Chulito (36 page)

Damian and Papo were both arrested and released. Papo, who was going to go into the Navy, ended up going into the Army instead, because the Army would take him with the criminal charge. By the middle of August, he was off to Army boot camp. Chin-Chin, Davey and Looney Tunes went back to hanging on the corner and Damian was riding out the last shirtless days of summer.

When Carmen returned from Puerto Rico, their sleepovers ended.

The first morning Chulito was up front with her about his love for Carlos.

“Chulito, I appreciate your honesty, but I’m going to need time to take this in.” Carmen said through tears. “This is tough for me.”

Chulito nodded. “I know, Ma. It’s been tough for me, too.” He watched the coffee she had poured grow cold. He hated seeing his mother cry. This was the hardest talk he’d ever had.

“And even if it were Catalina or another girl, I wouldn’t allow you to…to be together in this house.”

Chulito nodded. “I know we young in one way, but we know what’s up. And, Ma, I may not look like it right this minute, because it kills me to see you looking so hurt, but nobody has ever made me feel happier.”

Carmen wiped her tears and sat up. “In a way, I’m glad that it’s Carlos and not ese títere Kamikaze.”

Chulito laughed. “Are you serious?”

She nodded and smiled. “If Carlos had anything to do with you changing jobs, then he’s good for you.”

“He’s great, ma.” Chulito extended his hand across the table. “You know I’m gonna start working part time at Jimmy Jazz? The pay sucks but I get discounts on clothes.”

Carmen took Chulito’s hand. “I love you, papito, but it’s gonna take time and I’m gonna need help. You are all I have and I want the best for you.”

Chulito squeezed her hand. It felt warm and moist. “Carlos is the best.”

When he’d played this scene over and over in his mind, there had been tears, but also rage and it usually got to a point where Carmen would throw him out. But here it was happening and the smell of the coffee and the touch of her hand gave him hope that his mother would come around. “Maybe we could help each other because I ain’t got this all figured out either.”

Carmen smiled then she stood up and outstretched her arms.

Chulito slipped inside of her embrace. “I love you, Ma.”

Chulito and Carlos took to spending time in each other’s arms on the roof and listening to music on a boom box. Sometimes Kenny would come over from Brooklyn and they’d drink wine coolers, or Lee would come up to the roof and bring chicken wings from Spring Garden. But mostly it was just Chulito and Carlos looking out over the horizon with the Manhattan skyline shimmering in the distance and Hunts Point bustling below.

Carlos’ internship ended, and the night before he was to leave to Long Island to start his second year at Adelphi, they had a private celebration on the rooftop. They bought a bucket of fried chicken with lots of fixings, set up two beach chairs, a blanket and had Asti Spumante because it was step up from wine coolers but still sweet.

A cool breeze swirled around them, causing Carlos to embrace Chulito tighter. “Seeing Yankee Stadium glowing over there reminds me of when we were like eight or nine years old and we would sneak up here to play.”

“Yep. You used to read those Greek stories and then we would have sword fights,” Chulito said. “Yankee Stadium was the mountain where all the Greek gods lived.”

Carlos watched the stadium glowing in the distance. “Mount Olympus.”

“I can’t believe you going back.” Chulito felt Carlos’ heart gently beating on his back.

Carlos lifted his head that had been resting on Chulito’s shoulder and kissed his ear. “I wish you were coming with me.”

“You could transfer to a school in Manhattan or here in the Bronx, so you wouldn’t be so far away.” Chulito had been thinking that despite having Julio and Brick, he would be alone with Carlos gone and Kamikaze staying away.

“You make it sound like I am going to the other side of the country. Long Island is close. You could take the train out, or by car it’s less than an hour.”

Chulito turned around. “That shit is deep. You ain’t even gone and I miss you.”

“If you get your GED, I could help you get into my college and then we could be roommates.” Carlos made his eyebrows dance and Chulito kissed them.

“We wouldn’t get any work done ‘cause I’d be all over you every chance I got.” Chulito tickled Carlos. “Well, my moms keeps pressin’ me about getting’ my GED. Now I got a real reason to get one.”

