Complete Poems and Plays (52 page)

And I recommend you the same prescription …

Let me prepare it for you, if I may …

Strong … but sip it slowly … and drink it sitting down.

Breathe deeply, and adopt a relaxed position.

There we are. Now for a few questions.

How long married?

E
DWARD
.
                    Five years.

U
NIDENTIFIED
G
UEST
.
                   Children?

E
DWARD
.
No.

U
NIDENTIFIED
G
UEST
.
Then look at the brighter side.

You say you don’t know where she’s gone?

E
DWARD
.
                                                            No, I do not.

U
NIDENTIFIED
G
UEST
.
Do you know who the man is?

E
DWARD
.
                                                     There was no other man —

None that I know of.

U
NIDENTIFIED
G
UEST
.
Or another woman

Of whom she thought she had cause to be jealous?

E
DWARD
.
She had nothing to complain of in my behaviour.

U
NIDENTIFIED
G
UEST
.
Then no doubt it’s all for the best.

With another man, she might have made a mistake

And want to come back to you. If another woman,

She might decide to be forgiving

And gain an advantage. If there’s no other woman

And no other man, then the reason may be deeper

And you’ve ground for hope that she won’t come back at all.

If another man, then you’d want to re-marry

To prove to the world that somebody wanted you;

If another woman, you might have to marry her —

You might even imagine that you wanted to marry her.

E
DWARD
.
But I want my wife back.

U
NIDENTIFIED
G
UEST
.
                         That’s the natural reaction.

It’s embarrassing, and inconvenient.

It was inconvenient, having to lie about it

Because you can’t tell the truth on the telephone.

It will all take time that you can’t well spare;

But I put it to you …

E
DWARD
.
                     Don’t put it to me.

U
NIDENTIFIED
G
UEST
.
Then I suggest …

E
DWARD
.
                                                   And please don’t suggest.

I have often used these terms in examining witnesses,

So I don’t like them. May I put it to
you
?

I know that I invited this conversation:

But I don’t know who you are. This is not what I expected.

I only wanted to relieve my mind

By telling someone what I’d been concealing.

I don’t think I want to know who you are;

But, at the same time, unless you know my wife

A good deal better than I thought, or unless you know

A good deal more about us than appears —

I think your speculations rather offensive.

U
NIDENTIFIED
G
UEST
.
I know you as well as I know your wife;

And I knew that all you wanted was the luxury

Of an intimate disclosure to a stranger.

Let me, therefore, remain the stranger.

But let me tell you, that to approach the stranger

Is to invite the unexpected, release a new force,

Or let the genie out of the bottle.

It is to start a train of events

Beyond your control. So let me continue.

I will say then, you experience some relief

Of which you’re not aware. It will come to you slowly:

When you wake in the morning, when you go to bed at night,

That you are beginning to enjoy your independence;

Finding your life becoming cosier and cosier

Without the consistent critic, the patient misunderstander

Arranging life a little better than you like it,

Preferring not quite the same friends as yourself,

Or making your friends like her better than you;

And, turning the past over and over,

You’ll wonder only that you endured it for so long.

And perhaps at times you will feel a little jealous

That she saw it first, and had the courage to break it —

Thus giving herself a permanent advantage.

E
DWARD
.
It might turn out so, yet …

U
NIDENTIFIED
G
UEST
.
                        Are you going to say, you love her?

E
DWARD
.
Why, I thought we took each other for granted.

I never thought I should be any happier

With another person. Why speak of love?

We were used to each other. So her going away

At a moment’s notice, without explanation,

Only a note to say that she had gone

And was not coming back — well, I can’t understand it.

Nobody likes to be left with a mystery:

It’s so … unfinished.

U
NIDENTIFIED
G
UEST
.
    Yes, it’s unfinished;

And nobody likes to be left with a mystery.

But there’s more to it than that. There’s a loss of personality;

Or rather, you’ve lost touch with the person

You thought you were. You no longer feel quite human.

You’re suddenly reduced to the status of an object —

A living object, but no longer a person.

It’s always happening, because one is an object

As well as a person. But we forget about it

As quickly as we can. When you’ve dressed for a party

And are going downstairs, with everything about you

Arranged to support you in the role you have chosen,

Then sometimes, when you come to the bottom step

There is one step more than your feet expected

And you come down with a jolt. Just for a moment

You have the experience of being an object

At the mercy of a malevolent staircase.

Or, take a surgical operation.

In consultation with the doctor and the surgeon,

In going to bed in the nursing home,

In talking to the matron, you are still the subject,

The centre of reality. But, stretched on the table,

You are a piece of furniture in a repair shop

For those who surround you, the masked actors;

All there is of you is your body

And the ‘you’ is withdrawn. May I replenish?

E
DWARD
.
Oh, I’m sorry. What were you drinking?

Whisky?

U
NIDENTIFIED
G
UEST
.
Gin.

E
DWARD
.
                             Anything with it?

U
NIDENTIFIED
G
UEST
.
                                      Water.

E
DWARD
.
To what does this lead?

U
NIDENTIFIED
G
UEST
.
                   To finding out

What you really are. What you really feel.

What you really are among other people.

Most of the time we take ourselves for granted,

As we have to, and live on a little knowledge

About ourselves as we were. Who are you now?

You don’t know any more than I do,

But rather less. You are nothing but a set

Of obsolete responses. The one thing to do

Is to do nothing. Wait.

E
DWARD
.
                        Wait!

But waiting is the one thing impossible.

Besides, don’t you see that it makes me ridiculous?

U
NIDENTIFIED
G
UEST
.
It will do you no harm to find yourself ridiculous.

Resign yourself to be the fool you are.

That’s the best advice that
I
can give you.

E
DWARD
.
But how can I wait, not knowing what I’m waiting for?

Shall I say to my friends, ‘My wife has gone away’?

And they answer ‘Where?’ and I say ‘I don’t know’;

And they say, ‘But when will she be back?’

And I reply ‘I don’t know that she
is
coming back’.

And they ask ‘But what are you going to do?’

And I answer ‘Nothing’. They will think me mad

Or simply contemptible.

U
NIDENTIFIED
G
UEST
.
         All to the good.

You will find that you survive humiliation.

And that’s an experience of incalculable value.

E
DWARD
.
Stop! I agree that much of what you’ve said

Is true enough. But that is not all.

Since I saw her this morning when we had breakfast

I no longer remember what my wife is like.

I am not quite sure that I could describe her

If I had to ask the police to search for her.

I’m sure I don’t know what she was wearing

When I saw her last. And yet I want her back.

And I
must
get her back, to find out what has happened

During the five years that we’ve been married.

I must find out who she is, to find out who I am.

And what is the use of all your analysis

If I am to remain always lost in the dark?

U
NIDENTIFIED
G
UEST
.
There is certainly no purpose in remaining in the dark

Except long enough to clear from the mind

The illusion of having ever been in the light.