Crystal (40 page)

‘It’s the corset,’ Crystal said, avoiding Tahlia’s eye. She was saved from further explanation by her phone ringing. It was Jim.

‘Hey, Crystal, I wondered if you fancied coming with me tonight. Mia’s got a bug and is running a high temperature and Helen doesn’t want to leave her with the babysitter.’

‘I’d love to,’ Crystal answered, pleased that he’d offered. She still felt nervous in crowds and hadn’t been looking forward to arriving at the party on her own.

Half an hour later, she was in a taxi with Jim, who was dressed as a dashing Adam Ant, in his Prince Charming days, heading for the ball. Crystal’s costume took up most of the back seat and Jim was in danger of being swamped by the layers of red silk.

‘Tell me honestly,’ she asked, ‘do you think I look pregnant?’

Jim smiled. ‘Honestly, yes, but that’s probably only because you told me. You’ve got that glow all pregnant women have when they reach a certain stage.’

‘And do you think that Jake will still find me attractive when I see him?’ she said anxiously. She felt so at ease with Jim that she was able to ask him things that usually she only confided in to Tahlia.

He smiled again. ‘Oh yes, more than ever, I’m sure.’

Buoyed up by his words, Crystal didn’t find the red carpet experience as much of an ordeal as she feared. She happily posed for the photographers when they called out her name. The only downside was when a journalist shouted, ‘Are you a couple now then?’ Jim laughed and pointed to his wedding ring; Crystal shook her head and hurried into the hotel. But she quickly forgot the comment – everyone who was anyone in the celebrity world was at Sadie’s. It was one of
the
parties of the year. The ballroom had been decorated to look like the inside of a huge circus tent and as the guests sipped their champagne cocktails – Crystal stuck to water – they were treated to trapeze artists swinging elegantly above their heads; acrobats performing feats of strength and balance on the stage, and jugglers strolling round the ballroom. After mingling for an hour it was time for a lavish meal, followed by an auction for charity. Crystal was enjoying herself, but just as Jim was leading her on to the dance floor she suddenly felt faint. She gripped his arm and whispered, ‘I think I’m going to pass out.’ He put his arm round her waist and managed to get her to a chair, where she collapsed, feeling as if she couldn’t breathe; the corset was pressing into her and she felt a rising feeling of panic.

‘Are you okay?’

‘No,’ she gasped, ‘I can’t breathe. Could you please undo the corset.’

He quickly did as she’d asked, but unfortunately he loosened it so much that it practically slipped off her.

She clutched the top to her, concentrating on taking deep
breaths. ‘You don’t think there’s anything wrong with the baby, do you?’ she asked anxiously.

‘I’m sure everything’s fine. I think you were just laced in too tightly. Come on, I’ll take you home. I think it’s time for Cinderella to have a rest.’

‘You don’t have to,’ she said, not wanting to spoil his night.

‘It’s no trouble. I want to get you home safely and, besides, I want to get home myself to see if Mia’s okay.’

And taking off his jacket, he slipped it round Crystal’s shoulders and put his arm round her waist. She was grateful for the support; she really did feel wobbly.

She didn’t stop to think about how the two of them might look to the paparazzi camped outside but as soon as they walked through the hotel door, the cameras started going off around them. Crystal put her head down and held on tighter to Jim’s arm. She just wanted to be home.

She was woken the following morning by her mobile. Hoping it might be Jake she picked it up. ‘Hello,’ she said sleepily.

‘Hi, Crystal, that looked like quite a night,’ said a female voice that she didn’t recognise.

‘Who is this?’ she demanded, certain it was a journalist.

‘What does Jim Savage’s wife think of your affair then? And does Jake know?’ the voice went on.

‘Oh, piss off,’ Crystal shot back, ending the call. She lay back in bed trying to collect her thoughts but was interrupted by the ringing of her doorbell.
What the hell was going on?
she thought anxiously, reaching for her robe and walking to the front door. She checked the video monitor and to her horror saw several journalists and photographers crowding on to her front step. Her mobile rang again but this time it was Jim. ‘Are they outside your flat as well?’ he asked sounding concerned.

‘Yes,’ she replied, suddenly feeling tearful. She really didn’t think she could handle the press attention right now. ‘Is Helen okay?’

