Consumed (Addicted to You Book 1) (22 page)

“I’m saying that at this point I refuse to be a part of this. If you want to heal and move on then we can fix this,” she walked towards me and looked me eye to eye. “But if you take his stupid ass back, you are on your own.”

“I’ve been on my own Colby,” I reminded her. “You haven’t been more than a roommate in a long fucking time. Now if you don’t mind, I’m going to go call the man I love and try to fix my own mistake.”

“Your mistake was to trust him,” she laughed. “But you won’t fix that one now will you?”

“Go to hell!” I yelled just before slamming my bedroom door.

Punching the buttons to dial his number, I felt my heart race.

“Hello?” he sounded tired and worried about the conversation. “Is everything okay?” he asked as he heard me struggling to hide the sobs that were starting again.

“You can’t do this to me!” I yelled. “You can’t just decide to do this to me all the time. I’m sorry that I pushed you. I’m sorry that I asked. Ignore it. Keep your secrets. But please Spencer, please don’t leave me.”

“I love you Avery, and I’m sorry.” And with those words he hung up the phone and I sank onto my bed with a feeling of hopelessness and despair that I hadn’t yet reached.

Chapter 25

“I thought we were past this garbage!” Colby’s voice was shrieking again and it almost made me want to staple her lips shut.

She was bitching at me, yet again, for the same thing. I was hurt over Spencer. In her mind, telling me that it ended after that one night meant that I would no longer feel it again. She didn’t even realize I was still sad, she’d told me. Until she saw me hungover and crying on the bed that morning.

“Why would you lie to me?” she yelled. “Why would you pretend?” she was pacing the room, arms waving wildly and her voice taking on the high pitched squeal each time she got angry.

“I wonder,” the sarcasm slipped out, but had to be expected.

She’d barely let me get any aspirin inside my body before she’d started yelling. I hated that she was mad, but I didn’t understand why my own pain had to be a personal jab at her.

“Don’t be rude Ave,” she snapped. “You lied to me. You faked all of this.”

“Faked what Colby?” I asked, getting angry myself. “Did you really think a broken heart just went away because you told it to?”

“The parties? The lunches we’ve had. All the fun we’ve had. You faked it all. The whole time you were still thinking about him,” she shook her head.

“Why is this a problem for you? Why does it ruin your life for me to be hurt?” I asked.

“Because,” she answered, pausing to think of a reason. “It’s not real. Our friendship and what we do isn’t even real.”

“How can you say that? Someone puts aside their own pain to enjoy things with you and your answer is that it’s not real?”

I was beginning to get angrier at my friend than I had been when I realized she’d woke me up from my dream. It was as if all of what I thought to be real was gone. Even my friendship with Colby.

She blamed me. For loving him I guessed. For wanting him there. She blamed me for every bit of it. And she hated me for it. The only way Colby would ever be happy would be for me to never be sad over Spencer. And that couldn’t happen.

“Puts aside? This is what puts aside means?” she waved her hands and I had no clue what she was referring to. “You drink nonstop. You are hungover. You are miserable. What exactly did you put aside?”

“I was dreaming,” I whispered. “He was there. I was happy.”

“Right,” she replied. “And being here with me and having fun doesn’t make you happy?”

I didn’t have an answer so I tried not to say anything. She repeated the question and once again I ignored it. I didn’t want to lose what was left of Colby and I was afraid that this was heading there.

“Okay, since you won’t answer that, let me ask something else,” she began, her voice calming some. “If Spencer walked in right now and asked you to leave with him, would you?”

Her question felt like a spear through my gut. Of course I would leave with him. I’d do anything to be with him again. She knew that. But she wanted me to say it. She needed to hear me say that I’d choose Spencer over her, even on our vacation.

“Answer me Avery,” she insisted. “Would you walk out with him?”

I nodded without saying a word. There was no need to speak. My nod was enough to tell her what she wanted to know and incite her rage even further.

“Then spend the rest of this trip alone,” she snapped, grabbing a purse and her room key. “I’ll have my fun and you have yours. When we get back home, we will part ways.”

“Colby,” I pleaded, but she didn’t listen.

Storming out of the door, Colby let it slam behind her. I wasn’t sure where she was going or what she was doing. I assumed we’d barely talk any more on the trip and I would likely never find out how she’d spent it.

I decided her idea wasn’t half bad. I needed to make the pain stop and I couldn’t do that and cater to Colby and all of her needs. As I threw on some clothes and combed through my hair I knew what it was I had to do.

Grabbing my own room key, I walked out the door and pulled it softly closed. I made my way down the elevator and to the road in front of the resort. I began to walk and think. The more steps I would take, the angrier I would get. Colby had a lot of nerve even attempting to be mad at me. I’d done all that she asked and it still wasn’t enough.

Before I even realized I’d walked so far, I saw the house ahead of me. It was still daylight, and the area wasn’t covered with vehicles, so at first I wasn’t positive that it was the same place. But the closer I got to the front door, the more recognizable it looked.

The one thing I’d learned in Colby’s rampage was that the guy who owned the house and hosted the parties had approached her with concern. Seems he had been worried that I wasn’t okay and he’d known we were friends so he thought she might want to help.

I could only imagine that it was Luke. I’d never really chatted with anyone else. Although, the fact that Luke owned the place and was the mastermind behind the fun came as a shock to me. I would have never taken him for the type to own that house or throw a party like that. But his insistence that he was the life of the party made more sense.

Of course I also learned that Colby had opted to stay at the party, and inevitably leave with a man that I presumed to be the short guy. She had not followed me or worried about me. She’d decided I was drunk and being a baby and she’d just leave me be.

