Delphi Complete Works of Oscar Wilde (Illustrated) (290 page)

“Close the eyes of all of us now and fifty years hence, or a hundred years hence, no one will know anything about Curzon or Wyndham or Blunt: whether they lived or died will be a matter of indifference to everyone; but my comedies and my stories and ‘The Ballad of Reading Gaol’ will be known and read by millions, and even my unhappy fate will call forth world-wide sympathy.”

It was all true enough, and good to keep in mind; but even when Oscar spoke of greater men than himself, he took the same attitude: his self-esteem was extraordinary. He did not compare his work with that of others; was not anxious to find his true place, as even Shakespeare was. From the beginning, from youth on, he was convinced that he was a great man and going to do great things. Many of us have the same belief and are just as persuaded, but the belief is not ever present with us as it was with Oscar, moulding all his actions. For instance, I remarked once that his handwriting was unforgettable and char
acteristic. “I worked at it,” he said, “as a boy; I wanted a distinctive handwriting; it had to be clear and beautiful and peculiar to me. At length I got it but it took time and patience. I always wanted everything about me to be distinctive,” he added, smiling.

He was proud of his physical appearance, inordinately pleased with his great height, vain of it even. “Height gives distinction,” he declared, and once even went so far as to say, “One can’t picture Napoleon as small; one thinks only of his magnificent head and forgets the little podgy figure; it must have been a great nuisance to him: small men have no dignity.”

All this utterly unconscious of the fact that most tall men have no ever present-sense of their height as an advantage. Yet on the whole one agrees with Montaigne that height is the chief beauty of a man: it gives presence.

Oscar never learned anything from criticism; he had a good deal of personal dignity in spite of his amiability, and when one found fault with his work, he would smile vaguely or change the subject as if it didn’t interest him.

Again and again I played on his self-esteem to get him to write; but always met the same answer.

“Oh, Frank, it’s impossible, impossible for me to work under these disgraceful conditions.”

“But you can have better conditions now and lots of money if you’ll begin to work.”

He shook his head despairingly. Again and again I tried, but failed to move him, even when I dangled money before him. I didn’t then know that he was receiving regularly more than £300 a year. I thought he was completely destitute, dependent on such casual help as friends could give him. I have a letter from him about this time asking me for even £5
as if he were in extremest need.

On one of my visits to Paris after discussing his position, I could not help saying to him:

“The only thing that will make you write, Oscar, is absolute, blank poverty. That’s the sharpest spur after all — necessity.”

“You don’t know me,” he replied sharply. “I would kill myself. I can endure to the end; but to be absolutely destitute would show me suicide as the open door.”

Suddenly his depressed manner changed and his whole face lighted up.

“Isn’t it comic, Frank, the way the English talk of the ‘open door,’ while their doors are always locked, and barred, and bolted, even their church doors? Yet it is not hypocrisy in them; they simply cannot see themselves as they are; they have no imagination.”

A long pause, and he went on gravely:

“Suicide, Frank, is always the temptation of the unfortunate, a great temptation.”

“Suicide is the natural end of the world-weary,” I replied; “but you enjoy life intensely. For you to talk of suicide is ridiculous.”

“Do you know that my wife is dead, Frank?”

“I had heard it,” I said.

“My way back to hope and a new life ends in her grave,” he went on. “Everything I do, Frank, is irrevocable.”

He spoke with a certain grave sincerity.

“The great tragedies of the world are all final and complete; Socrates would not escape death, though Crito opened the prison door for him. I could not avoid prison, though you showed me the way to safety. We are fated to suffer, don’t you think? as an example to humanity— ‘an echo and a light unto eternity.’”

“I think it would be finer, instead of taking the punishment lying down, to trample it under your feet, and make it a rung of the ladder.”

“Oh, Frank, you would turn all the tragedies into triumphs, you are a fighter. My life is done.”

“You love life,” I cried, “as much as ever you did; more than anyone I have ever seen.”

“It is true,” he cried, his face lighting up quickly, “more than anyone, Frank. Life delights me. The people passing on the Boule
vards, the play of the sunshine in the trees; the noise, the quick movement of the cabs, the costumes of the
cochers
and
sergents-de-ville
; workers and beggars, pimps and prostitutes — all please me to the soul, charm me, and if you would only let me talk instead of bothering me to write I should be quite happy. Why should I write any more? I have done enough for fame.

