Complete Poems and Plays (50 page)

I hope Lady Monchensey hasn’t been worrying?

I’m anxious to relieve her mind. Why, what’s the trouble?

[
Enter
M
ARY
]

M
ARY
.
Dr. Warburton!

W
ARBURTON
.
                Excuse me.

[
Exeunt
M
ARY
and
W
ARBURTON
]

C
HORUS
.
We do not like to look out of the same window, and see quite a different landscape.

We do not like to climb a stair, and find that it takes us down.

We do not like to walk out of a door, and find ourselves back in the same room.

We do not like the maze in the garden, because it too closely resembles the maze in the brain.

We do not like what happens when we are awake, because it too closely resembles what happens when we are asleep.

We understand the ordinary business of living,

We know how to work the machine,

We can usually avoid accidents,

We are insured against fire,

Against larceny and illness,

Against defective plumbing,

But not against the act of God.

We know various spells and enchantments.

And minor forms of sorcery,

Divination and chiromancy,

Specifics against insomnia,

Lumbago, and the loss of money.

But the circle of our understanding

Is a very restricted area.

Except for a limited number

Of strictly practical purposes

We do not know what we are doing;

And even, when you think of it,

We do not know much about thinking.

What is happening outside of the circle?

And what is the meaning of happening?

What ambush lies beyond the heather

And behind the Standing Stones?

Beyond the Heaviside Layer

And behind the smiling moon?

And what is being done to us?

And what are we, and what are we doing?

To each and all of these questions

There is no conceivable answer.

We have suffered far more than a personal loss —

We have lost our way in the dark.

I
VY
.
I shall have to stay till after the funeral: will my ticket to London still be valid?

G
ERALD
.
I do not look forward with pleasure to dealing with Arthur and John in the morning.

V
IOLET
.
We must wait for the will to be read. I shall send a wire in the morning.

C
HARLES
.
I fear that my mind is not what it was — or was it? — and yet I think that I might understand.

A
LL
.
But we must adjust ourselves to the moment: we must do the right thing.

[
Exeunt
]

[
Enter,
from
one
door,
A
GATHA
and
M
ARY
,
and
set
a
small
portable
table.
From
another
door,
enter
D
ENMAN
carrying
a
birthday
cake
with
lighted
candles,
which
she
sets
on
the
table.
Exit
D
ENMAN
. A
GATHA
and
M
ARY
walk
slowly
in
single
file
round
and
round
the
table,
clock
wise.
At
each
revolution
they
blow
out
a
few
candles,
so
that
their
last
words
are
spoken
in
the
dark.
]

A
GATHA
.
A curse is slow in coming

To complete fruition

It cannot be hurried

And it cannot be delayed

M
ARY
.
It cannot be diverted

An attempt to divert it

Only implicates others

At the day of consummation

A
GATHA
.
A curse is a power

Not subject to reason

Each curse has its course

Its own way of expiation

Follow follow

M
ARY
.
Not in the day time

And in the hither world

Where we know what we are doing

There is not its operation

Follow follow

A
GATHA
.
But in the night time

And in the nether world

Where the meshes we have woven

Bind us to each other

Follow follow

M
ARY
.
A curse is written

On the under side of things

Behind the smiling mirror

And behind the smiling moon

Follow follow

A
GATHA
.
This way the pilgrimage

Of expiation

Round and round the circle

Completing the charm

So the knot be unknotted

The crossed be uncrossed

The crooked be made straight

And the curse be ended

By intercession

By pilgrimage

By those who depart

In several directions

For their own redemption

And that of the departed —

May they rest in peace.

The drawing-ro
om of the
Chamberlaynes’ London flat. Early evening.
E
DWARD
C
HAMBERLAYNE,
J
ULIA
S
HUTTLETHWAITE,
C
ELIA
C
OPLESTONE,
P
ETER
Q
UILPE,
A
LEXANDER
M
AC
C
OLGIE
G
IBBS
,
and
an
U
NIDENTIFIED
G
UEST
.

A
LEX
.
You’ve missed the point completely, Julia:

There
were
no tigers.
That
was the point.

J
ULIA
.
Then what were you doing, up in a tree:

You and the Maharaja?

A
LEX
.
                                My dear Julia!

It’s perfectly hopeless. You haven’t been listening.

P
ETER
.
You’ll have to tell us all over again, Alex.

A
LEX
.
I never tell the same story twice.

J
ULIA
.
But I’m still waiting to know what happened.

I know it started as a story about tigers.

A
LEX
.
I said there were no tigers.

C
ELIA
.
                                            Oh do stop wrangling,

Both of you. It’s your turn, Julia.

Do tell us that story you told the other day, about Lady Klootz and the wedding cake.

P
ETER
.
And how the butler found her in the pantry, rinsing her mouth out with champagne.

I like that story.

C
ELIA
.
                    I love that story.

A
LEX
.
                                             
I’m
never tired of hearing that story.

J
ULIA
.
Well, you all seem to know it.

C
ELIA
.
                                                  Do we all know it?

But we’re never tired of hearing
you
tell it.

I don’t believe everyone here knows it.

[
To
the
U
NIDENTIFIED
G
UEST
]
You don’t know it, do you?

U
NIDENTIFIED
G
UEST
.
                                No, I’ve never heard it.

C
ELIA
.
Here’s one new listener for you, Julia;

And I don’t believe that Edward knows it.

E
DWARD
.
I may have heard it, but I don’t remember it.

