Damarian (A Merman's Kiss Novel) (20 page)

Cassie’s hands clutch the side of the boat as she hauls herself to a sitting position. Her body quakes and her breathing is arduous. I touch my lips to her forehead, hating to refuse her when all I wish is to give her what she desires.

Once the heat of our passion has lessened, I feel another sensation in my body—pain. I grab my head as the pain grows more intense. “I feel a bit ill.”

“Jump inside and swim around for a bit.”

I stand and am ready to enter the sea, when I realize something. “How am I to return to a human?”

She stares at the waves before lifting her eyes to me. “Maybe you should go home now and we can meet tonight.”

I lower myself next to her. “I do not wish to return now. I wish to be with you.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

“Can you hold off until we get to my pool?”

Yes, I will force my body to wait. I want to cherish the time I will spend with Cassie before I must return home, because I am not certain what shall be the result. I will not allow Father, the royal family, or any other being to keep me apart from Cassie, but I do not know what it will be like when I return. I have denied her what she wishes, but I will substitute for it in other ways.

***

The time I spend with Cassie is passing far too quickly. We watch another science fiction story in what she calls a movie theater. Many other humans watch along with us in a grand room with a large TV.

Cassie does not seem upset with me, though I am upset with myself. What eases me is the knowledge that she and I
will
mate one day, when I no longer worry over the princess and the throne and Father. When Cassie and I mate, I will be free to be whoever I wish to be and with whomever I wish to be with.

Once we have finished watching the story—which I enjoyed immensely—we order food at what she calls a fast food restaurant. We sit on the couch with the food—burgers and fries—and watch the TV. This food is delicious. We kiss after we eat, and I provide her with as much pleasure as I can. I know it is not enough, but it is all I can give her for now.

***

When I open my eyes, all I see is darkness. Nighttime has arrived too quickly. I do not wish to go, but I know I must.

Cassie lies next to me on the couch. I shake her gently. “Cassie.”

Her eyes open.

“I must return to the sea. Are we too late?”

She glances at the device on the wall called a clock. “We need to move.”

At the beach, I take Cassie’s hands in mine and lower us to the sand. My finger wraps around her hair.

“You won’t be back?” she asks.

I caress her cheek. “Of course I shall return.”

She swallows a few times. “What if your father doesn’t let you? What if…he pressures you to find a girl…?”

“You are the only girl for me.”

She lays her hand over mine. “Then prove it. Get closer to me.”

I gather her in my arms, and she wraps her legs around my middle. “How I wish,” I whisper into her ear. “That is what I desire most, Cassie. I do not wish to harm you, my love.”

“You won’t,” I say.

My hands grasp at her thighs. How I wish…how much I wish…

“Please?” she asks.

I lay her down on the sand and lower myself on her body, placing my lips near her ear. “It pains me to refuse you. I wish only to make you happy.”

“Then tell me why we can’t. Please.”

“I am not certain of the result. I would die if something were to befall you.”

I know she does not understand. She could not possibly understand. I am still tied to my fate, still tied to the princess. Doria and Kiander have proved that. The children of the sea still believe I am to be their king. The princess still waits. I must, for once and for all, put an end to this. Then I will be free to be with Cassie, for all eternity.

“I apologize, Cassie, but I must return to the sea.”

She clutches my shoulders. “Don’t leave me, please.”

“I shall return. I promise we will be together shortly.”

“When?”

“Tomorrow night.”

With her in my arms, I get to my feet and hug her close to my chest. “Farewell, Cassie.” I kiss my fingers before pressing them to her mouth. Then, before I can change my mind, I race toward the sea and leap inside.

When I break the surface, I see Cassie’s back faces me. I wait for her to turn around so I can give her another goodbye, but she does not. She is hurt, upset confused. “Soon, my love,” I say, even though she cannot hear me. “Soon we shall be together, in every shape and form. I love you, my sweet human.”

I dive into the water.

For the first time in all my moons, I am afraid to be in the sea.

I worry over what my family will say. I will not be able to bear the disappointment and betrayal in their eyes. Telling them that I have fallen in love with a human means I will have to leave the sea and live on land. It means I will no longer be able to see them as often as I like. They will miss me, especially Zarya.

I bid goodbye to Fiske at the entrance of the colony, and he returns to train with the Sentinels. Since it is nighttime, there are only a handful of children of the sea swimming about. It is a joyous sight to once again lay eyes upon my brethren. I have been away for so long and miss my home terribly. But I must familiarize myself with this, for this is how it will be from this point forward. I will leave my home and the people I hold dear for love. Yes, I will return to the sea as often as I can, but it is my hope that Cassie and I will create a wonderful life together on land.

No one is in the main room when I enter the cave. They must all be asleep. When I enter my room, I find Zarya curled in my oyster shell, her body nearly swallowed by its large size. My chest hurts. Little Zarya. How much I must have hurt her. But I do not know how I can have both my family and Cassie in my life. One side will get hurt.

