Confessions of a Backup Dancer (8 page)

it's official. they all think I'm fat. So I guess I'm fat.

anyway after that we danced for like another 4½ hours. well everyone else danced for another 2½ hours, then I stayed after with Rashid for some extra help. I have so much to catch up on. I pretty much know about half the show, but I still have to think about every single step. I have to get THERE pretty soon, where it's not my brain that remembers routines, but my legs. speaking of my legs, they are like jello. actually my brain is like jello. I'm a big ol' jiggling bowl of jello.

9:30
PM
—Salmon and vegetables. One cup of couscous apiece. SEND EMERGENCY PHISH FOOD NOW.

10:00
PM
—darcy grabbed me in mid-bite, halfway through my third stalk of asparagus, squeaking c'mon! Shaundree is here to do our hair!” I was like “Great!” and we went running up the stairs. (don't worry, I shoved the last of my salmon into my mouth before leaving that table. I wasn't giving up any food for anyone, not even darcy.) anyway we bolted to her bedroom, where there were two temporary beauty parlor chairs set up … so we could both get treatments at the same time, darcy spent the whole time flipping through magazines looking for her name and picture. every time she found herself, she'd squeak and show everyone, then complain about the picture (“Lordy I look horrifying don't I?”), then fold down the page and put it on the counter in front of her. if a magazine didn't have any Darcy in it, she'd toss it to me, like her rejects or something, but she was so nice. the whole time she was telling me about how much she misses East Texas, how much she misses her bedroom. Especially her stuffed animal collection. “I have over three thousand Beanie Babies!” I hadn't even heard about beanie babies in forever, and I was thinking are you
kidding me
? then I started thinking maybe she was kidding, so I started to crack up. only, she wasn't laughing. So I blended my laugh into a “that's so awesome!! I only have a couple of beanies!” she goes, “well I can hook you up! I have some duplicates! you can totally have some next time we go home!” before I could say “We?” she goes, “what's your favorite show? mine is Sex and the City! I have all the DVDs! I swear, I AM Carrie Bradshaw. I
mean, it's just weird how much alike we are! I wonder if the writers ever use my life as inspiration! Do you think my hair looks better than hers?” luckily right then Shaundree's assistant dunked my head under the water and I couldn't answer or even hear another word.

11:00
PM
—my hair is now tiger striped, it's a little freaky. Shaundree says it'll mellow out and look good in a couple of days, anyway Darcy was like good night and we went back to our rooms to crash. except tonight darla knocked on my door like two minutes after I took my top off. I threw on this robe darcy gave me after we got our hair done. (she was all “go take a bath and put this on, then we'll be doing the same exact thing! fun, huh?” I was like, ok cool! but then I cheated and took a shower instead. don't worry I had my hair in a shower cap so I didn't mess up the stripes. ugh.) anyway I let darla in. she was in a tracksuit, sunglasses so dark I couldn't tell where she was looking, and her hair was huge. she was carrying a really big purse and she smelled like peaches. she looks me up and down (at least it looked like she was) and she goes, “hmm. is that one of darcy's robes? you can leave it outside your door tomorrow morning, and i'll make sure it gets washed and returned to darcy's closet.” I was like I'm. ok. I'm just thinking ok, whatever she wants, this is the boss. I was definitely intimidated. then she goes, “by the way I just wanted to let you know our tour got pushed UP a week. we'll be starting a little early. our first show is June 20 in St, Louis. so we're going to need you in the gym pretty much 24/7 between now and then. I'm
afraid that means you'll be working one-on-one with rashid when the other dancers take Sunday off. I'm sorry about that. unfortunately that's what happens when dancers show up so many weeks late for rehearsals. But I want you to know just how glad everyone is that you're here, and we're going to need you to pay extra close attention to your, urn, fitness. oh by the way we'll just pro-rate your rent and expenses this month and take it out of your pay.” it wasn't until then that I realized what was in darla's handbag because it barked. or more like yipped. “Shhh! Punkin!” oh god. she carries a dog in her purse. at least, that's what it sounded like. I couldn't see anything. she kept going, “we'll also deduct your private lessons with rashid. remember, our dancing really matters. if you want to slack off and be sloppy, you should just go dance for Pashmina or some other girl who wants to be as famous as my baby girl but never could be.” She left, and I sank onto my bed. So THAT'S who's paying for this whole thing. Me. There's nothing free about this ride. I wonder how much rent is on this place? I know how much private dance lessons are … will I have enough to save for evan?

I realized then and there that I would make it a goal to have as little contact with Darla Barnes as possible for the rest of my life.

SlipKnotRules933111:
sis

KellyKelSoCal321:
he

SlipKnotRules933111:
did u get the tickets?

KellyKelSoCal321 :
for what

SlipKnotRules933111:
I thought you said we were going to see cradle of filth this weekend

KellyKelSoCal321:
oh yeah! oh yeah! dude I haven't had time all day. I'm sorry, dude I have bad news I don't get Sunday off. they moved the tour date up so I have to do a one-on-one session with Rashid and it starts at 8 am on Sunday and i'm so tired already I'm gonna be totally exhausted. I don't know what time I'll even get off on Saturday night.

SlipKnotRules933111:
so we could see something else, what, don't they have shows like all night in LA?

KellyKelSoCal321: I don't know dude. i haven't been out at all. i'm sorry. I know I said we'd do a show but I don't know. how is it there.

SlipKnotRules933111 :
carl didn't come home last night and mom's been in her room all day.

KellyKelSoCal321:
oh man.

SlipKnotRules933111:
so i'm just staying in my room. whatever.

