Chosen Heart (55 page)

“Sorry can’t help you
there.”  I can’t give in to his humor, or persistence.  Especially
not in front of Alex.   Being quiet the whole ride down, Alex is
scaring me.  I’ve learned his silence is not to be taken lightly.

Reaching the first floor, the
scene plays out in slow motion…Oliver touches the small of my back, trying to
lead me out of the elevator.  Alex reaches out, grabbing his arm,
violently removing it from my body.  Both men sandwich me, staring and
huffing, effectively halting our departure. 

“Really James, you’re going to do
this here?” he whispers, calmly.

“Drop it Prescott, before I lay
you out on the floor,” Alex threatens, glaring at Oliver over my head.

“I’d like to see you try.  I
don’t start until Monday, so let’s hash this out now!”  Pushing closer,
Alex and Oliver are now in each other’s face, with me still in between.

“STOP!” I demand, pushing them
apart.  “This is not the time, nor the place.  Grow up!”  I
can’t believe they’re acting like two testosterone raged teenagers. 
Finally removing themselves from the almost altercation, I sigh.  Knowing
we can live another day without someone I care about physically getting hurt is
enough for me.  For now. 

“Elyssa, I need to talk to you!”
Alex sneers as Oliver rolls his eyes.  I know that look, and I don’t want
to piss him off even more than he already is.  Nor, do I want to hurt
him. 

“I’ll go bring the car around and
meet you out front.”  I nod.  Alex continues to glare at Oliver as he
walks away.  Oliver turns before exiting the doors, flipping Alex the bird
with a smirk making sure he got the last word in. 

Pushing against me, Alex tries to
pursue Oliver right out the front door.  But I intervene, reminding him
that he wanted to talk.  “Hey, you said you needed to talk to me. 
I’m here…not out there.”

His tempter calms as his eyes
look down at my concerned face.  “God, you’re beautiful.”  I smile,
suddenly feeling shy.  For some odd reason I feel as if I’m a stranger to
him. 

“Yah right.  I look like
shit.  I think I slept for about two hours.”  Looking around, Alex
notices that the lobby is vacant.  Reaching up he brushes his fingers against
my cheek and lips before returning his hands to his pockets.

“You always look beautiful. 
You could come in here with sweats and your hair pulled up into a scrunchy and
I’d still want you.”  I blush at the complement. 

My wary eyes look up into his
tense face.  “What did you want to talk about, Alex?” 

“I can’t believe you’re going
with him.  I should be your priority right now.  I thought last night
when we spoke, I was clear about you not going with him.”

“I told you last night I was
going to go.  Besides, he just wants to be friends.”

“Don’t be so naïve.  He
doesn’t want to be friends.  Nothing Oliver does is friendly.  You
are of course his preference, his conquest.  Question is…is he yours?”

“What?  Are you
serious?”  I hope he hears the utter disgust in my voice as I spit out the
words.

“Do you want him?  Or are
you just using him to make me jealous?  Cause if that’s what you’re trying
to accomplish…you’ve succeeded.  I want to walk outside and rip his
fucking throat out for talking to you like that.”

“Alex…he’s new in town.  He
needs a friend and that’s all I intend to be.”

“But, he doesn’t want to be your
friend.  He wants more.  I’m a guy, I can tell.”

“Well, good thing that I’m not in
the mood for more right now.”

“Please don’t go.  Tell him
you can’t.  Stay with me,” he pleads, reaching out for me.

“I can’t.  I have to
go.”  Pulling away, I feel Alex’s grip loosen.  I hate this.  I
have to get out of here.  Opening the door, I glance behind me.  Alex
stands alone in the lobby, his puppy dog eyes stricken with a mixture of
disappointment and sorrow, is one of the most miserable things I’ve ever
seen. 
I’m sorry, Alex.  I promised his grandmother that I
wouldn’t hurt him!  I can’t believe I’m breaking my promise so soon. 
Ely, you’re just going to lunch with a friend, he shouldn’t be hurt.

It’s hard to breathe as I walk
out the door to Oliver’s awaiting car.

