Complete Poems and Plays (49 page)

That I am the only sane person in this house.

Your behaviour all seems to me quite unaccountable.

What
has
happened, Amy?

A
MY
.
Harry is going away — to become a missionary.

H
ARRY
.
But …!

C
HARLES
.
A missionary! that’s never happened in our family!

And why in such a hurry? Before you make up your mind …

V
IOLET
.
You can’t really think of
living
in a tropical climate!

G
ERALD
.
There’s nothing wrong with a tropical climate —

But you have to go in for some sort of training;

The medical knowledge is the first thing.

I’ve met with missionaries, often enough —

Some of them very decent fellows. A maligned profession.

They’re sometimes very useful, knowing the natives,

Though occasionally troublesome. But you’ll have to learn the language

And several dialects. It means a lot of preparation.

V
IOLET
.
And you need some religious qualification!

I think you should consult the vicar …

G
ERALD
.
                                                    And don’t forget

That you’ll need various inoculations —

That depends on where you’re going.

C
HARLES
.
                                                Such a thing

Has never happened in our family.

V
IOLET
.
                                                I cannot understand it.

H
ARRY
.
I never said that I was going to be a missionary.

I would explain, but you would none of you believe it;

If you believed it, still you would not understand.

You can’t know why I am going. You have not seen

What I have seen. Oh why should you make it so ridiculous

Just now? I only want, please,

As little fuss as possible. You must get used to it;

Meanwhile, I apologise for my bad manners.

But if you
could
understand you would be quite happy about it,

So I shall say good-bye, until we meet again.

G
ERALD
.
Well, if you are determined, Harry, we must accept it;

But it’s a bad night, and you will have to be careful.

You’re taking Downing with you?

H
ARRY
.
                                               Oh, yes, I’m taking Downing.

You need not fear that I am in any danger

Of such accidents as happen to Arthur and John:

Take care of
them.
My address, mother,

Will be care of the bank in London until you hear from me.

Good-bye, mother.

A
MY
.
                          Good-bye, Harry.

H
ARRY
.
                             Good-bye.

A
GATHA
.
                                   Good-bye.

H
ARRY
.
Good-bye, Mary.

M
ARY
.
                                Good-bye, Harry. Take care of yourself.

[
Exit
H
ARRY
]

A
MY
.
At my age, I only just begin to apprehend the truth

About things too late to mend: and that is to be old.

Nevertheless, I am glad if I can come to know them.

I always wanted too much for my children

More than life can give. And now I am punished for it.

Gerald! you are the stupidest person in this room,

Violet, you are the most malicious in a harmless way;

I prefer your company to that of any of the others

Just to help me to the next room. Where I can lie down.

Then you can leave me.

G
ERALD
.
                              Oh, certainly, Amy.

V
IOLET
.
                                                               I do not understand

A single thing that’s happened.

[
Exeunt
A
MY
, V
IOLET
, G
ERALD
]

C
HARLES
.
                                         It’s very odd,

But I am beginning to feel, just beginning to feel

That there is something I
could
understand, if I were told it.

But I’m not sure that I want to know. I suppose I’m getting old:

Old age came softly up to now. I felt safe enough;

And now I don’t feel safe. As if the earth should open

Right to the centre, as I was about to cross Pall Mall.

I thought that life could bring no further surprises;

But I remember now, that I am always surprised

By the bull-dog in the Burlington Arcade.

What if every moment were like that, if one were awake?

You both seem to know more about this than I do.

[
Enter
D
OWNING
,
hurriedly,
in
chauffeur’s
costume
]

D
OWNING
.
Oh, excuse me, Miss, excuse me, Mr. Charles:

His Lordship sent me back because he remembered

He thinks he left his cigarette-case on the table.

Oh, there it is. Thank you. Good night, Miss; good night,

Miss Mary; good night, Sir.

M
ARY
.
Downing, will you promise never to leave his Lordship

While you are away?

D
OWNING
.
                      Oh, certainly, Miss;

I’ll never leave him so long as he requires me.

M
ARY
.
But he will need you. You must never leave him.

D
OWNING
.
You may think it laughable, what I’m going to say —

But it’s not really strange, Miss, when you come to look at it:

After all these years that I’ve been with him

I think I understand his Lordship better than anybody;

And I have a kind of feeling that his Lordship won’t need me

Very long now. I can’t give you any reasons.

But to show you what I mean, though you’d hardly credit it,

I’ve always said, whatever happened to his Lordship

Was just a kind of preparation for something else.

I’ve no gift of language, but I’m sure of what I mean:

We most of us seem to live according to circumstance,

But with people like him, there’s something inside them

That accounts for what happens to them. You get a feeling of it.

So I seem to know beforehand, when something’s going to happen,

And it seems quite natural, being his Lordship.

And that’s why I say now, I have a feeling

That he won’t want me long, and he won’t want anybody.

A
GATHA
.
And, Downing, if his behaviour seems unaccountable

At times, you mustn’t worry about that.

He is every bit as sane as you or I,

He sees the world as clearly as you or I see it,

It is only that he has seen a great deal more than that,

And we have seen them too — Miss Mary and I.

D
OWNING
.
I understand you, Miss. And if I may say so,

Now that you’ve raised the subject, I’m most relieved —

If you understand my meaning. I thought that was the reason

We was off tonight. In fact, I half expected it,

So I had the car all ready. You mean them ghosts, Miss!

I wondered when his Lordship would get round to seeing them —

And so you’ve seen them too! They must have given you a turn!

They did me, at first. You soon get used to them.

Of course, I knew they was to do with his Lordship,

And not with me, so I could see them cheerful-like,

In a manner of speaking. There’s no harm in
them,

I’ll take my oath. Will that be all, Miss?

A
GATHA
.
That will be all, thank you, Downing. We mustn’t keep you;

His Lordship will be wondering why you’ve been so long.

[
Exit
D
OWNING
.
Enter
I
VY
]

I
VY
.
Where is Downing going? where is Harry?

Look. Here’s a telegram come from Arthur;

[
Enter
G
ERALD
and
V
IOLET
]

I wonder why he sent it, after telephoning.

Shall I read it to you? I was wondering

Whether to show it to Amy or not.

[
Reads
]

‘Regret delayed business in town many happy returns see you tomorrow many happy returns hurrah love Arthur.’

I mean, after what we know of what did happen,

Do you think Amy ought to see it?

V
IOLET
.
                                              No, certainly not.

You do not know what has been going on, Ivy.

And if you did, you would not understand it.

I do not understand, so how could you? Amy is not well;

And she is resting.

I
VY
.
                            Oh, I’m sorry. But can’t you explain?

Why do you all look so peculiar? I think I might be allowed

To know what has happened.

A
MY’S
V
OICE.
                             Agatha! Mary! come!

The clock has stopped in the dark!

[
Exeunt
A
GATHA
and
M
ARY
.
Pause.
Enter
W
ARBURTON
]

W
ARBURTON
.
Well! it’s a filthy night to be out in.

That’s why I’ve been so long, going and coming.

But I’m glad to say that John is getting on nicely;

It wasn’t so serious as Winchell made out,

And we’ll have him up here in the morning.