Curses! (23 page)
Chapter 48
T
he roar of gunfire in the tiny room nearly deafened me. I threw my body to the side. The heat of the bullet grazed my forehead. For once in my life, I was damn glad to be on the short side of six feet.
he roar of gunfire in the tiny room nearly deafened me. I threw my body to the side. The heat of the bullet grazed my forehead. For once in my life, I was damn glad to be on the short side of six feet.
“No!” Asia cried out, raising the Devil's Eye above her head. The glint of the blue jewel blinded me as it arched above me. The cold rage in Asia's face stunned me nearly as much as the barrel of the king's rifle pointed at my ribs.
The shooter aimed the rifle at the center of my forehead. “I hate you! Hate you! You ruin everything! Everything!”
“De Wolfe, I now pronounce you husband andâ”
I fired the bow.
The arrow sprang free from its sheath.
Time slowed.
Prince Charming, also known as JuniorâNigel de Wolfe Junior, to be preciseâdropped the king's rifle and grabbed his sternum. He staggered backward, blood welling from between his fingers. “Asia?! But why? I thought we were the perfect couple?”
Asia snorted. “You're gay.”
“What? Gay?” he yelled, apparently more annoyed by her accusation than the large jeweled object known as the Devil's Eye sticking from his chest. “Whatever gave you that idea?”
Charming glanced down at his wound, and then at Asia. His lips curved into a frown. She raised her eyebrow, and he dropped to the floor.
“Nice shot,” I said, nodding to the Devil's Eye sticking out of Charming's chest.
“You too,” Asia said, pointing to my arrow embedded in the forehead of the rabbi I'd clobbered that afternoon, who was now dressed in borrowed, much too tight, skinny jeans and a black T-shirt with the words “Prince Star” across the chest.
“I was aiming for Charming.” I hated to admit it, but my cursed tongue held nothing back.
Asia smiled. I took a step toward her, searching her for injuries. She looked okay. More than okay, really. In fact, she looked beautiful. Her hair fell around her shoulder in fiery waves and her cheeks were flushed.
Asia grinned. “Archery takes practice. Tomorrow I'll show you some of my moves.”
“Tomorrow?” Hope swelled in my heart even as Charming's lifeblood seeped into my boots. “Does that mean what I think it means?”
She tilted her head to one side. “I'm not sure. What do you think I mean?”
I stepped over Charming's corpse and wrapped my arms around my beautiful princess. “I think you lied.”
“About what?”
“That you don't love me.” I nodded smugly. “I think you do.”
“Really? What makes you so sure?”
“Oh, admit it.” My lips moved closer to hers. “You can't live without me.”
“Don't push it.”
I kissed her then, our lips melding into a tangle of saliva and promise. After a brief period of groping, I pulled back to stare into the face of my ladylove. “There's something I need to tell you,” I began.
She held up her hand. “Me first.”
Against my better judgment I motioned for her to continue.
“I guess I owe you an apology.” Her gaze dropped to the floor and Charming's dead body. “I didn't mean what I said, any of it. About us. About you leaving. I was just so afraid.”
“Scared of Charming? Did he hurt you?” I wanted to kill him, but seeing as the bastard was already dead, I had but one option. I kicked his corpse in the bollocks.
“No.” Asia grabbed my hand to stop me from another round of Charmingball. “I was scared for you. Charming threatened to kill you if I didn't marry him.”
“So when I came to the door you told me to get lost,” I smiled, “to protect me.”
She nodded, tears gathering in her eyes. “I had no choice. It was either marry him so he could be king, or risk your murder.”
The jigsaw pieces began to fit. Charming had wanted revenge against the king for the death of his father, the elder de Wolfe, but Junior had also wanted something else even more. He wanted to be king. And the only way to accomplish his goal was to marry one of the king's daughters.
But he couldn't marry just any daughter, as he found out after his first brief engagement to Asia. To be king by law, Charming had to marry the king's daughter, not stepdaughterâCinderella. So he quickly broke off his engagement to Asia and proposed to Cindi.
“Cinderella really was in New Never City to see you.” I grinned. “You weren't lying about that.”
Asia frowned. “I never lie.”
“Right.”
