Chosen Heart (61 page)

I knew he wouldn’t give up.

Thursday, October 18, 2012

“Wait for me,” Alex whispers
against my lips.  Grasping my head, he controls my movement as he
fervently kisses me.  His silk tongue tenderly massaging mine as our
connection deepens.  Reaching up, I wrap my hands behind his head, fingers
intertwining as they run through his hair.  I’m lost as I fall deeper and
deeper into the never ending need for him. 

Even against my tightening,
desperate grip, he pulls away, exuding his power over me.  A sweet smile brushes
across his lips as he runs his thumb across my bottom lip, gazing into my
eyes.  The sound of the plane engine roars and reverberates against the
thick paned glass, reminding me of his departure. 
Don’t go, please
don’t go?!
  Leaning down he breathes into my ear, “Promise me.” 

Desperation sinking in, I cling
to him not wanting any air of separation.  I rest my cheek against his
chest, my arms clenched around his torso and pull him in even further. 
The buttons of his dress shirt dig into my temple as I press harder against
him. 

“Now boarding United Airlines
Flight 312 at Gate D-56.”

My fingers dig into his lower
back, grasping the little bit of material that isn’t tight against his muscular
body.  Caressing my hair, Alex nuzzles against my temple where he places a
soft kiss against my forehead.  “I need to go Hart, they’re calling my
flight.”  I stubbornly hold on, unwilling to remove my hold.  Pools
of tears build in my eyes as I tilt my head back, looking up the length of his
body. 

“This face…”  Alex runs his
fingers down the length of my cheek, “Will forever be engrained in my
mind.  This is the only memory I need.”

“Don’t go Alex.  Stay with
me please,” I beg. 
Something isn’t right; he can’t go.

“Don’t worry, it’s only a
month.  Just promise you’ll wait for me.”

“I promise.”  I cross two
imaginary lines over my heart.  “I don’t want to be away from you.” 

“It’s only a month.  Before
you know it I’ll be back.  Alright?”  I nod as tears stream down my
face.  “Hey, don’t cry.”  Pushing away my tears, Alex places a sweet,
but brief kiss on my lips before releasing me.  “Can I get a smile?”

All I can muster is a half smile
that fades the moment he bends down to grab hold of his luggage.  Watching
him walk towards the terminal, terror sets in. 
Don’t let him leave,
Ely.
  My breathing is frantic as I clutch my chest.  In a panic I
run towards him, screaming his name.  “Alex!  Don’t go, Alex…Please
don’t go.”

Turning right at the moment my
body collides with his, his arms encapsulate me.  Lifting me into an
embrace, I wrap my legs around his waist.  “I love you….I’ll always love
you.  Please don’t go.”  Pulling his mouth down to reach mine, I try
to convince him to stay with my eager lips.  Hoping they have more
luck.  “Please…” I urge as tears trickle down my cheeks. 

“I’ll love you forever. 
Just wait for me.”  I’m defeated as I lower my legs, my feet meeting the
floor as my knees weaken.  My breath is shallow as I sob softly. 
Alex places one last lingering kiss on my lips before he leaves me standing in
the middle of the airport.  He walks towards the terminal, not taking a
second glance back.  I’m left alone to fend for myself, a feeling of
unease settles in, and all I’m left with is my silent walk back towards the
parking garage.   

Reaching my car, I can feel the
ground tremble below my feet.  My stance is shaken as I hold onto an
adjacent car to regain my balance.  Frantically, I glance in all
directions.  It’s not until I turn around to look behind me, that I see a
billow of smoke and fire in the distance.  Immediately terror sets in.

“No…please God no…please…” 
Running back towards the airport, my legs feel like cement; dragging and unable
to move quick enough. 

As I pass a guard station, a
man’s voice begins to yell at me.  “Miss….miss you can’t go in
there.”  Grabbing me by the waist, the security guard pulls me against him
as I fight to remove myself from his grasp. 

