Confessions of a Backup Dancer (4 page)

mom also thinks she needs a man to get by, but I'm not sure how being with carl, who smells like farts and
watches the Golf Channel all weekend every weekend, is better than being alone.

and don't even get me started on Staci and Traci, carl's twin daughters. between their 22 pageant titles (from Little Miss Junior Citrus San Diego to America's Junior Twinkle-Miss West or whatever) and their refusal to wear any shoes without taps, they are truly, deeply evil and must be stopped. if anyone gets this diary and I've been killed, they did it.

the thing is evan's a really good kid. really smart. but when he doesn't have someone telling him what to do, he comes up with really bad ideas. like burning down organic markets.

Well, I better go brush my teeth. I never get why they taste gross in the morning. I mean I brushed them before i went to bed and it's not like i'm eating pizza in my sleep but whatever.

SUNDAY MAY 26

MY ROOM, 9:24
PM

Outfit:
sports bra and basketball shorts

Hair:
shiny, but smells a little like avocado from this treatment tito gave me yesterday.

Mood:
recovered.

Fortune:
Know you.

I went on a great run this morning with evan and it kind of helped me sweat out the last day or two.

evan is starting to get really fast these days—he can totally out-mile me back to back. he made me sing the whole time tho—he loves making me do that. it's cool. I mean i guess it's good for my voice. Anyway, i'm totally over that whole pop star thing. Don Dezer and the rest of them are all completely clueless and don't know realness when they see it.

I'm not Nice 'n Easy anyway. I'm Kelly Kimball. I have my pride. I have my identity. and I have finals this week.

MONDAY MAY 27

SCHOOL, STUDY HALL, 11:14
AM

Outfit:
tech skirt and pullover hoodie. I know, it's kinda last year but whatever.

Hair:
should I get bangs?

Mood:
I hate myself. But I hate you more.

Fortune:
Play it as it lays.

How much do I hate my current life? Let me count the ways:

1. I have three finals and an English paper to do this week.
   
2. I am exhausted. I was up until 2:30 last night trying to understand what said paper is supposed to be about. (Apparently I've spent the last semester enrolled in a class called “Character Motivations in the Novel and Short Story Forms” and didn't even know it.) Then I got woken up at 5:45 this morning when the freak twins Staci and Traci started practicing their pageant rendition of this old Whitney Houston song “I Wanna Dance with Somebody.” It makes them sound like Alvin and the Chipmunks singing destiny's child. it's not good.
   
3. Carl, my stepfather.
   
4. I am still 24 hours from my period and have never been bitchier.
   

i only slept an hour last night. i'm in that kind of mood where everything just seems so ridiculous or hopeless or something that all you can do is laugh at all of it. mom calls it “punchy.” stuff that on normal days would kinda freak me out seemed funny to me today. Like, “I blew that European history exam! i'm probably gonna get a D in the class! ha ha ha” or “my mom likes my stepsisters better than she likes me! ha ha ha!” or “I weigh five pounds more than I did yesterday.”

Whatever. I'm gonna go see if we have phish food in the freezer. Later.

THURSDAY MAY 30

MY ROOM, 4
PM

Outfit:
Um lemme look. ok jeans and a Roxy tee.

Hair:
I'd give it a 6.5 out of ten.

Mood:
freaking

Fortune:
Don't overthink.

Omigod Omigod Omigod.

I'm freaking out. ok I can't believe it. I'm going back to LA. To audition again. not another audition for pop stars. this time I'm auditioning for darcy barnes. let me rephrase. DARCY BARNES WANTS TO MEET ME AND SEE ME DANCE.

ok ok ok. ok don't panic. ok.

this is just totally too weird. isn't it? I mean, how did this happen? how many millions of times have I listened to her cds? how many hours have I spent learning her routines in front of my bedroom mirror? How many times have I uttered her name? (how many times have I totally dissed her outfits with tito while flipping through Teen People?) and now I'm going to be meeting her … and DANCING for her!

ok ok ok I'm getting ahead of myself. here's what happened. I got home after school (biology exam was multiple choice! whew!!) and signed on to check my email. there was this random one:

To:
Kel_Kimball

From:
EileenW_hitpatrol

Date:
Thursday May 30

Time:
10:38
AM

Subject:
Dance opportunity for you

You don't know me, but my name is Eileen Wang. I'm the tour manager for Darcy Barnes's It's Darcy!! tour. My friend Don Dezer, who manages the Pop-Tarts, showed me a tape of your audition last Friday, and although I understand you weren't selected for that job, I'm very interested in talking to you about another, much bigger opportunity. I need you to be in LA this Saturday at 10
AM
. Please email me back as soon as possible to confirm.