“Fine,” she said with a snort. “Cindi wanted to meet. She had something to tell me. Until a couple of days ago I'd thought she wanted to apologize for ending my engagement.”
“But she really wanted to warn you about Charming.” I nodded. “The Devil's Eye gave him away, didn't it? That's why Cinderella had it. She learned that Charming was the son of Nigel de Wolfe.”
“Yes.”
“And when Charming found out, he bought Gretel and used her to kill Cinderella.” I pictured the handwriting on the receipt as well as on the paper I'd found in Cinderella's room and the wooden bridge. They all matched Charming's girlish scrawl.
“Yes.”
“And with Cinderella out of the way,” I said, “once I forced the king to accept you as his âreal' daughters, both you and Dru were in line to be queen.”
“Yes.”
I frowned. “So why did Charming propose to Dru instead of you?” For one thing, Asia was older, and therefore, she would be crowned before her younger sibling. But more importantly, Asia was stunning like a truffle among a bunch of Hershey bars.
Asia bit her bottom lip. “Because of you.”
“What's that have to do with anything?” I frowned. Even I wasn't vain enough to believe my superior manliness intimidated Charming that much.
“I lied to him,” she said as if the very words were unpleasant. “Told him that I couldn't marry him. That I was in love with you.”
“Why?” My heart gave a squeeze. Maybe my princess didn't love me after all. Was I merely a Villain Toy? An impotent one at that.
“Because I didn't want to marry him!” She kicked his corpse. “I never wanted to marry him.”
“Why did you accept his first proposal?”
She sighed. “You know why.”
Honestly, I didn't have a clue, but I nodded anyway.
“You really don't have a clue, do you?” She laughed, pausing in her game of Kick the Charming long enough to kiss me. I wanted to hold her forever, but she pulled away after a minute or two. “For years people only saw me as the fat one. And for a while, I saw myself in the same way.”
Her tone, not so much her words, made my heart ache. It was filled with pain and loneliness, the same feelings that haunted me when I was a shorter lad. My fingers trailed the edges of her face. “Don't ever say that again,” I said. “You are perfection.”
She gave me a small smile. “In my fat state, the queen feared no man would ever have me. When Charming, a boy I'd known most of my life, proposed, it seemed like a miracle. To everyone else. How could I refuse? My parents were so happy.”
“For themselves.” My fists clenched. “But what about you?”
“The day Charming dumped me was the best day of my life.” Her laughter filled the small cabin. “I was finally free. Free to do what I wanted. And what I wanted most in the world was to get the hell out of Maledetto and never look back.”
Out of all the reasons why I loved this woman, she had just named one of the top five. Six if you counted her breasts as separate entities. The sooner we left the kingdom, the sooner I'd be back at my villainous pursuits, and Asia would ...
Damn. What sort of options did a princess have in the big city? Damsel in distress? Mattress salesman? Poison apple tester? Maybe I could get her on in the union's mailroom. Naw, she was too sweet and maidenly to work for the union. They'd chew her up, spit her out, and then sell her regurgitated parts to McDonald's at half price.
No matter how much Asia loved me now, she'd eventually realize her mistake and run off with the first frog prince she met. I couldn't take that kind of pain. Natasha's betrayal hurt, but Asia's leaving would kill me. Literally. I'd be better off with her locked away in a tower.
“Listen, I can't ... we can'tâ” I started.
“Don't flatter yourself.” She grinned, flashing even, white teeth. “I lied to Charming to keep him off my back, but my plan backfired when you stole the Devil's Eye from him.”
“How so?”
“Without the Eye I would remain forever fat.”
I smiled, missing my pudgy princess. She looked good enough to eat. Of course, she was smoking hot now too. I reached for one of her fiery curls, running it through my fingers. Lust swirled inside me, nearly stealing my breath.
Smack.
“Not the time or the place.” Her smile softened her admonishment, but not the slap. Damn, she packed a punch in her tiny fist. I rubbed my cheek and tried to pay attention to what she was saying.
“Charming believed no man, you included, could want fat Asia. Therefore, I'd never marry and he would rule the kingdom once Dru became his wife.” She paused. “Then you stole the Eye. For me.” Tears glistened in her eyes. She wiped them away with the back of her hand. “No one's ever ...”