“There you go, but you’ll visit me for my birthday, right? I’m making arrangements with my roommate to have the place to myself that night.”

“September 17th. There is no way I am going to miss your eighteenth birthday. I been thinking about getting my own crib, so you and I don’t have to do all this schedulin’ just to be together.” Chulito smiled but it quickly faded, “But who is gonna rent an apartment to a sixteen-year-old and how am I gonna pay for it?”

“Well, I’ll be eighteen, so maybe it could be in my name?”

“But there’s still the question of paying for it. Maybe Kamikaze could help me out until I get on my feet. And where would I live?”

“You wouldn’t get it here in Hunts Point?”

Chulito shrugged. “This is the only place I know, but I’m thinking if I live somewhere nobody knows me, I can start clean. Look at you, Carlos, when you left you was not plannin’ to come back.”

“Sometimes you have to leave your home to grow up, Chulito. To change.”

Chulito nodded.

“Or you can be maverick here and make people change.”

Chulito weighed that option. “I think of that, too, right? Fuck it, everybody here already knows.”

They both laughed.

“If we did get our own place, would you want it to be somewhere else, Carlos?”

Carlos nodded. “Most likely, but I don’t think the perfect place exists yet. Here at least we understand the people and everybody looks like us, more or less. Some gay neighborhoods are mostly white, and we may not fit in there either.”

“This is our ’hood, Carlos.” Chulito looked down at the people walking the streets going in and out of the bodegas and shops, the fellas on the corner, the auto glass guys zipping up and down the block and buses and cars making their way up Hunts Point Avenue. “This is our history. This is where we’re from.”

Carlos sat on the blanket. “It will always be a part of who we are, but this neighborhood doesn’t get to define us, we define ourselves. That’s what we did. We decided we wanted to be together which goes against the rules, right? But we say how we live our lives,” Carlos pointed down to the street, “not them.”

Chulito sat, faced Carlos and took his hands. “I don’t want you to go, but I know you gotta do your thing.”

“And I don’t want to be apart from you, but I can come home some weekends and we could bug out at the pier.”

“I’m afraid of losing you out there.”

“Don’t worry about that. You got my heart.”

Chulito smiled. “I like hearing that, and like you said, I could take the train. Just to let those college cats know you got a dude.”

Carlos laughed. “You gonna show up growling like a pit bull.”

“If that what it takes to make them back the fuck up.”

“Well, I will be coming home more ‘cause I know I won’t be able to go long without seeing you and holding you.” Carlos kissed Chulito’s nose.

“Me, either.” Chulito kissed Carlos’ neck and nestled into its warmth. He felt the rise and fall of their breathing.

Chulito could hear Carlos’ footsteps and the suitcase rolling along the floor above his bedroom. Andrew’s Rover was parked outside and packed with boxes, bags and suitcases. Chulito watched Carlos and Maria bringing out more things. He wanted to help, but felt a heaviness knowing that Carlos was leaving and that the next time they planned to see each other was for Carlos’ birthday in three weeks. He had a picture of Carlos and him hugging at the pier that Kenny had taken stuck to the edge of his mirror. They were smiling and glowing, and seeing it Chulito felt pleased, with no regrets for being true to himself and to Carlos. He kissed his fingertip and pressed it to Carlos’ smile in the photo.

Chulito looked out the window and saw Carlos alone stuffing a bag into the Rover. He couldn’t wait to hold him one last time, so he ran downstairs and grabbed Carlos from behind.

“I was just gonna go knock on your door,” Carlos said. “You been hiding?”

“You know where to find me. Hey, wassup, Andrew? You gonna let all those niggas out there know that Carlos’ man is gangsta, and if they know what is good for them, they gonna see the ‘off limits’ sign he got tattooed on him.”

Andrew smiled and shook his head.

Maria and Carmen were in front of the building talking about going out on the weekend to see a salsa concert, while the fellas, Davey, Chin-Chin, Looney Tunes and a new kid named Felix the Cat, were hanging on the corner.