“I will tell you a story, Frank,” he broke off, and he told me a slight thing about Judas. The little tale was told delightfully, with eloquent inflections of voice and still more eloquent pauses....

“The end of all this is,” I said before going back to London, “that you will not write?”

“No, no, Frank,” he said, “that I cannot write under these conditions. If I had money enough; if I could shake off Paris, and forget those awful rooms of mine and get to the Riviera for the winter and live in some seaside village of the Latins with the blue sea at my feet, and the blue sky above, and God’s sunlight about me and no care for money, then I would write as naturally as a bird sings, because I should be happy and could not help it....

“You write stories taken from the fight of life; you are careless of surroundings, I am a poet and can only sing in the sunshine when I am happy.”

“All right,” I said, snatching at the half-promise. “It is just possible that I may get hold of some money during the next few months, and, if I do, you shall go and winter in the South, and live as you please without care of money. If you can only sing when the cage is beautiful and sunlight floods it, I know the very place for you.”

With this sort of vague understanding we parted for some months.

CHAPTER XXI
I

“A GREAT ROMANTIC PASSION”

There is no more difficult problem for the writer, no harder task than to decide how far he should allow himself to go in picturing human weakness. We have all come from the animal and can all without any assistance from books imagine easily enough the effects of unrestrained self-indulgence. Yet it is instructive and pregnant with warning to remark that, as soon as the sheet anchor of high resolve is gone, the frailties of man tend to become master-vices. All our civilisation is artificially built up by effort; all high humanity is the reward of constant striving against natural desires.

In the fall of this year, 1898, I sold
The Saturday Review
to Lord Hardwicke and his friends, and as soon as the purchase was completed, I think in November, I wired to Oscar that I should be in Paris in a short time, and ready to take him to the South for his holiday. I sent him some money to pave the way.

A few days later I crossed and wired to him
from Calais to dine with me at Durand’s, and to begin dinner if I happened to be late.

While waiting for dinner, I said:

“I want to stay two or three days in Paris to see some pictures. Would you be ready to start South on Thursday next?” It was then Monday, I think.

“On Thursday?” he repeated. “Yes, Frank, I think so.”

“There is some money for anything you may want to buy,” I said and handed him a cheque I had made payable to self and signed, for he knew where he could cash it.

“How good of you, Frank, I cannot thank you enough. You start on Thursday,” he added, as if considering it.

“If you would rather wait a little,” I said, “say so: I’m quite willing.”

“No, Frank, I think Thursday will do. We are really going to the South for the whole winter. How wonderful; how gorgeous it will be.”

We had a great dinner and talked and talked. He spoke of some of the new Frenchmen, and at great length of Pierre Louÿs, whom he described as a disciple:

“It was I, Frank, who induced him to write his ‘Aphrodite’ in prose.” He spoke, too, of the Grand Guignol Theatre.

“Le Grand Guignol is the first theatre in Paris. It looks like a nonconformist chapel, a barn of a room with a gallery at the back and a little wooden stage. There you see the primitive tragedies of real life. They are as ugly and as fascinating as life itself. You must see it and we will go to Antoine’s as well: you must see Antoine’s new piece; he is doing great work.”

We kept dinner up to an unconscionable hour. I had much to tell of London and much to hear of Paris, and we talked and drank coffee till one o’clock, and when I proposed supper Oscar accepted the idea with enthusiasm.

“I have often lunched with you from two o’clock till nine, Frank, and now I am going to dine with you from nine o’clock till breakfast to-morrow morning.”

“What shall we drink?” I asked.

“The same champagne, Frank, don’t you think?” he said, pulling his jowl; “there is no wine so inspiring as that dry champagne with the exquisite
bouquet
. You were the first to say my plays were the champagne of literature.”

When we came out it was three o’clock and I was tired and sleepy with my journey, and Oscar had drunk perhaps more than was good for him. Knowing how he hated walking I got a
voiture de cercle
and told him to take it, and
I would walk to my hotel. He thanked me and seemed to hesitate.