‘She’s livid, but not with you, with them. Don’t worry: she
can hold her own. I’m not so sure about you, it’s not what you need right now. I’m going to call Sadie and see what she can do.’

Sadie’s suggestion was that Crystal got on a flight to New York to see Jake as soon as she could. The story about her so-called affair with Jim had made nearly all the tabloids. There were pictures of them laughing together on the red carpet and then details of how they spent the evening locked in each other’s company, how they’d been discovered kissing passionately in the corridor, and then seen stumbling out of the party, and getting into the same taxi. It was all lies. Crystal couldn’t believe she was back here again . . .

Hardly able to focus on what she was doing she started flinging clothes into a suitcase. Sadie had insisted on sending over one of her drivers to take her to Tahlia’s, saying that Crystal shouldn’t be alone. Journalists kept calling her and in the end she had to switch her phone off. She was desperate to call Jake but it was only five a.m. in New York. She’d leave it an hour, and then call him; she didn’t want him to hear about the story from anyone else.

Tahlia was supposed to be rehearsing but she cancelled, so that she could spend the day with Crystal.

‘You don’t have to do that,’ Crystal told her, when she arrived at her house.

‘Listen, babe,’ Tahlia said, hugging her, ‘I can sing those songs in my sleep. I’m not the one who needs the rehearsals and I want to be with you, make sure you’re okay. Now, have you had breakfast?’

Crystal shook her head, and Tahlia tutted, taking in her friend’s pale face. ‘Right, come into the kitchen. I’m going to get you something, you need to eat.’ While Tahlia prepared a bowl of muesli and fresh fruit for her, Crystal checked her mobile, deleting yet more messages from journalists and worrying about Jake.

‘Don’t worry,’ Tahlia told her, ‘this will blow over in a day. It’s got to, they’ve not got anything else to print, it’s all lies.’

But Crystal didn’t feel reassured and knew she couldn’t
be until she’d spoken to Jake. But at seven when she tried him she just got his voice mail. She left an urgent message for him to call her, but two hours later there was still no reply. She called his office but they said he was on a shoot and could only be contacted on his mobile – if only he’d turn it on.

She tried him throughout the day, with a rising feeling of panic but she kept getting his voice mail. Tahlia did her best to try and distract her, suggesting that they made a list of all the equipment and clothes she would need for the baby and check out some baby sites online. Crystal was grateful to her friend but she was unable to concentrate on anything, and when Tahlia asked what kind of buggy she wanted Crystal could only look at her blankly, while unanswered questions were flying around her mind.
Why wasn’t he returning her calls? Had a journalist already got hold of him, poisoning him with their lies?
At three, Tahlia went to pick up Leticia from school and take her to ballet class and Crystal spent a miserable three hours on her own, pacing round Tahlia’s lovely house and willing Jake to call. A day had never gone by so slowly. When Leticia and Tahlia returned Crystal did her best to put on an act, pretending to be enthralled by the ballet moves Leticia insisted on showing her.

Somehow she got through the evening but there was no word from Jake and it wasn’t until midnight that she finally got hold of him. Instantly she knew something was very wrong. He didn’t sound pleased to hear from her, nor did he explain why he hadn’t returned her calls.

‘I need to talk to you because of this stupid story the press has made up about me,’ she gabbled.

‘You mean the story about your affair with Jim? Oh, I’ve read all about it, I’ve even seen the pictures. Stella emailed me.’

‘It’s bullshit, you do know that, don’t you?’ she went on frantically.
Why was he being so cold?
‘Anyway, I’m flying out to New York tomorrow; I
really
need to see you.’

She waited for Jake’s reply but there was a long pause
before he spoke. ‘Actually, Crystal, this is a really bad time for me.’

‘What do you mean?’ she exclaimed, on the verge of tears.

‘I think I need some space. I thought I could handle the whole long-distance relationship thing but I can’t.’

‘But you’re the one who said it would be good!’ she protested. ‘I didn’t want you to go.’

‘Well, you didn’t try and stop me, did you?’ he retaliated. ‘I keep imagining what you’re up to and it’s doing my head in.’

‘I’m not up to anything, Jake. That story about Jim and me is all lies, you know that, don’t you? Please say you do.’ She was crying now.

Jake sighed. ‘Yeah, I know it probably is, but when I saw those pictures of the two of you together, I don’t know . . . you can’t deny you’re close to him.’