Eileen Wang

I practically hyperventilated. These are the things I thought, in the order that I thought them. (I think.) Ok:

1. Who's messing with me?
   
2. How can I play this and get back at them, whoever it is?
   
3. there's no way this is for real.
   
4. could this be for real?
   
5. what if it's for real and I tell off Darcy Barnes's manager by mistake?
   

I stopped myself from thinking too hard. I was FREAKING OUT. I decided to be professional, just in case it wasn't a joke. I replied to the email right away (I sent it to tito first so he could check and make sure it was written correctly. He's always on me for not using proper grammar and punctuation.) “Hello. I am very interested in this opportunity but I do not know if I can be in LA on Saturday. Please call me.” then I wrote my phone number.

anyway, she called me. I don't have time to write it all now because I have to go talk to tito, but it was totally FOR REAL. this woman eileen wants me to audition on Saturday for a backup dancer spot on this summer's Darcy Barnes tour. at least I think that's what she said. it seems weird because it's kind of late to be auditioning for a summer tour, considering summer starts in like a couple of weeks. I know I have work and everything but whatever, I can just tell them I'm sick. I don't care. there's probably no way it would ever work out but so what I get to meet darcy barnes and dance for her OMIGOD how crazy is THAT?!

this is better than the pop star thing. way better. way, way better.

guess Eileen is looking for some REALNESS after all! ha ha. :-)

oh man I just realized. What's mom gonna say? i hope she lets me do it. But what if she doesn't? Ugh. can't
think about that now. I gotta call tito. oh wait he can't talk on the phone. I gotta get over there!!

I cannot screw this up. I cannot, cannot, cannot, cannot, cannot screw this up. I cannot screw this up. how am I going to get to LA?

and what am I going to wear?

FRIDAY MAY 31

HOME, 8:45
PM

Outfit:
dad's old cashmere sweater. it's getting all holey but I'll wear it forever. and gray track pants.

Mood:
overdrive. I can't focus on anything. all I can think about is meeting darcy and not screwing up royally

Fortune:
There is no free ride.

Ok. first of all, can I say thank god that trig exam was easyish because I didn't study at all last night. And SCHOOL'S OUT!! (I mean except for the junior picnic next monday and another makeup day for that day we got off for the earthquake last march. or was it last December. I can't remember anymore. but I mean, come ON. the junior picnic? I don't THINK so.)

now the bigger news: I'm definitely going to the audition. i have actually convinced Mom to drive me to LA tomorrow. It worked out really well because she has to take evan to go see this lawyer in the San Fernando Valley, which is like a half hour from LA. this lawyer dude might be able to get evan's probation shortened, which it should be. I mean, he hasn't burned anything down since that co-op. at least not that we know of. the kid needs a break.

I wonder if she'd be as easygoing about the audition if she weren't having so much trouble with carl. I mean, she seems totally out of it today. she and carl got into a huge fight last night. I guess he ended up sleeping in
front of the tv because I came down to watch power-puff girls at 11:30 but I couldn't because he was snoring away. and it smelled like farts. loser.

maybe she's only ok with me trying out because she doesn't think I have a chance. I wonder if she'd actually let me go if I got it? It's Darcy!

anyway tito came by the dance studio today to help me practice my routines for tomorrow. the thing is, though, he was being really harsh on me. He gets that way, all perfectionist(ic?) and everything. he kept telling me I needed to get THERE. I was like, I can't just go there on command and I can't fake it. he goes. It shows. I go. That's mean. he goes, “Aries need to be reined in every now and then, and they need to be told the hard truth sometimes.”

but I think maybe he's a little jealous too. he would love to dance for Darcy Barnes. but I love him and I know he loves me. and, well, whatever … we made a couple of improvements to the “Love You Like a Lollipop” routine.

FRIDAY MAY 31 AGAIN

HOME, MIDNIGHT

Outfit:
low-rise sweats, pink tank

Mood:
can't tell, too nervous about tomorrow