“What is it now?” I asked, wanting to get to bed.

“Just a word with you,” he said, and drew me away from the carriage where the
chasseur
was waiting with the rug. When he got me three or four paces away he said, hesitatingly:

“Frank, could you ... can you let me have a few pounds? I’m very hard up.”

I stared at him; I had given him a cheque at the beginning of the dinner: had he forgotten? Or did he perchance want to keep the hundred pounds intact for some reason? Suddenly it occurred to me that he might be without even enough for the carriage. I took out a hundred franc note and gave it to him.

“Thank you, so much,” he said, thrusting it into his waistcoat pocket, “it’s very kind of you.”

“You will turn up to-morrow at lunch at one?” I said, as I put him into the little brougham.

“Yes, of course, yes,” he cried, and I turned away.

Next day at lunch he seemed to meet me with some embarrassment:

“Frank, I want to ask you something. I’m really confused about last night; we dined most
wisely, if too well. This morning I found you had given me a cheque, and I found besides in my waistcoat pocket a note for a hundred francs. Did I ask you for it at the end? ‘Tap’ you, the French call it,” he added, trying to laugh.

I nodded.

“How dreadful!” he cried. “How dreadful poverty is! I had forgotten that you had given me a cheque, and I was so hard up, so afraid you might go away without giving me anything, that I asked you for it. Isn’t poverty dreadful?”

I nodded; I could not say a word: the fact told so much.

The chastened mood of self-condemnation did not last long with him or go deep; soon he was talking as merrily and gaily as ever.

Before parting I said to him:

“You won’t forget that you are going on Thursday night?”

“Oh, really!” he cried, to my surprise, “Thursday is very near; I don’t know whether I shall be able to come.”

“What on earth do you mean?” I asked.

“The truth is, you know, I have debts to pay, and I have not enough.”

“But I will give you more,” I cried, “what will clear you?”

“Fifty more I think will do. How good you are!”

“I will bring it with me to-morrow morning.”

“In notes please, will you? French money. I find I shall want it to pay some little things at once, and the time is short.”

I thought nothing of the matter. The next day at lunch I gave him the money in French notes. That night I said to him:

“You know we are going away to-morrow evening: I hope you’ll be ready? I have got the tickets for the
Train de Luxe
.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry!” he cried, “I can’t be ready.”

“What is it now?” I asked.

“Well, it’s money. Some more debts have come in.”

“Why will you not be frank with me, and tell me what you owe? I will give you a cheque for it. I don’t want to drag it out of you bit by bit. Tell me a sum that will make you free, and I will give it to you. I want you to have a perfect six months, and how can you if you are bothered with debts?”

“How kind you are to me! Do you really mean it?”

“Of course I do.”

“Really?” he said.

“Yes,” I said, “tell me what it is.”

“I think, I believe ... would another fifty be too much?”

“I will give it you to-morrow. Are you sure that will be enough?”

“Oh, yes, Frank; but let’s go on Sunday. Sunday is such a good day for travelling, and it’s always so dull everywhere, we might just as well spend it on the train. Besides, no one travels on Sunday in France, so we are sure to be able to take our ease in our train. Won’t Sunday do, Frank?”

“Of course it will,” I replied laughing; but a day or two later he was again embarrassed, and again told me it was money, and then he confessed to me that he was afraid at first I should not have paid all his debts, if I had known how much they were, and so he thought by telling me of them little by little, he would make sure at least of something. This pitiful, pitiable confession depressed me on his account. It showed practice in such petty tricks and all too little pride. Of course it did not alter my admiration of his qualities; nor weaken in any degree my resolve to give him a fair chance. If he could be saved, I was determined to save him.

We met at the Gare de Lyons on Sunday evening. I found he had dined at the buffet: there was a surprising number of empty bottles on the table; he seemed terribly depressed.

“Someone was dining with me, Frank, a friend,” he offered by way of explanation.

“Why did he not wait? I should like to have seen him.”

“Oh, he was no one you would have cared about, Frank,” he replied.

I sat with him and took a cup of coffee, whilst waiting for the train. He was wretchedly gloomy; scarcely spoke indeed; I could not make it out. From time to time he sighed heavily, and I noticed that his eyes were red, as if he had been crying.