Gripping the handle to his very
old, very pristine Mustang, I open and ease myself into his car.  If this
was Alex, he would have opened the door for me.  If this was Alex, my
heart would be fluttering in anticipation.  This isn’t Alex.  He
isn’t Alex.  The butterflies are dormant, as Oliver smiles at me. 

“Where are we going?” 

“Sushi.  Go out and take a
right.”

By the time we get seated at the
restaurant, my appetite is completely gone.  My thoughts are stuck at
work, seeing only Alex’s tormented face in my mind.  Leaving him standing
in the lobby, it’s almost too much to bear.  I made the right decision,
but the thought that I’ve hurt him even more by doing so, breaks my
heart.  What’s even more troubling is the thought of returning to work; to
see his broken face.  Hopefully, when we return, Oliver doesn’t try
walking me in.  If Alex hasn’t calmed down by then, it would surely fuel
the fire, making an already bad scene disastrous.

My stomach is officially seeking
vengeance on my already distraught body.  Trying to ride out the tension,
I pull my arms tight around my torso.  Unfortunately for me, my insides
twist and turn, making it almost difficult to concentrate on anything
else.  If he thinks this isn’t just as hard on me, as it is on him, he’s
delusional.  My decision making, or lack thereof, is wreaking havoc on
both of us.  And for both of our sakes, I know I have to deal with “us”
sooner, rather than later.

If I’m being completely honest
with myself, I’m still at odds with the whole situation.  I know I love
him.  I know I want to be with him.  That hasn’t changed.  The
part I’m having trouble with, and don’t know if I can look past, is the feeling
of betrayal; the feeling that he is, and has been, keeping things from
me.  Things that had I known, might have made a difference. 
I
don’t know, Ely.  You said he was your other half.  You said you
would choose him in any scenario.  What happened to that? 
“Disloyalty
is what happened,” I mutter under my breath.  Crap, now I’m answering my
conscious, out loud.  Yah,
that
can’t be good.

Focus!

He says he’s been faithful,
telling me he loves me, telling me he hasn’t lied, but at this point, it’s just
words.  Words I so desperately want to believe, but empty words
nonetheless.  It’s hard to forget.  Looking back, I see how so many
of his actions completely contradict the man I thought I was falling in love
with.  Who I fell in love with, and who he really is, weighs heavily on my
mind.  As I fidget with my single gold band, I look up to the ceiling for
guidance. 
What am I supposed to do?
  

Practically succumbing to my own
misery, I realize how rude I’m being as I unintentionally continue the silent
treatment.  It’s hard to focus on anything else, but I know it’s not fair
to Oliver.  The chime of my cell phone causes me to tense, knowing exactly
who it’s from.  Reaching in my bag, I’m pretty sure this is the first time
I’ve not wanted the message to be from Alex. 

*I can’t believe
you left me. Are you trying to hurt me?!*

Me hurt you?  You’ve got to
be fucking joking, Alex!

Oliver closes his menu as he
cocks his head to the side, looking at me strangely.  “You ready to order?” 
Plastering a fake smile on my face, I place my phone in my lap, hoping he
didn’t just see the spark of anger flitting across my face.

“I’m not very hungry.  I
think I’ll just have some green tea.”  I know pouting isn’t going to make
me feel better, but neither will food. 

Peaking down underneath the
table, I feel my phone vibrate just as the screen pops up with a picture of
Alex.

*If he fucking
touches you, I’ll break his fucking hand!*

*Seriously,
Elyssa. Don’t let him touch you.*

He obviously hasn’t calmed down
yet. 
Nothing
I say, or do, will make any of this better.

“You need to eat.  Let me
fatten you up so I don’t have to worry about other men falling for you.” 
A grumble erupts from his chest as he breaks out in laughter.  I guess he
isn’t bothered by the fact that he doesn’t have my full attention.  Good
to know he can entertain himself.

“Ha ha, very funny,” I giggle
with him.  His joy and laughter is so contagious that I almost forgot
about the infuriating rage coming through my phone.  Almost.  Still
not enough to respond.