Carlos handed Chulito a gift bag. “I got you some house music.”

“You giving me a present? Thanks, pa. Now I could listen to it and imagine you and Kenny and all the guys doing your thang.” Chulito did a little dance, imitating Carlos and their friends.

“Look at him,” Carmen said. “Since when did you start dancing again?”

“I’m just imitating these dudes that be buggin’ out downtown to this music.” He pulled out the CDs from the gift bag.

“That wasn’t bad,” Carlos said and Andrew agreed.

“I got you something, too, but I want to give it to you in private. Come upstairs.”

They headed inside to Chulito’s room. Sitting on the bed, Carlos unwrapped the bright blue tissue paper to find a carved, wooden paperweight from Poe Cottage.

“I saw it in the gift case and I went back and got it for you. Well, I got two, so that I could have one here.”

Carlos held the gift to his heart. “I love it.”

“It’s the scene of the crime,” Chulito said. “Where it all began.”

Carlos got up from the bed and came to Chulito. “It began long before that for me.”

Chulito nodded. He couldn’t remember a day when he didn’t think Carlos was the most beautiful boy in the ’hood. “Me, too, but that day, after we kissed, I knew that I wanted to be with you.”

They hugged, neither of them stopping.

“I love you, Carlos. And I don’t want to let go of you.”

“You got me.”

Chulito could see Andrew and their mothers right outside his window. But he didn’t care if they saw them embracing. He was full of love and felt courageous being with Carlos. Still, they shared a nervousness because with all the vows and assurances they’d made, they both knew that anything could happen and that being apart meant that things could change.

Maria finally called out that Andrew was waiting and that it was time to go.

Carlos got into the passenger’s seat of the Range Rover, and Maria shared parting kisses and hugs with him. Chulito walked over to Carlos and looked at Andrew. “Remember what I told you.” Andrew smiled again.

“Go do your thang, Carlos.” He touched the side of Carlos’ face. With everything that had happened, loving Carlos felt right, and he would do it all and more to have this moment, staring into Carlos face and feeling love bubbling in his heart.

Carlos mouthed, “I love you.”

Chulito mouthed, “I love you, too.” Then he kissed him. Carmen looked away as Maria put her arm around her.

As the Range Rover took off down Garrison Avenue, Carlos looked out the window and waved. Chulito and Carlos kept looking at each other until the Rover turned a corner and vanished.

Chulito looked to his mother who smiled at him, then with Maria went arm in arm inside the building.

Inside his room. Chulito knew he wouldn’t hear Carlos’ footsteps above him for a while. He turned on his sound system and Tupac started singing about being buried a G. Chulito listened for a few seconds and turned it off. He looked back at the picture on his mirror. He touched Carlos’ cheek, just like he’d done a few moments ago. Then he grabbed the boom box and the CDs Carlos had given him and headed to the roof.

He tucked the piece of wood they used to keep the door jammed shut and sealed himself on the rooftop. To the south he could see Manhattan in a distant haze. To the north he could see the Whitestone and the Throggs Neck bridges, where Carlos would be crossing any minute on his way to Long Island. On the street below the fellas were on the corner and Brenda pushing Joselito in his baby carriage while Martha talked on her cell phone walking alongside them. On the north side, down on the street, Chulito could see the red awning of Julio’s agency, and Gil, the liquor store owner, talking to Brick, who had Crystal on his shoulders, and across the street from them was Spring Garden. Back over on Garrison Avenue, the auto glass guys ran around chasing cars and Kamikaze was coming up the block in his royal blue Lexus with the silver trim. It was as if they had all assembled on cue.

Chulito hit “play” on the boom box and the first chords of a piano accompanied by percussion filled the air. The chorus began singing “It’s alright. I feel it.” They repeated it several times as percussion tumbled into the song. Chulito moved his hips a little and then let his shoulders join in. Next, his head wiggled from side to side and he closed his eyes and let the music travel into his limbs.