Chasing Love & Rainbows (12 page)

“Baby I don’t want you to throw your dreams away.  Please just stay up there.  I’ll come up there with you if that’s what it will take,” I said.

“Do you hear yourself, Precious? What about that scholarship you have at Harvard?” he asked.

“I can also get a full scholarship at FSU Tony,” I said, “I have the brains to go to any college I want to go to baby.  I will make this sacrifice for us…for you.”  I could see the tears in his eyes.  “Baby, look at me,” I said.  He glanced over at me as I wiped the tears from his eyes.

I could feel myself crying also and said, “We will get through this together.  I promise you that.  Our love is so strong Tony that we could do anything we set our minds to.” He wiped his face.  “I feel like a little bitch crying in front of you,” he said.  

“No baby, you’re not. You have feelings just like every human being on this earth, and I’m glad to see this side of you.  I love you Tony,” I said. 

“I love you to Precious. So when are we going to tell your sisters?” he asked. 

“I was thinking next month since I’ll be eighteen then,” I said. 

“You think they will care about you being eighteen Precious?” he asked. 

“No,” I sighed to myself.  “But if we get married then there is nothing they can say or do to me,” I said. 

We became quiet for a good ten minutes until Tony said, “Look up some plane tickets for Vegas on your birthday.”

I yelled, “What!  Tony I was just joking with you!” 

“Well I’m not Precious,” he said, “Why not get married?”  I frowned at him. 

“I don’t want you to marry me because I’m pregnant Tony,” I said.

“I’m not.  I love you Patrice.  Let’s do this right.  I know we are both young but we were going to get married eventually,” he said. 

I hit him in the arm and said, “Oh really.  How’d you know I wanted to marry you Mr. Jackson?”

“Girl you know if I asked you to marry me before you got pregnant you would have said yes,” he said.   I smiled to myself because he was right.

Hell yeah, I would marry his ass in a heartbeat.  That’s what falling head over heels in love means…right?  “Well are you going to be Mrs. Jackson or not Precious,” he asked.

“Pull over,” I said.

He asked, “For what?”

“Just pull over,” I said.  Tony pulled over the car. I looked at him and said, “Now ask me right.”  He got out of the car and came around to open my door.  He bent down of one knee and I could feel the tears in my eyes.

“Precious I know that we are in a fucked up situation now, but will you do me the honor of being my wife?  Life with you is the only reason I keep going,” he said.

“Tony” I whispered, “Of course I’ll marry you.”

I reached for him and we sealed the deal with a kiss. Having a baby and being married at the age of eighteen?  I most definitely knew that my sisters were going to flip out when they learned that I was making a sacrifice to move away to Tallahassee to be with the man I love. But hey, wouldn’t you all do the same thing? 

Chapter 9
~ Paris

I heard the phone ring for the fourth time but I was too weak to get it. This last week has been hell without Marcus, and on top of that now I have another sister to look after. Why am I being punished like this?  I keep asking this myself over and over again.

Finally the phone stopped ringing, but then it rang again. I glanced over at my clock and it was 7pm in the evening. Why on earth is someone bothering me?  Don’t they know that I don’t want to talk to anyone?  Shit, how hard is that to understand?  I finally picked the phone up.

“This better be good,” I mouthed into the phone. 

“Well it’s about time you picked up the damn phone Ms. Click.” Leon said. This day is just getting worse.  Out of all the people in the world Leon had to be the one to step in my parade.

“Leon I’m going to kill your ass!  I’m in the middle of some much-needed rest!  This has been a very hard week for me,” I shouted in the phone.

“Girl, I know that’s why you are going to Iguana’s with me tonight,” he said.  He really has lost his mind.

“No I’m not Leon. I don’t feel like it,” I said as I rolled over on my back and look up towards the ceiling.

“Are going to sleep your life away over Marcus?” he asked. I could feel the tears starting to surface in my eyes.