“Let me go.  My boyfriend
was on a flight.  I need to find him...”  Still holding onto me, the
guard explains that a plane exploded as it took off.  My thoughts are a
blur as I shake my head still trying to get out of his hold. 
God,
please not Alex!  Please!  Please!

“What plane?  What flight?”
Please
let him be okay.
  “I need to know…”  Closing my eyes, tears
trickle down my face as I silently pray for Alex’s safety.

“United Flight 312.” 

NOOOOOO!!!!!! 
I’m shaken awake, drenched in
sweat, breathing erratic.  I can feel my heart race as I struggle to calm
myself, only now realizing it was a dream.  Running my fingers through my
hair, I slump back against my pillow. 
It was only a dream,
Elyssa.  Alex is fine.  He is fine. 
But the terror, the
dread, all of it seemed so real. 

Fighting the urge to call him, I
look at the clock.  It’s late, but I know I won’t be able to sleep until I
know he’s okay.  It may be three in the morning, but a quick text can’t
hurt. 

**Are you
okay?**

Surprisingly, it only takes a few
moments for his response.

*Yes, are you? Why
are you still up?*

I’m instantly relieved as I stare
at his response, reading it way too many times.  Over and over, before the
realization that he’s okay, sets in.

**Had a
nightmare. I needed to make sure you were okay.**

Unexpectedly, my phone begins to
ring and instantly know its Alex the moment his sweet smile appears on my
screen.

“Hi,” my voice is soft, although
my heartbeat is still a little erratic.

“What was your nightmare
about?”  The grogginess of his voice lets me know he was sleeping when I
texted him, which makes me feel guilty.  Oh, who am I kidding?  It
makes me also feel cherished, a feeling I am trying so desperately to
banish. 

“It was just a nightmare.  I
didn’t mean to wake you.  Go back to bed.”  My words contradict with
how I’m feeling.  I want nothing more than to tell him to come over, to
fall asleep in the comfort of his arms.  But that would be unfair to him,
to use him knowing I can’t be with him. 
This is too hard. 

“It must have been pretty bad for
you to text me in the middle of the night.  Was it about me?”

“Yes…”  The last thing I
want to tell him is the truth. 
I dreamt that you died in a fiery
crash.  I dreamt that you left me alone on this Earth to wallow in my
guilt and self-pity knowing that I let you go so easily.  You know, the
usual.

“Whatever it is…it’s not going to
happen.”  His voice is resolved.

Turning on my side I clutch my
phone as tears escape my eyes.  “You promise?” 

“I promise…I won’t give up on us,
Elyssa.  Nothing will change how I feel about you.”

“Will you do me a favor?”

“Anything.” 

“Stay on the phone with me until
I fall asleep?”