“What is the matter?” I asked.

“I will tell you later, perhaps. It is very hard; parting is like dying,” and his eyes filled with tears.

We were soon in the train running out into the night. I was as light-hearted as could be. At length I was free of journalism, I thought, and I was going to the South to write my Shakespeare book, and Oscar would work, too, when the conditions were pleasant. But I could not win a single smile from him; he sat downcast, sighing hopelessly from time to time.

“What on earth’s the matter?” I cried. “Here you are going to the sunshine, to blue skies, and the wine-tinted Mediterranean, and you’re not content. We shall stop in a hotel near a little sun-baked valley running down to the sea. You walk from the hotel over a carpet of pine needles, and when you get into the
open, violets and anemones bloom about your feet, and the scent of rosemary and myrtle will be in your nostrils; yet instead of singing for joy the bird droops his feathers and hangs his head as if he had the ‘pip.’”

“Oh, don’t,” he cried, “don’t,” and he looked at me with tears filling his eyes; “you don’t know, Frank, what a great romantic passion is.”

“Is that what you are suffering from?”

“Yes, a great romantic passion.”

“Good God!” I laughed; “who has inspired this new devotion?”

“Don’t make fun of me, Frank, or I will not tell you; but if you will listen I will try to tell you all about it, for I think you should know, besides, I think telling it may ease my pain, so come into the cabin and listen.

“Do you remember once in the summer you wired me from Calais to meet you at Maire’s restaurant, meaning to go afterwards to Antoine’s Theatre, and I was very late? You remember, the evening Rostand was dining at the next table. Well, it was that evening. I drove up to Maire’s in time, and I was just getting out of the victoria when a little soldier passed, and our eyes met. My heart stood still; he had great dark eyes and an exquisite olive-dark face — a Florentine bronze, Frank, by a great master. He looked like Napoleon when he
was first Consul, only — less imperious, more beautiful....

“I got out hypnotised, and followed him down the Boulevard as in a dream; the
cocher
came running after me, I remember, and I gave him a five franc piece, and waved him off; I had no idea what I owed him; I did not want to hear his voice; it might break the spell; mutely I followed my fate. I overtook the boy in a short time and asked him to come and have a drink, and he said to me in his quaint French way:

“‘
Ce n’est pas de refus!
’ (Too good to refuse.)

“We went into a café, and I ordered something, I forget what, and we began to talk. I told him I liked his face; I had had a friend once like him; and I wanted to know all about him. I was in a hurry to meet you, but I had to make friends with him first. He began by telling me all about his mother, Frank, yes, his mother.” Oscar smiled here in spite of himself.

“But at last I got from him that he was always free on Thursdays, and he would be very glad to see me then, though he did not know what I could see in him to like. I found out that the thing he desired most in the world was a bicycle; he talked of nickel-plated handle bars, and chains — and finally I told him it might
be arranged. He was very grateful and so we made a rendezvous for the next Thursday, and I came on at once to dine with you.”

“Goodness!” I cried laughing. “A soldier, a nickel-plated bicycle and a great romantic passion!”

“If I had said a brooch, or a necklace, some trinket which would have cost ten times as much, you would have found it quite natural.”

“Yes,” I admitted, “but I don’t think I’d have introduced the necklace the first evening if there had been any romance in the affair, and the nickel-plated bicycle to me seems irresistibly comic.”

“Frank,” he cried reprovingly, “I cannot talk to you if you laugh; I am quite serious. I don’t believe you know what a great romantic passion is; I am going to convince you that you don’t know the meaning of it.”

“Fire away,” I replied, “I am here to be convinced. But I don’t think you will teach me that there is any romance except where there is another sex.”

“Don’t talk to me of the other sex,” he cried with distaste in voice and manner. “First of all in beauty there is no comparison between a boy and a girl. Think of the enormous, fat hips which every sculptor has to tone down, and make lighter, and the great udder breasts which
the artist has to make small and round and firm, and then picture the exquisite slim lines of a boy’s figure. No one who loves beauty can hesitate for a moment. The Greeks knew that; they had the sense of plastic beauty, and they understood that there is no comparison.”