“Ms. Click,” Leon said with harshness in his voice. “Ms. Click, I know you hear me,” he said.

I wiped the tears away and replied, “What Leon?  I’m not entitled to my feelings? I’m just trying to sort some shit out okay,” I sniffed into the phone.

“I know sweetie and you can sort that out at Iguana’s tonight.  Besides, ladies get in free before midnight,” he added. I smiled to myself finally because I knew what Leon was thinking.

“So I’m guessing you will be dressing in drag tonight,” I said. 

“Oh you know me to well honey,” he replied.  I looked over at the picture of Marcus, and I began to feel myself getting emotional again. “Come on Paris,” I thought to myself. 

“Alright already, I’ll go,” I huffed into the phone. 

“Be ready at 11:00,” he said. 

“I will,” I agreed. 

I hung up the phone and asked myself why I let Leon talk me into going to a club.  I got up and took a long hot bath, and couldn’t stop myself from crying. The tears just fell freely.  I was deeply hurt and after being involved for eleven long years how can you not be hurt?  All I ever wanted from Marcus was marriage, his baby, and his loyalty.  Is that too much to ask for in a man?

I leaned back as the Jacuzzi bubbles began to hit all the right spots on my body, and closed my eyes. I wondered what I was lacking as a woman. What did Marcus see in that stripper that he didn’t see in me? It’s not like I am ugly or anything. My hair is long; I have hazel eyes, a nice body, full breasts, and a nice personality.

Was he bored after being together for so long?  Maybe he needed a change.  It’s not like I lacked in the bedroom. I’m always doing things to spice up the bedroom scene.  My nana once told me you “have to be a man’s momma, wife, and his whore.”

Hell, I was all three to Marcus.  He never had to ask for anything from me.  I cooked him meals, I cleaned his dirty boxers, and went to all of his home games to support him, as well as some away games. I rubbed him down after every game he played. I was a good ass girlfriend who played “Wifey” for too damn long. 

How could I not have a ring after all this time?  How stupid was I?  I was so caught up in love that I failed to see who I am as a person?  I lost myself in Marcus when I surrounded myself with him.  Why…because I was in love that’s why, and I would never lose myself like that again…never.

We stepped in the waiting line at Iguanas.  Leon quickly made his way to the front and we were escorted to VIP.  When I first walked down the stairs to greet Leon he whistled. 

“Girl, if I didn’t like men you would be mine,” he said. 

I asked, “You like?”

“Yeah, but I know that’s not your dress,” he said.  

“Ok, so it’s Porsche’s. You know I would not be caught dead in this little mini ass dress.  But I like it,” I said and twirled around for him to get a better look.

“It looks good on you,” he said.

“Thanks,” I replied.

Then
when we were in VIP, I was feeling a little naked.  Call me crazy but I’m not like my sister with my sexuality. She can flaunt her stuff and don’t give a damn if it all hangs out.  I’m more conservative.

“Girl, do you see the men in this place?” Leon exclaimed.

I glanced around and said, “Yeah, there are some fine brothers in here.”

“Let’s find a seat,” I said.  We walked around until we found a table.  The music was pretty good and the crowd was nice. 

A waitress came to our table and said, “The gentleman over there would like to buy you a drink.”  I turned my head to see a light skinned brother. 

“Thanks,” I replied, “I’ll have a glass of Cristal. Leon?”

“Big spender,” he said with a grin, “I’ll have the same thing.” She left and I was bopping my head to the music listening to Ciara “If I Were a Boy.”  The light skinned brother came over and asked if I wanted to dance.

“Sure,” I said.

I took his hand and we went downstairs.  As soon as we got the middle they switched the song to Beyoncé’s “Love on Top.”  I actually liked the song so I started moving to the beat and found myself having a good time.

The brother didn’t even try to push on me hard or even grope me like must guys would.  For some strange reason I could feel someone watching me, and as I looked up at the VIP section I saw Marcus glaring at me.  My heart stopped, but I turned around quickly and kept dancing. After the music was over I thanked him and made my way to the ladies room. 