C
ELIA
.
And Julia’s the only person to tell it.

She’s such a good mimic.

J
ULIA
.
                              Am I a good mimic?

P
ETER
.
You
are
a good mimic. You never miss anything.

A
LEX
.
She never misses anything unless she wants to.

C
ELIA
.
Especially the Lithuanian accent.

J
ULIA
.
Lithuanian? Lady Klootz?

P
ETER
.
I thought she was Belgian.

A
LEX
.
Her father belonged to a Baltic family —

One of the
oldest
Baltic families

With a branch in Sweden and one in Denmark.

There were several very lovely daughters:

I wonder what’s become of them now.

J
ULIA
.
Lady Klootz was very lovely, once upon a time.

What a life she led! I used to say to her: ‘Greta!

You have too much vitality.’ But she enjoyed herself.

[
To
the
U
NIDENTIFIED
G
UEST
]
Did
you
know Lady Klootz?

U
NIDENTIFIED
G
UEST
.
                                No, I never met her.

C
ELIA
.
Go on with the story about the wedding cake.

J
ULIA
.
Well, but it really isn’t my story.

I heard it first from Delia Verinder

Who was there when it happened.

[
To
the
U
NIDENTIFIED
G
UEST
]
Do
you
know Delia Verinder?

U
NIDENTIFIED
G
UEST
.
No, I don’t know her.

J
ULIA
.
                                                         Well, one can’t be too careful

Before one tells a story.

A
LEX
.
                                 Delia Verinder?

Was she the one who had three brothers?

J
ULIA
.
How many brothers? Two, I think.

A
LEX
.
No, there were three, but you wouldn’t know the third one:

They kept him rather quiet.

J
ULIA
.
                                        Oh, you mean
that
one.

A
LEX
.
He was feeble-minded.

J
ULIA
.
                                         Oh, not feeble-minded:

He was only harmless.

A
LEX
.
                                Well then, harmless.

J
ULIA
.
He was very clever at repairing clocks;

And he had a remarkable sense of hearing —

The only man I ever met who could hear the cry of bats.

P
ETER
.
Hear the cry of bats?

J
ULIA
.
                                     He could hear the cry of bats.

C
ELIA
.
But how do you know he could hear the cry of bats?

J
ULIA
.
Because he said so. And I believed him.

C
ELIA
.
But if he was so … harmless, how could you believe him?

He might have imagined it.

J
ULIA
.
                                       My darling Celia,

You needn’t be so sceptical. I stayed there once

At their castle in the North. How he suffered!

They had to find an island for him

Where there were no bats.

A
LEX
.
                                    And is he still there?

Julia is really a mine of information.

C
ELIA
.
There isn’t much that Julia doesn’t know.

P
ETER
.
Go on with the story about the wedding cake.

[E
DWARD
leaves
the
room
]

J
ULIA
.
No, we’ll wait until Edward comes back into the room.

Now I want to relax, Are there any more cocktails?

P
ETER
.
But do go on. Edward wasn’t listening anyway.

J
ULIA
.
No, he wasn’t listening, but he’s such a strain —

Edward without Lavinia! He’s quite impossible!

Leaving it to me to keep things going.

What a host! And nothing fit to eat!

The only reason for a cocktail party

For a gluttonous old woman like me

Is a really nice tit-bit. I can drink at home.

[E
DWARD
returns
with
a
tray
]

Edward, give me another of those delicious olives.

What’s that? Potato crisps? No, I can’t endure them.

Well, I started to tell you about Lady Klootz.

It was at the Vincewell wedding. Oh, so many years ago!

[
To
the
U
NIDENTIFIED
G
UEST
]
Did
you
know the Vincewells?

U
NIDENTIFIED
G
UEST
.
              No, I don’t know the Vincewells.

J
ULIA
.
Oh, they’re both dead now. But I wanted to know.

If they’d been friends of yours, I couldn’t tell the story.

P
ETER
.
Were they the parents of Tony Vincewell?

J
ULIA
.
Yes. Tony was the product, but not the solution.

He only made the situation more difficult.

You know Tony Vincewell? You knew him at Oxford?

P
ETER.
No, I never knew him at Oxford:

I came across him last year in California.

J
ULIA
.
I’ve always wanted to go to California.

Do tell us what you were doing in California.

C
ELIA
.
Making a film.

P
ETER
.
                         Trying to make a film.

J
ULIA
.
Oh, what film was it? I wonder if I’ve seen it.

P
ETER
.
No, you wouldn’t have seen it. As a matter of fact

It was never produced. They did a film

But they used a different scenario.

J
ULIA
.
Not the one you wrote?

P
ETER
.
                                       Not the one I wrote:

But I had a very enjoyable time.

C
ELIA
.
Go on with the story about the wedding cake.

J
ULIA
.
Edward, do sit down for a moment.

I know you’re always the perfect host,

But just try to pretend you’re another guest

At Lavinia’s party. There are so many questions

I want to ask you. It’s a golden opportunity

Now Lavinia’s away. I’ve always said:

‘If I could only get Edward alone

And have a really
serious
conversation!’

I said so to Lavinia. She agreed with me.

She said: ‘I wish you’d try.’ And this is the first time

I’ve ever seen you without Lavinia

Except for the time she got locked in the lavatory

And couldn’t get out. I know what you’re thinking!

I know you think I’m a silly old woman

But I’m really very serious. Lavinia takes me seriously.

I believe that’s the reason why she went away —

So that I could make you talk. Perhaps she’s in the pantry