meet the both of you,” she said, “We tested your urine and it’s confirmed that you are pregnant.  Do you know when your last cycle was Patrice?”

“Um, let me see…December 15th,” I said. Doctor Brown took out a round looking thing and studied it for a second, then looked up and smiled at me.

“You are 9 weeks pregnant, which informs me that you are at the beginning stages of your third month of pregnancy. On my chart your due date is September 22
nd
.  Do you have any questions before I continue?” she asked. I shook my head no, but Tony had something to say.

“You mean to tell me that she is already three months pregnant?  That’s so soon. We just found out not too long ago,” he said. 

“I know this may come as a surprise Tony, but every 4 weeks turns into a new month of the stages in pregnancy.  Most women don’t find out they’re pregnant until they are in their 2nd month of pregnancy.”

“Usually they miss their cycle or feel sick, such as vomiting, nausea, and sore breasts. I’m quite sure Patrice felt all those symptoms, which made her aware that she was pregnant,” the doctor continued. 

“So what do we do in the mean time? Does she need anything special to keep the baby safe?” he asked.  I smiled at Tony.

I was glad that he was finally accepting the fact that I was pregnant. “Of course,” the doctor said, “I will give her prenatal vitamins that she will have to take every day. It’s to keep her healthy as well as the baby. We will also have to take some blood samples from Patrice.”

“Blood samples?  For what,” he asked. 

“It’s a procedure that we do with all our patients to make sure she doesn’t have any STD’s and to make sure that nothing else is wrong.  If we find anything then we treat them as soon as possible to make sure the momma and baby are in good health,” she said.  He looked relieved.

“It’s ok baby,” I said to him as I rubbed his shoulders.  He rested his hands back on my stomach as Doctor Brown looked as us with caring eyes.

“Patrice,” said the doctor, “I’m going to give you some information about your pregnancy.  It’s a book to read called, “What to Expect When You’re Expecting.” It is a very good book to learn your body changes and answer any questions you may have.”

The doctor continued, “I will need to see you back in three weeks.  By then we should be able to hear the baby’s heart beat.”

“Really,” I asked in excitement.

“Yes you will,” she said and smiled at me. “I need you to go to the lab on the fourth floor and let them take some samples of your blood.  Nurse Young will give you the papers you need to take to the lab.  In the meantime, relax and enjoy your pregnancy.”

“I’ll try,” I answered.   Tony got up from the chair and took my hand.  Dr. Brown shook both of our hands and walked out the door.  The nurse told us to follow her and she gave me the vitamins, the book and materials about my pregnancy along with the paper for the lab.  We went to the lab and we were done in five minutes. 

Once we were inside the car Tony looked over at me.  “I think I may transfer,” he said.  My eyes got big.

“Why?” I practically screamed.

“I don’t want you to have the baby if I’m not here,” he said.

I replied “But Tony that’s way in September, we’re just in March.”

“I know that Precious,” he said, looking at me with sad eyes.