Colour Series Box Set (35 page)

“Marry me, please Lauri, be my wife, my partner, be my whole fucking world. Please say yes?” I ask her as she lets silent tears, the good ones, fall down her cheeks. “I love you Lauri.” She smiles, the smile that reaches her eyes and nods her head at me. I will take a nod. I will take anything that this woman gives me. “Yes. Rowan yes.” I slip the ring on her finger and her eyes dance with tears and love and fear. “I love you too Rowan. I love you too. Don’t hurt me now please; don’t hurt me because I said yes.”

I carry her back to the room after that. That moment that is just ours, no one can take it from us because it only exists for us. We kiss and touch like we did in the beginning, exploring each other taking our time to enjoy and savour how we feel right now. We’re both naked in very little time. I’ll never get tired of her. Ever. Tonight I want all of her. I want to taste her; I want to breathe her in. She’s mine and I’m not letting her go.

Her body responds to my every touch, it always does. She arches into me as I kiss my way down her body her shivers and moans telling me I on am the right path. The night didn’t go quite as I planned but she said yes. Now I plan to
show
her exactly how much I love her, I touch her softly with my tongue and she shakes at the sensation. I make love to her with my mouth until she comes hard writhing and screaming my name between her short breaths. She claws at my shoulders. I am sure she’s drawing blood. I enjoy the feeling of her ripping at my skin. I move myself back up over her and she pulls me close so she can kiss me, tasting herself on my lips. “Make love to me tonight Rowan. Please.” The need in her voice almost has me coming undone before I can even get inside her. All of my brain switches on and sucks me right out of the mood. “What about the baby Lauri?” She looks at me like I’m mad. “It’s fine Rowan, sex is fine. Please don’t stop I need this tonight, I need you to
take
my body tonight.” I know what she means by that, so I make slow, soft, passionate love to the woman who has just agreed to spend eternity with me. I make love to Lauri over and over until we simply can’t anymore. We sleep tangled in one another’s limbs and I can’t even begin to imagine how I ever slept without her.

There are days in your life that define who you are and who you will become. The day my father died, the day I killed my first victim, the day Cassie jumped, the day I set foot in South Africa and the brought her home were many that would start defining me. Today is one of those days.

Lauri agreed to marry me last night and the black and red ring on her finger is about the sexiest thing I can think of. We’re going to see a doctor at the local private medical centre and hopefully get to see an OB GYN while we are there too. I’m a nervous wreck. I was all okay with this while my brain swam in whiskey the soberness of this morning has me dry swallowing and anxious, thing I don’t usually feel. Lauri is train wreck; she’s terrified absolutely terror-stricken at the thought of being near a doctor. I know she’s happy about this baby, but her eyes show that sadness of the lost ones that went before this.

As I walk through the door at the medical centre, I know my life will again be changed forever.

ELEVEN WEEKS AND
three days, that’s how old the little baby I see on the screen next to me is, the tiny little jelly baby shape is jumping around. When I first saw the sonar machine I cringed and thought about saying I didn’t want to see at all, but last night’s panic episode had me worried and I needed to make sure that the baby was alright. I can see that the terror on Rowan’s face as he watches the screen. I know he wanted to punch the doctor because he actually had to touch me. I feel like a wheel rolling down a hill.Things are all going on around me too fast and I can’t stop. Rowan’s clutching my hand so tight that it’s hurting, he’s memorized by the tiny baby bouncing on the screen. The ring he put on my finger last night is biting into my skin from his grip. The baby is still small enough that it could fit in the palm of the hand he’s squeezing. I don’t hear a word the doctor says to me, I’m focused on the baby and Rowan. I gave the doctor a very brief history of my ‘health’ and he is concerned but not too much. I see a tear in the corner of Rowan eye that he quickly wipes away before it can be seen by anyone else. I think I just broke my monster for good.

The moment that the whole world stopped spinning for me was when we heard the heartbeat of our child. Nothing existed beyond that sound and the look in Rowan’s eyes as he locked them on mine. The sound of that little thud-thud wiped out anything else that existed before it. In those seconds, I knew they were all that I ever needed.

We collected my pre-natal vitamins at the pharmacy on the way out and Rowan drove us home. I think we were both too dumbfounded to say anything. But also we didn’t need to say it. When Rowan kissed me in the car park, his kiss said all the things he couldn’t put into words, his fear, love and joy poured out in his kiss. I want to give him permission to be the monster he really is. I’m going to do that, I don’t want this torn and conflicted Rowan. I need my Rowan, the murderer who loves me in spite of himself. Our baby needs that Rowan because he will need to teach our child to be fierce, bad and strong enough to navigate the world in which our family exists. This baby will be nobody’s victim; my baby will be born with murder in its tiny veins.

Yes I want my child to be bad. In fact I want my child to be a murderer. That’s the honest truth, if my father had taught me to be a murderer I would have been far safer than I was being raised a good sweet girl. This world broke me more because I was weak; more than being bad would ever have broken me.

I spend most of the ride home staring at my ring, the way the light catches the facets of the stone. The black gold is so fitting to us and the ruby is my favourite stone, I never even told him that. He knew it without knowing. He better marry me before I get fat. My thoughts make me smile and Rowan squeezes my thigh catching me in them. “Penny for your thoughts? More if they are dirty ones about me.” He finally breaks the silence in the car, his humour making me feel lighter it is something rare from Rowan. “I was thinking you better marry me before I get fat.” He grabs my hand and kisses it. “I will marry you today if you want Lauri.”