‘But not in that way, for fucksake! He’s married; he’s my friend, that’s all.’

It was like history repeating itself. Crystal remembered only too well the tone of Jake’s voice when he finished with her last time and, just like then, he sounded cold and distant, like a man who had already made up his mind.

‘Please, Jake,’ she sobbed, ‘let me come and see you. We can work this out, I know we can.’

‘I don’t think we can. I know myself too well. Take care and good luck with the album. I’m sure you’re going to be a star.’ His words sounded so final.

She was about to beg him to change his mind, but he’d already hung up.

Last time they’d broken up she’d tried to numb the pain with alcohol. At sixteen weeks pregnant, she didn’t have that option. She curled up on the bed sobbing, huge sobs that wracked her body. ‘Sorry, baby,’ she said through her tears. ‘Sorry for crying like this. Sorry you haven’t got a daddy.’

MUCH AS CRYSTAL
wanted to lose herself in her grief over Jake, she couldn’t. She had a baby to think of and after crying for two days, somehow she found the strength to pull herself together, for his sake. She got dressed, forced herself to eat and went to the studio. She told everyone she was fine when her pale face and red, bleary eyes told a different story. But while she felt as if her heart was breaking, she realised that she wouldn’t have to face life as a single mum on her own. She finally told Luke and he was over the moon, promising that he would help her in whatever way he could. He wanted her to move down to Brighton but Crystal wasn’t ready to leave London yet. It was her home, it was Jake’s home too and, as irrational as it seemed, as long as she was there it felt like that was a connection between them. She didn’t want to turn her back on the city. Tahlia promised to come to the antenatal classes with her and offered to be her birthing partner. And she told Jez and Danni her big news too when they met up at Tahlia’s for a barbeque.

‘I’ve got something to tell you,’ she told them, as they sat in Tahlia’s garden. She was expecting Jez to be his usual over-the-top self and start speculating wildly about what it could be. Instead he was subdued and said quietly, ‘Please tell us then.’

‘I’m surprised you haven’t guessed by now,’ she replied, looking down at the bump, which she’d given up trying to disguise. ‘I’m pregnant!’

‘Crystal, that’s wonderful!’ Danni said, straightaway getting up and giving her a hug.

Crystal looked over expectantly at Jez and was surprised to see that he had tears in his eyes. ‘It’s not that bad, Jez! I’m still the same person; I’m not going to turn into one of those women who can only talk about their children, and I promise I’ll never wear ugly shoes and floral dresses.’

‘It’s not that,’ Jez answered. ‘I’m just so relieved. I thought you were ill. I thought you might have,’ he lowered his voice and whispered, ‘cancer.’

‘Jez!’ Crystal exclaimed. ‘Why the hell did you think that?’

‘Well, you stopped going out, stopped drinking. Every time I called you, you were in bed, and I just assumed the worst. It never occurred to me that you might be pregnant.’

Crystal studied his face, checking he wasn’t taking the piss, but he looked serious. ‘I’m so sorry that you thought that, babe. But you’re stuck with me a bit longer – me and my baby.’

‘Thank God!’ he exclaimed, leaping up from his chair and rushing over to embrace her. And now the Jez she knew and loved kicked in. ‘I’m going to be an uncle! I’m seeing a spring christening – you and the baby dressed in white and silver, lots of gorgeous
petit cadeaux
for the little
bébé
, champagne and a white chocolate christening cake in the shape of a cherub.’ He paused. ‘Or would it be weirdly cannibalistic to eat cake in the shape of a baby; oh, you could always have a swan or something.’

‘Don’t you mean a stork?’ Crystal asked, smiling at him. ‘And don’t you think it might be odd to have a christening when I’m not sure I believe in God.’

‘
Dahling
, you don’t seriously think people get their child christened because they believe in God! I bet you the majority do it for the presents and the party and in your case it would be a great magazine photo opportunity.’

‘When you’ve finished, Jez, do you think you could open the champagne?’ Tahlia finally managed to get a word in.

For the first time in her pregnancy Crystal allowed herself
a glass of champagne to celebrate with her friends. And as they sat chatting in the warm September sunshine she thought,
My baby might not have a dad but I’ve got all these people who love me and who’ll love him. We’re not on our own. I think we’re going to be okay.