A lump rose in my throat. So this was what it felt like to be a hero. A part of me wanted to puke while the other half felt ten feet tall. Not a combination I relished, considering the splatter factor.
Asia composed herself. “Charming was furious after you stole the Eye. Not as pissed as he was when you burned his house down, but annoyed nonetheless.”
“If I remember correctly, he wasn't the only one.” I grinned, remembering a load of buckshot aimed at my testicles. Sure, Asia tried to kill me, numerous times in fact, but she didn't succeed, and really, in a relationship, that mattered most.
Her eyes narrowed. “I wasn't trying to kill you.”
“Right.” I winked.
“I wasn't!” She stomped her foot like a child; unfortunately, it landed in a puddle of oozing Charming on the floor. Blood splattered her slipper, turning the red ribbon black, the same red ribbon from the slipper in the forest. I bet if I compared the pointy heel to the hole in my forehead, there'd be a perfect match.
“Then explain that.” I pointed to the slipper wrapped around her slim foot.
She glanced down, frowning. “Damn.”
“Exactly.” I shot her a big smile. “Caught red-handed.”
“Not that, you idiot.” Her foot lashed out at Charming's leaking body. “My favorite slippers are ruined. Thanks to him.” She kicked the corpse again.
“Uh-huh.” I laughed. “It's okay, my sweet, I forgive you for trying to kill me.” Forgiveness felt oddly satisfying, almost like smugness but without the nasty rash normally associated with it.
“Forgive me?” Her lips pursed as if she swallowed a bad gummy bear. “That's real nice of you, Mr. Big Bad Villain.” I'd thought so, but apparently Asia didn't share my opinion if her next words were any indication. “Too bad you're not the one who needs to forgive me.” She motioned to the corpse at our feet. “He is.”
Chapter 49
“
O
h, baby.” I reached for her arm, intending to offer comfort to my sweet princess. After all, she just killed a man. The first kill was hard, all those bloodstains and guilt. “You had no choice. It was him or you.”
O
h, baby.” I reached for her arm, intending to offer comfort to my sweet princess. After all, she just killed a man. The first kill was hard, all those bloodstains and guilt. “You had no choice. It was him or you.”
She shook her head. “You don't get it.”
Probably not.
“I was trying to kill Charming, not you. An eye for an eye and all that. He killed my sister, so I killed him.”
“If you knew he killed Cinderella, why did you bring me to the kingdom at all?”
“I wasn't sure who did it. Not then. Not until I talked to Hansel. But by then it was too late, you were already on the case.” Her frown turned fierce. “And in the damn way.”
I winced, picturing Asia's first murder attempt. The one in the forest. Charming stood inches to my left, a mere hairsbreadth away from death.
“But you shot
me!
Not him.” I pointed to the wound in my side.
me!
Not him.” I pointed to the wound in my side.
“Sorry about that.”
My eyes narrowed. “And the bomb at Charming's house?”
“It was addressed to a villain among princes. Who'd you think it was for?” She shook her head. “You?”
“Well, yeah. I am the baddest villain around.” I thumped myself in the chest with my fist. A mistake, really. Rather than looking tough, the fist bump sent me into a coughing fit.
“There there.” Asia patted my back.
Once my hacking ended, I wiped a trail of snot and tears from my face and glanced up at my princess. She was currently loading an arrow into the bow I'd dropped. Her fingers brushed the taut string. The bow vibrated in response. My blood warmed a few degrees when she plucked the string again.
“Ummm ... sweetheart?”
She paused long enough to look up. “Oh, sorry. I was just checking the safety. We wouldn't want any accidents.”
Right. The safety. I took a step back. “There's something I still don't get.” Well, there were a couple of things, but Asia's trim butt bent over a deadly weapon made me forget the rest. “Why did Charming kill the guys at the tavern?”
“Wellâ”
“I mean, I get killing Natasha, she knew too much. The same with Hansel and Missy, but those villains ... What did they know?”
“Yeah, about that,” she began. “Charming didn't kill the villains.”
I frowned. “Then who did?”
Asia lifted the bow into her arms, as if reaching for an old lover. Her eyes met mine. “I did.”
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