“I was thinking in the vineyards just us, Rob, Amya and Callum. Obviously some sort of minister.” I don’t want a wedding like I had before there is too much baggage attached to those ideals I hope he agrees. There’ll be no white dress or flower bouquet. I want none of those things, I only want Rowan. “And how long do I have before you consider yourself fat? I don’t want to wait Lauri, not because you might get fat, which I doubt by the way, but because I want you to be my family. I want to share my life with you.
All of you
. I never intended to wait.”

I’m mentally running through my calendar. “Next Tuesday. I know it’s open in both our diaries.” He looks at me with a smile and a strange calmness in those stormy blue eyes. “Next Tuesday works for me.” He utters the words as he concentrates on the road.

That’s the end of the discussion. I guess we better let the rest of our little family know we’re engaged and then drop the next Tuesday wedding bomb. When we arrive home at the estate, Rowan tells me I need to hire in an extra chef at the restaurant as soon as I can. The idea irritates me but I understand his overbearing need to keep me safe. After an argument, I relent but I’ll still work one weekend in the month. I don’t need to hire in, my Sous chef is great and she can manage. I’ll just get in another junior chef from the hotel school in the city. I like giving them a hand up to get their practical hours and they come cheap too.

Rowan calls Callum almost right away and I call Amya to break our news to her and Robin. Rowan goes outside and sits on the patio. I can see him through the glass doors from the kitchen but can’t hear him. His hand gestures suggest that he and Callum are having a more heated conversation than just the news of our engagement. Callum has been withdrawn and scarce lately. He even turned down a Charley’s cupcake the other day. He’s acting strangely and I worry about what he may be up to, I’m well aware of how shady his business is and how many illegal things he trades in. People included, Callum has his finger in every rotten pie Africa has to offer a career criminal with loads of money.

Amya on the other hand is over the moon crazy excited and seems back to her normal self after crushing my baby dreams with her bitter anger last night. I tell her that we are not waiting and she agrees that it’s a good idea to get married quickly before the baby arrives. She also knows a rent a minister that’ll marry us here and she offers to arrange things for me. We make plans to go dress shopping on Friday and I leave off with her demanding I send a picture of my ring.

I send her a message with a photo of the ring. She replies right away.

Robin says congrats and he’s not wearing a suit. That ring is fucking awesome. Rowan is a genius. I still can’t believe there’s a woman in this world that could make
our
Rowan buy a ring.

I automatically start to prepare dinner for us; Rowan is still on the phone and looks to be yelling at Callum. I worry about what’s going on but I never interfere with the two of them. My relationship with Callum’s separate from him and Rowan. They do business together and they’re friends and I think it can cause conflict sometimes.

When Rowan comes in, he pours himself a scotch and me a glass of wine, I give him the side eye and he realizes his mistake. He pours it down the sink and gets me a juice from the fridge. He spends the next half hour harassing me and making it virtually impossible to cook with his kisses, his touches and very inappropriate remarks about what he wants to with me after dinner since the doctor said wild animal sex should still be fine as long as we are ‘feeling’ it. Yes, Rowan used the term ‘wild animal sex’ when talking to our doctor. I think he was staking his claim.

I can’t say I’m not looking forward to the animal sex he’s promising. In fact all his dirty talking has me rather hot and bothered. By that I mean horny as hell, I’m ready to forget the dinner and drag him to bed or have him take me right here on the counter but I’m starving and the doctor said I need to eat right so Rowan will be counting every meal I skip.

Rowan’s a mind reader, well he reads mine pretty well and before I can blink he turns the gas stove off and lifts me on to the countertop. He growls as he pushes his body between my legs. He hikes the flouncy skirt of my dress up and I feel his jean clad crotch rub against my lace panties. The feeling has me desperately wanting more, but I know he won’t just give it to me, he is enjoying this too much. I can feel the cold granite countertop on my bare ass as he pulls me right to the edge of the counter top so he can remove my undies. His fingers find me next and slip right into my very wet and ready folds eliciting another growl from him. This one is all sex and no animal. As his fingers drive me closer to the edge I fumble with the zip of his jeans. I slip my hand in the band of his boxers and find him hot and hard. The growl is louder as I grab his cock in my hand and stroke it hard. He is going to make me come right here on the kitchen counter I am already clenching around his fingers just waiting for him to push me over the edge. In one move he pulls his fingers from me and pushed his cock in deep and hard. That’s it, it’s all I need to see stars and shake and writhe and come all over him. Holy shit, animal sex in the kitchen is hot. Rowan continues to pound into me as I hold the edge of the counter as tight as I can. My body still tight and trying to recover from my orgasm but he has me building to another already. The cold granite is sliding under my bare ass as he kisses and sucks my neck and I feel him start to get closer to his release he bites down on the soft flesh at
the base of my neck and we come together. After we both come down from our high he pulls out of me and fixes his jeans before lifting me off the counter, straightening my dress and turning the stove back on. I turn to go clean myself off. I can feel his come running down my thighs. Rowan grabs me and pulls me into him and growls in my ear. “Leave it, I like that I am on you, you can feel that I was just there.” That’s all I need to want him to take me again right there on the kitchen floor but he doesn’t he just goes off to his office to do some work, leaving me desperate for more.