KellyKelSoCal321:
what about the twins

SlipKnotRules933111:
what about them

KellyKelSoCal321:
where are they?

SlipKnotRules933111:
I don't know, probably asleep, who cares.

KellyKelSoCal321:
oh man. well I guess carl would never think of leaving his precious little blondies alone. lol.

SlipKnotRules933111:
this place sucks

KellyKelSoCal321:
dude come up on Saturday we'll figure something out

SlipKnotRules933111:
no it's cool you've got your thing going on I'll be cool

KellyKelSoCal321:
HEY ! ! ! ! don't be like that!

KellyKelSoCal321:
HEY!!!!

KellyKelSoCal321:
HEY JACKASS!!

SlipKnotRules933111:
downloading …

and then he signed off. jerk.

actually, maybe I'm the jerk. I wish I could IM tito, but his parents have grounded him from all web activities other than email since they caught him in an “adult” chat room.

THURSDAY JUNE 5

D-ZONEf 12:19
AM

Outfit:
official It's Darcy!! concert tee (white on pink), long sleeves

Hair:
never blonder

Mood:
desperate to CHILL OUT and watch bad tv. need a friend, bad.

Fortune:
If you can't say anything nice, keep it to yourself.

i've said it before and I'll say it again. thank god for my laptop. I got this email at like 11:20 tonight.

To:
kaykay4real

From:
Tito_T

Date:
Thursday June 5

Time:
11:19
PM

Subject:
Daytime hotties

What is going on! I am totally chilling at home watching daytime TV. Port Charles is soooo good! Passions sucks. And I've been totally featuring Regis and Kelly lately. Pretty sad, isn't it. Anyway, enough about me. What is up with you!!! I need to know everything about everyone you've met. Here's what I would like to know: Name, Age, Sign, Hair, Personal Style, Body Type (details if they're hot!), General Description, Why
We Care, and Other. OK? Got it? I want FULL FRONTAL DETAILS. Get it? Especially DARLA.

Adios,

Moi

PS—And is Darcy dating anyone?

Another one of tito's games. he was probably going to line up my chart with theirs or something. I love him. ok …

To:
Tito_T

From:
kaykay4real

Date:
Thursday June 5

Time:
12:19
AM

Subject:
The It's Darcy!! players ok dude you asked for it you got it. I don't know everyone's ages or signs . oh and you can forget appropriate punctuation or any of that crap. sue me.

Name:
Darcy Barnes

Age:
18

General Info:
She's darcy barnes. What else do u need to know?

Sign:
you already know that she's a Sag. even though sometimes she gets confused and says she's an Aries.

Hair:
blond, even blonder than me, and I'm pretty damn blond lately.

Personal Style:
believe it or not, off- stage she's a total jock. I've yet to
see her in anything other than sweats or workout clothes, although even when she's in full sweats she somehow manages to get her belly button exposed, front and center. so far I've counted four different belly button rings. I wonder how many she has to choose from. I bet she has jewelry designers sending her belly button rings every day. ps the weirdest thing in the world is when she's just standing there listening to rashid or something, she's always playing with her belly button, you know, like how some people twirl their hair or how like evan always has his hand down his pants when he's watching tv or whatever, she just fingers her belly button all the time. ew I said finger. gross huh.

Body Type:
a lot stronger than I expected. kinda like a skier or surfer or something. muscley legs. abs. she's more like an athlete than a sexpot. didn't you tell me once that she did gymnastics all the time growing up and stuff? are the boobs real? I don't know for sure. I'm bad at that stuff. but if they weren't, would that make getting a nipple pierce less painful? one of these days maybe I'll ask.

Why We Care:
um, she's the star.

Other:
I don't know how else to say this but today darcy barnes asked me if I was a virgin. I was like “WHY??” and she was like “because I AM! do you think that's good for my career?” tito you would have GAGGED. so anyway you heard it here first. she claims to be a virgin. and believe it or not. I believe it. (maybe it's her beanie baby collection that's got me believing.) do we even know any other virgins? (I wonder if this factors into her belief that she's so scarily like Carrie Bradshaw …)

Name:
Darla Barnes

Age:
she really wants to be 36, but so does my mom. I'd say she's closing in on 50 fast.

General Info:
you probably know more about her than I do, tito. She's darcy's mom and manager and all that. She's always there. But she's not that hip, not like Britney's mom, who seems kind of cool. Darla's more like a beauty-pageant mom.

Sign:
I bet she's a scorpio, huh?

Hair:
helmet head. think Sally Field in Steel Magnolias. dark hair with tons of products in it, mostly aerosol based. I think she might have had an eye job
because it just seems all too
tight
around there.

Personal Style:
pants suits with cardigans tied across her shoulders. like how oprah does sometimes. always smells like peaches. (or is it mangoes?)

Body Type:
sort of like Susan Lucci. big on top with teeny little legs. spends most of her time sitting down or pacing. (and lately talking a lot about how untalented she thinks Pashmina is. ha ha.)

Why We Care:
something tells me that she's the one who's really in charge around here. and if she's NOT, if I've got that wrong, then she definitely WANTS to be in charge. she seems to be everywhere, all the time, and she seems to know everyone and everything. she makes me totally nervous. everyone kisses up to her all the time. I always suck in my gut around her because I think she thinks I'm fat. actually I know she thinks I'm fat. she practically said so when she offered everyone else a coke the other day then handed me a diet coke. she has this really ugly little dog that looks like a rat with bows in its ears and stuff. it slobbers all over and sounds like it's heaving. she carries it in her purse and talks baby talk
to it and acts like she doesn't notice when it takes a crap on the floor. it's called PUNKIN. not “pumpkin” but PUNKIN. Hey, could I make this up?