I swim closer to her and gently take her in my arms. Then I settle into my shell.

“Dammy?” Zarya’s sleepy voice says.

I kiss the top of her head. “Sleep, Zarya.”

She nestles in my arms, her face pressed into my chest. As I watch her sleep, I am determined to make a life with Cassie and my family work. It will be difficult, but I
will
have them both in my life. I will not forsake one for the other.

I am not certain when I fall asleep, because the next thing I feel is Zarya’s tail in my face. “Dammy? He has returned! Dammy has returned!”

“Zarya.” I wrap my tail around her and kiss her forehead. “Zarya.”

She pushes me away. “You were not home for days!”

“Please forgive me. I did not intend to cause you to worry. I merely—”

Doria enters my room, followed by Kiander, Mother and Father.

“Damarian.” Mother rushes inside and takes hold of my face. “I am so glad to see you are well.”

Father moves in, his serious eyes focused on me. “Where have you been? Doria and Kiander confirmed you were far from home, but they did not wish to tell me where.”

I look from one member of my family to the other. With my eyes lowered to the sea floor, I say, “I have been on land.” I slowly raise my eyes to Father.

He stares at me for a few seconds. “Land? You have been on
land
? It is forbidden, Damarian! Is it your wish to be banished?”

“No! Of course that is not my wish.”

“Then why?” Mother asks. “Why would you risk the secret of our kind to go on…” Her mouth shuts and her eyes widen. “No…” She glances at Father with worried eyes.

Father’s eyes widen in the same manner. He slowly swims backward. “You met a female human.”

Doria and Kiander stare at me, not out of shock or surprise, but for my reaction to my parents learning this news. Zarya’s eyebrows lower to her eyes.

Syd and Syndin swim inside, faces curious.

Mother touches my cheek. “Damarian, is this the truth?”

I am not certain how I wished to inform Father and Mother about my love for Cassie, but I am quite positive this is not the most ideal manner. But I no longer wish to lie to my family.

“Yes. I have met a female human. I have fallen in love with her.”

Father grabs the sides of his head and spins away from me. Mother falls back until she sits on the floor of my room. Zarya blinks at me, and the twins appear confused. Doria and Kiander say nothing, though she once again carries the unpleasant expression she wore when she came on land.

Father slowly turns around. “You will put an end to this nonsense this instant, Damarian. Do you understand my words?”

“I understand your words, Father. But I will not obey.”

“Damarian—”

“What do you suppose your mate will say when she discovers this news?” Mother asks.

I swim out of my oyster shell. “You do not listen to me! The princess is
not
my mate. She does not love me and I do not love her.”

“Again with love,” Father mutters. “I do not know why he has this in his head, Kiandra—”

“Why can I not have what you have with Father, Mother? Why can I not have what Neren has with Pelina? Why can I not be happy?”

Mother looks at Father. He slowly turns to look at her.

“And you believe you can only achieve such love with a human?” Doria asks.

“Doria, this is not your concern,” I say, a little too roughly.

“Not my concern?” she shouts. “The past few days I have been unable to sleep because I did not know your whereabouts! At times, I sensed you and rushed to find you, only to be unable to locate you!”

I swallow as guilt enters me. She is most likely referring to when I lived in the cave. She was not able to find the entrance.

“You told me you needed time alone to collect your thoughts,” Doria says. “But all the while you have been on land with a human!”

My gaze lowers to my tail. “Forgive me, Doria. It was not my intention to cause you pain.”

“It may not have been your intention, but you have caused us all pain.”

I look from Father, to Mother, to Kiander, to Doria, to Syd, to Syndin, to Zarya. My sister’s words are true. I love everyone in this room and I have betrayed them all.

“No one utters a word of this to anyone,” Father says. “Do you understand? Not a soul.” He looks at Doria.

“I do not tell my friends all my secrets,” she mumbles.

Father swims to the entryway, then looks back at me. “I have never been so disappointed in you.” He leaves.

The rest of us float in silence.

Mother touches my cheek again. “Do you really love her?”

“Yes, Mother. With all my heart.”

She sighs. “We will speak of this later. I must…” She shakes her head. “I need a few moments to collect my thoughts.”

She sighs again before swimming out of the room.

“Zarya, Syd, and Syndin, please leave us,” Doria says.

“But it is not fair!” Zarya complains.

“Zarya.”

She and the twins frown and exit.

Kiander swims closer and lowers himself on the floor, followed by Doria. I sit down near them. None of us says a word for a short while until Doria says, “I have always admired you, Damarian. Since I was a fry.”

I do not meet her gaze.

“I understand you never wanted the crown. Yet you pushed aside your needs for the needs of every creature in the sea. That is extremely selfless.”

Again, I do not look at her.