“Anything for you, my
Hart.”  I close my eyes and moments later the tension in my body has
completely washed away.  The sound of his breathing was all that I
needed. 

~~~~~

When I woke up this morning my
phone was plastered to the side of my face.  My battery died before my
alarm went off so I’m not sure if Alex stayed with me the entire night or if he
waited until I fell asleep to hang up the phone.  Regardless, I’m thankful
he was there for me when I needed something to hold onto.  Although the
nightmare has me on pins and needles about his departure, there is something
else that it made me realize.  I want to be with him.  Even with his
past, even with Arianna’s relentless claws dug into him, even with everything
working against us…I want him.  I love him with every inch of my body and
soul.

Problem is, I made a promise to
Arianna.  I negotiated for Alex’s freedom.  As long as I kept up my
part of the bargain, she would no longer interfere with his life.  I would
never be able to live with myself if her threats came true; destroying the life
he built for himself.  But, I’m torn.  Even with her menacing words
looming over me, I can’t help myself, and I’m going to have to come up with a
plan to be with him.  I love him; I have to find a way. 

But first things first, I need to
take care of business.  Knowing I have two off-site meetings at local
casinos, I call Maggie and explain why I wouldn’t be in the office today. 
It’s open enrollment time and as a Sales Executive we’re required to attend at
least two benefit fairs to answer any questions and give a small presentation
going over their lucrative benefits.   A change of venue might just
be what I need, plus it gives me a reason to stay out of the office.

Of course, Maggie didn’t question
my intentions; instead she asked if I was feeling better.  The adoration
for my boss just grew ten folds.  She’s great at avoiding my personal
business while still being concerned for my well being.  I thought she
would appreciate my honesty, so when she asked, I simply told her I was getting
better each day and how I appreciated her concern. 

Clearly my avoidance of the
office is because of Arianna.  I know I have to deal with Alex later
tonight, so emotional turmoil is unavoidable, but I don’t know how much my
heart can take. 

Arianna was never going to let us
be together, not while she wants him for herself.  All I have to hold on
to is her promise to not intervene with Alex’s life; to allow him to make his
own choices.  Although it makes me sick with jealousy to think of him with
someone else, just the thought of him happy and free of her is satisfaction in
itself. 

But now her claws are dug into
someone else…me.  Not only is she trying to make decisions in my life,
she’s trying to play matchmaker by bringing Oliver to Las Vegas.  I’m not
saying that Oliver isn’t attractive and I can’t say that he’s completely
incompatible with me.  But, I can’t fathom being with anyone else, not
while my heart is consumed by Alex.  He’s the only man who’s ever made me
consider a future and a family. 

Shaking the cloud of dreadful
feelings, I make my way to the bedroom to get dressed for the day.  A
simple white button up with fitted cream colored slacks will have to do. 
Tucking in my shirt, I slip on my black heels before grabbing my laptop and
purse and leave my apartment. 

~~~~~

Returning home after my day of
meetings, my mood darkens.  All day long I’ve been thinking about what to
do with Alex.  Can I let him go, knowing he’ll take a part of me with
him?  He’ll have my heart forever, no one can change that.  But,
unless I can figure out an alternative that Arianna hasn’t already thought of,
I’ll have to adore the only man I’ve ever loved from a distance.  Grabbing
my constricting chest, it’s hard to breathe.  I have a month, a month to
figure out a way for us to stay together without Arianna seeking her
vengeance. 

Changing into low cut jeans and a
white t-shirt, I settle in on the couch.  Desperately needing a nap after
a night full of horrific nightmaress, I nuzzle against my couch cushion and
grab a blanket to protect me.  Attempting to close my eyes and seek
slumber, my eyes well with tears of grief instead.  My heart aches at the
thought of Alex leaving.  I wish I had enough guts to pack and go with
him, but where would that get us?  A month of bliss for a lifetime of
misery?  Alex needs his career, not only for himself, but for his
grandmother.  Although the beginnings were immoral, his career is the one
thing he’s proud of, something he felt he accomplished.  I can’t take that
away from him. 

I peek up at the time and see
that it’s a little after eight. 
Can I do this?
  Wiping the
tears away, I pull myself up and look to the heavens for a sign of what to
do. 
Mom, Dad, help me?!  I love him, a love I know you both
shared.  Please tell me what to do.
  With my plea, I receive no
words of wisdom or flashing clues.  Knowing they are with me is the only
solace I receive as I grab my keys and head off to meet the end. 

**********

“What happened to us?  How
did we get here?”  I’m brought back to the present.  The looming
questions at hand linger in the smoke filled air as Alex stares at his empty
shot glass.  I look around the bar, searching for a sign on how to answer
the prolonged questions. 
How did we get here?
  In every way
possible, Alex and I are perfect for one another.  If it wasn’t for my
deal with the devil, then I would give into him.  I would let him take me
home and make love to me.  We would forget our pasts and just lose
ourselves in one another.

Instead, here we are.  Alex
is hours away from leaving for a month and I’m left baring the burden of loving
a man that I cannot be with.  It shouldn’t be this way.  Love should
prevail.  It should always prevail. 
I guess not when you have a
sugar momma for a CEO and an ex-gigolo for a boyfriend.  Ouch!

“We got here because we started
something we should’ve known was doomed from the start.”  My words reek
with despair and failure.  It’s going to take a whole hell of a lot more
than that to convince him that I don’t want to be with him.