I had to get myself together.  I could not let him see me weak and fragile.  Quickly I took one last look at myself and made my way back upstairs.  When I got there Marcus was nowhere to be found and I was glad.  When I sat down Leon was already giving the scoop.

“Girl, your man is here and he didn’t look too pleased when he saw you.  His eyes almost popped out of his head,” Leon said, while laughing hard. “I’m telling you Paris, if you could have seen him girl,” he said still laughing.  I glanced around again. “He went downstairs, probably went looking for you,” he said.

I replied, “Oh well.” 

I brushed it off, but inside I was dying.  I have never hung out like this before and especially dressed like this.  I was a nervous wreck, and I knew Marcus and I were about to have a confrontation.

“Don’t look now, but here he comes and his face does not look happy in the least bit,” Leon warned. 

Before I had a chance to glance over my shoulder, Marcus snatched me out of my seat.  I didn’t know where we were going but I found out as soon as we entered the office of the owner.  Marcus’s eyes fell on me with such a hard stare as he thanked the owner for letting him use the office. When the owner left the office, Marcus pushed me hard against the wall.

“Ouch Marcus, you’re hurting me,” I said through tears.  He was scaring the hell out of me. I had never seen him this angry.

“What the fuck are you wearing?” he demanded.

“A dress!” I yelled back stepping in his face.

“This is not a dress!  You look like a whore!” he yelled back.  Tears were streaming down my face. 

“I thought that’s what you like Marcus…whores.  It seems you can’t keep your dick out of them,” I replied.  He pounded the wall behind my head with his palm and I jumped.

“You driving me crazy Paris!  You walk out of the house with this little ass dress on, then I see you on the dance floor with a nigga shaking yo’ ass,” he said. I glared back at him with hate in my eyes.

“Did you expect me to just cry all over the place Marcus, huh?   I’m not going to sit around and feel sorry for myself over your ignorant ass”.  I pushed his chest some.

“Oh now I’m ignorant,” he said angrily.  I smirked at him.

“You became ignorant when you fucked a dirty stripper who could probably give me and you AIDS.  How could you do that Marcus?  What, I wasn’t good enough for you,” I asked.  

“You are,” he said and tried to touch me but I pushed his hands away.  “I love you more than I love myself Paris.  I really fucked up and I’m sorry.  Please just give us another chance,” he pleaded.

“No,” I said in a rush, “I can’t.”  I nervously touched my hair.

“Why,” he said, with his face-hardening.  “You ain’t fucking anyone else,” he said.

“How you know that,” I asked. 

Marcus grabbed my jaws and squeezed both tight and said, “If I ever find out you are fucking someone else I will kill him and you! You understand that Paris,” he said as he let go of me.

I stared at him with ice in my eyes and asked, “Is that a threat Marcus?”

“It’s a promise,” he said.

“Well just kill me then, cause I’m fucking someone else,” I answered trying to make him hurt like I was. There was no way I was fucking anyone else. Hell, he doesn’t need to know that. Before I could react, Marcus had thrown me on the floor and pulled my dress up over my waist.  He ripped my underwear off as I tried to get away from him.

“Marcus please, don’t do this,” I said fearfully through my tears. I was shocked he was doing this to me. I went into panic mode. I begin to fight but he was too strong. I could hear his belt being unbuckled.

“Why Paris, I just want to know if you’re doing what you said you’re doing,” he said as he pinned my hands over my head and thrust into my pussy. I gasped really hard and he knew that I was lying.  “Why you lie to me Paris? All you had to do was tell me the truth and I wouldn’t have to hurt you,” he said. 

Tears streamed down my face as he kept thrusting inside of me. All I could do was lay there and let him rape me. How did it ever get like this between us?  Once he finished, I was sobbing and he cried along with me. 

“I’m so sorry boo, please just take me back. I’m going crazy without you Paris. Please,” he pleaded.