“I worried when you did not return home. Father grew very upset, for you once again fled the night of the mating ceremony. He was so upset he said he no longer was concerned of your whereabouts. But I could not share the same thoughts. I took Vinx with me and searched the waters. I could not locate you, not until yesterday. I trailed you all the way to the shore. As soon as I realized you were on land, I hurried to Kiander and told him my discovery.”

“We worried you might have been injured,” Kiander says. “Captured by the humans.”

“We did not tell Mother and Father, for we did not wish to cause them any concern. And all the while, you have been with a human.”

I raise my eyes to her at last. “She is not just as human, Doria. Please understand.”

“I will never understand.”

“What of your duty?” Kiander asks. “What of the crown? You have forsaken us all. There are many issues needing to be dealt with. I have never seen you as the selfish sort, Damarian.”

“Is it not selfish of you and every child of the sea to force me to take the throne?” I demand.

“No, because that is your duty. Just as it is Mother and Father’s duty to care for us—their fry—it is your duty to care for every creature in the sea. If I were the eldest—”

I shoot off the floor. “What a shame that you are not. Let us see how you would fare if it were you who was forced to be king.”

I surge out of my room and out of the cave, ignoring anyone who calls for me. I swim and swim and swim, until I stop before Neren’s cave. No, this is no longer his home, and I am afraid I do not know where he currently lives.

After entering and asking his parents, I make my way to his new home in the Violet colony. Many of them stare at me as I swim in. After a short while, I locate Neren’s new home. It is a small cave, one where newly-mated children of the sea usually live in their first few moons. As soon as I swim inside, I find Neren and his mate sitting at the small table, their heads bent close and laughing.

Pelina catches sight of me. “Damarian, hello.”

Neren turns his head and smiles. “Damarian! I am so glad to see you. Please, sit down.”

“Hello, Pelina and Neren. I very much appreciate the invitation, but I am afraid I cannot visit. Neren, is it all right if I speak to you?”

“Certainly.” He strokes Pelina’s cheek. “I will return shortly.” He kisses the top of her head before following me out of the cave. We swim to an area with stone chairs and sit down. “I attempted to visit you the other day,” he states, “but your Mother informed me you were not home. Were you exploring again?”

“In a manner of speaking, I suppose. I understand you and Pelina spent your first days as mates exploring as well.”

When he smiles, he looks as though he is the happiest being in the world. “Yes.” He tells me what part of the ocean they explored. He and I had been there many times. “It was quite special sharing it with my mate. Perhaps you can take the princess there one day.”

I lift myself off the chair and face him. “I am afraid that will not occur. I…I shall not mate with the princess. I shall not take the crown.”

The smile slowly fades from his face and is replaced with confusion. “Not take the crown? I do not understand.”

“I have met another female.”

Now he rises off his chair and gapes at me. “Another?”

I nod.

“What does the princess think of this? What does the royal family think?”

“They are not aware yet. Though I suppose it is only fair that I tell the princess.”

“Is she from the Sapphire clan?” he asks.

“No.”

“The Violet?” he asks.

“She is not from any clan, I am afraid.”

He appears quite baffled. He slowly swims closer to me. “Damarian, what are you telling me?”

I shut my eyes for a second or two and then open them. “A human. I have been on land.”

He stares at me for a few moments before his eyes widen and he moves back. “A human?”

“Yes.”

“A
human
? You have fallen in love with a
human
?” The venom rolling off his tongue could poison the entire sea.

“Neren, I am aware it is shocking news, but—”

“Shocking news?” he shouts. “How could you travel to land and meet a human? Have you utterly misplaced your mind?”

“Why do you have such hatred toward them? Cassie is so kind and sweet and—”

“I do not hate them. I
loathe
them.”

I raise my hands. “That is a little extreme.”

“Extreme?
Extreme
?” His eyes fill with fury. I have never seen this look on his face. “Are you not aware of what they did to my family?”

My mouth closes and my gaze drops to the sea floor. I am aware of the tragedy, though I do not know the details. Neren has never discussed it with me.

“My brother and sister! The ones who perished when I was a fry. Do you not know the story?”

I raise my eyes to him. “I am not certain…you have never discussed it with me, and others do not talk of it.”

He turns his back to me and fists his hands. “We were playing, my siblings and I. We were only fry. We were not aware that we swam too close to the surface. Too close to a human vessel.”

My throat feels dry and a cold, stinging sensation passes through me.

“Two of our family’s sharks accompanied us. But they were pups and did not fully understand how to protect us properly.” He turns around and narrows his eyes. “We swam too close to the surface. The humans caught sight of us, though I am quite certain they did not fully comprehend what we were. Or else they would not have used their weapons on us.”

“
Weapons
?”

“Yes,
weapons
. Black objects they used to shoot at us.”

He must be referring to guns. Cassie explained them to me when we watched one of the stories on the TV. She told me they are fatal weapons. My stomach tumbles and my breathing grows difficult, as though I am caught in a massive storm and am just about to perish. I feel my gills open and close violently.