Diary of an Expat in Singapore (40 page)

Most zoos are depressing places because of the cages. Not the Singapore Zoo. That’s because you won’t find any cages here. No joke. And if you go there at night and see the Halloween-themed park (possibly banned now), your child could easily be traumatized for life. On the other hand, if you just flew in from another country and want him to get over jet lag quickly this could be just the thing. This zoo is truly unique. And that was even before the giant pandas from China, Kai Kai and Jia Jia, arrived.

11:30 p.m. Nightcap at 1-Altitude

For the best view in town, head over to the bar 1-Altitude. Drinks are pricey but the view is worth it. Especially if it’s your only night in town. And someone else is paying.

They sell abalone.

What exactly is abalone? And why is it canned? Literally sea snails that were once a rare delicacy and luxury item served at special banquets, abalone is now sold canned at grocery stores. You can buy the kind seasoned with chili, pink, or original. They are all very expensive and displayed behind locked glass windows.

They have hand sanitizer at the checkout counter.

In Singapore, even if you forget to carry hand sanitizer in your bag, you will find it everywhere: at school gates, fast food restaurants, checkout counters, department store entrances.

They take your cash with both hands. Literally.

Whether it’s cash, a credit card, or a receipt, the polite way to hand someone something in Singapore is using both hands. I now find myself handing pop quizzes to my students with both hands. It remains unpleasant, but I’m hoping it softens the blow.

Berries cost a fortune.

Strawberries, raspberries, blueberries… it would be less expensive to buy a plot of land and just grow them yourself. The fact that this fruit is flown in from California or Japan helps explain the price. You’re paying the berry’s airfare, and it’s not flying economy. If you want local and inexpensive fruit then you should go to the wet market. It’s just called
wet
, they don’t actually throw water on you when you’re there.

There is an entire aisle devoted to rice crackers.

Traditionally a Japanese snack, rice crackers are very popular in Singapore, with endless varieties: tiger prawn, black bean with soy sauce, barbecue seaweed…

Mosquito patches are next to the Tic Tacs.

It might be optimistic to think a non-toxic, citronella-based Hello Kitty skin patch will ward off the deadly dengue fever-carrying Aedes mosquito… but in Singapore that’s the plan.

They sell Essence of Chicken energy drinks.

Who wouldn’t like a refreshing, invigorating Essence of Chicken energy drink? I know I would. Essential for any marathon runner, this supplement drink will help keep your mind alert. Here it is considered a must for all primary school students, promising to help deliver better exam results. And if something guarantees better results, Singaporeans are willing to eat/drink/do almost anything. Although: even those who advertise Essence of Chicken usually open their pitch with: “Once you get over its awful taste, it delivers quite a punch.”

The air con will give you pneumonia.

The freezing temperature isn’t really conducive to browsing. The last time I felt this cold I was in an open-air market in Moscow… in December. Only there were fewer drafts. You’d better know what brand of waffles you’re buying and don’t even think of asking the kids to choose their favourite cookies. Just grab the groceries, pay, and get out of there.

There is a dizzying variety of chili sauces.

In a country where chili makes or breaks a hawker stall, sauce is not something to be taken lightly. Taste, texture, whether it’s made from scratch. There are many varieties: oyster omelette chili sauce, chili sauce for pig’s organ soup, light soy sauce with chili, perfect for fish ball soup, and Teochew porridge chili sauce. A supermarket in Singapore is chili heaven.

You can buy bird’s nest face masks.