The doorbell to the house was loud and slightly creepy- a fact I’d have never learned at the parties. I waited for a few minutes before hitting it a second time, hoping that someone would answer. When they didn’t I pushed the button once more. After a failed second attempt I decided I had bad timing and would have to try another day.

I turned and walked down the front steps, trying to decide where to go from there and what I wanted to do.

“Well,” I heard his voice and turned around to see his smile, another blow to my psyche. “This is an unexpected surprise.”

“All surprises are unexpected,” I corrected him. “Otherwise they wouldn’t be surprises.”

“I stand corrected,” his smile and the crack in my heart both grew at the same time. “And what earns me the pleasure of your visit?”

I looked at him and then the ground.

“Can I come in?” I asked, hesitating in the doorway.

“Of course,” he moved aside and waved me in. “Have a seat.”

He told me how the party ended and I told him I was surprised it was his home. We talked a lot but never really said much. Mostly we talked on the outer edges of what was really going on.

Doubt filled my mind, but the conviction to stop the pain was winning. I pulled out my phone and looked at it. No calls. No texts.

“Tell me about the drugs that help,” I spoke abruptly and changed the subject, startling Luke.

“It’s not a blunt Avery,” he tried to convince me to leave it alone.

“I’m aware,” I said. “I also know that I have to do something. So I can do it with you,” I began. “Or I can find someone else.”

I glanced at my phone again as he sat and mulled over my comment. He knew I was right. And he would give me what I wanted. He just had to okay it in his own mind first.

“Okay,” he stood and looked at me. “I’ll be right back.”

I watched him walk out of that room. I picked up my phone and hit the button to shut it off. I was about to do something I wasn’t even sure of. Something that I was afraid of. My own version of self-destruction.

I needed it. I knew without any doubt that I needed it. Anything that could turn off the pain and suffering. Whatever the cost, I’d pay it.

But I doubted myself. And that was why I turned the phone off. So that anyone who might change my mind couldn’t reach me.

“Here we go,” he smiled as he walked in the room with a small baggie in his hand. “Sure fire way to get rid of any unhappy feelings.”

“Are you sure?” I asked.

“Yes,” he answered. “It’s temporary, but it works.”

“Well then,” I sat my dark and silent phone on the table in front of me and stood so that I was face to face with Luke. “What are we waiting for?”

Chapter 26

“Hell has frozen over,” Colby laughed as she walked into the room. “Avery Bradfield is reading the newspaper.”

Nothing had changed between us. We weren’t even really on speaking terms anymore. Mostly snide and sarcastic comments aimed at each other. As much as her little digs at me hurt, they angered me as well.

“I’m looking at the classifieds,” I informed her.

“Lose your job?” she laughed. “They find you slumped over a picture of Spencer and crying about how you just can’t believe he left you again?”

Her words stung. Spencer had been gone for almost two weeks and I was barely getting by from day to day. Mostly I avoided thinking about it. I’d sent him at least fifteen texts since he’d hung up on me and each of them went unanswered.

“My job is fine,” I looked at her. “I’m looking at apartments.”

I watched Colby’s face drop. As mean as she had become in recent weeks, she had never believed I’d really move out. I was pretty confident that she thought I’d see the error of my ways and come running back to her. But I was tired of being insulted and hurt.

“So you are moving?”

“That’s the plan,” I said. “I believe you prefer I not be here so you don’t have to deal with the same shit,” I reminded her of her own words.

“Fine,” she snapped and walked off.

I had found three different places that I wanted to check out. All of them were females needing roommates and all were within my budget. What few doubts I may have had were dissipated with her parting words.

“Good luck finding a roommate that can deal with your psychotic relationship,” she yelled and walked out of the apartment.

Tears filled my eyes, but I brushed them aside. I had to make calls and schedule to see places and meet people. I couldn’t take the time to deal with the hateful words of my best friend or the pain filling my soul from Spencer walking away.

Just before I dialed the first number I heard a knock at the door.

“What’d you do, forget your keys?” I snapped as I slung the door open to find Spencer and not Colby outside.

“I didn’t have any,” he smiled.

I wanted to jump towards him, wrap my arms around his neck and beg him to stay forever; but I was scared. He seemed to do this a lot and I wasn’t sure I could trust him.

“I’ve tried to text you,” I said, stepping aside and letting him in.

“I know,” he walked towards the living room as if he’d just been gone a day or so. “I read them all. Every single word.”

“So you just ignored me?”

“I tried to fight what I knew I couldn’t fight,” he corrected my words. “But obviously, I lost.”

“How so?”

“I’m here aren’t I?”

“For now,” I walked over to the recliner and sat down.

“You must be mad,” he acknowledged. “You didn’t even sit beside me.”

“What’s the point? You will just get up and walk out.”

“Eventually I have to,” he looked down and saw the newspaper. “Roommates?”

“Yes,” I answered, still not looking at him.

“Are you moving?” he asked, concerned.

“That’s my goal,” I snapped. “Seems Colby doesn’t really want things to work out.”

“Are you sure?”

“Pretty positive,” I answered.

“I’m sorry,” he replied. “I figured you guys would be okay when I wasn’t there.”

“Goes to show you that it wasn’t all you, huh?”

“I guess,” he answered. “So you’ve been alone?”

“Very,” I replied. “Everyone left me at once.”

“Avery,” he started, but stopped. It was almost as if he wasn’t even sure what to say to me.

“No need,” I replied. “You’re sorry. You can’t live without me. You made a mistake. We can make it work. I know it all by heart. Save the words.”

“Damn,” he shook his head. “I guess it is becoming habit, huh?”