“I’ve never understood a man’s
train of thought.  Get your woman fat so other men won’t be attracted to
her, but in the process she becomes unattractive to you.”  I hate to admit
it, but it’s a breath of fresh air being around Oliver.  No need to
constantly worry about making decisions or worry about his sordid past. 

“I can’t see you ever becoming
unattractive.  Regardless of your size,” he retorts with a genuine
smile.  Again, another man in my life I wish I could’ve met any other time
or place.  Why does my life keep getting more complicated?  I thought
the older you got, the more things were supposed to make sense, as they worked
themselves out.  Boy was I wrong.

As we sit here in silence, I
ponder Alex’s demeaning words regarding Oliver’s intentions.  I guess now
is as good a time as any to address them.  I’m not going to lie. 
This topic, and Oliver, both scare me a little.  The anxiety I feel is
deep in the pit of my stomach, or is that the residual energy from Alex? 
I decide it’s probably a little of both.  The thought of discussing my
limitations makes my heart jump a beat.  I need to calm down; I need
him
to calm down.  But,
he
isn’t here.  I really hope Oliver can
live with my limitations, because a new, uncomplicated friend would be nice to
have.

“Oliver…you know we’re just
friends right?  Sorry for being so blunt, but I don’t wanna lead you
on.”  Alex would be so proud of me.  Not that I need his praise right
now, but at least I put it out there, and at the moment plan to keep it that
way.  I think.  Oh, I’m so confused.

Staring at me, Oliver
contemplates what he’s about to reveal.  It’s nice to know
some
people think before they speak.  “I can’t say I only want to be friends
with you, Elyssa.  But, I figured.  So, for the moment I’m willing to
accept your position.  I’ll do anything to spend more time with you
because I want to get to know you.  And I hope that when you get to know
me, you realize I have more to offer you than friendship.”  Pausing,
Oliver places down his menu before continuing.  “How
is
your
boyfriend these days?”

With his latest confession, I
can’t fuel the fire that Oliver may have for me.  He doesn’t need any
details giving him the idea that Alex and I are anything but copasetic.  “He’s…busy.” 

My phone vibrates
again
. 
Does he ever give up?  Yeah right, who am I kidding? 

*Where are you?!
So help me…I’m going crazy. If I knew where you were, I’d come get you and kick
the shit out of that prick!*

I shudder at the thought. 
Shoving my phone into my purse, I realize how extremely impolite I’ve
been.  Right now, I need to focus on getting through lunch, and Alex’s
texts are not helping.  Unfortunately though, with his latest rant, I
can’t help but picture the dreadful fight that would ensue if Alex and Oliver
came to blows inside the restaurant.  It would definitely clinch the
feeling of that damn rope in their infamous tug-o-war.  But, we all know
that Alex still has the tighter grip on me.  He’s wound around my heart so
tight that the sheer absence of him is constricting.  If I give in and
text him he’ll only get wound up even more.  No, he absolutely needs this
time to calm down. 

“Busy huh?  Speaking of
busy, what’s going on with your phone?  Boyfriend texting you?”

“He’s wondering where I am,” I
admit sheepishly, without hesitation.

“He doesn’t like the fact you’re
out to lunch with me, does he?”  I don’t know why, but the look on
Oliver’s face is borderline arrogant. 
You don’t have me, Oliver. 
Keep this up and we may not even make it to friendship.

“Nope,” I shrug, accentuating a
loud pop at the end.  “But, as it stands, you and I are only
friends.  He will just have to deal with it.”

“I seem to be making all of the
men in your life unhappy today.”  Studying my face for more time than he
should, I offer no emotion or explanation.  He’s not getting anything out
of me, not about my problems, and definitely not about Alex.

“My intention for moving out here
was to spend time with you.  Would it be bad if I said that I’m glad he’s
busy?  Gives me quality time to make you see what a great ‘friend’ I can
be.” 
Wait!  What?!
  His honesty is shocking.  But,
what alarms me even more…the slow smile sweeping across
my
lips. 
And the fact that I don’t stop it. 

“I want to get to know you, Elyssa. 
When we met at the conference, I could feel there was something between us…I
can’t explain it.  It’s like you have some kind of pull on me that I’ve
never experienced before.”